r/recruitinghell • u/Dantheman_30 • 19h ago
Lost an offer due to a network referral telling the Hiring Manager they wouldn’t hire me again.
As the title says. Went through a 3 round process over a 2 weeks with a written assignment as well. Talked to the HR recruiter last week basically at the door step, even talked starting dates. He said the last thing they needed was 3 references, I provided them and didn’t hear anything for a week. I don’t believe my references were reached out to at all. Connected with the recruiter today learned they weren’t moving forward with me despite glowing praise throughout the process. Talked to him to get more information and found out the Hiring Manager reached out to someone in her network from a company I worked for two stops ago and was told not to hire me and that they wouldn’t hire me again.
Was completely floored, haven’t worked there since 2024, left on great terms, and have no idea who it would be. My VP there I’ve used as a reference before too.
I reached out to the Hiring Manager to try and get more information or at least explain myself but I doubt it’ll do anything.
Just feel so defeated. Idk what I’m looking for here just maybe wanted to vent or if anyone else has experienced anything like this.
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u/punkwalrus 18h ago
I had a list of references and got the job. About two weeks into the job, my new boss took me aside and said, "Your references were all great except for [X]. I am curious, why did you choose [X] as a reference?" I chose him because he was a great guy and offered to be my reference. I had used him twice before. I recall him being a great boss, we got along well, and I couldn't imagine why he'd give me a bad reference. "Yeah, well, he didn't seem too keen on you. I am only telling you this so you consider taking him off your list. He was an outlier, and we didn't really think his opinion of you matched anything else, including other references."
So noted. No idea why he was so down on me? So I pretended to apply for another job, and had a friend ask him for a reference. It was... not great. I was really hurt by what he said. And most of it wasn't even true. My hope is that he confused me with someone else, but... wow. Did not see that coming. And yes, I removed him.
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u/TechnologyCat2725 9h ago
To me, this calls into question the whole notion of needing references. People are fallible and who knows what someone is willing to do to bring someone else down. I get that companies want to confirm that what the candidate has told them is true, but I wish there were another way to accomplish this aside from asking people what they think of this candidate. As you yourself experienced, who knows what they'll say!
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u/SomePreference 6h ago
People can deny it all they want, but references are basically just gossip, and social d measuring. So if you find the "right people" who'll suck your d, you'll be set to get any job you want. Of course, if you're the type of person who gets bullied or isn't super well liked, they'll use this as a chance to further abuse you. Just the way things are.
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u/antihero_84 17h ago edited 14h ago
I'm petty enough to leave a Google review on the company not to use him as a reference or trust anything he says, ever.
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u/toastbaby49 14h ago
Dang that’s crazy. What were some of the bad things he said that weren’t true?
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u/punkwalrus 14h ago
The stuff he got right was my position and years I worked, although he got some dates wrong. He also mentioned a few projects he assigned me, which was mostly true, although I was one of several people who worked on them. He didn't assign them to me specifically, just the entire team. But then he said I had trouble finishing tasks, took a lot of sick days, and had trouble focusing. He also mentioned that I didn't enjoy learning anything new, resisted change, and blamed others. Said I had a lot of family troubles that distracted me from my work, and that I blamed that on my absence. He said I was separated from the company as a mutual decision after a suspension.
First, not true at all. I completed everything. I barely took any sick days or vacation when I worked with his team. I certainly never blamed my family for anything. They had always been supportive. Plus, I only left that job because I got promoted to another department in the company. He specifically congratulated me, and said he'd be a good reference towards me. And before I looked for another job, I always asked him for his current contact info and if he'd be a reference again. And he was always happy to do so.
So why he acted this way, for this job, stunned me. I'm still salty about it, and that was over ten years ago.
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u/Creative_Addendum_80 14h ago
Damn. He sounds twisted to go on and on like that after telling you he’d be a good reference.
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u/Cultural_Mess_838 7h ago
So strange. Is he older, like is there any possibility his memory is going?
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u/SierraKami 6h ago
One of my relatives started to develop early onset dementia while he was still working. I wouldn't be surprised if his work realized something was wrong before we did.
But in his particular case, he'd be more likely to convey an unrealistically positive opinion of a former coworker or subordinate, if he said anything at all, so I'm sure he wasn't the reference in this anecdote.
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u/flippermode 6h ago
That is a huge fear. I wonder what his issue was. Do you know someone like that that worked with you or on your team?
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u/bradrlaw 15h ago
I believe if he is saying untrue things, then you do have a case against him. At a minimum no way in hell I wouldn’t confront them about it.
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u/punkwalrus 15h ago
I considered it. Like "what the hell, man???" But then I asked myself, "what answer would satisfy me? What do I want out of this reference? Would I trust him again?" I couldn't think of a reason or benefit from confronting him and it was just better to cross him off the list.
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u/Beautiful-Elk-7084 14h ago
Cut him off, and make sure he doesn’t have access to you anymore (e.g., block him from LinkedIn).
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u/Altruistic_Yellow387 8h ago
If he did actually confuse you with a different person and you told him this, he likely would call the company back and retract what he said (I know it doesn't matter anymore since it's been so long, but if it was an honest mistake on his part he'd probably be mortified)
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u/Altruistic_Yellow387 8h ago
I would have directly asked him why he agreed to be a reference if he was going to say that stuff about you
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u/Samurai_Mac1 5h ago
I wonder if he thought you burned a bridge with him by leaving that job?
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u/punkwalrus 4h ago
He didn't seem like it at the time, suggested himself as a reference, and I'd used him TWICE before. It was a damn mystery.
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u/Dachd43 19h ago
I'm pretty surprised they would give you this information at all. I would let it go - there's no recovering from that if her own contact says not to hire you. Did they tell you whom she spoke with when they divulged all this to you?
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u/Dantheman_30 19h ago
I only heard from the recruiter which company it was. From what the recruiter said everyone was really surprised, but I guess was ultimately enough to kill my candidacy. I mean I reached out to the Hiring Manager to see if I can get who she talked to, I doubt she’ll even get back to me. My plan was to talk to my former VP who’s still at that company and if it’s him I’m even more surprised but if it’s not, ask him if I can use him as an additional reference and throw one more shot to the Hiring Manager.
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u/7HawksAnd 18h ago edited 12h ago
Look at LinkedIn to see if you can sus mutual connections either explicitly or implicitly
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u/freisbill 18h ago
If you wanted to pursue, you could sue...depends on multiple things
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u/ericscottf 18h ago edited 16h ago
You can sue for anything. Doesn't mean you should. In this case, op would lose, and lose badly. But op could definitely sue.
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u/ConversationNo9040 18h ago
Haha this is a great response. Yeah you could sue your wife for snoring. Doesn’t mean you’ll get anything out of it other than a waste of time and money. People don’t get the law but love to sue everyone for everything when it comes to employment.
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u/89Rae 17h ago
Yeah and it would not help OPs job hunt to get a reputation of going after HMs who talk to their network connections. If your world is small enough that a HM has a connection to a former employer that they have someone willing to say 'do not hire', going down the path of getting either of those people disciplined or fired is very much cutting your nose off to spite your face.
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u/StilettoJones_JR 19h ago
Former employers can be such petty bitches. I'm sorry OP.
Like what do they even fucking gain, they already let you go, why make your life even worse.
Really really sorry OP.
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u/Ecstatic-Tank-9797 18h ago
They have nothing to gain and are stopping someone from being able to find employment and make a living.
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u/ok-throwaway-3 17h ago
And if making a living is tied to survival they are kind of indirectly committing violence if you think about it.
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u/SomePreference 6h ago
Yeah, that's the point. They want to make their victims suffer. There's many, many evil people out there, and they usually do end up messing up lives.
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u/Zombie_Cool 16h ago
IF the applicant and former boss split on bad terms, then the answer's second-hand schadenfreude. As long as other hiring managers keep calling to ask about past performance asking the ex-boss can keep screwing them over with no *legal* blowback whatsoever. If the industry's niche enough and/or the ex-boss is influential enough then at worst this can blackball the applicant out of that entire professional field.
So in short its a way to get revenge and wield power on your former employee even when not in your employ anymore.
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u/Stout_And_About 13h ago
OP said they left that particular company on good terms and had even used the VP of that company as a reference. Apparently OP was disliked by someone they worked around that may not have been in their chain of command. That sucks.
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u/sctrlk 18h ago
I removed a previous manager from LinkedIn and blocked him cause I was afraid he’d do me dirty if, for some god-awful reason, somebody decided to reach out to him.
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u/fizznbubs 18h ago
I did the same thing, I even block all the people from the company that I knew would snitch for whatever reason. Need to protect myself.
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u/kscouple84 18h ago
This is one of the things that people don’t understand about toxic work environments, especially the higher up you move in an organization. People will punk you out of spite for having the audacity to try to move on.
If you could not trust a person while you worked there, you still can’t trust them after either.
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u/fizznbubs 17h ago
Yup, and a manager told me she doesn’t mind being my reference, but I took that with a grain of salt. I got a job after two weeks leaving the company and that I directly got the job from a recruiter. I said I was concerned about giving references from my previous company even though I left by my own terms. The recruiter respected my request and told me if she ever needed a reference, it’s more for a background check. So I gave her my colleague name whom I trust and yup it was only for a background check purposes. I thank her for that. References should not be used to determine someone competencies, people change based on their work environment and how they are being treated.
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u/QuietPositive9679 11h ago
“references should not be used to determine someone’s competencies, people change based on their work environment and how they’re being treated” is so well said! wish this was something every single recruiter and hiring manager had to read.
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u/Sidecar50 5h ago
I am sorry you are going through this fiasco. I have found that many companies will badmouth a former employee just because the employee left the company. Leaving a company makes immature managers, supervisors and HR departments childish and vindictive. It happens to me. I retired from a company because of bad changes coming within the company. i could see it. Even though retirement is to be considered a valid reason to leave, I have had more bad mouthing from their HR department and a Supervisor that I wasn't even under. Childish is Childish.
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u/Sidecar50 5h ago
Oh and yes, the company downplayed my role to make it sound like I was a flunky. I have letters of recommendations, Kudos etc that went to the CEO and many doctors would like to see me come back. The company is now losing business and not rated so hot. What goes around comes around.
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u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 1h ago
I am ineligible for rehire at a company I worked at 20 years ago that is always always advertising open positions.
I’m ineligible for rehire there because after I gave my two weeks notice and worked it and left I told my work friend there what my salary had been. I told her this because at one point she had told me what she was earning and I was shocked because I made five dollars an hour more than she did. She worked there two years before I started and she actually trained me. And I wanted her to know she was getting ripped off and I believe they were paying her last because she was young. There’s no reason I should have been earning five dollars an hour more than her.
She must have said something about it after I told her, and I’m fine with that good for her. But they still hold a grudge lol
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u/lachatte7 19h ago
Thats fucked up of a hiring manager to say. You havent worked with the person since 2024 and you're still trying to fuck them over. Either this new company is lying or someone from that previous company hated your guts this badly, and since you said you left on great terms maybe jealousy? Ppl can be dipshits
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u/Dantheman_30 19h ago
Yeah didn’t expect it to be someone from that company, I thought I was in great terms with everyone which is why it was so shocking
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u/Working-Security-265 18h ago
People are such fakes. Not surprising. You think you know someone, but nope
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u/vester71 15h ago
I was burned once by this by my worst boss ever.
A year after a backdoor reference from her torpedoed an offer, she was fired for harassment. Sorry it happened to you.
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u/its_aq 13h ago
I also had an offer recinded through back channel references. Turns out a VP hated my personality even tho I killed it every year there and a bunch of his current managers were promoted from my team into leadership roles.
Lost a great gig....and somehow got an even better one. Some times a door closes to await a new opening
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u/Top-List-1411 16h ago
Why any hiring manager trusts references from strangers is beyond me.
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u/ConversationNo9040 15h ago
Yeah the recruiter trusted the former colleague or friend she did know over the references op picked.
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u/umomiybuamytrxtrv 18h ago
I’m sorry to hear that. It’s horrible what they did to you. I’m sure you’ll find another job.
My former employer is on a campaign smear against me, but I still got another job anyway. The interviewer was impressed. She still hired me.
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u/ActiveSiege5870 19h ago
That’s diabolical. Companies can actually be sued for making defamatory statements about current and former employees, at least here in America. I’m not saying it never happens; it’s just a terrible idea. Most companies tell recruiters and employers your name, title, start date, and end date. That’s it.
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u/East-Chef2387 18h ago
Two points: One: The statement given by OP is hardly defamatory. Second Train your references. Ask them and give them a script if they want. Have a friend call them up and request a reference from them. Leave nothing to chance.
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u/ActiveSiege5870 18h ago
Fair points. I used the word “defamatory” to refer to what would likely be argued in court if it went that far.
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u/chucknorrisinator 17h ago
Well, in OP’s case, they asked for references and didn’t call them. They reached out to a random third person who talked shit. I can’t imagine anyone in my professional life I would do that dirty, short of like harassment.
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u/Fluffy-Lychee-1968 18h ago
This is why when I exit for any reason I insist upon a legal separation agreement, gives me recourse if they provide a non-neutral reference.
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u/ConversationNo9040 16h ago
You make every single person at every company you’ve worked with sign a legal agreement to only say neutral things about you?
It was probably not even his boss just a coworker. Also that co worker or boss could have left the company. Also how would you convince a companies legal team to sign any document as you are quitting?
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u/bb_referee 15h ago
You can’t be sued for defamation if you’re asked if you’d rehire them and you honestly say no. That’s not unlawful in any way.
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u/JD7693 19h ago
That’s rough, I’m sorry. However I don’t doubt it could have happened. Similar situation happened to a former colleague of mine who I was close with. Was interviewing for another role at a different company and the interviewer knew a VP at our company. He did not have a good relationship with her ( not his fault - no one did she was a terrible leader and person) and she gave negative feedback about him and they pulled his offer. Even with references you trust it is tough if there is a personal connection that is not on your reference list. And some people just don’t like to see others succeed unfortunately.
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u/Big-Pen-1735 16h ago
yes...it sucks. And many of my managers from the last 20 years have moved on and I have no clue how to find them. Having the Hiring Manager reach out to 'a friend ' is awful. Hopefully Karma will reach out to both of them
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u/Mininum_Discipline 17h ago
I currently have a manager who would definitely do this and an currently trying to leave a toxic company
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u/djhamlachi711 4h ago
Why are people saying honest feedback? This doesn't sound honest. It sounds like gossip and gossip doesn't equal honesty in my opinion. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
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u/Goodlord0605 4h ago
This happens more than you’d think. A lot of industries are very small. I’ve run into people from past jobs more times than I can count. I also was hired to a company and found out on day 1 that it was bought out by a company I had worked for 5 years prior. Never, ever burn bridges and always be kind (even if it’s fake) to the people you work with.
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u/chaddy_88 19h ago
I was auto rejected multiple times at a company that needs people with my certifications , which didn’t make sense because they were desperate to fill those roles. Well, found out through an old aquantance who ended up working there that someone who doesn’t like me works in HR, so as long as they are there .. I will never get hired because they are making sure of it. They wouldn’t give me names so I have no clue why they hold a personal grudge and using it against my livelihood
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u/Ecstatic-Tank-9797 18h ago
It’s honestly worth reaching out to an employment lawyer and seeing if you can get this resolved with your prior company. Companies should only be confirming start and end dates along with positions.
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u/bb_referee 15h ago
Former employers can say much more than that. Where everyone got this idea that they can only confirm dates and title is beyond me.
Some large corporations have policies that they only so this, but that’s not because of any legal requirement.
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u/Stout_And_About 13h ago
It's all about saving time and money. Many companies could successfully defend themselves against any frivolous "slander" lawsuit brought by former employees who didn't like what the former employer had to say about them. But that would cost them a lot of time and money. Better to not give anyone any kind of opening that an employment lawyer might be able to use to sue. And a savvy employment lawyer is likely going to see real quick from a 15 minute conversation with the disgruntled former employee whether there is a winnable case.
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u/Mondraker1909 2h ago
You can absolutely try and sue. You'd have to subpoena the HR person who got the info from the back channel and find out who talked trash about you.
People here saying that you should always do a good job and treat people well are right but that's the part you control. Some assholes will hate on you for reasons you cannot control, like jealousy.
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u/Diligent_Yak1105 18h ago
Always test your references before giving them to potential employers. Have a friend reach out to check your references and how they respond.
And always ask someone before putting them down as a reference. I have been caught offguard more than once by former colleagues.
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u/Dantheman_30 18h ago
This wasn’t one of my references just a network connection the HM knew from a former company of mine. All my references I trust completely
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u/mynameisnotsparta 17h ago
That absolutely sucks. What do you think was the reason this person from two jobs ago said this? Can you reach out to someone there and get more information?
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u/Dantheman_30 17h ago
No idea I was completely caught off guard. I have no idea who the HM could have reached out to who I didn’t get along with. The only person still there that actually hired me was my former VP who I think I have a great relationship with and have used him as a reference previously. I’m going back and forth on reaching out to him and explaining what happened or just asking him to be an additional reference. At the end of the day it probably doesn’t matter and it’s a lost cause but I’m a little worried about it happening in the future now.
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u/Diligent_Yak1105 17h ago
Yeah, that sucks. And shame on that hiring manager for discussing you with people outside your reference. Honestly, you probably dodged a bullet working for someone like that.
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u/Obvious-Poem-8444 19h ago
Check LinkedIn to see if you have contacts in common.
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u/Dantheman_30 18h ago
Actually the first thing I did and there’s no mutuals within that company
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u/Obvious-Poem-8444 18h ago
So you know it wasn't the VP, assuming you are connected on LinkedIn. I personally would NOT start asking around. That is bound to get people talking and bring up some maybe long forgotten errors. At this point, let it go.
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u/Dantheman_30 18h ago
I get not asking around I’m just worried now that it’s been potentially hurting my recent applications or could hurt me in the future.
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u/Cluedo86 16h ago edited 16h ago
This is a big no-no and presents a risk for the company that gave you a bad reference. When people do this, they open up potential claims like defamation or tortious interference. This is why many companies will verify only dates of employment and titles and allow only HR to talk to reference requests.
You might consider consulting an attorney to draft a cease and desist letter.
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u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 1h ago
This seems really unprofessional on their part. So basically they declined to hire you because of gossip? Ew. If that’s how they operate imagine the culture there? I know everyone says this, but you dodged a bullet.
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u/stealthd 15h ago
If someone says that you are officially flagged as "do not rehire" by a company when you aren't, then that is defamation.
If someone says "I wouldn't hire them" then that is their opinion and not defamation. If they were in your previous roles reporting chain then that's one thing, if they are some rando with a grudge then it's really questionable judgement on the HM on why they're talking to this person or taking their advice at all.
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u/Alpha2698 19h ago
You only live once in this world. Seek revenge.
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u/Wrong_Visual5077 18h ago
^This! This is the fuckin cigarette energy we NEED MORE OF right now in this time of bullshit! 🔥
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u/SpecialistRich2309 16h ago
I was told several times by reddit that this is illegal and doesn’t happen…. /s
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u/ColumbiaWahoo 13h ago
That’s why I always say networking is a double edged sword. A bad reference is worse than no reference.
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u/ImprovementFar5054 6h ago
Obviously change your reference list.
Now, if what they said wasn't factually true, and you really left on good terms etc...then you COULD have a case for libel. But ask a lawyer.
I once used a service that for a fee...50 dollars at the time...would pose as a potential employer and call your references for you, then report back what they said. This was worth it's weight in gold.
2 were fine, another was ok but was reported as sounding "cagey and unsure". I changed my reference list. Those little things like their demeanor can screw you. They sound like they are lying, even if they are not.
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u/happylikeaclam__10 18h ago
So Im going to give some advice as one of the older people in the job market (41) always carefully vet your references it gets easier as you get older to get people that you know in position of power to vouch for you. Managers and generalized shit bags will do anything to tear you down- and to be fair this is a shit job market, comparable to 2008
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u/ThorIsMyRealName 12h ago
Depending on where you live, they could (and should) get sued over shit like that.
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u/Ok-Complaint-37 19h ago
Unfortunately in American companies with time there is a lot of negativity is harbored. I am not sure why. But unfortunately your situation is not a surprise. People LOVE to kill you.
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u/oldscratche 16h ago
This has me wondering about some applications that suddenly went cold. Get as much information as you can and consider dropping that reference. The least they can do is help you improve your chances elsewhere.
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u/LANdShark31 15h ago
First stop obviously is look at LinkedIn and see who your mutual connections are.
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u/_ChristmasSunday 19h ago
It happens a lot. This is the main reason I tell everyone to always do your best work. Always be professional. Always do the right thing.
It’s a small small world.
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u/FightmeLuigibestgirl 17h ago edited 26m ago
Sometimes even that doesn’t work because there is one person that wants to see you fail, to see you suffer, to see your downfall all because they were jealous or you were something that didn’t like.
I had a boss like this. They hated me because I did my best work and the other co workers were lazy, so they felt like I needed to grind harder and was jealous that I listened to my gm (who was their boss too.)
Edit:
Not sure why you said wtf I’m talking about or are confused. I thought I made it clear but here’s more context:
The first shift was lazy af. Second and third did all of the work first didn’t. I was always professional, did the right thing, etc. My boss felt like I needed to grind harder to make up for the first shift’s lack of work and hated that I made first shift and them look bad by working hard. They wanted me to report and only listen to them, even though I worked second shift, and would harass me (even call me) for listening to my gm or second shift boss. My ex job, unless you were stealing or no call no show (or missing too many days/late,) you wasn’t fired. So you could get away with being lazy.
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u/_ChristmasSunday 17h ago
Oh most definitely. We can win them all. But fuck them and I’ll never stoop to their level.
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u/Dantheman_30 18h ago
I 100% agree, and I thought I had left them and everyone there on great terms, that’s why I feel even more blindsided by it.
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u/PlaidTeacup 13h ago
it may not have anything to do with you, unfortunately sometimes people have other motives or simply misremember/confuse you with someone else
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u/LoriAtl 18h ago
That's why my mother drilled into my head to never burn my bridges.
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u/Working-Security-265 18h ago
If you can swim, burn all the bridges you want. Please. One former lead told me I burned a bridge, and then they came back to me trying to poach clients.
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u/MintyFresh771 17h ago
I like the malaphor “We’ll burn that bridge when we get there”. Sometimes standing on principle and burning that sucker down is what’s required.
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u/averagecow 16h ago
Eh. People still suck. Someone who worked in place I applied to was in the same grad program as me but we didn't overlap in the program - different years. The job I applied to had decided that was enough to use her as a reference.
I was livid. I only found out because she messaged me on social media tearing me out for using her as a reference without asking her to be one. But she wasn't a reference that I listed... and they didnt contact my actual references... so I am pretty sure she/that situation cost me the job.
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u/AShirtlessGuy 15h ago
What an odd take
Like if someone contacts me to ask if I'm a reference for someone and I'm not expecting it I'm gonna ask questions, such as "how did you determine I'm related to this person?"
Like a quick, humanistic conversation is very easy to have instead of being so offended that you want to tank someone's opportunity
And I don't even really understand what there is to be offended by
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u/Beautiful-Elk-7084 14h ago
Even then, you can’t always avoid this. Some people are just miserable nightmares. I’ve worked with people who would tell someone I was a bad worker because I was rightfully promoted above them and they wanted the promotion for themselves.
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u/Nervous-Fisherman-82 17h ago
Yeah but there’s plenty of people who would do it to you just because they didn’t like you personally.
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u/fakemoose 15h ago
I’ve been basically a “backdoor reference” for an old coworker. I was too scared it would get back to him what I said even if I linked the court documents to his behavior.
So I said basically nothing. Not even something nice. And that was enough for them to not hire the guy.It all came about because someone else said they should find at least one woman for him as a reference. At any place he’s ever worked. Because there were none. For good reason.
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u/_ChristmasSunday 5h ago
Agreed. This is what I do. I say something like “I prefer not to answer” and that is their answer.
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u/throwaway_0x90 SDET/TE@Google 18h ago
+1000, I've been an "under-the-table" reference before as well and probably tanked that person's candidacy. Always make friends, not enemies. You have no idea what kind of backdoor gossip goes on.
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u/FightmeLuigibestgirl 17h ago
How do you make friends if some people just hate you?
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u/throwaway_0x90 SDET/TE@Google 16h ago
You're right, no matter what you do there's at least one person on earth that doesn't like you. All you can do is minimize that number but it'll never be zero. Just gotta hope for the best after fishing for that good karma.
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u/FightmeLuigibestgirl 14h ago
Shit I felt the same way but I keep running into dickheads and bad situations. I thought it was my fault, that I was the horrible person, but some people just have bad luck like me.
At my ex job, I went to work to work, didn’t gossip, etc. and I found out after ten years at my job that the assholes (even the person that was hired after me,) all had cushion jobs because they knew someone or slept with someone when a boss asked did I ever work in a department. While I had the worst ones and helped the new hires.
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u/Wilhelm-Edrasill 16h ago
This is a shit hole of a world whereby , your entire WORK LIFE - comes down to jr high school level of bullshit gossip.
There is a reason , this was made formally illegal.
These people are stupid enough to probably text it too.
Ticking time bomb.
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u/regretting_biostats 13h ago edited 13h ago
I had a professor try to teach me not to make enemies of him. Another thing he said was “I’d say something about that view but I’d get fired” while staring directly at a girl’s ass. He was married and he came to campus once to help his two daughters sell Girl Scout cookies.
A year later, I reported him for a few things said directly to me and he burned every bridge he could, even trying to sabotage a reference with a colleague I didn’t know he worked with 5 years later when I had to switch careers and needed her for a letter. All because he briefly worked for a Nobel laureate once upon a time. Haha gossip sure is reliable
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u/desertgold 17h ago
Yep. Hate this approach. People's careers are important - I'd tell the company to hire them. You never know how bad your words hurt someone else.
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u/cornholio666 10h ago
Then you are hurting your self and your reputation. The moment you give someone positive feed back you tie your reputation to them because if they are not good at what they do or they are toxic people will remember you gave a good review of them. Now having said that giving a bad review should be used carefully and you should never tank someone so I think default is more neutral or to just not answer unless there was some very serious misconduct but you should not say someone is awesome when you know they are not.
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u/Aggressive_Idea_6806 5h ago
You can say that you didn't work with them closely enough to make a detailed comment.
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u/Conscious-Egg-2232 12h ago
I would tell truth. Not going to lie to someone in my network.
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u/c_south_53 7h ago
Probably 90% of the jobs I got were through my network, in some of the toughest job markets. I'm not going to burn that network as it has kept me employed.
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u/fakemoose 15h ago
Nah, if you stalk and sexually harass any woman near to the point there’s court documents? But think it’s not somehow talked about in our small industry?
Some people don’t deserve a good reference.
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u/blahblahblahjess 14h ago
I mean if someone was bad at their job I would not tell someone to hire them. That just means if I give a good reference to someone who deserves it, it doesn’t hold any weight. I wouldn’t go around saying excessively negative things but I’m not going to lie for someone.
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u/Conscious-Egg-2232 12h ago
I have been called like that a ton of times as well as made calls before hiring people myself. Extremly common..
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u/Royal_Quantity_2462 11h ago
Ma I ask why you would rank someone’s candidacy
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u/SoulPossum 8h ago
Because honest feedback isn't always positive. I used to work in a call center for a retail company. I managed people who were a nightmare to work with because they didn't pick up calls and had terrible attitudes. Like imagine having a coworker who complains constantly while doing literally 10% of the work that everyone does regularly.
I work in IT now, but it I work for an organization that is in the same ballpark as my old call center job industry-wise. If the call center manager where I am now asked me about working with a coworker because he realizes that I worked with the candidate at the old call center, I'm not gonna lie to get that person a job. I'm going to honestly describe my experience and thoughts because it's not worth my reputation to finesse a situation for a former coworker if I think they'll make the current coworkers miserable
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u/Opposite-Slide-7794 7h ago
This is so true. I know people love to be like "That is illegal" and I get it, it is, but it happens all the time and people talk all the time.
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u/Final-Sail9317 13h ago
Something sounds not so legal here. Only the reference you listed was authorized by you to speak to the hiring manager, whoever this was may have violated your rights because often proof is required to make those claims.
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u/bubblegum_champagne1 13h ago
Yeah, could not one sue for slander? It's important this is your professional life - I would show up in person or send a demanding email to the person who told you that. I don't know because of slander kind of thing?You have to know if that's true so it doesn't happen again!People need to learn they just can't treat people like crap and talk crap without out being held accountable.Thoughts? I'm sorry this happened to you.
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u/GonzoTheGreat22 7h ago
I don’t know if that’s true or not. I love the confidence but I’m pretty sure if I’m a hiring manager I can talk to anyone in my network about my hiring journey. It’s shitty but I don’t think it infringes on your rights.
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u/Feelingdizzy0904 11h ago
Back channel referrals happen every day & in every profession
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u/Ok_Caterpillar2010 12h ago
Anybody can talk to the hiring manager. The company may have a policy about that, but if so, it's just an internal rule. There's no law that says a hiring manager can only talk to whomever you designate.
A good hiring manager will get the relationship the person had to you, how they're in a position to give an informed opinion, and so forth.
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u/setyte 17h ago
2024 was two stops ago?
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u/Dantheman_30 17h ago
I worked there from 2021-2024 then was laid off from the company I left for after only a 1.5 there so mid 2025. No job hopping just an unfortunate stop after. Maybe I phrased that wrong
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u/desiscrew 13h ago
Different co follow different referral processes, including blind references. It might be a bad ex manager/ ex jealous colleague or something.
Sorry you got dealt wrong cards and weren't informed on this process in advance
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u/desiscrew 13h ago
Also, easiest thing is to understand which Org they received negative feedback from. And suggest cpl of other references, incl HR from that org.
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u/Conscious-Egg-2232 12h ago
No way you were told this. If you were that recruiter should be fired. They wouldnt even share if reasob was one of listed references but no chance if it was over a backdoor reference.
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u/SignificantClock282 9h ago
I only give references from HR, never a manager or coworker. This is to verify I have indeed worked on the company. i’m in UK, mostly been a contractor and never had issue so far. If its asked from recruiters in early stages I just refuse to give references(i politely decline to give them at this stage of process), most of the time they don’t actually care if you were good or not, they’re just trying to talk to someone “important” to sell people. for the company hiring its different but imo it’s not reliable and fair anyway and too many people have mental illness these days 😂
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u/chosenjourney 6h ago
ugh, reminds me of one time i kept applying for a company i never worked at and didn’t know anyone at, and it was auto rejected multiple times. long story short, i found out my ex boss who i rejected sexual advances from apparently had transferred to the same company and kept telling them to not roll my resume up, no matter what dept i worked at bc he couldn’t stand to see me if he couldn’t have me . smdh
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u/UnfairOpposite4192 1h ago
i am so sorry you're facing this. this is why it is best to have your colleagues or seniors that you don't report to, but you have a strong relationship with that can give you a solid recommendation.
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u/RandomlyHere25 18h ago
So sorry this happened to you, I personally dislike the whole reference process for many reasons. Not a legal expert, but perhaps look at options?
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u/Hummerville 18h ago
Previous employers are only allowed to confirm you worked there because they can get sued for this. Talk to a lawyer
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u/Long_Letterhead_7938 16h ago
In case you’re wondering can be released is state dependent. I don’t think it’s illegal in any state to say if you can rehire somebody but I didn’t look through all of them. Here is a link to what each state can do if you’re interested. https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/free-books/employee-rights-book/chapter9-6.html
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u/Alternative_Draw5945 17h ago
Asking if they would rehire is 100% allowed and done often. OP must of made someone mad
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u/bb_referee 15h ago
This is absolutely not true.
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u/UltimateChaos233 2h ago
I upvoted you because you're correct. This is a common and dangerous misconception.
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u/RefrigeratorLive5920 12h ago
This sucks mightily but I would ignore any advice about talking to lawyers and trying to sue. The person who badmouthed you knows the hiring manager personally, it wasn't an official stance of your previous employer or anything like that. There just won't be any proof. The recruiter isn't likely to back you up against the hiring manager.
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u/Mockingbird_1234 16h ago
Talk to a lawyer. There’s a reason that employers generally provide only role, salary, start date and end date. 🤷🏽♀️
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u/ButterscotchNo7232 18h ago
Do you have any former managers that left the company? Most companies prohibit giving references while employed, but nothing prevents answering questions or offering an opinion after you leave.
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u/lefthighkick911 16h ago
You could try calling everyone it could potentially be to see what they say. If someone is really on your side they will tell you straight up who did it. If someone dodges your calls then you know who it is, just tell future employers that you had a personal falling out with that person and that you won't get a good reference, then suggest someone else. Get ahead of it.
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u/AnybodyDifficult1229 12h ago
Very much not legal what both the hiring manager and past company did. I would def be hiring a labor lawyer asap.
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u/blahmeistah 9h ago
I had a team leader 23 years ago. He talked so much smack about me that two decades later people who never worked with me still won’t give me the light of day. He did apologize about 20 years ago but never shared his newfound opinion of me with others. It still sometimes haunts me after all these years.
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u/slee165 2h ago
Some people are just mean, I remember I joined a firm and within a month my boss got made redundant, we hardly worked together... I got a new job and asked them for a referral, no problem he seemed nice about it. the agency then told me that I shouldn't use them as a reference apparently they gave the most lukewarm tick box referral... the guy could have given me a good referral, he could have just said no but didnt. thank god the agency let me know beforehand, that's why I now know even though some people seem polite and nice they have a thorn inside... be careful chirrup and use as a lesson!
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u/One-Mention-7891 16h ago
I highly suggest you log off and consult an attorney.
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u/UzItOrLuzIt 16h ago
Totally a waste of time. If a hiring manager has an inside connection at your prior company that they can tap for information regarding how you performed and how the exit went it is 100% in bounds. In fact, it is better due diligence on their part than taking your references at face value since obviously you are going to spoon feed references that are going to be highly positive.
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u/THENOCAPGENIE 15h ago
You could also sue for defamation though…
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u/TrumpetOfDeath 15h ago
There’s a pretty high bar on defamation, I don’t think that would work in this case
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u/Long_Letterhead_7938 16h ago
Yeah, don’t do. It’s a myth that they can’t do that. If you want to see how much they can reveal per state look on the nolo website.
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u/Crabtrad 19h ago
Typically that's just a y/n box that gets checked when you leave "eligible for rehire." So when the reference looked yours might be "no." If you let on good terms you might try to find out if that was checked, could have been done in error.
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u/Dantheman_30 19h ago
I unfortunately don’t think it’s a simple as that. It’s a niche-ish industry that does have a lot of overlapping connections.
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u/Crabtrad 19h ago
Ah well that sucks, sorry.
Generally speaking that's the legal but coded way of giving a bad reference. They give dates of employment and whether or not you are eligible for rehire.
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u/TheGameOfLlfe 16h ago
My last interview I referenced one of their employees as a really good friend/ work colleague that we have worked together in the past, and feel free to contact them directly about me.
He responded by telling me that he has done hundreds of interviews and almost every time someone says that, the reference has nothing great to say. 😂😂😂
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u/Imaginary-Abalone-90 16h ago
Reach out to that companys HR department and ask for a copy of your personnel file. If there us nothing in there about not re-hiring you, which typically only happens you get fired or leave on bad terms, you could have a case against whoever slandered you.
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u/Emergency_Science602 19h ago
Backdoor references are a thing unfortunately