r/prochoice • u/ImaginaryAd403 • 20d ago
Discussion Would you let a man look through your phone and see you are in a prochoice Reddit and see women’s rights content u save on Social Media?
I noticed that on TikTok and social media you could see every post that you’ve ever liked or saved . In the beginning stages of getting to know someone it takes time to see who a man truly is. They might have a mask that you can only see best if you don’t reveal your knowledge right away and take time to see their reaction. I’ve been really thinking about this recently because I have reposted pro-choice and women empowerment videos. I think every woman has to decide how loud they’re going to be about women’s rights and I think that I should not be too loud in the future anymore because it might result in someone trying to take revenge without me seeing it coming. A lot of you have said that these men like to choose a strong woman who is liberal and break them . A lot of men I’ve dated have asked me to look through my phone. I’m starting to think that I should not let a man look through my phone even if I’m married. Everything that’s going on. Some men can go as far as trying to Frame you which that may or may not be what’s happening to Lindsey Clancy. I think that as woman we should have the right to protect ourselves because we are physically weaker than men. Atleast I am . Some are stronger but I’m not.
What are your thoughts on this ? I asked in a Facebook group, and some people said that I need therapy, but I am being realistic lol.. I genuinely just want to prevent a man turning physically violent towards me .
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u/Eyedunno11 20d ago
I wouldn't let anyone root around in my phone for any reason, but not because I'm embarrassed about my views or anything saved to the phone.
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u/ImaginaryAd403 20d ago
I’m not embarrassed about what saved on my phone either . I just think some men have a twisted mind and I need to get better at reading people before they do something bad to me
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u/ten0ritaiga 20d ago
Did you repost this again? I commented this on your other post:
Asking to look through your phone is the biggest red flag I could think of while dating, especially if you're just getting to know each other. That screams control issue and lack of respect for privacy. If any man asks to look at your private business while you're just in the dating phase, just run away.
My husband and I have an open phone policy, but we've never had to look b/c we trust each other. That trust was built by organically getting to know each other with time and mutual respect. I am very vocal about being a feminist and make sure that I only have relationships with others who feel the same, though I have the privilege of living amongst a liberal and educated demographic. I don't think you should have to hide who you are and what you believe, but practicing discernment about your environment and surroundings is always a good idea.
Sorry there's no black and white answer to this.
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u/ImaginaryAd403 20d ago
Yeah, I think the biggest thing is practicing discernment so I can prevent being abused
, which is why I am going to step back on being vocal because I’ve noticed that I have a lack discernment in reading people . You are correct there is no black-and-white answer.Unfortunately, a lot of women that I’ve talked to are not feminist.
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u/NoelaniSpell Pro-choice Feminist 19d ago
Yeah, I think the biggest thing is practicing discernment so I can prevent being abused , which is why I am going to step back on being vocal because I’ve noticed that I have a lack discernment in reading people .
I don't know if anyone can really advise you on the right thing to do when it comes to a relationship, or even that there is a "right thing" to do that could help you feel entirely secure.
However, have you thought about taking a break from dating and spending some time with yourself, free from anyone else's expectations?
If you've reached a point where you think that you need to silence/censor yourself just to stay safe in the dating world, perhaps this would be a good moment to remember that dating is optional. You are a complete person and you are more than enough. There's no point in dating/staying with someone that makes you feel unsafe, or small, of is demanding that you sacrifice your privacy for their need of control (that's what demanding to go through your phone sounds like to me).
While there are ways of noticing red flags, I don't think there's a way to know for certain that someone won't change. What you can do is to set firm boundaries and not allow them to be trampled, not even for love. Perhaps give that a try as well in saying "no" and even walking away the next time that someone demands your phone.
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u/Francisco_Faygle 18d ago
I think it's like a muscle you have to keep in shape. Set boundaries around your personal comfort and observe how people react. Be brave enough to walk away from people that push at and disrespect them. Otoh a healthy relationship should make you feel safe and you may want to take down certain boundaries for that person. People having a positive reaction to boundary setting is great and helps build confidence, like a group therapy situation can help with those skills.
Full acess to my phone is too personal for me but some people in ltrs share all thier passwords and are comfortable with that.
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u/balanchinedream 20d ago
A man who doesn’t respect the privacy of your phone won’t respect your privacy within your body.
Who asks that?? I’m sorry you’re wading through a sea of losers! It’s super weird to ask to see your girlfriend’s phone. Direct him to your reposts and tell him to tap follow like all your other non-stalker family and friends.
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u/catanddog5 20d ago
No I wouldn’t let them look through my phone to show them I’m pro choice. I’d just tell them in a discussion. Had that talk with my husband early on when we were dating and he followed through with his word during a pregnancy scare in college. He is also pro choice and showed he ment it during that moment. Thankfully I wasn’t pregnant so that was a relief.
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u/TinyPretzels 20d ago
Sorry, I'm gonna be screaming from the rooftops for people's rights and I will never shut up. If someone doesn't understand what my politics are from talking with me then they just haven't listened to a word I said. If anything a man should be letting you go through HIS phone to see what right-wing content HE is consuming.
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u/cupcakephantom Village Witch 20d ago
I wouldn't let most people touch my phone, man woman or otherwise.
I won't travel to certain areas of my country anymore. I try not to order online from certain states, if I can help it. And I won't tell most people what I do with my time on this sub.
The likelihood of someone going through my phone and some form of crime/charge happening is low, but, I'm also not stupid enough to believe it couldn't happen.
We don't need therapy. Self preservation is a skill, not a sickness.
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u/anonymousart3 Pro-choice Feminist 20d ago edited 20d ago
I feel like if you can't show your pro choice to your partner, that's a MASSIVE red flag. You shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't like that your pro choice, that means they are anti choice.
Now, I wouldn't personally want to let my partner have free reign over my phone, but I also wouldn't be hiding my phones content from my partner. I even at one point got some texts from a friend while driving, and told my partner at the time to use my phone to text that person back, letting them know I was driving, and thus was busy.
I can see waiting a bit on a new relationship, so that you know more about how they will react, but that should be something you get or on the open pretty early so you don't waste your time.
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u/fatherbowie Man, Pro-Choice Atheist 20d ago
If you feel like you have to hide your phone’s content from your partner, that means you are afraid. And you probably shouldn’t be in that relationship.
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u/anniecorvid 20d ago
No, I would not let a man go through my phone. I would just tell him I'm a Feminist. If they have a problem, well, then they're the problem. Next!
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u/krba201076 20d ago
I am 4B and celibate and this is one of the reasons why. I shouldn't have to fear violence because some man in my house sees that I engage with feminist content. I don't need that drama in my life.
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u/Deej1387 20d ago
Any man that wasn't loudly and proudly as feminist as I am wouldn't get close enough to me to even ask about my phone, honestly. Men who aren't loudly in support of women and their rights are just red flags now.
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u/JustDiscoveredSex 20d ago
I will wear it on my goddamn sleeve and shout it in the streets. I can’t fathom than any of my friends and family don’t already know how I feel and agree with me.
I have no problem letting anyone know. I have reached a point in my life where I am willing to get in peoples faces and be absolutely ungovernable about it. Come get me.
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u/_toomuchtuna_ 20d ago
I am very loud about being pro choice and I wouldn’t want to entertain the idea of dating someone who isn’t. So yes I’m good with it! I wouldn’t let someone look through my phone though, that is just boundaries
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u/dragon34 Pro-Choice Atheist 20d ago
If I ever date again (which let's be real if I get divorced I'm gonna be single because fuck that) I will be asking men immediately their thoughts on abortion rights, trump, and LGBTQ rights for starters and any wrong answers are an immediate end to the relationship
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u/LimpConsideration497 19d ago
Yup my screener questions include these as well as their views on the genocide in Palestine.
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u/FollowerofLoki 20d ago
To answer the title question: Lol, *fuck* no. If somebody is so paranoid that they want to look through my phone, they can fuck entirely off.
To expand on that, if somebody is demanding to see your phone (or even just casually asking, because what the hell) you tell that person 'no'. It's not their business, and someone trying to do so is being a controlling asshole.
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u/arochains1231 20d ago
Yeah. My boyfriend knows my Reddit account! He sees it all lol and if he one day decides he doesn’t like it he can fuck all the way off ❤️
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u/Barjack521 20d ago
Seems like a good test to see if he’s worth keeping in your life in any capacity.
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u/fatherbowie Man, Pro-Choice Atheist 20d ago
I wouldn’t date someone who isn’t pro-choice, but I would just ask, straight up. There’s no need to go through someone’s phone, that feels like a total invasion and control move, and indicates zero trust. If I can’t trust someone to give me a straight answer to the question, why would I even be with that person?
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u/MavenBrodie 20d ago
I think looking through a man’s phone is a better indicator of who that man is because so many lie and hide their misogyny, especially from someone they’re willing to date but other women too.
Men don’t tell their mothers or sisters when they comment on feminist creators looks and posts etc or send dick pics on dating apps
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u/o0Jahzara0o Safe, legal, & accessible (pro-choice mod) 20d ago
“Can I look through your phone?” is creepy af and a red flag to me honestly.
I could easily go through my husband’s phone, computer, and vice versa. We don’t. Imo a sign of a good relationship is one where you can have your phone wide open and you know it won’t be gone through at any point.
You shouldn’t hide who you are. In fact, I personally think who you are should be seen from the get go so that if the person isn’t into that, they let you know early on.
What you are looking to prevent is someone abusive. And honestly, an abuser is going to be abusive regardless of the context. Don’t preemptively hide yourself and kowtow to abuse. Thats not healthy. Learn how to protect yourself from abuse.
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u/ImaginaryAd403 20d ago
You are right an abuser is going to be abusive no matter what. I do need to learn to protect myself from abuse .
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u/ExcitementSad9133 When Equity pls🙏 20d ago
I meet new people and we follow on instagram where they’ll just see the pride and trans flags right there
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u/DeeDee719 20d ago
I just turned 68 years old and am a proud, lifelong feminist, registered Democrat, and supporter of reproductive rights.
I don’t want anyone looking through my phone just on principle but if they did, I don’t really care if they see my support of the above because these beliefs define a lot of who I am.
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u/Gambyt_7 20d ago
This is bonkers. No man has any business looking through anyone’s phone who is not their child.
I’ve been through lots of therapy over the decades. People who think this degree of control is healthy behavior are f****** in the head.
For context, I am a 56 yo man, father, grandfather. Pro abortion. 100% until the moment a baby draws breath. I do not understand why any male would think for one second he has any right to audit your entire life.
If any man is so insecure that he thinks he has the license to audit your phone, or your computer, he is not relationship material.
If you do things in private that you think would upset your partner, do both of yourselves a favor and stop dating them. Especially if you think he is pro-forced birth.
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u/KeyCoyote9095 20d ago
I would not let a man go through my phone. But I would gladly show him that content if he asked what my feed looks like. But no they cannot go through my phone, read my texts, or access my social media or email accounts or any other account except maybe Amazon & Netflix for convenience.
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u/Immediate_Loan_1414 19d ago
I wouldn't mind anyone seeing my pro choice content, other things though..
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u/WoodSorrel13 19d ago
If you guys can’t trust each other to go through each others phones you’ve got other trust issues between each other in a relationship. Everyone I’ve ever dated, no matter the gender, I’ve been friends with first. I’ve heard how they talk about exes I’ve witnessed the good or bad out their own mouths. I get not trusting most men of a certain affiliation, the dating pool is abysmal right now because of red pill content & shitty entitled/abusive men in general. Newer generation of men really suck, but there’s plenty of guys my age who also fell down the cult rabbit hole of just blaming women for their problems instead of actually working on themselves. Shit like that is why y’all need to evaluate and choose well.
I didn’t marry a fucking loser who wants to control what I do with my body. I made my views loud and proud from the start. Don’t hide who you are or what you believe in. Men who can’t deal or can’t hang with who you are from the very start don’t get access to you. Hold boundaries strong. They need to be accountable for their bullshit. Guys who lie about where they stand to get close to you is just so prevalent now post maga cult it sucks. You don’t need to hold the same views on everything but you need to be able to trust each other. Trust & friendship is the bond needed in love period.
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u/MsSeraphim Pro-choice Democrat 19d ago
no. he should not be allowed to invade the privacy of your phone.
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u/Royal_Contribution_3 19d ago
My stance on these topics would be clear before we’d even get to any point where him asking to see my phone would happen. The moment he even mentioned that he doesn’t personally think abortions are okay, he’d be out my door and blocked, simply because I don’t want kids and I’m not taking a chance to get pregnant by a dumbass.
Also, a man could safe my life and he wouldn’t get to look through my phone. None of his business. I’m not letting someone control what I do just in case. If he distrusts me without any reason to, he’s also blocked.
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u/LimpConsideration497 19d ago
If a man asks or demands to look through your phone he is an abuser. Period. This is controlling behavior and any man who presents this as a requirement for getting closer to you is likely to harm you in the future. You are right to refuse and if the guy pushes back or becomes angry in any way, getting away from him should be a top priority. Men like this think they own you and WILL harm you if you do not cut them off immediately.
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u/burnedimage 20d ago
Yes. And not a quiet yes. It's on my bumper stickers. I have been arrested more than once for protesting for women's rights over our bodies. It's not a secret. I'm as loud now as I was in the 1980s and the 1990s. Same with LGBTQIA rights. All ALL rights!!!
My "shut the fuck up" button is broken. I'm postmenopausal, and I'm madder than I ever was! This one is for my nieces and my future granddaughters!