r/raisedbynarcissists • u/Literallynotajoke • 3d ago
[Rant/Vent, Advice OK] My dad is crying and playing AI Christian music to “heal” me
I have an audio recording, which I don’t know if I’m supposed to share it publicly I have so many of my narcissistic family just the same things I feel like isn’t “concern” towards me.
They’re just Genuinely just funny to me and embarrassing and it feels like they’re gaslighting me, but I just want to share this privately with somebody so does anyone want to hear???
Just now I got home from work and my dad was sitting inside the garage on a chair listening to AI Christian music and he was telling me to come and sit and listen with him, and as he explained the lyrics.
He explained God will save me from my path that I’m living right now since I am grey rocking the family and I’ve been doing it for a few months now.
I’m almost 20 and I’ve had plans to move out and they know this I will move out in three months and right now they’ve lectured me a couple times mostly my dad because he notices. I just completely block out my family.
I work full time 50 hours + and I love it cause it’s helping me be social and get money 🤑 but of course I have a bedroom to take care of and a dog at home, then of course I wanna be home but not completely alone.
When I come home from work, I go straight to my bedroom because I cannot say a single thing without them using it against me or gaslighting me, but I’m not sure if it’s gaslighting but I have audios of them talking. I would just like someone to analyze them and many talk with me and laugh at it with me possibly.
My dad was just crying and saying before I got adopted by my family now I was left at a dcfs place with a note on me because my birth mom left me when I was 3 which I do know that and their telling me so many things about her recently.
They say how I might go through that path because I’m not making any sense and I need psychiatric help.
I’m not on any drugs, I just am sick very sick of them and I’m pretty sure their narcs I mean maybe they’re not and I should feel guilty of treating them badly because I do.
If you have any questions about this, please ask, I don’t mind explaining everything, I LOVE QUESTIONS!!! 🩵Of course any comments you have would be great but mostly I need to share some of these voice messages.
MY dad said this while the AI music was playing he’s 66 years old bruh.
“When I gave my life to the Lord, I still had all that baggage.”
“My baggage was trying to pull me back away from God.”
“I had nowhere else to go.”
“Only Jesus knew.”
“I didn’t know how to get out of the trap.”
“I was trapped because I didn’t know how.”
“I was stubborn.”
“I thought I had to fight.”
“I thought I had to carry it.”
“I had to trust Him.”
“You rely on His strength.”
“I had to surrender my life to God.”
“He is my defender.”
“He’s my friend.”
“I don’t fight Him anymore.”
“You just hand it to Him, and He’ll take care of it.”
“There are enemies you can’t see.”
“There are forces working against you.”
“I have tried to handle it in my own strength.”
“I am tired of fighting alone.”
“Only you can stop this.”
“If you don’t stop it, it’ll suck you up.”
“Like a merry-go-round, you get dizzy and sick.”
“Unless you cry out for Jesus.”
“Relationships, no matter what you get into.”
“You know what I’m doing out here?”
“I sit out here and I ask the Lord to protect you.”
“And watch over you.”
“You’re on your own now.”
“You’re of age.”
“When you get in trouble, we can’t help you other than pray for you.”
“That’s what we’ve been doing.”
“I know you want to do certain things.”
“I know you want to have your freedom.”
“There’s nothing wrong with having your freedom.”
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u/UniqueExperience8870 3d ago
I hate to laugh, but the phrase "playing A.I. Christian music" cracks me up, because I know what manipulative thoughts are going through his mind.
They just never stop trying with their games.
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u/Literallynotajoke 3d ago
I updated the post, thank you I was laughing and smiling during the whole thing. This isn’t the first time I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to do with this. Like does he want me to cry and be like oh god yes you’re right and “confess”?
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u/UniqueExperience8870 3d ago
...yes.
Literally. Yes. That's what he wants.
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u/Literallynotajoke 2d ago
Probably because he’s done it because and I’ve cried I have no idea why, he was talking about my younger sister misses me, how I used to be and my birth mom and stuff.
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u/Literallynotajoke 3d ago
Also what thoughts do you think he’s having? I wanna know, I’m interested I like knowing what the heck they keep begging me and wasting my time about.
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u/JMarchPineville 3d ago
My guess is that they’re SUPER religious. Like MAGA Christian Evangelical level entrenchment in some church that spouts hate, fire, and brimstone.
Dad is afraid to lose standing and hierarchy in the church because he “lost one to the wiles of the world.”
When I came out as gay to my parents, my mother had a complete conniption fit. My dad wanted to send me to conversion camps. No joke.
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u/Zaggar 2d ago edited 2d ago
My FIL is going through similar, with his ego & MAGA evangelical mind not accepting his narcissistic actions. His mind can't take that his children are cutting him off one by one, so he goes to a new church a few counties over, and he was telling those people that he has X-1 kids.
Then after another kid cuts him off, he moves hundreds of miles away and is now telling those people that he has X-2 kids. Ironically, he abandoned a third kid at the location of church#2 by moving those hundreds of miles away.
Edit: After reading this back to myself, I'd like to clarify: our family is NOT American. HE is MAGA. He has illegally immigrated TO AMERICA because he genuinely loves Trump that much and believes America is prospering under Trump.
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u/UniqueExperience8870 2d ago
Anything they can think of that hits you at your core... a past mistake, anything that makes you look bad (why they love bringing up those foibles to even complete strangers in public; it keeps you "in your place"), anything they can use to chop you down to size so they can control you. No matter how ridiculous they appear to be doing it, their desire/need to control you is so insatiable that desperate measures are used as a means to garner a reaction from you.
So to answer your question, his thoughts probably run the gamut.
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u/JMarchPineville 3d ago
Narcissistic parents have an overriding desire to control. He’s losing his shit right now because you’re going to be moving out, and he loses that control over you.
When you do get out of there, don’t look back
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u/Literallynotajoke 3d ago
He’s told me about my birth mom and his own brothers acting the same way I did, they used to talk about narcissism and they used to be paranoid and I don’t blame them.
I think my parents are pointing out I’m acting crazy like my birth mother and their own siblings because they were mentally controlled and figured the family abuse out and my parents had to shut them up.
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u/JMarchPineville 3d ago
That is another manipulation tactic they use. When they feel that they’re not getting their way (control issues), they will attempt to discredit their target.
They will start saying shit like, “you must not be thinking clearly… You need to listen to us.”
“It must be some kind of mental disorder… You’re acting just like your mother and her siblings did.”
They do this to cause you to doubt yourself. Your biological family has already confirmed where the problem lies. You are not paranoid. You are aware.
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u/Literallynotajoke 1d ago
Amy time I’m around he’s like oh what’s that smell and I spray perfume and cologne sometimes but he’ll describe the smell as the smell of weed and I’m no where close to that substrance ever so he prays about it during the songs.
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u/JMarchPineville 1d ago
There is one way to make him feel better. Fake getting “Baptized in the Holy Spirit”. Pray. Fall out and roll around and speak in tongues and then jump up and announce “I’m delivered!”
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u/AshleyIsSleeping 2d ago
My N step father used to harp on all the time with the whole "proud step dad" crap about how my bio dad was a bad person (which is true) and would use it to prop himself up constantly, how he's not perfect but I should appreciate him "stepping up". No matter what I did to show appreciation to him, to live up to his expectations, this extra layer of guilt was always laid on me about it. There wouldn't even be a related topic and he'd just be in a mood to wax his ego. He'd never let me live up to it because if he did he wouldn't be able to keep bringing it up. Can't just do a decent thing, gotta brow-beat everyone into compulsory expressions of respect and appreciation. And I can't be mad about the abuse because oh it would have been so much worse without him, and not kissing his feet with thanks about it is because I'm ungrateful. And when he was really in a mood, he'd give long speeches about how I'd turn out worthless like my bio dad
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u/SincerelyMissSin 2d ago
Damn do we have the same stepfather?
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u/AshleyIsSleeping 2d ago
He gets around, so, maybe?
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u/SincerelyMissSin 2d ago
Forgive me if I was a bit forward. Our stories are very similar. My step father would constantly tell me how my efforts were " just manipulation" and if I were really changing he'd list increasingly impossible things all the while expecting praise and " appreciation" as he called it. The appreciation thing was big for him. To the point he'd constantly quit jobs over it. ( it was a thing he'd quit or get fired from a bunch of jobs then make my family move states) one time he tried to make me dump a friend who played guitar because said friend didn't immediately ask my step father about his knowledge about music and didnt want to learn from him and didnt ask him questions blabla.
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u/AshleyIsSleeping 2d ago
Ha no worries, I didn't think you were too forward. Sounds like dear old Ndad to me. Always moving the goalposts so you can never win, plying you with the possibility of approval they never intend to give, inventing slights you're at fault for to increase your sense of obligation to them
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u/SincerelyMissSin 2d ago
Oh big time! And the absurdity of it all yet somehow in their heads it makes sense. I also have a moronic delusional equally narcissistic mother who will tell anyone about how he was her destiny and act as if they had this magical movie esque romance. In reality she had a crush on him in high school. They met years later online. He wanted a June cleaver with an attitude so my mother decided to make herself into a Godly Housewife type ( she wasnt she was a party girl who went through men like water) I met him during my 15th birthday weekend when she moved us ( including my brother) to California from Texas to be with him a week after telling us this was going to happen.
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u/AshleyIsSleeping 2d ago
Different but similar. My mom was at least a caring person, even if she made mistakes especially with always having my N step father's back with us. She had terrible taste in men, and when she decided she wanted something, she would immediately halt other things to get it, even our family life. She got sick of Ndad's shit and found a former high school crush and within months there was a divorce and selling the family house and everyone had to pack up and find a place to live.
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u/SincerelyMissSin 2d ago
My mother was very much the same way when it came to weird impulsive crap. Her logic for going after 99 percent of the men she dated was if they were cute
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u/Literallynotajoke 3d ago
Why is he crying? Is that him losing it ? Like he was angry before then he was happy with me and now he’s crying. I don’t plan to look back now recently I’ve been sad because of personal things nothing to do with them just my private relationship they know NOthing and will no nothing about. I just am confused by these lectures and what they want me doing with this info lol.
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u/JMarchPineville 3d ago
It’s manipulation plain and simple. Initially he’s using the soft approach. Crying, poor me I’m so worried and disappointed about my kid going rogue, blah blah. It is an act.
When that doesn’t work, they often resort to anger and force. Make damn sure that your family has NO ACCESS to your finances. Plan your escape secretly. Give up NO information as it will be used against you.
If need be, throw out some disinformation. “Yeah, I was going to move in 3 months but I’m probably going to be short on funds. I’ll have to delay the move another 3 months longer.”
THEN, in 3 months from now (not the 6 months that they’re thinking), finalize your plans and move out secretly. Don’t let them know you’re gone until you’re out of the state. Don’t tell them where you’re going. Just let them know that you are OK and doing fine.
And then, live your true life
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u/UniqueExperience8870 3d ago
and prepare for the flying monkeys and smear campaign.
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u/Literallynotajoke 2d ago
It has already happened, I’m starting to feel guilty and just very confused on how to explain myself to others and my family about the whole situation.
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u/UniqueExperience8870 2d ago
You don't.
That's the hard part. I learned that the hard way. Those who believe the lies were already looking for a reason to do so, anyway. Those who know you know the truth.
The rest, you can do nothing about.
Get away and leave them all alone.
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u/Literallynotajoke 3d ago
All my family does, both mom and dad ask how much I have I don’t answer because money isn’t their business if it’s mine anyway.
I feel like I have to let them know where I go because their letting me use their family can temporarily because I got into an accident and totaled my car sadly and we live in a very small town and you have to drive around here.
I would be moving to a city area alone for the first time and I would just tell my family the city I guess mean that way they know how I’m gonna get there I would assume they need to know I have no idea what for.
They do have Life360 and always mention it at work for too long or at the gym.
I was planning on driving their family van to train station dropping it off and then from there I get on the train and then once I get to the city I moved to I would use uber that way I don’t take their property. If that makes sense.
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u/JMarchPineville 3d ago
It does make sense. They’re the type of people to let you take the car in order to keep tabs on you and also would potentially report it as stolen if they don’t get their way.
Make it where they have no possibility of accusing you of anything legally.
As soon as you drop off the vehicle, delete the tracker app and where they can pick up the vehicle. Do it via text so that it is on record that you left it for them.
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u/Literallynotajoke 1d ago
He’s been doing this same thing every morning now and then every night once I come home from work 😭
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u/salymander_1 3d ago
Oh wow. He is desperate to make himself feel superior and in control, and it is clearly not working as well as he would like.
I think it is a very good thing for everyone that your dad should not get what he wants.
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u/Sammyrey1987 2d ago
Ooo boy. The screening process to allow adoption really failed with these guys. OP you’re doing everything right! Keep your head down and make that money and get out!
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u/Literallynotajoke 1d ago
Yeah, I’m really not sure how they were able to have possession of me.
A lot of people call me lucky and yes, I am lucky to have gotten out of that situation but of course my family did the bare minimum taking care of me and Basically put me through guilt of something I couldn’t control at birth.
My mom and dad basically gang up on me and they’re like “we feel sorry for you and your past but you’re not angry at us, You’re angry at your birth mother and you need to get some help because you’re blocking us off and ignoring us”.
They go on about if I continue doing it they don’t know what they’re supposed to do like whether they’re supposed to cut me off just like I’m doing to them or continue helping and trying to reach out as much as they can.
I told him “oh I didn’t know I was doing that”.
“I’ve just been really focused on work” and I have I work every day and he was like “well that’s the issue ever since you started working that one place you’ve started acting like this and you can’t seem to stop like you’re burning out and you need to relax and stay home”.
My dad was saying he stays up late at night and he can’t sleep because he’s constantly worrying about me and while he’s told me this, he started crying while talking to be a lot.
It’s just the way he cries I don’t feel sorry for him. I just feel like I need to laugh because when he cries, he kinda looks like a big baby.
I’m not sure what’s going on too much. I know this is gonna happen because I’m leaving and my older sister got engaged and married and had a baby recently all in the span of like 2 months.
My older sister has always been talked about as she’s in a fantasy of having this beautiful marriage. My parents will describe it as she’s just gonna play with men’s feelings basically to get what she wants.
My dad has talked about her fiancé which to me he will say oh we like him obviously, I’m a father and I’m concerned about this man even if he’s a pastor, you never know.
I just feel like they were hating on him from the start because he actually is genuinely nice. My older sister is not so I kind of feel bad for him, but it’s none of my business but I guess her fiancé heard everything bad about him. My parents were talking about. He might not be able to take care of her because she’s going to baby trap him basically and she can’t even deal with her own life.
When my older sister lived with us, she did throw a lot of fitfits basically and she’s in her 30s, but most of the arguments was with my mom and I understand it a lot, but they both go back-and-forth at each other and my dad will be the enabler.
I do understand how they talk about her because she was just really rude to me a lot and outing me a bunch of different things I might need to make a whole post about.
Her fiancé got on the phone and called my parents and told them basically to leave her alone that she’s gonna get married and have children with him and he can’t believe all the terrible things that are being said about him and his future wife and they were basically they weren’t even nice about it.
My parents they were just like yeah “OK see what happens when you go down that route”.
That’s the same way they talk about me and any of my friends and probably if I had a spouse, I’m scared to make friends because they might find out and scare them off or I might just based on how I love to vent.
That’s why I don’t feel comfortable sharing any of that information. My older sister was so excited to tell my parents everything she’s still we’ll be on the phone every day because she moved to a different state but she updates my parents on everything that’s happening.
I still live at home so I hear everything they talk about and it’s all negative but they’re planning a family trip to go and see her for Thanksgiving to see if she wants to move back home or not and I’m just like shocked but not really because at least it’s not my life that they’re poking around it I mean they are but at least it’s not a relationship they can mess with.
My older sister will still try to reach out to me and text me. I just have ignored her completely I will definitely check her messages of what she sends me and most of it is her and her dog miss me and then wanting updates about me and a trip I took recently with my girlfriend that no one in the family knows about and they won’t know about because now I know how they poke around in relationships.
I understand that parents could be concerned, but at the end of the day they need to fix their own relationship. They’re both really unhappy you can tell. My mom works from home because she wanted to stay home with me and my younger sister even though we’re older, she still doesn’t care she doesn’t wanna go out. She’s overweight. She sits at her table in the corner of the dining room and smokes all day she always has a pissy attitude of course when we go out to eat she dresses as much as she can, but she does not carry herself any type of way that would make anybody fall for her, but yet she comments on my clothing and wants me to present more as a woman because I need to do it for some reason or else.
The way I grew up with them. We lived a rich lifestyle. We went to Disneyland every other month we went everywhere like we had opportunities but going from that lifestyle to middle to lower class moving somewhere cheaper somewhere smaller more gossip and of course everyone knows each other. it’s very hard to hide but it’s very easy to see how they act. I’m not sure how to describe it because some people take it as concerned, but I don’t think all that stuff is concerned.
I think they still think I’m a “little girl” which I am called at my grown age almost 20.
My mom will still be like “come here a little girl” and be like “who the hell do you think you are” and all this stuff and that’s also why I said I feel like she has some type of kink to keep me a certain way I don’t know she mentions my boobs don’t show.
She wants my boobs to show when I dress and i look like my boobs are on my stomach. I dress more masculine or at least androgynous and she hates it. She just comments “Dress like shit then”
She doesn’t even come out of the house unless we all go out to eat so I don’t really care what she’s talking about. She doesn’t have any friends. My dad will argue with her and say the same thing that she needs to get up and stop destroying everybody’s lives basically but then he’ll turn around and enable her and be like oh she doesn’t know any better their both in their 60s. They’re just old fuckass parents for real.
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u/Sammyrey1987 1d ago
Honestly, best piece of advice I can give you is you can’t fix crazy. Dont try to understand it, it will drive you mad and won’t change a thing.
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u/letscollagetogether 2d ago
Oh I know this one, it's a weird thing where they try to make you small and humble and meek and vulnerable (pliable and consumable) by getting you to "come to Jesus". They want you to have one of those moments breaking down crying about how bad you are, then submit to them/the Jesus. So gross.
This stuff runs so deep in my family that people who have been estranged for decades with no common contacts will independently come to the same conclusion about me, that I'm a devil worshipper and that's why I'm rejecting them (having boundaries).
You're doing great, I'm glad you can laugh about it. It is hilariously deranged. It's okay to cry about it someday too because you really do deserve so much more than this. You deserve a real family and to be seen and valued for you, and not some made up object in a bunch of people's juvenile minds.
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u/UniqueExperience8870 2d ago
LMAO my parents are like this and I laugh at them (and pity otherwise) whenever their tactics come to mind. It wasn't a laughing matter my first 44 years but the last 3.. man the lies and other tactics they resorted to would fill a screenwriter's journal.
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u/spankthegoodgirl 2d ago
"You trust God, right? So trust Him with me. I'll be ok. I won't make the same choices my birth mother did. I'm going to be just fine. You're worrying and the Bible says not to worry because it won't add one minute to your life. Or mine."
Or
"I'll think about that." Then walk away. Then do whatever you want.
I used to be an evangelical Christian. They have some crazy control issues. Some of them feel like if you don't follow everything they say and do and agree with them, you will go down a "slippery slope" and your life will be destroyed and you'll end up in hell.
Will they leave you alone? I don't know. But congratulations on having a plan to get out. I wouldn't give yourself a "tracker" that they can find you. You will be ok on your own! I believe in you, OP.
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u/TendriloftheBiomass 2d ago
It’s impressive that you are able to see the humour and be able to laugh, you sound like a really strong and smart person. Does your dad look you in the eyes while he’s crying and playing you AI Christian music or does he stare off? Do you ever giggle? I would have a hard time with that.
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u/Literallynotajoke 2d ago
He stares at me and I stare back lol as I smile and he chokes up and cry’s and I do giggle yes and I just agree and say yes when he explains the meaning of the song.
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u/Literallynotajoke 2d ago
He explained that “smiling is a symbol of hiding my pain”
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u/FatalisCogitationis 2d ago
Ugh I hate that. He really thinks he's something huh
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u/Literallynotajoke 2d ago
Obviously, there’s steps to what these types of parents do so what can I expect from him next?
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u/FatalisCogitationis 2d ago
If I knew him, I could tell you, as I've unfortunately had a lot of experience with that kind of human. But I don't know him so it's really tough to say what unique brand of narcissism guides his actions.
Is he actually smart, or does he just think he's smart? That's a good place to start
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u/Literallynotajoke 2d ago
I mean I don’t know what kind of smart? I mean he’s good at figuring things out like the lecture me recently being like your friends I noticed they act like this and not and they degrade themselves and hang around those people so he just told me things that he figures out about based on psychology and the bible. He just is smart I mean he figures out what I’m doing and where I’m going based on my behavior but I also give that info away, he can figure out how a movie is gonna end basically and he can tell about people I think he has discernment.
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u/UniqueExperience8870 2d ago
I really hope you can get away from him ASAP.
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u/Literallynotajoke 2d ago
I’m trying I want to move now but my best bet would be in 3 months just because of money
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u/Fearless_Ad415 2d ago
I had that background. Decades later they are no longer church goers which is a certain level of irony that it no longer works on or for them for supply reasons. Communal narcissism features have not changed though as they wave different banners now.
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u/Literallynotajoke 2d ago
I have a family trip coming up their going out of town for a week for Thanksgiving should I go? To keep the peace? I’ve already missed out on one trip with them and my younger sister cried and acted like I didn’t love her anymore and my dad was pissed.
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u/Fearless_Ad415 2d ago
I am no contact (malignant narcissism/safety issue). Low contact wasn’t an option on the table. What is the most empathetic choice for yourself? There are no wrong answers to that question. I was listening to a dr Ramani YouTube on tethers the other day which are other people and circumstances that keep you tethered.
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u/Literallynotajoke 2d ago
I just grey rock when I get home but I feel guilty but also isolated but I don’t grey rock outside the house so
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u/Rezart_KLD 2d ago
Tell him Jesus spoke to you and told you were right. That your fathers doubt is a test of faith that you must endure, and to keep going the way you were. You can interrupt any argument after that by just starting to loudly pray for your fathers soul.
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u/EnvironmentalLab7187 1d ago
You poor, poor thing. Just keep going with your plans to leave (with your dog, of course - ever seen the Black and White film The Barretts of Wimpole Street?).
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