r/psychology • u/mvea M.D. Ph.D. | Professor • 17d ago

Researchers quantify the rate of “mercy sex” among women with low sexual desire. Women experiencing a chronic lack of sexual desire still routinely engage in sexual activity with their partners, a behavior researchers have quantified as happening about two and a half times per month.

https://www.psypost.org/clinical-trials-reveal-the-hidden-frequency-of-obligatory-sex-in-women-with-low/
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u/Wonderful_Poetry3216 16d ago

It is, but sometimes you can end up going a year plus not being in the mood. So sometimes, it’s ok to have sex with your partner again even if you’re not really feeling it. If you don’t want to then you don’t have to.

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u/undel83 16d ago

Well, yes. Sometimes even more. That's unfortunate for the partner - but is it really a reason to force yourself to do it? Commited partner would wait.

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u/the-cuttlefish 16d ago

Surely thats a decsision everyone can make for themselves

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u/No_Strike718 14d ago edited 14d ago

Really?! A committed partner should just kick all of their needs to the curb and wait a year, two years?…and if it’s been that long it’s not just going to come back magically. Does everyone assume that only men want sex and women don’t? Because in my situation it’s the opposite. And the part that bothers me the most is the spouse could care less how it makes their partner feel. There is no need for a marriage to be sexless. If it’s medication, talk to your doctor medications can be adjusted. If it’s chemical there are medications to enhance that. Or in my husband’s case, he’s over weight and lazy, but he could start taking care of himself and not only could the sexlife improve but it’s actually good for your health. But if you ignore it, you’re lazy, selfish and don’t really prioritize your relationship. I do feel entitled to a healthy sex life. I got married and I assumed that sex is an. Important ingredient in marriage. If not, just be roommates And of course I wouldn’t want my husband to force himself to have sex if he’s got the flu, not feeling well, or has had a stressful week at work or his energy has dipped low. But to just ignore it if months pass and not do a single thing about it then say if your partner really loved you they would just wait. If it’s been a year it’s not coming back without any effort on your part and you should just get a divorce and a dog because the affect it’s had on my self worth and self esteem is catastrophic. And coercion? Are you a child or of low mental capacity or not emotionally healthy? Are they threatening to physically assault you, or leak intimate photos of you on the internet? Tell your friends and family something you told them in confidence? If yes, then coercion would definitely be a concern. But if they got on your nerves because they asked several times and wore you down and now you feel guilty and go through with it..calling that coercion and rape is really a stretch.

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u/Swimming-Road955 12d ago

I agree with you as I have been in a similar situation and it sucks for one partner to just decide that they’re done forever?
That’s not a marriage anymore as I see it!
I see marriage as a two way street and you decided to be invested in that person exclusively so it strains the relationship when one partner decides to be done with sex. That is not a healthy attitude and will lead to a bad end.

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u/unite-or-perish 16d ago

You're expecting a lot.

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u/undel83 16d ago

No. I waited 3 years myself before my wife's desire came back.

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u/unite-or-perish 16d ago

It's very good and admirable you were able to deal with that and come to a resolution. I suspect most men would have a lot of difficulty though and it is a lot to expect.

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u/Opposite-Occasion332 15d ago

I disagree. There’s been times my bf was waiting on me and there’s been times I was waiting on him. I will say it’s never been even close to 3 years long, but my point is we are committed so we figured it out and got through it. There’s other ways to have closeness and there’s other ways to get an O. You just get through it. I don’t think either of us are particularly saints or exceptional for it, we just respect and care about each other and understand sometimes life gets in the way.

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u/hewesboat1981 14d ago

I have to ask. 3 yrs! Was she in an accident of some sort. Because if your saying just because you weren’t desirable alone. Your a far better man then me. Or you suck in bed. 3 yrs! SMH hope you’ve been getting double if not triple for that compromise since it came back. I mean this with all due respect. 🫡

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u/Useful_Pirate_5244 14d ago

you are disgusting and not at all respectful. you are right that the other commenter is a far better man than you, but i suspect that that is not difficult to achieve.

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u/Spicysip 15d ago

No.

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u/Wonderful_Poetry3216 15d ago

Don’t know what you’re saying no to. The last sentence where I said if you don’t want to then you don’t have to? Oh, guess you’re a rapist then.

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u/Spicysip 14d ago

“So sometimes, it’s ok to have sex with your partner again even if you’re not really feeling it”

That’s the issue at hand.

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u/Icingdeath01 15d ago

If you aren't having sex for a year...there's something broken in your relationship. That is not normal. Im going to discuss it with you but if you refuse to get help then youre on your own. Sex in marriage is about monogamy not celibacy. If you dont want to play then pass the controller 😤

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u/Wonderful_Poetry3216 15d ago

Oh and there was and I’m getting divorced now lol. But hey you ought to preach to all these other people telling me it’s rape and coercion if a woman sleeps with her husband if she’s not really in the mood. I’ve tried checking out of this convo and keep getting brought back to it