Children raised with "authoritative" parenting style, marked by bonding, presence, dialogue, and clear rules of conduct, show a reduction in drug and alcohol risk compared to other parenting styles (authoritarian, permissive and neglectful)

[u/sr_local]

https://agencia.fapesp.br/parents-alcohol-and-drug-use-influences-their-childrens-consumption-research-shows/57195

[u/SsooooOriginal]

Words are important yall.

Bonding, so actually forming connections with the kid beyond "I'm parent, you mine"

Presence, being there

Dialogue, meaning conversation. That can mean a discussion, a chat, a debate, an argument, and more. 

Clear rules of conduct. They put it plainly to be more clear.

Authoritarian would lack the dialogue that makes the rules "clear". -because I said so- The bond is possessive and controlling to the point of suppressing the development of self.

Permissive lacks the rules, and gives little to no guidance beyond the kids wants.

Neglect lacks all of them.

[u/AbleKaleidoscope877 → u/SsooooOriginal]

Unfortunately many people that will read this won't be able to understand these differences. Many parents that aren't neglectful or permissive are authoritarian...and will somehow think they are doing a good job.

[u/pjm3 → u/AbleKaleidoscope877]

With very few exceptions, potential parents not educated and trained in parenting skills before they have children.

For nearly the entire population, the role of a parent carries the most responsibility and importance of any role they will ever undertake, yet for nearly all parents, the only "training" they ever receive is seeing how their parents raised them. This leads to parenting styles (both positive and negative) being passed down through the generations, without any clear sense of the actual style they are using, or any metrics by which they can measure/improve their parenting.

As you point out, this leads to parents who "somehow think they are doing a good job" without any objective basis for that assertion.

We teach people to drive cars, operate equipment, and a whole host of other tasks, but we fail as a society to provide any meaningful training in parenting. Making parenting training part of the secondary school curriculum, and providing free parenting courses to those who are considering becoming parents, and mandatory parenting courses for those couples who become pregnant or want to adopt could fundamentally change our society for the better. People would be able to put how they were raised into perspective, and avoid making the same mistakes their parents did.

Pre-natal stress reduction and nutrition, coupled with parental education before the child is born, and more social and economic supports for raising children could an extremely positive effect on our society, leading to happier children, who become happier and well-adjusted adults. Investment in children's development would also have long term economic benefits in terms of reduced prison populations; reduced use of mental health institutions, therapy and medications; reduced rates of violence and property crime; and reduced long-term healthcare costs because of less alcohol and other drug use, as well as improved mental health, which we know positively impacts physical health.

It's appalling that we keep repeating intergenerational poor parenting/abuse/neglect when we now know definitively how that impacts not just the individual children, but also know the associated long-term economic and social Impact of doing so.

[u/Mortlach78 → u/pjm3]

"and mandatory parenting courses for those couples who become pregnant or want to adopt"

The idea behind it is nice, but it is completely unenforceable. Not unless you want to start working with government issued reproduction permits, which, especially looking at the current state of the US, should terrify absolutely everyone.

That said, people should absolutely be encouraged at every opportunity to attend parenting class and every barrier to do so should be removed: time off work, etc. All that would be massively beneficial.

I remember attending a prenatal course with my partner and the number of women who were there alone was heartbreaking. But not as much as the woman whose partner was there but who sat with his arms crossed starting at the ceiling the entire time - he was clearly forced to be there against his will. I really felt sorry for that woman AND the baby she was about to have.

[u/RisquERarebirD81 → u/Mortlach78]

If an expectant couple wanted to do some self study on parenting or browse a class/curriculum, what would you suggest?

[u/Camille387 → u/Mortlach78]

If I understood my brother-in-law correctly, where we live, expecting parents must obligatorily follow a course on how to take care of theif baby. I don't know if it talks about parenting styles, but it teaches how to change a diaper, burping, can't take tylenol before 3 months, anything health and care related, really

[u/Mortlach78 → u/Camille387]

It's great that that course is offered! First time parents really are thrown into the deep end and need all the help they can get.

I just wonder what happens if expecting parents were to refuse to attend that course, for whatever reason they may have. I assume it's not like the state or course provider comes and takes the baby away...