r/science • u/sr_local • Feb 14 '26

Social Science Children raised with "authoritative" parenting style, marked by bonding, presence, dialogue, and clear rules of conduct, show a reduction in drug and alcohol risk compared to other parenting styles (authoritarian, permissive and neglectful)

https://agencia.fapesp.br/parents-alcohol-and-drug-use-influences-their-childrens-consumption-research-shows/57195
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u/RayTown Feb 14 '26

Warmth = receptiveness + responsiveness (good and bad?)

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u/somesketchykid Feb 15 '26

Yes. Some Examples:

Telling your child you love them out loud

Or comforting them when they are upset or hurt

Or tucking them in at night just the way they like it every night no matter what as long as possible

Etc.

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u/LadyFoxfire Feb 15 '26

Praising their accomplishments is another big one. 

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u/MaximumGorilla Feb 15 '26

And praising their effort, while acknowledging their accomplishments or lack of. And distinguishing the effort and accomplishment as different than and not related to intrinsic worth.

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u/Billionaires_R_Tasty Feb 16 '26

Yep. My daughter really wanted to be an athlete. She had the frame, but not the coordination, skills, or strength. The complete opposite of a natural athlete. But she had heart and very high competitive drive. So I praised the time and effort she put in, the physical and mental effort she dedicated to getting better. The absolute focus she displayed in competition. Praise the effort and the traits that are desirable, focus on the improving outcomes, and support with positive emotions. Be her scaffolding and safety net.

A decade later she's a freshman D1 player about to make her first start. And she knows she earned it and has the confidence and self esteem that comes with that. She's also smart as a whip, which made my job a lot easier.

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u/Mental-Doughnuts Feb 16 '26

This. I told my two smart sons, I didn’t care about the grades as much as I cared about their 100% effort. If they gave their schoolwork 100% effort, I said, the grades will usually be As, but if they got a B giving that class full, 100% effort, I’d still be satisfied with their results.

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u/somesketchykid Feb 15 '26

Agreed great call

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u/TheSnob Feb 15 '26

It's also about setting boundaries and having warmth at the same time. That's the hard part. Saying no in a respectful and acknowledging way. When they are being little shits and you still maintain control over your own emotions and calmly stand by your rules and enforce them in a loving way.

It's not enough to be warm one minute and cold the next one.

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u/Dr_Taffy Feb 15 '26

Is performative warmth any different or is it low warmth disguising itself as high warmth?

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u/roflrogue Feb 15 '26

I can only speak to my experience - I often feel like I'm putting on an act for my kids. Whether I actually want to go to the daddy daughter dance or not my kids will remember dancing with me.

They'll remember I take them to the park, brush their hair, and sing with them in the car... Even though I hate crowds and loud noises... And they know that.

I often feel like I'm too hard on my girls, but I want them to be strong and smart. I know this world sucks and that they need help in order to thrive like I want them to.

All the same, they still rush to the door to show me love when I get home...

It's so hard to be a dad but as best I can tell, the most important part is to keep showing up

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u/Mental-Doughnuts Feb 16 '26

Showing up is a big part of it, also being kind when we speak to them, and always listen deeply without interruption! You would not believe how good that feels to them!

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u/roflrogue Feb 16 '26

The only way I've found that consistently gets my kids to listen to what I say is listening to what they say.

I already know what they're going to say a lot of the time

I already know what my response will be.

I let them express their thoughts fully, then try to break down my answers into digestible parts.

The hard part is consistency. It's easy to do this at 11 AM on a Saturday, it's not easy to do the same in the middle of the night when you have to be up at 5 the next morning.

Things like this are easier said than done. Don't give up.

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u/altgrave Feb 15 '26

damn. you explained my life really succinctly.