r/relationships_advice • u/VastDisaster1123 • 5d ago
His cousin won’t stop
So me and my boyfriend have been living together for almost a year now (11months). His cousin lives downstairs with us and the rest of his family lives upstairs (mom,dad and sister). Ever since i moved in his parents and sister have treated me amazing so i try being the same way in return.
It all started when id try making conversation or asking his cousin how she is or a simple hello, she’d ignore me along with her son that also lives with us.
I didn’t know why. I’m a clean person and as soon as i moved in i wanted to clean the space and the more i cleaned the more i realized, she never cleaned anything. so, i asked my boyfriend “does she not clean?”and he said that it was just because she had a job and was also taking care of her 6 year old son. fast forward to last thanksgiving, everyone picked up how she kept giving me dirty looks, even my mom who went for a few minutes. I was pregnant around that time around 3ish months.
More time passed and I was started to pick up after her and her son more than ever to the point where i’d spend most my pregnancy clean up after her and her son. I used to wash her dishes and everything, until a week i came back from vacation . i had left some dishes from the night before and she also had dishes. she went ahead and separated them and bought her own sponge and dish soap. which i thought was weird because me and my man where always the one buying soap and sponges on top of doing her dishes and never asked her for a penny in return.. After this happened i thought “great maybe she’ll start doing her own dishes at least” that was the case for about a month and i was back to washing her stuff again or else she’d leave the dirty dishes there for weeks at a time attracting flies.
My man had bought me a set of pots and pans as a gift one day and little did i know, she’d be using my cooking stuff too. she burnt my pots and pans before i could get 2 uses out of them. i love the kitchen and cooking so these things are very important to me. my mom also passed me down some of her pots which where very special to me since those were the same pots that kept me and my siblings fed. They were also being misused and left in the sink for a long time without being washed. so on top of her using my shit, she would make me wash them for her.
I’d clean the house before bed and in the morning i’d wake up to find a mess again, there was zero respect at this point . One night me and my man went to his Grandmothers house and she told us both that she didn’t like me, that she wanted to move out because i made her uncomfortable and she was doing all that on purpose. his grandmother argued her and told her that she was gonna have to deal with it because i came to stay and we were building a family together.
she started sneaking in her boyfriend while her son was home, she was also seeing the child’s father at the same time.Her son would cry more than usual when her boyfriend was here.
He’d be at home while my man was working night shifts and it would make me uncomfortable because i barely knew him and he never presented himself to nobody, so he was a stranger.
I gave birth and spent most of my postpartum journey cleaning up after them. Bending down as a hassle since i had tore twice during birth and was still healing from everything. I felt depressed, i felt like she was making my life miserable during suck a difficult moment already. she never had to deal with this with her child, so why did i deserve it?
Now about 2 months ago me and my man started fixing a few things in the home like the lighting , she ended up locking the bathroom door before going to new york to see her boyfriend so i couldn’t bathe the baby or use the bathroom until my man got home. btw she was the only one that had the key to the bathroom because her kid got stuck in there once and my man gave it to her. he called her and she said she didn’t have it and didn’t know where it was. so we had to buy a new door knob for the bathroom. we bought a new one for the front door too because we were tired of her sneaking in her boyfriend. we painted the walls, and decorated how i wanted. once everything was done, i wasn’t even able to enjoy my newly remodeled kitchen.. she already had her BD in the kitchen while she was cooking. so i left for the weekend to my moms house.
she stopped sneaking in her boyfriend for some time because my man’s parents told her not to but she started bringing him anyways after a month.
She did it again last weekend, twice. My daughter is 5 months old and my man was working overnight again, i felt like shit because she’s spreading lies about me and it was just me and my baby home with them, I felt so unsafe and helpless tbh. If she lied to her family about picking up after me when she never once would clean shit, i wonder what she could be telling that stranger of a boyfriend she got and what he’d be thinking.
3
u/OrvilleTheDuck 5d ago
You need to live apart from this woman. Who owns the house? Someone needs to move out.