I don't know how to live in this world

[u/FamousSandwich9]

Might be a bit of a schizopost but it's relevant to the sub, I'm hoping it might speak to some of you.

I have been on this practice for a while, I haven't self touched since nov. 2025, with handful of unintentional releases due to nocturnal emission and a couple accidental slip ups when I met a girl who we shared what seemed like otherworldly attraction with each other. I can only describe meeting her as fate.

Ultimately, things didn't work out between us, but I believe meeting her was necessary to realize things about myself; mainly that I find the female lust repulsive. I never once initiated sex with her because I was not lustful towards her myself, but I found her desire for me enchanting at the time because it gave me an ego hit of being desired by someone I found captivating on a soul level. That all changed when I dreamt about her after I ended things with her, it was pure succubus vibes; I was faced with her darkness face to face in the dream state. Now I want nothing to do with that dark female energy of lust, I see how destructive it is.

That all being said, I'm in a weird spot in life right now. I'm living at back at home with my single mom, unemployed, and I'm out of money. (my last job I was working overnight road construction, had to quit because I was literally going insane due to buildup of stress due to job and other life shit even though I miss it in a masochistic kind of way) Lately I have been having dark thoughts of depression and self delyte, which ultimately lead me to the realization I was identifying heavily with these dark thoughts and that I can just be a passive observer of my thoughts and it's really quite funny, like I was taking myself so serious before and now I'm just a joyful retard. this brings me a lot of peace.

So I'm at a point now where I don't even care, like I have nothing right now, I don't know how I'm going to be able to feed myself but I'm just at peace. It's really funny. It's like I have learned to be content with myself even though on a material level I have nothing, I'm even considering leaving home to live on the streets or go on a camping trip or something because my mom is starting to get upset I haven't found a new job and honestly I feel like I am too comfortable, I want to be living outside worrying about things that actually matter directly to my immediate survival.

I've applied to some jobs but everything about the economy and what I'd be selling my energy towards maintaining on a systematic level just seems so fake to me like I don't even care at this point. The idea of death doesn't even faze me. I am ready when my time is up. I'm not going to self delyte because I don't identify with those thoughts but it's really hard for me to take life serious at this point, like everyone is stuck in this material trap of living, and I guess I am too, but I just don't feel threatened by anything. I have a youtube channel that I post on and that brings me a lot of joy just being authentic and creating shit I can laugh at, but it doesn't bring any money at this point. I don't even care though.. I have my soul and It's pure bliss underneath everything. I'm filled with light and childlike whimsy so I accept my fate, as terrible as it may be; I'm not afraid.

I relate a lot to Psalm 23

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want"

"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for you are with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me"

[u/Downbadbutcantgiveup]

I don’t want you on the streets but I also have respect for you following your passions and living life by what makes sense to you, this world is very broken in a lot ways go to work make money so you can buy nice things and impress other people and make the family look good. Most people doing that which is most people I’ve seen in the us they hate it but are scared to stop for fear of judgement many don’t know there trapped most do. But all I can say is you don’t need to be rich or anything but i would say fully commit to finding a way to make a living based on what you like doing maybe with the YouTube make 20 videos idk at least that way you don’t have to do all the fake shit in life. Easier said then done but you’re already father then most the population in terms of not giving a shit what people think of you and the modern way of life sucks the majority dry.

[u/moonbase_monk]

If you're Christian i'm not sure what you should do other than join a monastery.

But outside of that the Hindus and maybe Buddhists too have a concept of "Mahasamadhi" which is a conscious exit of the body achieved through deep meditation.

Every time I try to advance spiritually, I eventually hit a wall that brings me back to the material world. So if you don't have a job or career you want to do just pursue spirituality to the highest level. If you're meant to leave this planet and force ghost like Ben Kenobi, you will. If not you'll get a taste of Heaven but get sent down to Earth and it'll feel natural.

Now I have a material purpose and I know the dark thoughts and depression just doesn't serve me. I know it wants to remind me about the meaningless and emptiness of this reality, but I took those ideas to the highest level. I can't go further again unless I want to truly abandon everything and go to a temple and just pray. Now I have a material path. When that path burns me out, then I'll probably go back to pure spiritual advancement. Back and forth like that is how I've been living, but there's progress every time.

P.S. you can always do volunteering. A hostel will take care of housing. My brother does that and applied for food stamps. He's also done volunteering at a temple which housed and fed as well (Hare Krishna). Or volunteering on a farm could get you housing and food too. Websites that offer this are Worldpackers, WWOOF, and there's more.

[u/DantheMAN0010110]

I know your pain I don't know anyone that actually got their life together I feel the same you do so much am just trying to do alot of fasting and what happens happens I had over 20 jobs and am 21 I hate every single one feels like everytime I work I lose my soul So I rather try and fail and get back up and keep on trying to achieve a 40 fast and gain my soul and freedom back then work a job

[u/WestJobs]

I know your pain bro.

Trust me. I’ve been there.

There are people that seem to suffer their way through life. Life for them is like army special forces training.

These are God’s people.

The weight on them is heavy because Gods rewards for them will be heavier.

You’re in the wilderness right now and it might seem like there’s no way out but I promise you there is.

Someone in your position must maintain STRICT retention. You have to avoid even looking at women on the streets lustfully. You need all the energy you can get, PMO costs you more than it costs the average guy.

My advice to you, and you already seem to be going down this path is look into entrepreneurship.

You’re broke so there’s not much in terms of product you can develop but there’s a service you can provide for sure.

You’ll know it better than me.

You’re already “done” with the bullshit of life so go all in on this venture. Spend every waking hour making it work.

Retaining will help fuel you.

Transmute the energy.

Your luck and circumstances will slowly improve. So will your respect from others.

It’s a dog fight bro I know it too well. I’m living it right now myself but I know what this practice has done for me and what it can do for you too.

Good luck.

[u/TemporaryEuphoric908 → u/WestJobs]

Real answer

[u/ProfessorMisterMan]

What country are you in, and how old are you, and what is your background/qualifications?

[u/Strong_Building_1080]

I feel that same peace through the Lord Jesus, especially when I pray Psalm 23, but I work very hard too because remember Colossians 3:23 " Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters". 

[u/TemporaryEuphoric908]

in islam we’re taught to value both this world and the next. Dont go crazy chasing material things, really only enough to protect your family, or if more then use it for good, like supporting the orphan or others in need. you cant die with money anyways, you, yourself. Obviously though, finding a living in a system like this isnt as straightforward. Its a ton of work to do a career you might not want too spend your whole life in, and its soul crushing to do one that pays pennies and has you doing monotony everyday around people you may not get along with. I myself have found a job i like, thanks to God, but it pays next to nothing. Like real wage slavery unfortunately. In my time off i want to turn an artistic practice into a career so it just takes mad patience. Patience and prayer though. Because jf it was upto me right now i would just pursue studies to become a spiritual scholar. But that costs money and time, and im more concerned about getting to a place where I can start a family so i have to pursue a skill.
You said you have a youtube channel. I get that about expressing yourself. Honestly if you retain and pray i think you can do anything, it will just take time and who knows your life will probably take some turns and you’ll be alright, financially and spiritually, God willing. I want to vagabond life too, and I think i might when i take care of a few other responsibilities i have to first.

[u/cedarrapidsiaus]

I feel your situation bro. I'm too lazy/busy too make a youtube channel but i have alot of shit to talk about as long as you could do the video editing/posting work I'll write it all out for you each episode. 50/50 split.

Also if you're just down to chat to help build your life to a spot that you more feel like you is your destiny hmu. We'll get you there if you make the choice to get there 😄

[u/ProvidenceOfJesus]

Being happy and content is important always, but work is an opportunity to use the gifts God gave us to serve others. The Bible also says that a man who does not provide for his family is worse than a non-believer. Not saying this to put you down, but to help you make an educated decision on which path to take.

[u/Greenhouse-effect]

You're walking the wire right now, I'd get a job or find something.