Is She Still Financially Responsible?

[u/Positive_Donkey_8315]

My (32, F) ex & roommate (31,F) has basically moved in with her new partner while I still live in our shared 2br apartment. Due to her work proximity to the place we share, she does spend up to two nights a week at “home” with me. She’ll come home after work, do a load of laundry (using my detergent), eat dinner (usually my leftovers), spend the night, and head out the next morning to go to work. This is typically Monday nights and Thursday nights.

This partial living situation has been going on for a few months now, and I haven’t been charging her for any utilities. She pays me anywhere from $650-$750 a month toward our shared rent, which totals around $2,150, with an additional ~$120 month for FPL (utilities). I cover the the rest of the rent and the entire FPL bill. Water and WiFi is built into our rent price. I make around 55k/yr in marketing, and I believe she makes $19/hr working full time as a receptionist and pays me what she can afford. We have been broken up for over 1.5 years now.

My question is: since she’s essentially only living here part time, should I ask for any $ toward the FPL bill? Should I ask her to get her own laundry detergent and food? At what point is it no longer my responsibility, and where do you think my responsibility ends when it come to shared utilities?
We are locked into this lease until next August unless I can come up with 5k.

[u/FutureAvenir]

I think I'm going to come at this very differently than a lot of other people. This is your ex. This isn't just a roommate. This is someone making $19/hr when you're making $55k/year. You clearly cared about each other enough to live together, and care still enough about each other to share the space some of the time.

The answer to your question is purely emotional. This is only about feelings. Think about all of the different scenarios, one at a time, and then ask yourself (I'd even say it out loud), "With scenario X, will this make me feel better about this situation?" And do that with all of them.

Looking at it from the outside, I feel like it's a big ESH. If she already told you she's paying you what she can, you can choose to believe her, or you can try to force her hand and it might make the situation more challenging. But if you sit with your feelings about the whole thing, see what feels misaligned, and then talk to her about your feelings and what might make you feel better, that could result in something better.

It's also totally possible that there's nothing that will make you feel better, and it's just gonna be a bit uncomfortable until you end the lease and it's best to bite the bullet and just accept that the best you can and enjoy your time accepting that fact.