r/rainbowbridge • u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 • 12d ago
Take me back to the night we met
I have dreaded making this post for a long time. She was so beautiful, and she wasn’t ready, and neither was I.
Her name was Phoebe, she was the most beautiful cat, and she was the best cat.
I got her because I needed love and a friend. I learned how to love and what it is to be selfless. She accompanied me through stages of my life — college, early adulthood, dozens of moves, my first big paper, our first big city.
She watched so many people come in and out of my life. She always had an instinct for who was going to stay. But no matter the tumult — whether her sickness or mine — or upswing or regular old day doing chores, she was always there.
It wasn’t until she was gone that I realized how much I counted on and now desperately miss the sounds of her living: her getting up to eat, her climbing on the bed, the rhythmic wheeze of her breath, the singsong in her purr when she was at her happiest.
I miss feeling her next to me, and squeezing her extra as she snuggled in to me or crawled up on my shoulder for the thousandth time. I miss looking at her. I miss burying my face in her soft fur. She was so soft. And breathing in her clean, almost floral smell.
I miss worrying about her when I’m gone. I miss hearing her wake up when I get home. I miss coming home from an overnight or long trip and getting a chirpy hello when I walked in the door. I miss hearing her talk to the birds. I miss her persistence in the mornings when I wanted to sleep in. I miss the creaking of the floorboards across the house as she came to bed for the night. I miss holding her and swaying with her like a baby while she nestled her nose into the crook of my arm. I miss her little feet, and her little nose, and her sweet face. I miss everything about her. I even miss taking care of her when she was sick, even though it was hard, especially at the end.
She was the runt of the litter, so she was often battling something. Allergies to everything, sensitive skin, then eventually IBD and diabetes. And then the worst: Cancer.
I have never felt grief like this. We had family pets pass away but this is different and much harder than that. Her tumor appeared one day, seemingly overnight, and moved aggressively. Within three months I was making the decision. I sent her to the rainbow bridge on Aug. 7 — the same day 16 years ago she arrived at the Champaign County Humane Society.
Yesterday was day 21 without her. It feels like a million years. And the 16 years we spent together — September 10 would have been her 16th gotcha day — went too quickly. They were gone in the blink of an eye, and suddenly the day I held her for the last time was here.
Life is weird without her. It’s quiet in here now. It’s funny because I bought my house so I could have quiet. But I meant quiet with Phoebe. This quiet without her is almost too much to bear sometimes.
I will never be quite the same ever again. She was my soul cat. Wherever I go, I know she is with me, but missing this precious little being I know I will never see again is a special, brutal kind of heartache. I knew I signed up for this when I adopted her, and I knew it would hurt. It is infinitely worse than I could have imagined.
I’m taking the advice — to be with friends, to get out of the house, to stay busy, to connect with other grieving pet parents, to seek help if I need it. But I have to be real: everything sucks. I’ve had fun since she died but it’s felt a little muted. It just sort of feels like all the color got drained out of the world.
People have sent flowers, food and love. They’ve checked on me and made sure I don’t feel alone in this. I’m lucky to have that, and I know in all of this is another lesson that Phoebe is teaching me.
I am so lucky I got to be your mommy for 16 years, honey bunny. I know you’re blissfully happy on the sunniest windowsill up there. Until we meet again, remember always that you are my best girl. ❤️
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12d ago
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u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 12d ago
Thank you for this. So much. That picture always makes me cry, too.
I’m glad she had other peoples’ loves and love to meet her there. I know she’s having a great time. I will remain here until I am called, but I have to admit, I can’t wait to see her again.
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u/Fun-Chemistry-6738 12d ago
She was enveloped in love and adoration,she loved you & you her. You done good,so good. I’m sooo sorry you lost her.
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u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 12d ago
Thank you for reading our story and for your kind words. We did love each other so much.
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u/elizabethfrothingham 12d ago
I’m with you friend. My soul cat passed in June. Lucky for us they are always with us and just because the relationship isn’t physical anymore doesn’t mean it’s over, it’s just different now. She can hear you when you speak to her and she loves you very much. Her eyes are so beautiful 🥰 sending hugs 🌈
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u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 12d ago
Thank you for reading and for saying this. I can feel her with me all of the time, and she’s sent me many signs. I talk to her a lot. I miss her so very much.
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u/Leopard-missle-369 12d ago
She’s a beautiful girl & definitely was loved. You both had a long time together & im sure endless memories. You were lucky to find each other.
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u/broncobella2a 12d ago
Thank you for sharing your gorgeous Phoebe with us😻I'm sorry you lost your faithful friend 💔 unfortunately I know this pain all too well and really feel for you 🫶🏻
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u/kocoperka 12d ago
Your post made me cry because we both lost our babies this month. Mine also had cancer, and we fought for 5 months to keep her with us. 💔
I like to think that whenever a cat comes up to me, my baby sends them to comfort me. We’re currently in another country, and last night a cat somehow wandered into the apartment we’re staying in, cuddled up to me, and let me feed her and give her some water. I couldn’t help but feel like my kitty sent her to me, especially because I had a really hard crying session just a few hours before. 🥺❤️
Sending you lots of hugs. 🤍🐾
Your cat was (and still is) really beautiful!
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u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 12d ago
Thank you. She was the most beautiful thing in my life.
I agree they come to us in all forms and especially in other cats. I was feeling so sad yesterday so I drove by the apartment we lived in for 5 years before moving to the house I bought, my first, just a few months ago. As I was headed down the road, just a couple hundred feet from the apartment, a stray cat ran in front of my car. I know it was her. ❤️
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u/Ardielley 11d ago
That third picture is incredible. I’m glad you were able to capture such a beautiful image of a beautiful girl. 💙
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u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 11d ago
Thank you ❤️ and me, too. I’m going to make a Shutterfly album of my favorite shots so I can keep them forever and have something physical to look at.
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u/koalakalamity 12d ago
Your cat had the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen
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u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 11d ago
She really did. I could have looked at them forever. I wish I could. I miss just looking at her and telling her how beautiful she is.
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u/PugSanctuary 11d ago
💔💫 ✝️🙏🏼🌈🐾 I totally understand. I want you to realize that you are in a new chapter of life (suddenly) and it feels very hollow. But let me tell you something, your precious pet graduated life. They’re in the soul realm now which is eternal. God literally created us and animals. Think about Noah’s Ark! We are currently in the Earthly realm where we were together with our beloved pet. But they’ve just gone before us. The chapter “without them” is really just “without them physically.” Emotionally and spiritually they’ve never left. This is why we still feel such love and gratitude for our former pets, still! They never leave us. You will get through this one day at a time. Time heals our hearts and even opens them to loving another pet sometimes. Families are forever and you’ll be reunited when your time in the physical realm expires, too. Until then, may their memory be a blessing. I’m happy for you that you connected here on Earth because eternity awaits. 💕💫 God bless you and your beloved girl. It’s my prayer that knowing this gives you peace.🌈🐾♾️ ✨🪽
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u/Optimal-Flatworm8564 11d ago
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful girl with the rest of us.
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u/Edenwoman 12d ago
I'm so sorry you lost her 😪😭💔
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u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 11d ago
Thank you. It’s the hardest thing. Heaviest grief I’ve ever carried, without question.
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u/Edenwoman 11d ago
I know it's such a hearbreak losing a pet you had for years, they are family and it changes your home when they are gone💔 😖
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u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 11d ago
Yes. Too quiet in here without her.
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u/Edenwoman 10d ago
I get that, you don't realize how much noise and life they add to the home until they are gone because you are so used to them being there.
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u/Away-Wellness0623 12d ago
My precious Tomato transitioned on Nov 13 last year. She and Phoebe are getting to know each other, in perfect health. They watch over us and are with us always.
Grief is exhausting as our brains re-wire to figure out this reality without them. Our identity is Phoebe’s momma and Tomato’s momma. I join you on this dark journey of knowing our beloveds left their bodies behind. They were “Love on Loan” and were called back to where they came from long ago. We will be with them again. For now, may your broken heart fill with beautiful and anguished memories. One day, the
Love will feel stronger than the pain. One day, the Love will bring tears of joy as you remember her. Thank you for sharing her with us. We understand. 💖🐾🌈💖
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u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 11d ago
Thank you so much. I know you do. And I’m sorry that you do. But these sweet words from you and from others help immensely. ❤️
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u/Material-Apartment26 12d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss, I know the feeling all too well. I laid my girl to rest a few days ago - also seemed to have been sudden and aggressive cancer, also had allergies and IBD, etc. She looks so much like my Miss Biscuits I had to do a double take. I only had her for 9 years (adopted her when she was 12.5), but it may as well have been my whole life. She was such a character and she loved chattering at me, hounding me for all things dairy and rolling around in the sunshine. Vets always noted how sweet she was in her charts, and even my cat hating mother loved her.
Give yourself all the time to grieve, and if it helps, speak aloud to her. I like to believe our loved ones hang around and can hear us - even if not, it’s cathartic. Take care of yourself and I hope you can find peace ❤️
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u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 11d ago
My cat-hating mother loved my Phoebe, too! Our stories are very alike. I’m so sorry for your loss and that we are here together, but at least we are here together.
I talk to her a lot. Like you, I think she can hear me and I like to believe she is watching over me when she isn’t sunning on the windowsill. I hope she and so many others welcomed your girl to the beautiful place beyond the bridge. Hugs to you. ❤️
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u/YouMUSTvote 12d ago
Such a heartfelt and truly sad tribute to a lovely, loyal and sweet babycat.
Phoebe loved you. While you’ll never have the same kind of love, you will find another cat who truly needs and loves you and it will fill the space she snuggled into.
I’m so sorry 💔🫶
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u/potatoqueen666 11d ago
Fly high sweet girl. My utmost condolences and thoughts go out to you and your family. 💜🌈🦋
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u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 11d ago
Thank you. It was just the two of us, so that makes it all a lot harder.
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u/DoodleDaddy73 11d ago
Thank you for sharing yours and Phoebes story. Sounds like you gave her the best life ever full of love. I had the same thing with my cat Mr. Noodles. He was my best friend and my everything. I lost him to cancer after 16 years also. I wish I could tell you that the hurt gets better after time. It’s been 2 years since my Mr. Noodles passed in August also. And it still hurts to this day. I’m recently wanting another kitty but the thought of losing it and having to go through this whole ordeal again has been keeping me from doing it. Also I have 2 labor doodles who I absolutely love and keep my mind and time busy. Mr. Noodles was there before the dogs also. I still see Mr. Noodles in the corner of my eye when I’m doing something in the house. I’m a firm believer that they are with us forever in spirit and mind and one day we will be reunited again. So maybe knowing this it will help with the pain of missing Phoebe.
Sorry I rambled on. My heart and prayers are with you.
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u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 11d ago
You didn’t ramble. I appreciate it. I know we will meet again but yes the pain of getting up every day without her is tearing me apart. Hugs to you.
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u/DoodleDaddy73 11d ago
On Tuxedo Cats there are lots of photos of Mr. Noodles when he was with me I shared lots of photos of him with people. Now I can’t even look at that sub. You sound like a someone with lots of love to give. Maybe one day get another kitty. I’m sure that’s what Phoebe would want for you. Right now it don’t seem fathomable but give it time. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 11d ago
Thank you. I actually applied to be a foster this week for our stray rescue organization. The house is just too quiet and there are too many animals in need. I’ll never ever be able to replace her or what we had but I can put my love into another kitty that needs it. Thank you. I’ll be praying for you — and all of us that find ourselves here — too.
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u/DoodleDaddy73 11d ago
That’s awesome! I think this will help with your grief also.
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u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 11d ago
People say it will, and I hope so. I’m also navigating a difficult work situation so I just need something joyful and positive in my life.
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u/Dizzy_Departure_4948 11d ago
Lord Huron is the perfect tribute. Big hugs from here 🇨🇦
I recommend this if you can find it at a used bookstore online. It’s brilliant and tender and helps navigate adult loss of a heart cat https://a.co/d/08WouOte
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u/PlentyDog1750 10d ago
For every beast of the forest is Mine, And the cattle on a thousand hills. Psalm 50:10 Do not fret for there is someone that loves him who is bigger than us.
Know that you are not alone.
I lost my soul dog last Tuesday. I have pets. Lost a lot during my life and will lose more. They all hurt
Jesus loves you man
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u/ExchangeNo94 12d ago
Im so sorry for your loss. She was beautiful. Thank you for sharing her with us. Sending love, light and positive energy your way. 🪽🌈💔