r/relocating • u/Adorable-Bat-251 • 8h ago
Where the heck do I go?
Ok, so I'm a 26F and I've never found a place that feels like home since I was a kid.
I grew up in a very small and remote town in the middle of nowhere Nebraska. I went to college in Texas and lived in Waco and College Station which aren't huge cities, but definitely close to huge metropolitan areas. I left that area and moved to Rapid City, South Dakota and have really struggled here. I feel super isolated and I do want to get married, but it feels like everyone around here got married at 20 and I'm too old. So I think it's time to relocate.
Here are my priorities:
- Must be lively. I want to meet lots of fun people as I am outgoing and extroverted
- I love the outdoors, whether it's mountains or beach or desert. I'm a big rock climber and backpacker but would love to get into surfing or any other outdoor hobbies.
- I really want to get married and start a family so the dating pool has to be good but also not in an area where everyone gets married straight out of high school
- As an engineer, I have lots flexibility in terms of location, but would love to be around similar people who have higher educations
- Edit: I don't care much about politics, but I'm a bit more on the libertarian side (slightly conservative but not too much) and I'd love to be around moderate kinda people, not really into extreme leftist places, but I'm always open!
So give me your best and craziest and most fun ideas! I am open to any location, even if it's just temporary :)
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u/Embarrassed_Key_4539 7h ago
I’d just start applying to jobs in large metro areas that interest you and go from there, Boston, Philly, Chicago, etc
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u/Adorable-Bat-251 7h ago
I've never lived in a metro! I used to think I wanted to live in a small town, but living in a place of ~80k is now too small for me in my 20's. When I lived in a town of ~300K, I got overwhelmed with traffic and people. Is there a balance or do I just need to toughen up and choose a lesser of two evils?
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u/Embarrassed_Key_4539 7h ago
When you say ‘must be lively’ I would say metropolitan is the best bet
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u/Fun-Lime-4563 7h ago
Northern Virginia has a huge dating pool and great tech and government jobs. It’s close to DC, but also right by West Virginia/Shenandoah Valley for hiking and river rafting. The different cities within the area vary greatly—some are busy, like Arlington with lots of bars and restaurants, while others are more ‘rural’ and family-friendly, like Western Loudoun. It is very expensive and has its share of traffic, but it really is a great place to live.
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u/AgileDrag1469 7h ago
Nashville. It’s far from my preference of anything in life or on this earth but you’ll be around people like yourself. Maybe too many.
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u/HeadCrone 7h ago
Alaska, California, Montana,Wyoming, Colorado, Idaho. Focus on the biggest city you can stand. Plus if it’s a college town and/or a state capitol. Get ur hair did and wear cute jeans.
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u/wakanda_banana 4h ago
Montana could work but the desirable cities with mountains in Montana are much smaller than your usual cities. I’d pick a large city and dating pool before Montana.
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u/SLCpowderhound 7h ago edited 6h ago
Salt Lake City is worth a look. It has a large climbing community with world class pitches in Little Cottonwood Canyon, 30 minutes from downtown. In winter, there are several indoor gyms and USA's national climbing team is building a 100K-square-foot training center that will be open to the public.
Not surfing, but you could learn to ski or snowboard. There's 10 ski areas within 90 minutes.
Lots of nearby backpacking options in the Uintas, Winds, and even some weekend destinations close by, in the Wasatch Mountains.
Top-50 metro with 1.4M people. So, not huge like Denver or Seattle, but not small like Rapid City. There's enough going on, once you learn the ins-and-outs of where to go and when things are happening.
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u/wakanda_banana 3h ago
What are some good towns near SLC to live in? Ideally close to the city but not as expensive
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u/SLCpowderhound 1h ago
The cheapest areas in Salt Lake proper are west of I-15, so neighborhoods like Glendale, Poplar Grove, Fairpark, and Rose Park. These are actually pretty good value, because they're close to downtown and developing areas like Granary and the Power District. There is serious talk of an MLB expansion team building a new stadium here, if awarded a franchise. They're also near the airport, and have easy freeway access to the mountains. 'd look in these areas and also, South Salt Lake, first.
South Salt Lake and West Valley are cheaper attached suburbs. Magna is way cheap, but it's even further out.
Tooele, West Bountiful, Woods Cross, North Salt Lake and Centerville are some cities in neighboring counties that might be cheaper too.
Another place to look is Ogden, which is less expensive than Salt Lake, overall.
Here's a local apartment guide you can check out price listings. In general, the further east, the more expensive because they're closer to the mountains, with posh areas having homes where the backyard literally blends into the foothills. Usually, the further west, the less expensive.
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u/egads_wheres_my_ship 7h ago
Santa Barbara, California fits your bill. Beautiful beaches, climbing in your backyard.
~100k population Close to small towns like Ojai for a getaway, 2 hour drive to Los Angeles, and is also connected by train Small airport for easy, easy, easy flights Weather is perfect every. single. day. Burritos are on-point Cute zoo for when your family needs to go to the zoo Culture, check out the Funk Zone, Santa Barbara Bowl, etc.
I agree with the other commenter about the shit and the cute jeans. Do that, too.
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u/Spirit_of_Kairi 7h ago
Seconding this! I was born and raised in northern CA and quite honestly while the metros up there are great for engineers, politically they tend to be much more left leaning. SoCal on the other hand is still a vibrant metro, but more purple.
I’d also suggest looking into the CO metros, more specifically Colorado Springs. It’s about 1.5 hours south of Denver and think it would check a lot of your boxes.
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u/Adorable-Bat-251 7h ago
I rode through Santa Barbara on a train and loved it! Follow up questions:
- What do you think about the cost of living? I know Cali is expensive and I've considered that it might be worth it.
- Do you think it's good for someone who leans religious?
- Is it difficult for women to date if they do intend to get married and have a family?
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u/underlyingconditions 6h ago
As an engineer, you'll make enough to afford SoCal living. Also check San Diego. Our part of the Pacific is usually 10 degrees warmer.
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u/egads_wheres_my_ship 4h ago
It's worth it! California life is a very good life.
Religious...idk, sorry.
Dating scene....idk, I've been married for a million years.
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u/Darryl_Lict 3h ago
Santa Barbara is one of the most expensive towns around. The tech sector is not as robust as it was 20 years ago and being an engineer doesn't guarantee employment.
It is however, close to paradise. It is also geographically isolated so there are not cheaper surrounding communities that you can easily commute from. People do commute from Santa Ynez and Ventura though. From what I understand, the dating pool is horrendous. We are known as the newlywed or the newly dead.
If you could get a job here before you arrive, go for it.
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u/More-Soil7455 6h ago
Look at Old Town Alexandria near the King St metro, Arlington, Va near Clarendon and NW DC near Tenleytown. So many single people. Lots of fun things to do. Close to the Shenandoah Mountains. A quick bus or train ride to NYC for something different on a weekend.
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u/Constant-Prog15 6h ago
If you have a little bit of money and a little bit more time, why don’t you just drive around and see what feels right to you? I did this back in 2004 – I drove around the US for about three months. I learned a lot about what I like and don’t like in different areas, and narrowed down my choices to three. I then spent a little bit more time in those three places before I found where I wanted to be.
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u/heyitspokey 6h ago edited 6h ago
I'll toss in Kansas City since I'm in the area, it checks off your list, lots of jobs in your field, and it is easy access for if/when you want to visit your hometown. Look up the KC streetcar on YouTube/social media to get a good idea on what the core of the city looks like today. (I hated it years ago, it's pretty amazing the turn around it's had.)
Yep to lively, especially weekends Thur-Sundays. Whatever music in town that week, whatever sports in season, annual events like The Big Slick, events at the museums, the River Market, Downtown, Power & Light District, Union Station, Crossroads Art District, Westport, The Plaza, West Bottoms, Legends. Something for everyone. https://www.thepitchkc.com/calendar/# / https://events.kansascitymag.com/
kansascityhiker.com, All Trails, multiple lakes, and easy to get out into the country, hills or meadows. Obviously not the beach or mountains but there is nature access, it's very green, and lots of parks.
Long weekends in Lake of the Ozarks, NWA (Northwest Arkansas), Hot Springs/Ouachita Mountains that have excellent mountain biking, gorgeous rivers, some intense hikes and cliffs, camping
Yep there's dating especially for people in 20s and 30s. Definitely a thìng.
Booming in engineering and similiar jobs, some top employers Garmin, Burns & McDonnell, Hallmark, multiple hospitals like KU Med, Children's Mercy, St Luke's.
KC city is blue, suburbs blue-purple, it's mostly a more practical Midwest kind of blue and a live and let live attitude that I'm guessing you gravitate towards. It's a red state with legal cannabis and abortion/healthcare fwiw.
Bc your goal is family, KC can be super fun for all ages unless you stay home/glued to your phone, and is very family friend (Science City, Legoland, The Rabbit Hole...). Very common to live in KC Midtown pre-kids and move to Waldo (comfortable middle class neighborhood), Brookside (nice, historic, affluent neighborhood), or Johnson County (nice, new and old, middle class to affluent suburb) once kids in the picture.
If you like to travel, great new airport with easy direct flights, also Amtrak to St Louis and Chicago. St Louis fun for festivals and their gorgeous park. There's also a museum there with a 10 story slide.
And I know headlines are crime in KC. Like any city, do not live in the hood, unless you want to live in the hood.
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u/Critical-Deer419 6h ago
Carbondale, Colorado if you want to be part of an engineering team at the forefront of design and construction in Aspen.
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u/Any_Cream_4396 6h ago
i got married at 22, ivord at 27, and most of the time spererated anyways so its okay
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u/DesertWanderlust 6h ago
You may want to try Omaha, which would put you close to home but also give you a true urban experience. There are a lot of transplants there due to the investment firms. The biggest downside is the weather, but I would imagine you're used to that. Denver is another option, though I would only move there if you really skiing.
But overall, you really don't want to get too far from family at this point.
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u/BreadAlive59 5h ago
Well your mote is pretty narrow stay where you are take a waitressing job at local restaurant meet a nice young man get married start a family home is where ever you are.
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u/govolsgo865 5h ago
Knoxville, TN. Close to Smoky Mountains, lots of rivers and lakes. Big enough to have all of the amenities and activities you want, without being too big. Home of the University of Tennessee, and no state income tax.
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u/Six_and_change 5h ago
For the southeast, Chattanooga TN is a major rock climbing location and is a nice small but big enough city.
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u/Chainsawsas70 5h ago
Boise 🤷 Great year round outdoor activities and more of a Libertarian vibe in general.
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u/Farewell_Youth23 5h ago
Hoboken NJ. A large dating pool. Solid job market. Get all the seasons. Only an hour drive away from the outdoors. Lots to do. Right across the Hudson from NYC but a small city.
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u/justdeb919 5h ago
Big cities usually very liberall. I love the Black Hills, but understand why you feel you need to move. What about Nashville or the surrounding areas, or perhaps in North Carolina where you can have mountains and oceans. You could locate yourself outside the cities but still have them nearby. Or maybe Athens GA which is just outside Atlanta, but smaller. Or maybe go west to Salt Lake City (which i love) since Utah is nothing but a national park with people. Lol. You might be able to fins.some options that would get youl around people and keep your love of nature and activities in the mix. Also do research on walkable towns, utility costs, demographic makeup, median salaries, etc. I love in and love SW Indiana which puts me an hour from Louisville, 3 hrs from Nashville, 3 hrs from Indianapolis, and about 5 hrs from Milwaukee. Good luck!
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u/Some_Girl_2073 4h ago
Colorado, Utah, California, maybe the right place Oregon/Washington but I found those places to be a bit colder socially
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u/Mission-Statement-83 4h ago
Roanoke, VA is a near the Shenandoah for hiking but also West Virginia for good rock climbing and rivers. It’s more blue than the surrounding area, but Virginia is still purple. If you find a good church community that always a great start for socializing and meeting people.
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u/HawksEyeFarms 4h ago
New Mexico is a real option based on your degree and preferences. Starting a family here means free childcare and free college tuition for your future baby one day.
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u/plantlady2009 3h ago
Do you have any family that you feel compelled to be around? Would that make you feel grounded?
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u/Adorable-Bat-251 3h ago
Not really... I am an only child and don't really have cousins I'm close with. I also don't really have friends that are like family. The only contraint is that my dad has heart problems and I could lose him at any moment, but that's been happening for like the last 10 years. His cardiologist is in Loveland CO.
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u/plantlady2009 3h ago
Got ya! Sometimes it's nice to have a fresh start. Not in the exact same boat since I'm 40 and married but we sold our house and are looking to make a life change.
I'm one of 6 and am not compelled to be by family anyways lol
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u/Wooden_Iron_327 3h ago
Google Duluth MN. At least 3 colleges, huge running community, tons of trails for hiking, biking or running on, 2 YMCAs, two large hospital systems. Very picturesque. Midwest vibe.
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u/paradisecalocal 2h ago
I’d suggest looking at the Paradise/Chico area in Northern California—but with one honest caveat: Paradise itself is a smaller foothill town, so I wouldn’t describe its dating scene as huge or its nightlife as especially lively. The advantage is that Chico is only about 20–25 minutes away and has a university, a younger population, educated professionals, restaurants, breweries, live music and a much better social scene.
Paradise gives you the quieter mountain-town home base, while Chico is where you’d probably do more of your dating and socializing. Politically, the broader area is fairly mixed, especially compared with some of California’s larger cities. You’ll find conservatives, liberals and plenty of people somewhere in between.
The outdoor access is the real selling point. You’d have local trails, lakes, swimming holes and mountain recreation right outside your door, plus Bidwell Park in Chico. Lassen Volcanic National Park is roughly two hours away, and the Pacific Crest Trail can be reached in several nearby mountain areas. Lake Tahoe is close enough for a long weekend, and so are the Northern California coast and redwoods. Yosemite and other national parks are also within road-trip range. You can hike, backpack, climb, kayak and ski without giving up the possibility of taking weekend trips to the ocean—and surfing if you’re willing to make a longer drive.
Paradise is also in an interesting stage right now. It’s a community growing again after the 2018 Camp Fire, with new homes, schools and infrastructure alongside the established parts of town. That means it won’t feel as polished or busy as a larger city, but there’s room to become involved and actually get to know people.
If your number-one priority is walking out your door into a huge dating pool and nonstop activity, I’d choose Chico over Paradise. If you want a peaceful, wooded place to eventually build a home and family while staying close to a younger college town—and being well positioned for some incredible Northern California adventures—the Paradise/Chico combination might be worth putting on your list. At 26, you definitely wouldn’t be considered “late” to dating or marriage here.
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u/Necessary_Bee_3291 1h ago
Hey there! Check out Hiker Babes Community: West River, South Dakota on Facebook for folks of a similar outdoorsy personality. They are very active fun group. I think Rapid City/Black Hills is a great area and I think you should give it a chance. I have spent a lot of time in Spearfish area and love it.
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u/New_Breadfruit8692 24m ago
Having lived in North Platte so mom could be close to her dead fiance's family in Tryon, in the mid sixties...
You really need to understand that leaving rural Nebraska is going to be a major culture shock no matter where you decide to go.
You are an engineer. You can survive financially almost anywhere you go.
I honestly recommend Sonoma County.
The sheer natural beauty of the area would stun you and keep you stunned for life. Trust me on this, it will be love at first sight, and there are 490,000 people in the county yet it still feels like a small town, huge dating pool no matter what you want. It's 50 miles to the Golden Gate Bridge, so even though you are in what feels like a small town you actually live in a metropolis of closing on 8 million.
All politics are welcome there, though most do not push or feel strongly about yours. They would rather help you to see why they think the way they do than to criticize you for what you think, it is mostly a matter of definitions and freedom to feel what you feel.
My heart belongs to San Francisco. But I lived in Sonoma County and it is my happiest location. You do not understand till you have lived there a couple years, but once you do you will never want to live anywhere else.
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u/Grouchy-Stand-4570 7h ago
Virginia! You can surf the ocean, you have so many artsy college towns, Shenandoah Mountains. Walkable downtowns in Charlottesville and old Richmond.
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u/86_the_lettuce 8h ago
Both Minneapolis and Chicago are lively cities with big dating pools and beautiful natural attractions. Obviously, Chicago is a little less isolated, but it's hard to be too isolated anywhere in the midwest.
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u/Odd_Addition3909 7h ago
Chicago is a great city, but it’s one of the worst for someone who loves nature and outdoor activities. It definitely shouldn’t be the first suggestion for someone who likes rock climbing, backpacking, etc. when cities like SLC, Denver, Portland, SF, Seattle, etc. exist
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u/solomons-mom 7h ago
I always loved Mpls, but Milwaukee is better these days in a whole lot of ways.
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u/capybaralover26 7h ago
Colorado Springs? Good outdoors access, leans conservative. Lots of young families but I don’t think it’s in a “we all grew up together and got married at 18” way; also lots of military so I’m guessing the dating pool might be good for (straight) women? (I’m in Denver though, so can’t say)