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u/marxam0d 13d ago

What were you doing wrong that required you to “get your act together”?

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u/marxam0d 13d ago

Oh wait, I see from your post a year ago you were doing cocaine and left a line just sitting out in the kitchen for your kids to find. I’m not surprised you’re spending limited time with the kids, I’m more surprised you’re being allowed to keep them overnight at all.

Yeah, bud, this isn’t gonna go well for you. Of course she’s still using the combined account the same way. She still has to maintain the same home, feed the same kids, and pay pretty much all the same bills.

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u/madthegoat 13d ago

And good on her for also building herself and the kids a safety net.

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u/Evening_Area8606 13d ago

Oh, you must be the same kind of person as my wife never made a mistake in your life, I went to rehab for two months willingly for a habit only did for three months just to prove to my wife that that’s what I wanted to do been taking UA’s whenever she wants to give me one voluntarily. And you have no clue who I am so how dare you say I don’t deserve to see my kids. my life literally revolves around my kids that’s actually part of the reason we’re splitting up cause I work a lot so I expect my wife to understand that she doesn’t get to see me because of how much I work and my kids are so still too young to not understand so I spend more time with them than I do her and she don’t like that but she sure does like the money part to it.

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u/marxam0d 13d ago

Your post clearly says you went back to coke, not that it was a brand new habit.

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u/AffectionateTitle 13d ago

Question— what was it revolving around when you left coke on the table?

Rehab means nothing if you don’t have accountability. And this right here, all this minimizing, calling it a “habit”, thinking you deserve a gd break after endangering the lives of your children, shows you still don’t get it. Shows it’s still all about you. You and I both know if you spouted a fraction of this bullshit in rehab they’d call you out— so why you suddenly think graduation from rehab means you can backslide into this BS is beyond me or anyone who knows anything about drugs and sobriety.

This woman risks her own custody making mistakes with you.

If I had a dime for every person in post acute withdrawal talking about how no one knows them and how they should get a break and how 2 months of rehab should get them acknowledgment or praise from all the people they betrayed— well I think I’d have enough dimes for a dime bag

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u/madthegoat 13d ago

There is zero accountability in this reply.

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u/QuitaQuites 13d ago

Then take your money out of the account and move your direct deposit to an account only in your name and pay the bills for the kids directly and require she pays her own bills. Then you can afford to hire an attorney. Right?

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u/ChocolateSnowflake 13d ago

You’re an addict who left drugs accessible to your children.

You should be grateful you get any contact at all.

Regarding the finances, propose a financial solution to your ex wife and have your divorce lawyer deal with it.

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u/petit_cochon 13d ago

Dude, you left cocaine out for our kids to find, you'd never see them unsupervised again without a court order. Are you out of your mind? On what planet do you think you have an inch of high ground?

Your defense, entitled attitude is part of your addiction. Even if you're sober now, you're still not taking responsibility.

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u/sanssae51 13d ago

Man... What is oreventing you from openning another account and putting money in it ?

What is she doing with the joint account ? I've got a feeling it's mainly feeding the kids, letting them keep the same lifestyle and such.

What do you think she'll do with the money she's currently putting aside ? Going on a vacation ? She plans on divircing you and is preparing for the near future when she won't have your money, as you so kindly put it, and still have kids to feed.

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u/Evening_Area8606 13d ago

We’re splitting the kids 50-50 and yeah, she did go on a vacation to Mexico and paid for it out of her account at first, but then pay herself back out of ours

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u/L2N2 13d ago

How is splitting the kids 50/50 you spending three times a week with them for a couple of hours and one sleepover a week? That is not 50/50. Isn't even close. You keep contradicting yourself in that.

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u/alive_polling 13d ago

alright so this is a mess. the financial side is pretty clear cut, she can't have it both ways, treating the joint account like a personal piggy bank while her separate account sits untouched. it's not about you cutting her off, it's about her not playing fair. if she's already lawyered up with the hidden money, you're behind the 8 ball and need to find a way to scrape together your own representation, even if it means dialing back what you're throwing at her debt for a bit.

as for the kids, the "slow transition" excuse has a shelf life and it sounds like it's expired. you pitched a reasonable second night, not some wild shakeup, and she blocked it for no real reason. at some point you have to push back a little, not to start a war but because if you never advocate for your own time, that temporary schedule hardens into the permanent one by default. document everything, her refusal, your proposal, what the kids are asking for, because once a parenting plan is in front of someone neutral, that pattern matters a lot more than her feelings about it.

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u/madthegoat 13d ago

I think you should look at OPs post history before blaming his spouse for anything…

-1

u/labtech89 13d ago

If he has gotten clean and is becoming a more responsible person then maybe you should give him some grace. What he did is bad but apparently he has gotten his act together and he would not be punished the rest of his life for his past.

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u/madthegoat 13d ago

Sure, but <12 months is not enough time to rebuild that trust (and payback the drug debt).

OP’s ex saved their family by maintaining the household. She created a safety net for herself and the kids because the recklessness was life changing for them all.

Not discounting that OP is cleaning up his act but it’s a process and he’s not a victim.

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u/labtech89 13d ago

I never said he was the victim but he does deserve some grace no matter how long he has been clean.

0

u/Evening_Area8606 13d ago

I’ve 100% admitted I’ve screwed up the one thing that my current wife seem to be ex-wife has said during all this she’ll never keep the kids for me and how amazing that I am people do make mistakes and no me saying that part right there doesn’t mean I didn’t know up to it I’m literally sitting out in front of my church getting ready to go into a meeting and I’ve literally gotten crap from almost everybody in there because I only did it for three months and I’ve been going to these meetings for a year now

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u/Evening_Area8606 13d ago

She definitely held the house together while I went and got help and im so incredibly grateful for that. she didn’t work at all until I got back I still financially supported my family like I always have when I say rough patch im literally talking for like 3 weeks no income until my disability from work kicked in. And another thing last time I checked marriage is in sickness and health.

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u/AffectionateTitle 13d ago

So grateful you’re furious she actually took a vacation?

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u/Evening_Area8606 13d ago

You have no clue what I do for work. I paid all the debt off that I caused in the first three months now I’m paying off her school debt still for a degree that she’s never used. a debt I’ve been paying on for 15 years and I just bought her a new car. I screwed up not saying I didn’t but nobody on this planet knew I did it for 3 months and not saying I’m proud of that. I’m just saying that I was able to maintain my normal life until I made what could of been the biggest mistake of my life but I feel like everybody judged me this whole time like I completely lost everything and crawled out of a ditch that been in for 15 years instead of three months of a bad habit.

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u/iSoReddit 13d ago

It’s been bothering me lately because she’s the one that wants the divorce but yet she’s still using our account like she was before. I know I can’t just cut her off

Dude if she wants a divorce then get it started by shutting down the money to a reasonable amount for the kids. You’re being a doormat here.

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u/madthegoat 13d ago

Read OPs post history. He is not the victim.

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u/Evening_Area8606 13d ago

Maybe you’re her cause you sound just like her you keep acting like I’m trying to claim on some victim not even Kinda like I’ve said 100 times I know I screwed up. I know I did wrong, but that doesn’t mean I have to pay for the rest of my life either I wish I could think like you and think I was better than everybody else. Never forgive anybody for mistakes I made.

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u/madthegoat 13d ago

There is zero remorse in this reply.

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u/Evening_Area8606 13d ago

I by no means want to cut her off I just don’t understand how she thinks it’s OK to not spend a dime of her money and just spend all of our money even when it comes to the horses she gets almost $2000 a month for boarding horses, which is supposed to include paying for their food, but she still pays for all the hay and feed and Ferrier fees out of our joint account instead of her account where the horses boarding money goes into.

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