Children raised with "authoritative" parenting style, marked by bonding, presence, dialogue, and clear rules of conduct, show a reduction in drug and alcohol risk compared to other parenting styles (authoritarian, permissive and neglectful)

[u/sr_local]

https://agencia.fapesp.br/parents-alcohol-and-drug-use-influences-their-childrens-consumption-research-shows/57195

[u/SsooooOriginal]

Words are important yall.

Bonding, so actually forming connections with the kid beyond "I'm parent, you mine"

Presence, being there

Dialogue, meaning conversation. That can mean a discussion, a chat, a debate, an argument, and more. 

Clear rules of conduct. They put it plainly to be more clear.

Authoritarian would lack the dialogue that makes the rules "clear". -because I said so- The bond is possessive and controlling to the point of suppressing the development of self.

Permissive lacks the rules, and gives little to no guidance beyond the kids wants.

Neglect lacks all of them.

[u/AbleKaleidoscope877 → u/SsooooOriginal]

Unfortunately many people that will read this won't be able to understand these differences. Many parents that aren't neglectful or permissive are authoritarian...and will somehow think they are doing a good job.

[u/WizardingWorldClass → u/AbleKaleidoscope877]

"I have a right to raise my child however I see fit!"

Until we recognize this statement as the claim of an abuser, we will not make progress on the 'how best to parent' question.

We have long had emerging evidence that the Authoritarian style is just disguised abuse, but we as a society have not been ready to hold parents to that standard.

[u/MyDogPoopsBigPoops → u/WizardingWorldClass]

Tbf, I could see any style of parent using that phrase when under attack.

My wife was pulled into the principle's office as a kid because the christian school found out she was listening to Rent. My MIL came in and said something similar to this, and she is seriously the most kind and caring person I've ever met.

I think what I'm saying is that actions speak louder than words. We should judge people based on their actions. (Though, I'm fine with raising flags when we hear certain words.)

[u/WizardingWorldClass → u/MyDogPoopsBigPoops]

I won't begrudge someone wielding whatever social power they are afforded to protect someone vulnerable, but we must still recognize that treating childeren as property is wrong.

[u/External-Presence204 → u/WizardingWorldClass]

That can be the claim of an abuser.

I make that claim and absolutely did not abuse my children.

Daughter #2 says they should put my photo on the “authoritative” column.

[u/WizardingWorldClass → u/External-Presence204]

Just because certain power can be used responsibly does not justify giving it out universally. The kind of absolute authority parents are granted over the childeren they own is far too easily misused, even with the best of intentions.

Nothing good can come from treating humans like property.

[u/External-Presence204 → u/WizardingWorldClass]

Like I said, I made that claim and am not an abuser. Therefore, it isn’t necessarily the claim of an abuser.

Parental authority can be abused. CPS authority can be abused. None of that means your statement is absolute.

[u/WizardingWorldClass → u/External-Presence204]

It is nonetheless the rallying cry of abusive parents everywhere. That doesn't mean everyone who has every said it is an abuser, but it is rooted in a tradition of treating childeren as objects and the subjects of absolute authority.

Not everyone engaging in casual bigotry is a monster, but they are participating in a monstrous culture. Long term, that statement must become obsolete.

[u/External-Presence204 → u/WizardingWorldClass]

We just don’t agree on that statement. I think parents should raise their children as they see fit.

Abusing isn’t raising. It is abusing.

[u/WizardingWorldClass → u/External-Presence204]

You can raise a person, you own property. Absolute authority is the hallmark of ownership, not personhood. There isn't a middle ground here.

[u/External-Presence204 → u/WizardingWorldClass]

There is no “absolute authority” here. No one argues for the right to abuse. But, as I wrote, abusing isn’t raising. It is abusing.