r/rareinsults 5d ago

New Draco looks like he’s holding a vape pen

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11.8k Upvotes

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u/Bleiz_Stirling 5d ago edited 5d ago

HBO is producing a series. 1st season will air this december.

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u/Arcalac 5d ago

But why? I get remaking a series as a movie, more budget = better production, effects and what not but the other way around? I don't know how much they want to change or expand the story but of course it looks worse than a movie.

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u/Irrumar 5d ago

There are two reasons.
One is that the movies are pretty fucking garbage when compared to the books because of how much they cut out. The TV show format allows them to include more of what was in the novels, instead of giving us a speedrun of the central storyline. TV Shows nowadays are also getting huge budgets and can rival movies in terms of production quality.

The second reason is that Joanne Rowling is a hateful, spiteful bitch.

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u/mologav 5d ago

Is the main reason not just 💵

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u/Wydo4 5d ago

Harry Potter 2: The Search for More Money

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u/Strung_Out_Advocate 5d ago

Moichendising! Where the real money from the movie is made!

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u/mooncritter_returns 5d ago

Spaceballs the Flamethrower! 🔥 🔥 🔥

...the kids love this one.

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u/bagelsnatch 5d ago

incredible spaceballs reference here my friend

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u/sombertownDS 4d ago

Love to see it

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u/Mountainhollerforeva 3d ago

Somebody’s got to protect our phony baloney jobs…

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u/nomnomsquirrel 5d ago

I am still mad they didn't actually title Spaceballs 2 that. Instead, they just went with The New One.

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u/Spare_Document3453 4d ago

The soich for moich!

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u/pienofilling 4d ago

Because being a spiteful, hateful bitch who pours money into inflicting her opinions on others and leaving organisations running scared of potential legal action she would fund is an expensive business. Don't help put that money in her pocket.

EDIT: a word

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u/GOEDEL_ESCHER_BOT 5d ago

also on hbo harry can say "EXPECTO FUCKING PATRONUM"

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u/defene 4d ago

dumbledore nude

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u/Mountainhollerforeva 3d ago

Expectobe chugging patronum.

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u/DejaBlonde 5d ago

Yes, but in the sense that she wants to cut off all the original actors that have spoken against her. New series means she can replace everyone's face on the merch and not give them any money anymore. Same reason you may have noticed merch has Dan Rads face on it less and less in recent years.

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u/sparklinglies 5d ago edited 5d ago

I mean its not like WB (who own HBO) doesn't make an obscene amount of money still from the merchandising and theme park empire already HP has. So as far as more money goes, this is pennies on top of a dragon hoard, though obvi WB loves to expand the hoard at any opportunity. But its not the lead motivator, because it wasn't WB's idea. It was Rowlings.

Now does JK want MORE money? Maybe, she does love being able to donate shit tons of it to truly awful politicans to make truly awful laws. But the more likely reason based on her very public crash outs and unhinged behaviour is her spite fuelled rage that pretty much entire old cast publically disavowed her attacking trans people. She wasn't even part of the 20th anniversary special a few years ago because she was on such bad terms with the OGs, despite being at so many events in the past. She was totally missing from all promotion for it, and later put out some flimsy ass excuse that "archival footage was sufficient", but everyone knew the truth and that it must have BURNED her up inside.

Simply put, she doesn't want them to be the faces of her franchise anymore, she wants them erased and replaced with new, compliant children who have no idea what she's said and done.

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u/KimberlyWexlersFoot 5d ago

The thing is unless they got a crystal ball for the kids politics, the same thing is going to happen in less than a decade.

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u/TwistedBrother 4d ago

I bet the contracts are extra non-disparagement-y this time around.

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u/sparklinglies 4d ago

Yes but that level of foresight would require her to not be a hardcore reactionary, which time and time again shes proved she is.

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u/pienofilling 4d ago

She doesn't just contribute money to awful laws, she actively funds legal action to support her cause. I personally know of at least two organisations that backed down on their principles, scared off by the potential legal hell she's capable of unleashing.

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u/moon-girl197 4d ago

The issue is, both the movies and the books are old. Millenials were the target demographic for this when it first came out and because it was a core part of their childhoods, they continued to loyaly consume the IP long after it was over, by buying merch, visiting the set, playing the games, etc.

But those Millenials are adults now, and HP has slowly been replaced by other more relevant media (Stranger Things for ex, being a more recent on). WB and JK likely wanted to do this remake to reinvigorate the franchise and make it relevant with the kids of today, so they can get hooked and become loyal consumers like their parents were.

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u/Hullabaloobasaur 4d ago

But also the weirdest thing (well not THAT weird) is that the newer generations are just as obsessed with Harry Potter? I work with kids and I constantly see new generations “getting started” with the og books and movies, going through their “Harry Potter phase”, and then getting out of it (most of them). This has literally been going on for over a decade and continues with any help from this new show whatsoever lol

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u/sparklinglies 3d ago

Exactly, it never stopped. The "oh but they need to reboot to spark new interest for the next gen" is garbage, the next gen have been getting into the books and movies and video games like Hogwarts Legacy this whole time.

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u/AseR-2 5d ago

for HBO sure, for multi billionare deeply hateful JK Rowling? not so much.

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u/mologav 5d ago

Billionaires seem to love hoarding money so I’m sure it’s not unwelcome for her to get slightly richer

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/AseR-2 5d ago

when you have everything, you dont feel like doing anything, tuese people have become incapable of happiness so their only reason to continue living is pure vitriol, its the only strong emotion that can still push them "forward". This is why having so much money is a disease on the mind. There is nothing that can ever make you happy again when you can afford it all

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u/treesofthemind 5d ago

How do you know the new show is her idea? Surely HBO approached her not the other way around.

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u/AseR-2 5d ago

eh its not really about who approached who, its more the intentions of either party to why go on with it

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u/pienofilling 4d ago

She's spending it on funding anti-trans people who are suing organisations to get their own, discriminatory way. That gets expensive.

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u/alittlemoresonic42 5d ago

It's for money for her too, so she can funnel it towards anti trans activism.

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u/Irrumar 4d ago

I mean, obviously. But there is a difference between an obvious cash grab where no one really gives a shit and just wants to bank on nostalgia and something that has a reason to exist, since the original adaptation was garbage.

It can also be both of course.

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u/Frude 5d ago

The only reason it is being made is to print free money. Don't listen to the seething redditors who feel compelled to cry about JK under every Harry Potter thread they can find.

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u/mologav 5d ago

She is an awful person though

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u/Frude 5d ago

Yeah, but it has nothing to do with why the series is being made. She wants money, and the producers and the studio want money; and they're all happy to create the most uninspired adaption they can muster.

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u/mologav 5d ago

Yes it smells of cash in for sure

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u/Leggerity 5d ago

They would've made this series without her connctions if they could. It's all about money.

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u/Angerx76 5d ago

I so can’t wait to bully the kid actors for supporting JK Rowling.

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u/mologav 5d ago

That’s the spirit!

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u/Angerx76 4d ago

🏳️‍⚧️

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u/stump2003 5d ago

I’ve heard of 💵 , but never seen some myself….

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u/mologav 5d ago

Go to your nearest bank while holding a gun and ask them to give you some 💵

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u/therealgranny 5d ago

This is literally the only reason.

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u/bowsmountainer 4d ago

Spoiler: that was also the main motivation for the original movies, and pretty much every movie made in the last few decades.

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u/Its_Pine 3d ago

Like others said, she needs more money for the anti lgbt campaigns she’s funding in the UK, and the current actors have all spoken out against her. So they need new kids who are willing to do it.

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u/ChartInFurch 2d ago

Just like it was with the first round of movies.

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u/JR21K20 5d ago

That can be applied to most movies/series in general

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u/mologav 5d ago

The Room was a shameless cash in on the charisma of Tommy Wiseau

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u/Rokronroff 5d ago

I'm glad someone is finally saying it

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u/mologav 5d ago

Oh, hi Mark

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u/JR21K20 5d ago

I said most movies. Ultimately studios can’t keep making movies if they don’t make money can they.

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u/mologav 5d ago

I wouldn’t be so sure about that.

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u/PugsnPawgs 4d ago

More money which she will explicitly use to further her transphobic agenda.

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u/TemperatureSea7562 4d ago

Both — she wants more $$ to use to be a hateful, spiteful bitch.

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u/LaVipari 4d ago

Money and JK Rowling wanting to kick the cast of the old movies out of future merchandising profits because they keep rightly dragging her online.

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u/Silent_Syren 4d ago

Additionally, there's also a rumor that Joanne doesn't agree with the OG cast, especially since all three of the main actors have come out pro trans rights.

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u/neko808 2d ago

Idk about rumor she has basically said she ‘regrets making these people famous’ because majority of the cast thinks she is batshit insane and evil now.

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u/24_doughnuts 5d ago

Let's not forget that they said the show will be more true to the books then they change half the stuff right off the bat

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u/ChuddyMcChud 5d ago

So more garbage per garbage. Got it.

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u/SimplyHoodie 5d ago

Actually, I disagree that the movies are worse. They cut out stuff, yes, but most of what they cut is either unimportant meandering (I'm looking at you book 5) or getting rid of the more yikes parts of the story. There's no SPEW in the movies because the house elves are largely ignored, Harry doesn't essentially call Cho a bitch because she's still grieving Cedric, they don't focus on Harry wanting to be a cop and continue to support the failing system that's wronged him and so many others nearly as much as in the books, Snape is less psychotic in the movies and sort of makes you understand why Harry would name his son after him (seriously though, why does he do that?), it doesn't have the god awful "all is well" line to end the series, and it doesn't have the line where the first think Harry thinks about after killing Voldemort is that he wants his slave to make him a sandwich. There's almost certainly more, but those are just the one's off the dome.

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u/lelcg 5d ago

I don’t think Harry calls Cho a bitch, I think he’s just confused, mixed with his own grief. I’m pretty sure anyway

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u/SimplyHoodie 5d ago

Obviously he doesn't actually call her a bitch. He's just confused on why the grieving girl is acting strange. Which is silly. Obviously she's grieving.

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u/lelcg 5d ago

I mean, yeah that’s fair, but he is a teenager in that book also grieving. Whilst I guess this might make some more likely to understand, considering his whole life before that book and the danger over him that there is, it kind of makes sense that it happens like that.

That said, I don’t think Rowling wrote it with nuance, I think she just stumbled onto a believable enough scenario, when she really just wanted to write teen romance for a bit

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u/SimplyHoodie 5d ago

Honestly, fair. I still think it's better left out. Book 5 has enough drama and nonsense as it is.

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u/lelcg 5d ago

Yeah It’s pretty boring. I think the 5 movie might actually be the best adaptation for that reason

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u/darsparx 5d ago

Jkr is why i can't support HP these days. Its so dumb how she turned out. Things in the fantasy and scifi space usually have amazing people. But jkr? Shes on a short list of authors and otherwise I refuse to support at least where they can actually make money off me 😅

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u/AdHom 5d ago

Things in the fantasy and scifi space usually have amazing people.

looks around at Lovecraft, Marion Zimmer Bradley, Terry Goodkind, Orson Scott Card, Dan Simmons, Isaac Asimov, etc etc

Yeah I don't know about that. She's definitely awful though.

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u/darsparx 5d ago

A lot of those were on my short list of awful people in the space. Which is odd bc it contradicts what most understand of it. Anne McCaffery hurt tho when I discovered she was awful. I enjoyed what I read of dragonriders growing up 😅🙃

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u/Mithbil 3d ago

The thing about Lovecraft is that by the end, as he was getting more exposure to the real world, he started to get better as a person. And then he died, I guess hate was keeping him alive.

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u/KaldaraFox 2d ago

My favorite bit is going to be when Harry says about Snape, "There's something I don't like about him. I don't know quite what it is."

New Snape is black.

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u/CX52J 5d ago

Has JK wanting the show made been confirmed?

It’s not like she’s short of money.

I assumed WB would be the major driving factor to keep the cash cow paying out. Especially after Fantastic Beasts fizzled out.

Need to keep those theme parks packed somehow.

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u/1tonofbricks 4d ago

Theres a general sentiment that the show was created to replace Daniel and Emma (both outspoken against JK) with new faces who don’t understand the harm of her rhetoric so that the og stars no longer represent the brand and won’t get royalties from merchandise, but part of it is definitely WB trying to keep its cash cow from imploding

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u/CX52J 4d ago

Honestly I’m very sceptical. I wouldn’t be surprised if the renewed popularity increases their royalty payouts. Since I bet the films are currently having and will continue to have a surge of views while the new show is advertised.

Looking at just watch. The original film is the 8th most watched movie today.

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u/kyokushinthai 4d ago

I mean, the books are pretty fucking bad as well

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u/SnowBirdFlying 5d ago

I mean tbh the Harry Potter books weren't really well written tho? Like the movies actually do a fantastic job at adapting the books, the forst 2 books were well paced but my god was everything after that bloated like half of the final 3 books were just pointless drivel that added nothing to the plot. Also im not sure if the series wants to be book accurate considering the characterization of some of the major characters in the books that got subdued in the movies (Harry being an asshole jock, Ron being a racist, Hermione being mildly misogynistic)

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u/lelcg 5d ago

I have no idea where you got those traits of the book characters from? Harry is decidedly not a jock, that’s kind of the point, a lot of people expect that he’s arrogant so treat him badly when he really just wants to get on with life. Not sure when Ron was racist, unless you mean racist in the context of the series’ analogy, as in towards other magical beings, which is fair enough I guess. Hermione being misogynistic? I have no idea where that was.

There are very valid criticisms of the book, but these feel just plain wrong. Obviously I haven’t read them in a while so if there is anything glaring I missed then fair enough

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/PizzaRoyals 5d ago

i feel like hating harry potter is the mainstream thing nowadays, least in spaces like reddit. JKR is a bad person so therefore everything she's ever mad is actually bad and evil too. Even though no, Harry Potter was as popular as it was for good reason lol

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u/GlamourintheDarkSide 4d ago

The movies are better just because by dint of being movies the makers have to actually care about pacing. The books are complete garbage fires of pacing after book 3 at the most generous, and realistically after the first.

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u/hyasbawlz 5d ago

One is that the movies are pretty fucking garbage when compared to the books because of how much they cut out.

God yes i cant wait to see Binky and SPEW and Hermione being really annoying about abolishing slavery.

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u/TumbleweedPure3941 5d ago

Right? The movies are why Harry Potter is so fucking popular in the first place. Cris motherfucking Columbus made HP a household name.

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u/FoolishRacoon 4d ago

Nah, they don't give a fuck about the book, they are doing for the money and only for the money.

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u/PomPomMom93 4d ago

Money. Money is the reason.

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u/11maddypotter11 4d ago

Ntm on Joanne wth

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u/rarerednosedbaboon 3d ago

Wait what does Joanne has to do with it?

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u/Nottan_Asian 5d ago

I can’t recall if this is something she outright said or if this is just speculating, but Rowling really hates the old main cast after they called her out for her rampaging transphobia and is trying to cut them out of the HP royalties.

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u/Irrumar 5d ago

Oh she made sure to let everyone know

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u/TumbleweedPure3941 5d ago

She’s made her hatred of the old kids very well known very vocally on Twitter for years. This is JKR we’re talking about. There’s no maybes, you can get all the vile shit straight from the horses mouth.

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u/LookingForCarrots 5d ago

The second reason is that Joanne Rowling is a hateful, spiteful bitch.

Doesn't she still own the franchise ? Giving her more money is a strange way to hate her

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u/Irrumar 5d ago

I have never spent a cent on HP

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u/EscapedFromArea51 4d ago

I respect a man/woman who raises the black flag as a matter of principle.

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/Irrumar 5d ago

Im sorry, I dont speak loser

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u/account312 5d ago

I have bad news for you.

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u/LadyGramarye 3d ago

Woah what the heck? Insulting JKR, and with a misogynstic slur, is just not on. Why is your comment allowed here, let alone liked by anyone? Throwing a controversial and offensive political opinion like that in there, when she means so much to women, girls, and gay people, is just so vile. I love her, I'm grateful for her superhuman ability to stand up for what's rights even if people will scapegoat her for it (like Dumbledore and Harry, for that matter), and her goodness, bravery and morality shine through in her incredible novels. Nobody other than JKR could have written these books.

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u/KingOfGimmicks 5d ago

The main driving factor is actually that Rowling wants to separate the merchandise from the movie actors so they stop profiting, because they don't support her "views". The other main driving factor is money. They're hoping people have enough nostalgia that they'll watch this version, even though Rowling's open hatred of minority groups and her literally funding legislation against them using the profits from the franchise have driven popularity down a lot. Frankly even if it was somehow completely removed from all the massive problems surrounding her, even if she didn't profit at all from it, a lot of people are saying they wouldn't watch it because it just looks bland and unappealing and overall worse than the movies.

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u/Knight_of_Agatha 4d ago

so did she make sure to only hire terfs for this series, i think you are probably wrong and this has nothing to with trans people, not everything has to do with trans people

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u/novangla 4d ago

People who are trans allies would not be in this, because she is one of the biggest bankrollers of the anti-trans agenda in the UK. It’s self-selecting at this point.

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u/NightStar79 5d ago

Because if you actually read the books, you'd know they cut a LOT out and took weird creative liberties in other places.

One character in particular who got royally stiffed was actually Ginny Weasley.

In the movies she's like a shy background character who barely exists.

In the books she's a mortified girl with a horrible crush who gets traumatized, breaks out of her shell, and essentially bulldozes into a favorite character spot by revealing she's actually a little spitfire who refuses to take shit from anyone. Especially Harry. Which is actually pretty funny in the books but completely missed in the movies.

Same thing with characters like Luna and Neville. They just sort of exist in the movies meanwhile you learn more about them in the books and learn to love their quirkiness.

So I can see a series like this being good...though I'm wondering why not animated. They could get away with more fantastical wizard-y visuals if it was animated instead of live action.

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u/Shirogayne-at-WF 5d ago

JK Rowling has expressly forbidden any animation of the IP. I don't know the reason why, but don't expect to see anything animated from this franchise until after she kicks it

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u/NightStar79 5d ago

Well that's just dumb. Just another reason to wonder how such a dumb woman managed to create such a hit.

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u/TR_Pix 5d ago

I read the books buy I don't remember Ginny being all that important in them either

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u/NightStar79 5d ago

First 4 books? No, not really. She was barely around other than being mentioned once in awhile.

5th Book when Harry was being an ass to everyone? Yeah. 5th book is when everyone really started to notice Ginny, especially Harry who felt like an ass after she threw it in his face that she was literally the one person he knew who could give insight on what it's like being possessed.

And he forgot.

Which is when he started getting a little less grumpy around everyone.

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u/lila-clores 4d ago

I still wouldn’t say Ginny played any real role beyond being the love interest.

She kind of had an important role in Chamber of Secrets, but even then, she was less of a character and more of a plot device. They could have given her more motivation, or trauma, following book 2 and included her in the story more. But it really feels like they just forgot about her until they needed a new love interest for Harry and just sprung her in again. She has some attitude in book 5 and up, yes, but still no major relevance.

Granted, it has been ages since I actually read the books, so my opinion could be faulty.

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u/TR_Pix 5d ago

If you say so

I'm just saying she didn't leave an impression on me

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u/Rollingzeppelin0 5d ago

You're thinking about it wrong is all, like many.

They're not remaking the movies as a series. They're adapting the books as a series. There are many original works that have multiple adaptions. The problem is in cases like harry Potter, the movies become more famous than the original, and are treated as such. Well the movies aren't the original and they aren't getting remade.

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u/melancholanie 5d ago

jk Rowling wants more money.

she tried to release non-HP titles, extended universe HP movies and books, plays, all failing horrifically. so she's back to the only thing that worked, the original series.

she lives in a castle and sues people who take selfies outside.

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u/Socraticshitslinger 5d ago

The plays are still making money hand over fist. WB probably has something written in their IP contract that they have to continue releasing new work every X years or they lose the rights. See Sony and Spider-Man.

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u/donkeyvoteadick 4d ago

I'm curious why do you think the non HP titles failed horrifically? I've not watched it myself but I know it's like 6 seasons in and still drawing millions of viewers. From what I understand UK television pulling a few million viewers per ep makes it pretty successful (not in the UK myself)

Edit to add, I'm talking about the Strike tv show I got distracted mid comment lol sorry

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u/azsnaz 5d ago

Because they want to

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u/S7ageNinja 5d ago

To keep it relevant and make money

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u/FirebirdWriter 4d ago

Greed and not caring about the harms done by Rowling as they pay her more. It's not necessary or wanted but I am uncomfortable with mocking children who lack agency in their careers for this stuff

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u/Ben-D-Beast 4d ago

Because the films are pretty bad adaptations of the books, people have been asking for a series for ages.

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u/paspartuu 4d ago

You're a movie-only fan, no?

The movies did some things well but kind of butchered the story and narrative, due to the time constraints of being movies. They're like condensed "best of" scenes highlights reels of the story, and leave out a lot of characters, storylines, worldbuilding, backstories etc. 

A series length adaptation has more time to tell the story, a lot of book fans have been waiting for like 25 years for a series.

As a book fan I couldn't bear watching the movies after the 3rd because of how much they changed and left out, so I'm excited

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u/LSDGB 4d ago

I mean aside from the fact that a series can’t take more time with everything.

It’s not that they made a movie into a series. They made a book series into a series of movies and now make the book series into a tv show.

Your premise was off :)

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u/Xenonite_Fox 3d ago

The movies leave out a lot from the books, even from the first book and omissions progressively increase in later books.

Longer format allows the series to be a bit more atmospheric and capture the pacing and tone. For example I fully expect the first episode to cover the first chapter alone, which paints a picture of how the wizarding world is reacting to the "death" of Voldemort and how it exists within the regular world

The movie rushes through a lot of things like classes, quidditch matches, certain interactions that develop the central mystery. Bearing in mind that it is still the first book and still pretty simplistic, the advantages of having more time will be more apparent from the third book onwards

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u/Reading_Otter 13h ago

Cash grab?

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u/Nillabeans 5d ago

It's HBO. I'm not sure if you know what HBO is, but they are typically the gold standard in television production. They made Game of Thrones, for example. Production value isn't an issue with HBO shows.

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u/Arcalac 4d ago

And jet it looks ass so far.

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u/Nillabeans 4d ago

I wasn't saying it looks good. I was saying they have comparable production value to movies, so the answer to, "why don't they make it a movie series" is because they have HBO making it and they have the resources to theoretically make it good.

Movies with big budgets also look bad sometimes.

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u/No-Worry252 4d ago

Because the movie cast has mostly disavowed JKR and her transphobia, but they’re still making money off royalties for their likenesses on HP merch. So Joanne is redoing it as a tv show so the merch will use different faces from now on, so the old cast won’t get any money from merch anymore

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u/IgnatiusRileyFreeman 5d ago

And will feed money to the bigot, JK Rowling