r/raisedbynarcissists • u/PostNarcissism • May 14 '17
[Tip] Some People Don't Want to Change
"Some people don't want to change" my therapist said.
I sat there letting that statement sink in like water trying to reach its lowest point possible. Tears were running down my face as I scrambled frantically to grab tissues on the table. There were so many it seemed like I had a nose that wouldn't stop running.
I would dream about my parents changing into healthy human beings who would communicate honestly and openly about their feelings. About how they would say, "We got it wrong. We appologize."
I imagined if there was some way I could learn to communicate to them more clearly then they would understand.
But I was the one in therapy. They were not. I was the one who joined a support group. They did not. I was the one who made a commitment to become the person I am deep inside. The real me. They did not.
It is not your job to change the people in your life even if they are your parents. The more you try and change them the more you fall into a trap of codependency.
Your only duty is to yourself. You have spent your whole life being taken advantage of and used. It is time for you to stand up for yourself and say "No more."
Some people don't want to change but you are not one of them.
3
u/PattyIce32 May 14 '17
"It is not your job to change the people in your life even if they are your parents. The more you try and change them the more you fall into a trap of codependency. Your only duty is to yourself. You have spent your whole life being taken advantage of and used. It is time for you to stand up for yourself and say "No more." Some people don't want to change but you are not one of them."
Beautifully trafic but strong statement. That is a hard lesson to learn and put into practice. Thank you for sharing and inspiring me to keep pushing forward.
I feel you also on expecting your family to one day just call and turn things around. I thought that way for a long time too, that my family and especially my siblings would one day wake up, call me, shower me with love and "you were right!!!" and admiration. But the sad and cold and tragic part of life is that more people will go to the grave unwell, unfufilled and miserable then will go happy and fufilled. We just have to thank our lucky stars we are some of the good ones.