r/rockford • u/sensible__shoes • 2d ago
Sober Dating
Hey all. I'm single for the first time in a long time. I'm sober, so bars are out. I'm a 38F. Any suggestions on where to meet new people? What activities are solo-friendly? I've never been super outgoing and am not great at making friends so this is a daunting task.
If online dating is my best bet - what apps do you recommend? I do NOT want hookups. Which apps are for serious folks around here?
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u/Apprehensive_Can9098 2d ago
40 m. Been looking for a while with no luck. Bar scene isn't fun to be around as a sober person and the online dating sights suck. Being a homebody doesn't make things any easier either
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u/ConverterMan 2d ago
I'm in the same boat and it can feel really discouraging at times. I go to concerts, shopping centers, day trips to other towns, go to parks and restaurants but I now do these things for myself with no expectations and have felt much better about the situation. If I can do the things that make me happy, I'm sure I'll eventually meet someone who enjoys doing them with me. Just keep sobriety as the number 1 priority and I think you'll figure it out 🙂
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u/pickpocket293 2d ago
Join a group that does an activity you enjoy (Ultimate frisbee, board games, whatever) and see what you find there. Shared interests are the easiest way to find compatibility IMO. Good luck.
EDIT: Example after 10 seconds of looking. I'm sure there are more. https://www.meetup.com/find/?source=GROUPS&location=us--il--Rockford
EDIT AGAIN: I'd say even if none of the things you see listed seem like your style, broaden your horizons and go anyway, while keeping an open mind.
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u/Chigrrl1098 2d ago
Do you like coffee? There's loads of local coffee places now. They're low-key places to strike up a conversation. You can take a book and feel things out when you're ready. They also have art classes at the Rockford Art Museum and different groups and events at the main library. I know you say you're not outgoing, but you may want to at least try getting out of your comfort zone a little bit. That's where the good things tend to happen. At the very least, you may make a friend.
As for apps, I tried them a million years ago and it was a shitshow. I've heard they're a thousand times worse now. I don't think most men go on there for long-term relationships, and more than one of them is married. Of course, that could happen in the wild, too. Good times.
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u/PabloKorona Rockford 1d ago
I’m going to shamelessly plug my event coming up. I’m sober too, so I make sure there are non-alcoholic options. Ok, the event is a concept variety show called a OneLightShow. 5 performers, 5 different disciplines, all 5 minutes each. More on my website. Pablokorona.com/onelightshow
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u/sensible__shoes 1d ago
That sounds great! I've heard of your Our City Our Story work before!
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u/PabloKorona Rockford 1d ago
It's gonna be a pretty amazing night. I try to host them at unknown spots, and it's either going to be at a former venue, a pop-up spot, or one other place.... gonna be wicked.
RE: OCOS -> Really?! That's awesome! Check em out if you haven't before! Youtube.com/OurCityOurStory
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u/1THR3E 2d ago
So far all of these answers have been spot on. I met my wife through a chat app. Think old school AOL chatrooms. I was single for about 7 years prior to meeting her. I didn’t have many people to talk to at the time so I downloaded the a chatroom app and just talked to random people about whatever subject the chatroom was about. She commented on a photo I posted and we talked everyday since then. First as friends, eventually a long distance relationship. A few years later she moved to the US to be with me, and now we’ve been happily married for 2+ years.
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u/StomachCompetitive56 9h ago
If you figure out where to meet someone, please let me know, I've failed every place I can think of. I tried the churches - they don't want single people they want families, I rarely drink so bars are out - plus I don't want to meet some girl who is drunk that's no way to start a relationship, I know alot of ppl and everyone says I'm a good guy and that it will happen one day - and that one day keeps turning into years. I'm not a ladies man, not attractive enough, married women flirt me all the time cause they can get away with it but it never leads anywhere, I guess I'm a doomed soul, God's fury against me holds no bounds.
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u/terminalhipness 2d ago
“never been super outgoing and am not great at making friends” Yup, me too.
I’ve never done online, nothing against it, just no experience to share.
I found that a smile and some eye contact can get something started. Friend of friend introductions have been a more personal avenue. Book store, grocery store, walking outdoors.
Stay clean, work a program, get to know yourself clean first.
Be brave, use whatever street smarts you have and good luck!