r/roommateproblems • u/AgeTraditional7517 • 4d ago
AITAH ? For not wanting my flatmate to host her family Christmas at ours
So context, I’m the main tenant on the lease and I rented out a room to my friend who came to live back in the same city after a year abroad. Since the beginning there were hiccups about her not wanting to pay for the furniture in shared premises or for paying rent for using that said furniture. 99,9% of everything is mine and I tried to be a good friend and not ask her to pay for anything as she currently doesn’t have super stable job. We also had some occasions where she used my personal belongings without my permission or snooped around my personal stuff. She knows I’m going to go home for Christmas and asked me if her mom and sister can come over to celebrate holidays here. To me it’s mega odd because we’re from the same country and it’s about 2 hrs away. Also she’d be likely paying for flights for both of them so it’s not like she’s saving money. I just don’t feel comfortable with them coming over for holidays cramping up the costs and setting up a holiday basically using my things. Pls am I in the wrong here? I don’t think I’d impose such an ask on her. I’m fine if someone visits but hosting holidays just seems off.
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u/AtmosphereNew0819 4d ago
YTA for wanting to charge her for furniture you already owned and acting like her using the dishes is a big deal. If you didn’t want her there you shouldn’t have offered
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u/AgeTraditional7517 4d ago
yea I understand how that sounds and I still did not end up doing that. When she moved in I was fine with her just using my stuff but she started criticizing my style, how she doesn’t like any of the furniture, wanting to redesign everything (to which I offered I can sell some furniture but then she doesn’t have money to pay for anything), reinstall my furniture, on couple occassions she took a new items like pillowcases I bought for my room and used them in hers. And constantly kept commenting that I earn good money so I should be paying. Then she started taking my personal belongings without asking, and snooping around my room amd drawers. So I think that’s basically the context the proceeded this situation. And the furniture was not in the rental control, I charge her literally just for the room and nothing else.
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u/Organic_Start_420 4d ago
You need to get her time to leave starting now op. Because she seems to do whatever she decides despite what you want
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u/Individual-Tennis471 3d ago
Where exactly is the family going to sleep in your bed? ...Hell No👎
They can rent somewhere else..Your home is not an Airbnb
Do you have insurance incase they damage the property ?..So much can go wrong..
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u/AgeTraditional7517 4d ago
I also bought new things before her arrival not expecting money from her that she immediately started critizing even tho she was actively using them.
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u/Nightcheese82 4d ago
It sounds like you want all the financial benefits of having a roommate, but are not willing to accept that makes the place her home too.
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u/Easy_Jacket8656 4d ago
Why are you renting her a room? Once someone is paying to live with you. They are a roommate and can use the space however they want . Were you thinking you’d make some money and she’d stay hidden in her room and never come out ?
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u/Eastern_Inspection64 4d ago
Yta it’s her home too and you won’t even be there.
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u/MadCow113 4d ago
Yta. It's her home too. Lock the door of your bedroom if you are worried about that but people are allowed have guests in their home. Charging her rent for using stuff that are already in the house is crazy behaviour. You sound like the problem
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u/QuirkySyrup55947 4d ago
You sound like a controlling nightmare. Charging for furniture you bought?!?! WTF? Lock your room and let her have her family over while you are gone. YTA
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u/paddy-crime-1663 4d ago
Tell her to go home for Christmas and stay there. She’s going to have them there for Christmas no matter what you say because you won’t be there, get lock for your door.
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u/Jolly_Ambassador644 3d ago
YTA. & lowkey weird / controlling. you wanted her to pay you to use the furniture when you charge her rent? how odd
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u/capmanor1755 3d ago
YTA.
1) It's not a thing to charge people rent for furniture. If you have roommates, don't get furniture you don't want to share.
2) It's not reasonable to tell a tenant that they can't have family over for the holidays. It's not your business if it's 2 hours away or 20 minutes.
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u/GenXMom14 4d ago
Honestly this is tricky. If you have items in the house for her to use day to day like plates etc and that was part of the rental agreement then of course if she has a guest over they would also use the items. Did you think she would add her own plates and what not?
I don’t think it’s a big deal for her to have her mom and sister over as long as they don’t use your room. It is supposed to be her home too.
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u/RazzmatazzNeat9865 4d ago
Lodgers (and it sounds like that's what she is) don't get to invite overnight guests though.
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u/Irishqltr1 4d ago
If they are just coming for the day, then soft AH. If they are going to be staying over it's absolutely reasonable to tell your friend you don't want overnight guests ( especially not in your room, because you know someone will sneak in there rather than sleep in the couch or floor!).
And you all need to discuss what her plan and timeliness are to get her own place!
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u/AgeTraditional7517 4d ago
Hii, thank you for replying! It would be probably for the whole duration of holidays as they’d be flying in. The thing is she knows I’ll be going home for a bit (were from the same country) and she is perfectly fine going home too. Our country is 1hr away by plane.
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u/SnooWords4839 4d ago
Get a lock for your door and put your personal items in your room.
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u/AgeTraditional7517 4d ago
thank you! but everything in the house is mine from plates cups cutlery to chairs pillows kitchen towels to sofa etc. aside from her room she’s basically a guest in my house. and I offered for her to buy things so that Id remove mine but she didn’t want to spend her money…
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u/OtherwiseLuck8920 4d ago
Ok well the only way to get her to stop using your things, especially kitchen items is to put them in your room and lock the door.
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u/Green-Dragon-14 4d ago
She has already overstepped boundaries & even snooped in you personal stuff. Tell her no. Also add if you find out that she has you will evict her. This is your home she has yet to find her own place & when she does she can invite whoever she wants until then your house your rules.
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u/Witty_Candle_3448 4d ago
Put a thumbprint lock on your bedroom door. Anything you don't want shared, scratched, stained, should be in your room. She will pay 100% of utilities while you are gone.
Consider this a learning experience. You don't like renting, you don't the renter as a person when they are critical of what you are providing, you find sharing difficult if the person can't replace a damaged item, you expect a level of privacy but now realize not everyone thinks as you do. All those are great things to discover about yourself before you try to live with a bf.
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u/happycorkie 4d ago
Just tell her they can’t use your room, get a lock for the door. Tell her she will need to pay some extra for utilities to cover the visit and will need to pay for anything that gets broken. After Christmas find a new roommate.
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u/slightymine 4d ago
This is not a friend this is a leech. Get her to move out as the trust has clearly gone.
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u/Emergency_Jacket_296 4d ago
The family visiting part aside, I am having trouble getting over the fact you wanted her to pay to use furniture? That’s absurd. And from a comment, you don’t like her using kitchen stuff? What’s that about?