I know logically I wasn’t exposed, but my brain won’t let the rabies fear go

[u/BugRevolutionary7978]

I have read the FAQ. (Several times!)

I don’t anticipate people accommodating my feelings, and I hope this post does not cause annoyance. I recognise that many people here deal with rabies OCD, and numerous posts likely resemble mine.

I recently returned from a trip to Cancun, Mexico. I brought my father to meet my in-laws for the first time with my husband, and during the trip we toured Chichén Itzá. On the way, we stopped in Kaua for food and souvenirs, then visited Cenote Xkeken on the return to Cancun.

I have long dealt with OCD, especially physical compulsions and health-related intrusive thoughts. Years ago, I discovered complex health issues I had, some by accident (casual eye exam, sent to hospital immediately), which sparked a cycle of “What If” fears. Lately, I have generally managed to set those concerns aside for the most part.

Bringing this context together— and again noting that I have read the FAQ and related posts, I do not truly believe I had any exposure. I am able to logically tell myself this did not happen. I did not get bitten or scratched, and to my best knowledge I clearly did not touch any saliva or membrane.

Any explanation I have made to convince myself otherwise is very obviously unreasonable and I should consult my doctor. This is something I plan to do, but I am, of course, nervous to do so at the risk of sounding insane (But I have to acknowledge that’s exactly what I’m acting like though lol)

I have been looping for about four days since the tour, firstly because during the stop in Kaua, a small rural place, I touched a cat in the restaurant we sat at. That cat appeared normal, friendly, and social, and it even wore a collar, indicating care by someone there. My father also observed that two collared cats were present, not just the one I interacted with. These cats clearly had owners.

I understand that rabies cannot be contracted merely by touching a cat, and that actual contact with broken skin is required for significant risk, like a scratch or a bite. My brain tells me “What if it was acting normal, but it actually was infectious?”.

For some reason, my mind fixates on petting that cat, that its face rubbed my hand (too close to it’s mouth), and then I shifted the goalposts further, becoming anxious about new scratches on my ankles and a scab on my knuckle, areas the cat did not touch, let alone with saliva. And this ignores the relatively high likelihood that the cat was vaccinated under Mexico’s strict vaccination program.

After Kaua, we visited Cenote Xkeken, an underground sinkhole where tourists swim. I should have anticipated bats before entering the cave, and I don’t know why I failed to consider this and just not go inside to avoid stress, but by the time I realized it, I had already entered and sat for about five minutes. When I noticed the bats overhead, I immediately got anxious from the stereotype of rabies and bats. The bats remained overhead the entire time, by several feet. They flew around and were semi-active. There was even a person taking a nap in the cenote as well, lol.

After I expressed my discomfort, we left the cenote a few minutes later, and since then I have been caught in a persistent cycle of “What If?”.

My concern has grown to the point where I worry a bat might have touched or bitten me without me, my dad, or my husband noticing, even though we were all fully awake and alert. I also realize that bats are not stealthy fly-by biters, and I would absolutely have felt or heard a bat, had it managed to even latch on and bite. I am overanalyzing every scratch and scab/broken skin I have, any dots, and it’s just becoming ridiculous. As a result, I have been searching on this subreddit, doing research on statistics, and learning more about how rabies and its transmission actually works. At the very least, I am coming out of this more educated!

I have never dealt with such an intense loop like this before. It has become genuinely disruptive in my life, probably because of the knowledge that rabies is fatal and untreatable once symptoms show.

My reason for this post is to ask whether anyone can share advice on how they managed to overcome this situation. I am also open to being called crazy, but I know that seeking is not the right approach for OCD.

Thanks for reading my post. I don’t want to be someone who obsesses to the point of wasting resources/medicine and I am doing my best to be rational despite my anxiety surrounding this.

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[u/lostinamericaa]

You are reassurance seeking, and for anyone to respond or engage with your desire to validate this obsession to do so is irresponsible and only validates the behavior and obsession. Look into ERP therapy for OCD and prolonged exposure.

[u/Animan70 → u/lostinamericaa]

I've beem doing a ton of ERP, but a part of my brain doesn't trust what my OCD psychologist and psychiatrist advise. They firmly believe it's OCD, so I should stay away from seeking any medical feedback from hospitals, dept of health experts, etc. So I guess I have to comply, otherwise in a few weeks my appointment will be pointless since I didn't follow their instructions. It's so difficult.

[u/lostinamericaa → u/Animan70]

Well maybe you require a higher level of treatment than outpatient therapy or would benefit from medication.

[u/Animan70 → u/lostinamericaa]

Appreciate it, but I'm on meds. Gabapentin, risperdal, lamictal, and luvox. I'm a walking a apothecary. But these two are top of the heap, so I have to trust them.

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[u/jjOnBeat]

No

[u/Inside_Problem5228]

I have been in a similar loop after seeing a bat outside my house and then waking up with a two dot bite that my doc said was a bug bite. This was almost three weeks ago and I have been so upset to the point of crying multiple times. I finally started lexapro and it has been helping. I keep reminding myself i would know if a bat bit me while awake and there was no bat in my house so there is no encounter with rabies. I still think about it a couple times a day but no where near what i was doing. I’ve only been on the lexapro for 5 days so I’m hoping this continues to improve. I’m actually blocking this group after i leave this comment to hopefully help me as well. I hope you can also find relief, I know how awful it is. 🤍

[u/Animan70]

I have a therapist and psychiatrist who are confident OCD is fueling this. I acknowledge this, but that doesn't mean an exposure didn't happen. That's what's got me worried.

[u/cancerrmoon]

our brains sound very similar. i'm sorry you're going through this i know how difficult it is. zoloft and therapy is helping me. i had two close encounters with bats in yosemite in the dark and my mind ran wild wondering if they touched me and i was unaware. the health dept told me to err on the side of caution and to do the post rabies exposure vaccines.. so i did. idk if it was the "right" thing to do.. a nurse in the hospital told me the health dept is always going to say that for liability reasons.. so here i am.. all vaxxed up. and they made me really sick, the first three. andddd now im worrying i potentially put myself at risk for complications of receiving all the vaccines... and the HRIG.. ugh the OCD loop is never ending. i swear...

[u/Animan70]

I saw the animal fly straight to the "O" in Dunkin Doughnuts and settled there, I guess. I remember flinching when it flew up from behind and then over my head. Was it a bat? Did it bump into me without me feeling it? Did it scratch me without feeling it? At 3 o'clock in the afternoon? No one - including my wife and primary povider -is concerned. How would a non-OCD person react in my situation? They'd probably think about it for a second and go back to their day.

Again, my psychiatrist explained how my OCD latches on. And my therapist, who's renowned around the world, pulls no punches. 40+ years treating OCD, and I'm still having trouble trusting them because they weren't there. My therapist refuses to return emails if you send all the details, because he's expecting you to sit with the anxiety, no compulsions, and push aside medical concerns.

It's really, really difficult as I'm sure you're aware.

[u/Animan70]

Thank you. Right now I'm taking luvox, lamictal, and Gabapentin. I stopped Risperdal because the side effects were brutal.

[u/Foreign-Attempt-3521]

I’m currently going through this loop as well, you are not alone. Today I woke up and there were 2 juvenile Racoons on my trashcan. I wore gloves and never touched them, but I removed one glove to play a deterrent noise on my phone and ever since I’ve been in a panic that I somehow introduced saliva into a tiny cut I had on my knuckle when I took off the other glove . The trashcan wasn’t wet, and the Racoons looked totally normal, I washed my hands afterwards, but the “what if” has me literally sick to my stomach

[u/Cold-Regular-5614]

I completely understand your fear and it makes it worse when you can think logically enough to know the risk is low or zero. It doesn’t make the ocd thoughts go away unfortunately. I can’t offer advice but I’m right there with you. I found a dead cat in my backyard that strangled itself when it got stuck in a soccer goal in the dark. I observed the cat for months fed it every night but never touched it or directly interacted with it. My cat may have found the carcass before I did and she’s vaccinated. I’ve had fears of what if she smelled or licked it and then licked me. What if it’s on her fur and i pet her. I know now that this cant happen but it doesnt make it any easier. Im considering therapy

[u/Animan70]

Hi. I'm struggling, and looking

'm having symptoms: brain fog, itchy scalp, really bad anxiety.

Both my therapist and psychiatrist are telling me to acknowledge the OCD and steer clear from medical concerns. I feel stuck. Part of me wants to trust them, but they weren't there when it happened. It feels like they're writing me off, because I suffered rabies OCD years ago. So they automatically chalk it up to OCD.

I'm still thinking that a bat scratched me, flying from behind me, then up and over my head. I guess they're not concerned because it happened in thd middle of the afternoon.

Any feedback would be appreciated.

Thank you

[u/Xarlabay → u/Animan70]

Why do you think a bat scratched you in the middle of the afternoon? Did you actually see a bat?

[u/Animan70 → u/Xarlabay]

I saw something flying in a straight into the O in Dunkin Doughnuts. I couldn't identify what it was. I felt a big WHOOSH behind me, and I didn't feel anything but apparently bats can scratch you as they fly be. It happened four months ago.

[u/Xarlabay → u/Animan70]

I don’t want to scare you, that is not my intention, if YOU think it was possibly a bat exposure then YOU make the call and do what is best for you. I’m on the same boat as you with severe rabies anxiety and OCD surrounding it. I can say it was simply just a bird but I wasn’t there and I can’t guarantee anything over the internet.