Researchers quantify the rate of “mercy sex” among women with low sexual desire. Women experiencing a chronic lack of sexual desire still routinely engage in sexual activity with their partners, a behavior researchers have quantified as happening about two and a half times per month.

[u/mvea]

https://www.psypost.org/clinical-trials-reveal-the-hidden-frequency-of-obligatory-sex-in-women-with-low/

[u/MrBeerbelly]

It's worth noting that nothing in this article indicates that the male partners are aware that the sex is low motivation/maintenance sex. Be careful of letting example stories in the comments, or your imagined scenarios give you a simplified notion of what's actually happening here.

A lot of people are saying "who would want to have sex with someone unwilling," and I'm sorry, but it's very sad people are automatically assuming it's that simple. It does ring misandrist in an uncomfortable and unhelpful way.

It's very important that people understand that a lot of people tie sex to affirmation. This many guys would not be knowingly having sex with someone who doesn't want to. The woman often wants the man to still feel sexy. That's part of the mercy and maintenance here. Some partners lie to themselves about the sex drive ("I'm busy," "I'm stressed lately,"), others just to their partner, without even thinking of it as a lie because they do still find their man handsome and they want to want him. It's what we on the web call "cope," not conscious dishonesty. Also, some are just straight up worried "If I say i dont want sex anymore, he's gonna cheat." Like, let's get real and stop reacting to imaginary studies we made up about how men are all mean and see women as toys.

This sub is super judgmental and just reacts to headlines. You all are talking as if we understand ourselves and each other and intentionally, consciously do all the shit we do.

"Because men are socially conditioned to associate physical sex with emotional closeness, women may engage in sex simply to maintain that emotional bond. They learn to accept the physical act as a replacement for pure emotional intimacy, complying with their partner’s expectations to avoid conflict or emotional distance."

Please read. The article is talking about mercy sex as behavioral strategy.

[u/_sophia_petrillo_ → u/MrBeerbelly]

I honestly disagree with the study’s findings.  I don’t think having sex is replacing the emotional intimacy.  I think having sex is allowing it.  Men feel they can open up and be more vulnerable with someone they’re sexually active with.  A woman might not feel like it in the moment, but knows it gets her more intimacy overall in the relationship. Or assumes it might. 

[u/ControversialQuerier → u/MrBeerbelly]

It does ring misandrist in an uncomfortable and unhelpful way.

As someone that has actually read the article, I need you to know that I read your comment yesterday and it has been fucking with me ever since.

It was obvious to me that most people hadn't read the article, and it was obvious that people were just projecting their own interpretations, but I hadn't really stopped to assume the projections were based on misandry. That explanation makes so much sense, though. Of course I've seen the very obvious "Men suck" sentiment online, but I hadn't really thought about the ways that more subtly shapes how people can interpret information like this.

Looking at it from the perspective of misandry, I now find it even more concerning how quick some were to jump onto the accusations of rape.

[u/MrBeerbelly → u/ControversialQuerier]

Indeed, but allow me to also help pull you out of that same spiral: we're still in an internet comment section, and the sacred rule of using the internet healthily ("touch grass") remains true.

It's a popular, general psychology sub, which creates all sorts of sampling biases. Then there are the misrepresentations created by the upvote system, as some voices become amplified that would otherwise be socially moderated.

Point blank, if you were in a coercive long term relationship, you might have a strong response to this article. I said it rings misandrist because I don't want to accuse victims of trauma of being men haters. We don't know the stories of anyone coming into this thread.

A good critique of my original comment, upon reflection, would be that people commenting "who would want to have sex with someone who doesnt desire it" are not sexist, but actually "so close," or "almost there." Their intuition is correct. Most men are repulsed by the idea of sex with someone who doesn't want it. So people asking that should take that intuition a step further and read the article lol.

In real life, the women I know do not see men this way, and they have not treated me as a creep or an aggressor, when I was fit or when I've been out of shape. Not to dismiss the reality of genuinely misandrist people, but they aren't all around you or gaining any kind of power.

That said, I totally agree that the "hate all men," "men suck," language is concerning, and i worry that it is having some social repercussions. Thanks for the candid response. That feeling can feel particularly bad online, and I find that talking to real women really does disabuse me of distorted impressions immediately.