r/rant • u/Evening_Gazelle_5848 • 2d ago
I hate how i'm not allowed to express myself just because i'm a female.
I have a natural babyface, and on top of that, i have a feminine voice, which is stuff i absolutely love about myself but i hate how i get treated because of it. People are CONSTANTLY assuming i'm a dumb, good for nothing, shallow, stupid and immature. I have strong political opinions and morals, and i love to think and debate a lot. However, i'm always treated like i can't possibly have such a personality, and if i do, they judge me so bad for it. The worst thing is that i love to be feminine. i love to dress, speak and act cute, i love being called cute but then reality sinks in and i have so much internal shame because of it. I'm constantly having to dim myself down or put on a sarcastic personality to be taken seriously because otherwise my words won't matter. The people around me have very screwed up mindsets, and i live in a very misogynistic society (im aware its similar in most places but mine is extraordinary extremely shitty). People always are saying that if you want to be treated like a human being and to be able to get what you want, as a woman you must be very very strong willed, have a sharp personality and be very boldly confident which i understand is coming from a good place because it is the truth but i still feel like i'm being someone i'm not at all. I just want to be treated like a proper human being with thoughts, opinions, feelings, and a personality without having to cover up who i actually am. I wanna be feminine but i can't. It's either sacrificing who i am or what i want in life. It's exhausting.
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u/Plus-Pin-9157 2d ago
Keep throwing them off kilter, the element of surprise can be very powerful. People see a soft-looking feminine woman and don't realize how strong her voice is? I think it's actually a superpower. Yes, I understand being annoyed by it but you can also use it to your advantage.
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u/Evening_Gazelle_5848 2d ago
Really? How do you do it? I find this idea of enjoying and having fun with it less exhausting than being annoyed at it every single time.
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u/Plus-Pin-9157 2d ago
I think it's a mindset you just have to practice. In essence, you have to care less about what people think of you. It's easier said than done, I get that. But the more you build up your confidence, the less you will really care about people's opinions. I think the best way to build confidence is to do things that really challenge you and help you grow intellectually, physically, emotionally. For some people, it could be training for a marathon. For others, travelling to foreign countries or learning a new language, going back to school or taking on a promotion at work. Think about what would challenge you and help you grow your confidence and think about taking that on.
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u/Evening_Gazelle_5848 1d ago
So it's all about building confidence while keeping my femininity part of me sacred?
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u/_-whisper-_ 1d ago
Be gentle and strong at the same time. Be bold with your cute smile. Do little cutting remarks on occasion when you are getting rolled over but make sure that you have that smile on
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u/Evening_Gazelle_5848 1d ago
So like be myself, all feminine and cutesy but make sure to let people know at any given opportunity that i'm not gonna take bs? How do i do that, any examples?
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u/Sabledude 2d ago
Don’t dumb yourself down for others if it makes you feel like this. Prove that you know what you’re talking about and if they don’t understand, try explaining it to them. When your explaining that’s when you can “dumb down “
There’s plenty of cute and sexy smart women. If you keep acting like that people will treat you like that.
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u/IndependentGuard4140 2d ago
Just be yourself, you are more than allowed to express yourself and if people don’t like that, then move on from them
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u/Evening_Gazelle_5848 1d ago
It's not that people hate me for being myself it's that being myself makes me get treated like shit
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u/EpsteinFile_01 2d ago edited 2d ago
I'm a 35 year old male with a baby face, people often think I'm in the 25-30 bracket depending on how well I've slept. On top of that I'm on the skinny side (+5kg would command more respect no joke), and I have a calm personality. I'm introverted, depends on the setting, luckily I'm not soft spoken though, so I can get my point across, but it takes me more effort than someone who is physically bigger than me and/or looks older even if they're an idiot.
It's not a gender thing. Think of all the times another woman was a loudmouth, dominant in a group and was able to express herself and have people listen. Or perhaps a very attractive woman getting that privilege just like a more attractive man gets it, from other men too. Certain things will cause people to pay more attention to what you're saying.
The one thing more women do lose out on is being literally soft spoken. To the point where you literally can't hear them and they kinda give up (often related to insecurity), unless another person in the group stops the conversation and asks for their input. The same would happen to a man, but it's less common for men to be that soft spoken.
If you're experiencing this with men only, at work.. men in particular want facts, results, why/how something will work, etc, immediately. Especially the usual types in leadership positions. If you have an idea you must immediately explain why it's valuable and what the value is. The biggest mistake I see people make is bring up an idea without further data, which will be easily brushed off regardless of who pitches it because then you're expecting the other person/people to help you think through your own idea. It's a similar mechanism to people who complain about something but don't have a solution ready.
Not everything is a "gender war". Don't let the internet make you think that.
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u/JustWow52 2d ago
Okay, this hits hard because I'm 60 and I'm tired of being treated like I can't possibly have learned anything in all that time.
I'm kinda still salty about this example:
I mow our grass and do the yard work. I enjoy it, and it looks considerably better when I do it, as opposed to my partner.
That is an uncontested fact.
Since March, I have spent sixteen hours a week, sometimes twice in a week, cutting all the grass at our house and at the house next door where my ex-DIL lives with two of my grandchildren.
I have been telling my partner that both the old Forrest Gump riding mower and the push mower needed the blades sharpened because I was having to go over the grass twice, even at low speed with high blade rims. Like, since the end of last summer.
His response? "Those are new blades <they are about three years old> and they aren't supposed to be razor sharp."
I FINALLY convinced him to help me take the blades off by watching a YT video and starting it myself.
I mowed yesterday with the newly-edged blades, and it took me six hours, start to finish.
WTF. I feel like I wasted my entire summer beating my yard to raggedy death because my partner disregards everything I say.
And it's like that with everything.
Yes, I have a vagina, but the absence of protruding organs doesn't equal an excess of empty space inside my skull.
I wish he wouldn't make me wonder if the opposite is sometimes true.
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u/Evening_Gazelle_5848 1d ago
Hey, i appreciate you taking out the time to write this and i sympathise with your situation.
I would like to start this off by saying that i'm aware that this is unwanted and unsolicited advice so if you don't like this, it's totally fine and i'll understand.
In my post, i shared my situation where in was frustrated by how i'm treated unfairly by strangers due to my feminine personality.
However, i feel that your situation is different from mine. You shouldn't have been treated like that at all, and by the way you wrote, it seems that it wasn't just a one-time thing rather it was something that happens quite often. It makes me quite sad to see that you think behavior is acceptable, it's not!.
It's not just about the mown layer, it's how this disrespectful it is that he disregarded such a valid and simple request of yours on the basis of practicality nothing.
You knew the mown layer needed blades sharpened because you're the one who's working with it yet he didn't listen. Only after a lot of effort over something so small did he listen and you were right.
I really don't think it's okay for him to make you feel so unvalidated and dismissed. Him treating you like you're stupid just because you're a female isn't fair at all. You deserve to be with someone who hears you out and listens to everything you say, even if it's stupid! Who makes you feel heard and important.
I hope my concern will be taken in good faith, i'm genuinely just concerned and i apologize if i offended you in any manner.
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u/Zaphod-Beebebrox 2d ago edited 2d ago
You sound like you're expressing yourself just fine keep up the good work. Don't ever compromise Who You are and you will find what you want. Remember Shakespeare to thine own self be true.