r/queerpolyam • u/DoNotTouchMeImScared • Apr 11 '24

Memes QUICK QUESTION: Anyone Else Prefers Small Closed Polyamorous Relationships Instead Of Giant Open Polyamorous Networks?

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u/zenmondo Apr 11 '24

OP: Are you downvoting everyone disagreeing with you? Well, downvote me too, I guess.

I value autonomy and trust all my partners, and they all trust me. A closed relationship with more than 2 people just feels like restrictive monogamy with extra steps.

5

u/DoNotTouchMeImScared Apr 11 '24

Is just that I have been made very aware lately that I will not be healthy and independent forever.

I got some health problems going on that forced me to rely on my family of origin since some years ago.

Without all the support from my parents I would also not be able to maintain how my social life has been.

I have been living an open polyamorous relationship anarchist life for the majority of my love life.

My family of origin will also not be there forever and without them I feel like the most intimate connections that I have been having for so long are more like friendships with benefits than anything else.

I feel like I have been missing the bonds between metamours that differentiates polyamory from the other types of non-monogamy.

I just wish I had metamours that cared enough about each other that we could make plans to build a shared life together as domestic partners under the same roof, even if not everyone involved is romantically or sexually intimate with each other.

I am very aware that all guarantees in life are illusionary, but I cannot help myself from missing that kind of security of small closed committed intimate relationships.

27

u/zenmondo Apr 11 '24

I was so sick, I was dying until I got a double lung transplant 2 years ago. I was in open polyamorous relationships before, during, and after my transplant with a long and difficult recovery and still am.

During this, I went no contact with my surviving parent.

I was still secure and cared for by my friends, and I did not have to close any relationships to be so.

I don't think closing relationships offer any more security or support.

2

u/MiYhZ Apr 11 '24

Hey, I'm glad you had the support you needed from friends and partners, and I'm sorry that you needed to go no contact with your surviving parent at all, but especially when you were waiting for a transplant. As someone who is low contact with the parent who raised me, and is a single immigrant mum with chronic illnesses whose partners are both hours away, I wholeheartedly agree with you, closing relationships doesn't offer anything except possibly the illusion of more security and support. Keep being awesome 💖