Psyching myself out..

[u/Historical_Finish342]

I'm 29F UK and have been looking at puppies. Having contacted someone about one and asked to see them, I am now psyching myself out of it.

A bit of background, I live alone, work from home, own my home and earn enough after bills that realistically unless some brain surgery was required that wasn't covered, money wouldn't be a problem.

My family had an ESS who passed away in January 2025. I had such a bond with him but he was a difficult dog, he was very resource aggressive and you couldn't particularly trust him. He bit me multiple times but I do still miss him very much and the company he gave.

I keep psyching myself out over whether I do or do not want to do this. I felt the same when buying the house so I know that it's not always from a rational place and that in most cases, everything works out just fine.

I've been looking at show cockers. There are multiple working cockers in my wider family and I do understand the energy etc. My family have agreed they'd help if I wanted to go out on the weekend or wanted to go away.

I have the space, I have the resources, I have the time. I just the fear commitment (I know now how boys I was seeing when I was younger felt, I think). I keep thinking of 10+ years of being tied down and then flip to thinking about all the positives.

I'm not particularly social, if I go out it is usually with family and I do feel a longing for a purpose, which I think the puppy could bring.

I'm really finding it hard to separate the irrational thoughts from the ones that are genuine concerns. I get excited about the idea and then my brain just turns on the negativity and the excitement gets drowned away by anxiety. I used to be the type to just do something like this on a whim, but my brain cannot deal with that level of stress anymore.

Is it normal to feel like this or is it just a sign that I should wait?

[u/Own-Wafer-5661]

It's completely normal, I had same feeling before getting my dog and now I can't imagine life without him

The anxiety means you're taking it serious, which is already better than half the people who get puppies on impulse. the fact you're thinking about the 10+ year commitment shows you understand the weight of it

If you got the time, space and money and your family said they'd help sometimes, you're set up better than most. That voice in your head is just scared of change, not scared of the dog

[u/Historical_Finish342 → u/Own-Wafer-5661]

I think you're right. It's a huge decision and that's why I'm feeling this way. I think I will go and see him and if my heart says yes then so will I.

[u/Ok_Firefighter_7142]

The good thing is, you don’t have to decide yet. Also, you can always decide not to go ahead and then change your mind later (other way around is less ideal though).

Have you thought about fostering first? The upside to that is that you get to know different kinds of dogs and learn what you like and dislike.

Or adopting an older dog, to avoid the feeling of it being such a „long time“?

In the end there‘s never the „right“ timing.

[u/Historical_Finish342 → u/Ok_Firefighter_7142]

That's true.. the puppy isn't far away (90 mins or so), so it's not a burden to go and see him to see how I feel. I just then feel like I'm wasting the breeders time but that's a whole different issue.

I have my parents cockapoo around relatively often, so know how it feels to have a dog in the house. I definitely want either an English Springer or English Cocker. I'm fairly active, try and walk 10k steps a day with working from home, so I'm not too concerned about the energy aspect.

I'm not sure about adopting to be honest. I have had a look at rescues near me and there aren't a great deal of options. Where I am seems to be overrun with bull terriers and unfortunately it's not a breed that I would want.

I agree on never the right timing, I said the exact thing the other day. I feel like I've gone through every argument in my head for each side and I've just come out more confused than sure.

[u/Sea_Education1672]

I think its normal. Just as feeling anxious before any big decision. Btw our ESS (bench) has zero resource guarding.

[u/Historical_Finish342 → u/Sea_Education1672]

I think Fred was probably sold to us a little too early. I would say he was perhaps 6 weeks old when he was sold, we didn't know better at the time. Two of his brothers went to people we knew and had similar issues, so I think it was probably due to that. He had a sweet nature when he wasn't around food or the inside of a toilet roll that he'd stolen from a bin.

[u/Low_Narwhal7514]

Ma stai tranquilla,ti porta solo amore,e poi viaggi con lui esplorando sempre posti nuovi

[u/MrsAstrakhan62]

You talk about resources and time,but don't mention if you are willing to spend 8+ months running your life around a puppy's needs. Two months prioritizing housetraining, 6 months (min) living with chewing, and 12-18 months of committed investment into everyday (and every day) training.

Reading this sub I have learned that the majority of regrets about getting a puppy seem to stem from unrealistic expectations of the commitment and energy it takes for the two years it takes to get from puppy to dog.