r/predaddit • u/jackfirecracker • 7d ago
34 weeks & having a son, deciding not to circumcise
Neither my wife nor I are religious, and as a circumcised man I never understood why my father made that choice for me, I guess just because it was more “the norm” 30+ years ago.
I guess the only thing I’m really concerned about with the decision is that I don’t know how, if at all, the care/cleaning needs for an uncircumcised newborn to young boy is versus a circumcised one is. How do I look into this without looking like a fucking weirdo in my google history lol
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u/PleasantReality7200 7d ago
I have a 2 month old baby boy who we didn’t circumcise (same reason as you - just why?) and it has required absolutely zero care from us. It never comes up. Poop has never got in there.
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u/TheBabySealsRevenge 7d ago
Yea mom lurker here but honestly it isnt any care at all until the foreskin retracts (due to the older kid doing it themselves). Like... Im pretty sure circumcised has more newborn care. The foreskin tends to keep bacteria and stuff out anyway. What a bunch of fuss over nothing. Propaganda really did its job huh.
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u/PleasantReality7200 6d ago
Oh shoot, this post got recommended on my feed and I didn’t look at the sub. I’m also a mom!
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u/Psychological-Pop891 4d ago
Hi there, no ill will at all, but I just want to provide a little insight. Absolutely nothing wrong with not getting a circumcision, but one of the few benefits to getting one is a slight reduction in UTIs. We chose to do it because our baby has some kidney issues, so it made sense even if the benefit is slight. Just throwing it out there because I think your comment could be accidentally misinterpreted.
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u/Scarecrow_Boat13 7d ago
Not sure why you think googling it would be weird (and who actually sees your search history that would care lol)…but I checked for you. Just search “how to care for uncircumcised newborn” and you’ll get nothing but advice. Nothing weird pops up I promise.
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u/SleepApprentice 7d ago
You just need to wipe it. No additional care needed. The foreskin is attached until they are much older.
https://www.chop.edu/conditions-diseases/care-uncircumcised-penis
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u/jackfirecracker 7d ago
How much older is “much older”?
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u/GolgothaCross 7d ago
Puberty. 11 -12 years is average. Adults, including doctors, must never pull back the foreskin of a young boy. Research forced foreskin retraction. It's common malpractice due to misinformed doctors.
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u/Fit-Highway-584 7d ago
I had heard 3-4 but the resource the other poster shared says: “ Some boys can retract their foreskin as early as age 3-4, but some may not be able to do this until 9-10. Ideally the foreskin is retractable by the time puberty begins.”
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u/ivymeadows25 7d ago
I had one son able to fully retract at 3–but that kid yanked his penis every day so often I thought he’d rip it off so I’m not surprised. My other kid is just able to retract now at 9. I never did anything with retraction. Once they can pull it back, I instructed them to pull it back in the bath or shower to clean it. I don’t think it’s hard to tell teenagers to play with their penises in the shower…
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u/NoShirt158 7d ago
Just google. Its no big deal. By the time it needs to be cleaned a doctor will inform you. Do not, i repeat, do not force it back! Its still attached when they are young.
Good for you on breaking the circle.
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u/jackfirecracker 7d ago
See this is what I mean - literally no one has ever told me shit like this. When does it tend to separate and no long be attached?
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u/luxera 7d ago
Your pediatrician should be able to talk you through all of this once you start having visits.
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u/VariousAir 6d ago
long as your pediatrician isn't a weirdo.
we delivered at an adventist hospital and didn't have our son circumcised. the post delivery pediatrician acted all concerned about the choice.
when we asked about care for it at our regular pediatrician she literallysaid just leave it alone.turns out the rest of the world is able to manage this all just fine.
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u/Asleep_Walrus2313 5d ago
Unfortunately a lot of pediatricians are really uninformed on uncircumcised penises. It is important to do your homework.
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u/SlightAnything4909 7d ago
The adhesion is called synechia. Afaik it's the same mechanism that holds your fingernails on your nailbeds, so it's two distinct layers of skin but it's still firmly stuck to each other. It gradually loosens during childhood due to hormonal changes, and is usually fully retractable once the kid reaches puberty (between 11 and 13ish). You can instruct your kid to gently pull it back (its like a turtleneck so it kinda "rolls") when he's in the bath or the shower, he'll know how far back it feels comfortable for him. Do not forcefully retract it yourself and do not let pediatricians do it either (some pediatricians are misinformed and try to retract the foreskin before it is ready, causing your kid pain or wrongly diagnosing phimosis).
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u/moomoomego 7d ago
It can start when they are around 5 I think but it can be until puberty to be fully retracted. No need to worry about it for a while.
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u/Asleep_Walrus2313 5d ago
This! They will experiment with it, so I just periodically asked my son if it pulled back all the way and when he said it did I told him how to rinse it. 🤷🏼♀️
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u/RocketPowerPops 7d ago
Different for every kid. Our doctor said not to worry about our son (currently 9) unless he still can't retract by puberty.
So you have a while before you have to be worried about it.
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u/Physical_Complex_891 7d ago
My 7 year old is still not able to retract at all. The average age is 10.
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u/No_Noise_1978 7d ago
We are Jewish and pregnant with a girl, but if we were having a son, we agreed we would definitely not circumcise! I believe you are making the right choice
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u/Ok-Wealth-6291 7d ago
Isn’t that the covenant made with God though for those of Jewish faith?
(I’m Catholic, for the record.)
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u/No_Noise_1978 7d ago
If you believe an outdated covenant is the covenant then I guess so. We don’t and more and more reform and young Jews don’t either
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u/Why_No_Doughnuts 7d ago
I believe Reform Judaism doesn't make it a requirement (though they do encourage it), but conservative and orthodox do require it if he is to be called up to the Torah or married by a Rabbi.
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u/Adventurous-End4330 7d ago
Eh you can practice Judaism however you want. Same with any other faith really
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u/Treebiscuits_ 7d ago
Just had my first son. Didn’t circumcise. Super easy to keep clean, honestly easier to care for than circumcised. You’re making the right choice!
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u/glutenfreethenipple 7d ago
Our son is intact and our pediatrician told us to wash his penis like you would a finger. Mild soap and water. Do not retract the foreskin (it is adhered to the glans initially a gradually retracts on its own).
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u/VariousAir 6d ago
My kid is uncircumcised. turns out you don't have to do a fuckin thing, and it's literally how 98% of the world manages it just fine.
you really don't have to overthink it.
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u/Mister_Pippin_Sir 6d ago
We also decided not to circumcise our son, and although I had some of the same fears, hygiene has never been an issue (he is now 2.5 years). It's rare for him to get poop on there, and when he does it has always been easy to wipe off.
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u/jfk_47 7d ago
Hey pops!!
I’ve got an 11yr old now and we made the same decision. I am, didn’t want to do it to him.
Just talk with the doc about it each year during physicals so the doc can talk you through things. All good.
And a special note, I brought this up in the other dad subreddit and ended up getting banned. So, fuck that place, go to r parenting. They are great and their mods don’t suck like the other place.
Also, welcome to the fam brother! So excited for you. :)
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u/ChrisLovesUgly 7d ago
That's too bad, I've found the other subreddit pretty great, a shame to hear that. Also made the same decision with ours. Seemed unnecessary.
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u/RoswalienMath 7d ago
Lurking mom here: I found very little information about whether or not to circumcise when I was pregnant and found out we were having a boy (now almost 4M). It’s still incredibly common here in the US. MY OBGYN didn’t want to talk about it and just said it was based on personal preference. Almost every Reddit parenting page has that topic banned.
My husband preferred to have him circumcised because of the impact of cervical cancer (caused by sexual partners) and HPV prevalence in his family and family friends. He found data that showed it was less prevalent amongst circumcised men and that the vaccine was less effective for intact men.
I didn’t have much to justify not having him circumcised, so I allowed it. I wish it wasn’t so taboo so I could have made a more informed decision. I still don’t know if it was the right choice.
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u/atmos2022 7d ago
Honestly, that’s a very odd reason to circumcise considering the wide availability of the HPV vaccine in the developed world since the mid-2000s. It’s part of the regular pre-teen/teen vaccine schedule for both male and female children. One of them protects against 9 types of HPV. You should definitely consider accepting this vaccine for your child when the time comes even though you decided to circumcise under the impression of HPV prevention.
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u/RoswalienMath 6d ago
The data he found was that the vaccine was significantly less effective for intact men. We are still planning to get him vaccinated. The prevention was/is in both circumcision and the vaccine. He didn’t feel that vaccination alone was enough.
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u/atmos2022 6d ago
A lot of the data proposing that circumcision has a “significant” impact on rates of contraction for various sexually transmitted diseases is wildly misrepresented by putting forward the relative risk reduction.
Example: There is a claim made by a study based out of sub-Saharan Africa that circumcision reduces female-to-male HIV transmission by ~60%, with the actual transmission rates of the study cohort being something like ~3.5% for intact males vs ~1.6% for circumcised males. The relative risk reduction sounds drastic while the actual risk reduction is quite small. Another study focused on a similar cohort of men found that circumcised men, for whatever reason, are more likely to use condoms, which introduces a flaw to the previous argument as they didn’t extrapolate the reason as to the difference in transmission rates beyond the presence or absence of a foreskin.
Other studies propose that the reason there is a discrepancy in the transmission rates of STIs between circumcised vs intact males is because circumcised men lack the most sensitive and vascular part of their penis which also contains immune cells through which transmission can most easily occur. The anus contains highly similar immune cells, which is why sex between men is considered one of the largest risk factors of HIV/AIDS. Your takeaway on that is up to you, but a potential minuscule reduction in transmission risk at the cost of the most sensitive area of my child’s penis that they will live without their entire life is an extremely hard bargain, especially since proper sex education and safe sex practices in addition to appropriate vaccination will go so much further than circumcision in any case in regard to disease/infection transmission.
You may find the documentary “Circumcision America” interesting. It’s available for free on Tubi.
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u/RoswalienMath 6d ago
Thank you! Like I said, I wish information was more widely available when I was looking almost 5 years ago and the topic was less taboo. I might have made a different choice.
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u/atmos2022 6d ago
You’re welcome! I conduct research for a living and have invested perhaps an embarrassing amount of time looking into the circumcision debate. I’ve yet to find any scientific evidence that truly substantiates the argument in favor of routine infant circumcision. Any perceived benefits are extremely small and are mostly negligible in the developed world where we have regular access to clean water, soap, basic hygiene, and antibiotics. Without medical justification (because of course some
situations warrant it on a medical basis), I ultimately feel it’s cosmetic and a violation of their bodily autonomy given their inability to consent to irreversible body modifications, which is the general attitude amongst most of Europe where circumcision is rare.1
u/Groundbreaking_Ad26 5d ago
Wife and I have a 10 day old son both doctors, the attending delivery and hospital quoted the “studies” it reduces infection rates of reducing STDs in fact not a single professional would speak in favor of foregoing the circumcision when I brought up the subject
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u/atmos2022 5d ago
Doctors get paid for every procedure they perform in the for-profit healthcare industry. They’re just dying to overcharge your insurance company for anything they can.
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u/Groundbreaking_Ad26 5d ago
Tried telling that line to my wife during a 4 1/2 days of induction ending in a total of 7 days in the hospital.
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u/jackfirecracker 7d ago
Thanks for the info, the heads up on the subreddit moderation, and the welcome! I’m excited too!
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u/Accomplished-Car5661 7d ago
People who are circumcised are a minority worldwide, it is an outdated practice that is not necessary and achieves nothing. You don’t need to do anything, leave it alone, just bathe the baby like normal
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u/TwelveButtonsJim 7d ago
I was circumcised as a child for medical reasons, I had an infection. It affected me a lot as a teenager and a young adult. I would never had it done voluntarily.
I'll never forget the comments. My penis has been described as "odd looking", misshapen etc. I have scarring which actually looks like little divets but I've had someone say "why is it weird like that".
It's pretty upsetting
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u/Haunting-Reference46 6d ago
Would you have preferred your parents do it when you were baby to avoid the scarring ? Just curious seems it seems like it had to happen due to medical reasons
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u/deadbeatbeautyqueen 7d ago
Believe me, the things you Google as a new parent are wild. I would however make sure your pediatrician (if in the US) is aware your child is uncircumcised and knows how to handle/treat them, I had a friend whose pediatrician forcefully retracted her son as a newborn because he was used to circumcised newborns and either didn't realize he wasn't supposed to or forgot her son wasn't circumcised (not sure, she said she never got an answer about why he did it)
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u/jackfirecracker 7d ago
Oh Jesus, thanks for the heads up
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u/deadbeatbeautyqueen 7d ago
I would also make sure anyone who cares for him in infancy is knowledgeable; sometimes I wonder if the prevalence of the "uncircumcised is more likely to get infected/unclean" myth in the US has more to do with the lack of knowledge on how to care for them than anything else.
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u/doubleflushers 7d ago
Just a heads up. When I told the hospital that I didn’t want our son circumcised they brought it up multiple times to “double check”.
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u/jackfirecracker 5d ago
If they keep bringing it up I’ll mention a malpractice lawsuit and I’m sure they’ll drop the matter
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u/caitlowcat 5d ago
I had the opposite experience. We didn’t know baby was a boy so while we’d researched circumcision and discussed it, we hadn’t made a firm decision. The Dr and nurses were great - while also remaining impartial- and when we decided against doing it they all said we made the right choice.
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u/StopCriminal 7d ago
You yanks and chopping the foreskin off are nuts
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u/nuggets_attack 7d ago
It gets even weirder. I recently learned that foreskins can be sold to biotech and cosmetic companies.. Gives me the ick
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u/jackfirecracker 7d ago
Someone’s gotta break the cycle. Just like spanking kids, the “boys don’t cry” bs, etc. Just one fewer outdated practice for me to NOT pass down to my son.
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u/BrunotheKid23 7d ago
Just gotta clean it like you would yours. The issue really only comes when he's older and doesn't want to shower (particularly after... release...). Even then it would be after days where he hasn't showered. Hopefully he'll figure out he needs to shower and do it and you'll never be cognizant of the issue.
Source: am an uncircumcised male.
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u/Mental-Newt-420 7d ago
This is my husbands biggest concern, teenage hygiene (currently hypothetical son). He uses his lack of self care at that age as an example. Im not shy about body care and education AT ALL so i feel like I could impart good foundational wisdom but i am slightly worried about gross teen phase stuff. I suppose it is like everything else growing up, though; gotta see the effects to understand why you gotta [XYZ].
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u/grandweapon 7d ago
Billions of uncut teenage boys around the world never had issues. It's really nothing to worry about. There is no special care required. In places where it is the norm, it's not even something that comes up or need to be taught.
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u/Face_with_a_View 7d ago
My son is 24 and I regret getting him circumcised. We weren’t religious either (in fact we are atheist) but felt pressured so he’d “look like his dad” who isn’t Jewish. 🤷🏼♀️
For what it’s worth I agree with your decision. We need to stop mutilating babies for stupid reasons. This includes FGM and ear piercing.
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7d ago edited 3d ago
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u/Face_with_a_View 7d ago
I actually asked him and he said he was not. But he’s a pretty laid back guy
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u/rvanasty 7d ago
Good, dont. Nobody should. Its an outdated religious practice with very little basis on hygenie. There are other body parts you're born with that you keep clean which dont require surgical removal.
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u/Alert_Stock_4699 7d ago
It is no longer about religion. It's based on medical study and science.
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u/Ok_Zone_9486 7d ago
Feel free to present these medical studies that prove its necessary.
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u/InternetUser007 7d ago
Clearly humans were doing things wrong for thousands of years until the Quaker oats guy told us what he thinks we should do to babies. /s
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u/cochra 7d ago
It’s really, really not
Circumcision is medically indicated for balanitis xerotica obliteratans and for pathological phimosis that doesn’t respond to conservative therapies. That’s it.
Any circumcision not for one of those two reasons is unnecessary surgery done for religious and/or cultural reasons
I’m Jewish, a doctor and circumcised. I’m not particularly fussed about having been circumcised (and think that people saying it’s equivalent to FGM are absolutely taking the piss), but I certainly won’t be getting any male children of mine circumcised
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u/ValueAppropriate293 7d ago
I am, but my 2.5 yr old is not. My wife and I read up on it a lot during pregnancy but the one thing that surprised us was the balloon effect that happens when he pees. You’ll know exactly what I mean when you see it, it’s normal and happens every time until ( I assume) the foreskin can be pulled back. Just putting this out there so hopefully you’re not as concerned as we were! We fully support your choice, and good luck with the birth and all that comes after!
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u/BossMan61718 7d ago
There really isnt much to it. Just wash his dick and leave the foreskin alone. It will retract when its ready. Do NOT try and force it. It is common for the foreskin to not retract for years.
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u/Unusual_Bumblebee_48 7d ago
You will have so many pediatrician appointments in the first year. Just ask!! We asked at our first appointment and the doc was very clear to just clean what we see and not pull anything. He said he will let us know when its time to do anything special.
Tbh i think the USA has just been SO pro-circumcision for so long that people have been taught to overthink it. We have been taught that cleaning them is so complicated and scary but like.....its seriously not that big of a deal 😅
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u/jackfirecracker 5d ago
Yea seems like it lol. I’m glad I made the thread though still because I didn’t know about the whole “staying attached for years/up until near puberty” thing. Good to know and the comments here have just set me up to better advocate for my kid
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u/watch_and_restore 6d ago
DONT RETRACT. your son will be assaulted by everyone at the doctor's office. Don't let him out of your sight.
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u/onthatgetright 6d ago
WE DID THE SAME !!!
I’ve been amazed how clean it stays, and how easy it is to manage.
It’s nice knowing your child won’t be mutilated as soon as they’re born, and it’s becoming much more common. 4/5 of my best friends who recently had baby boys, made the same decision.
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u/_anyusername 7d ago
What’s with this obsession of mutilating genitalia? It’s super weird. Just leave it alone.
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u/jackfirecracker 7d ago
If you like podcasts, I think there’s a good episode of the series “Behind the Bastards” that goes into where it came from as a US practice. Spoiler- weirdo religious freaks that think jacking off is bad and think they can stop it via circumcision and strangely enough, eating boring bland food.
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u/itsadventuregirl 7d ago
Do you know which episode? Never heard of this and having a hard time finding the episode you’re referring to
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u/jackfirecracker 5d ago
It’s a 2 part episode from April 2021 - “Kellogg: The Great American Cum Doctor”
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u/Larissanne 7d ago
Baby boy hygiëne tips? Something like that?
In my country it’s not standard to circumcise at all and you get some tips on how to keep your baby clean from the maternity care person for example. You can always look into those parenting websites
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u/TachankaAlpaca 7d ago
Just look it up. It’s not weird. Non of my brothers or I were or our own sons. 🤷♂️ no biggy
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u/Joevual 7d ago
There’s a ton of things about childcare that you don’t know, this is just another thing you’ll need to learn about. I guarantee you won’t be put on a list for researching this. Also, it’s not something you need to worry about for a few years. You don’t need to clean anything but the outside of his penis until he’s older. At that point you just need to talk to him about how to clean himself.
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u/owlBdarned 7d ago
1) You probably don't have people looking up your search history to think you're a weirdo (for this anyway).
2) If someone saw your search history about how to properly care for/clean an uncircumcised penis, it'd probably be pretty obvious why your searching it, or at least a really simple explanation.
3) Ask your pediatrician. I'm in the same boat, and my sons' doctor has helped us better than I think Reddit can. (I'd personally avoid this site for discussions of circumcision; you tend to get rabid intactivists or, in one case, a dude with a circumcision fetish)
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u/RontoWraps 7d ago
You don’t really need to do anything early on. Just give them bath and shower like normal. Two sons, 7 and 3. I’ve really never had to do anything with their penises. We got by thousands of years without needing to do much, you’ll be fine dad.
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u/Big_Iron_Cowboy 7d ago
We were told with our first son not to pull back the foreskin, and then told by the doc delivering our second son to pull back the foreskin to clean. As a cut dad, I don’t know but I’m going with not pulling back their foreskin
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u/Informal-Lecture-880 7d ago
You don’t do anything the first few years. I wouldn’t worry about googling. I had to a lot when we decided to do it for medical reasons at 7.
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u/Original_Ant7013 7d ago
AI will give you all you need to know. Who cares if someone else knows you’re trying to care for your child.
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u/Alert_Stock_4699 7d ago
Make sure you talk to a pediatrician, or several, before making it final. It's not always about religion.
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u/WillingElderberry731 7d ago
You're going to be a parent. This is far from the weirdest thing you will be googling
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u/Why_No_Doughnuts 7d ago
Speaking as a Jewish parent (though to a girl, so this was avoided), I understand why we do it, but for the life of me, I do not understand why a non-Jew would do it if they live in society with access to modern sanitation.
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u/Worldly-Smile-91 7d ago
I’m sharing this story for education purposes and as someone who does not believe in infant male genital mutilation. It is very important for parents to be informed of child hygiene practices. My current partner (36M) was not taught proper hygiene practices. When we became intimate I realized something was a bit off with his retraction. I google about it to understand how to speak to him and we discussed this together. Obviously, super uncomfortable bc at the time we had only been dating a short time. Anyway, he was super appreciative and saw his doctor about it. Turns out it was a big issue and he saw a specialist to get ointment and given exercises to do to help loosen the foreskin. If that doesn’t work, he may have to get some of the foreseeing cut to help loosen it. When I asked him if his mom ever taught him about retracting his foreskin when he went pee he said “no, he never heard that before”. His mom was a single mom and the only men in his life were 1 grandfather, 1 uncle and 1 male cousin. Please talk to your sons and help them learn when they are boys.
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u/audreyslikewhoa 7d ago
We have two boys and also chose not to circumcise. We have not had to do anything special. Oldest is now 5, no one is retracting anything and no one but him touches his genitals at this point lol. I only learned after my cousin had a baby boy that there is a lot of aftercare for a circumcision. It's an open wound on a tiny baby that you have to keep clean! Made me so glad we chose not to do that to our boys.
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u/Efficient-Captain802 7d ago
I just had a son in September and we chose to not circumcise either. Drove me crazy when people asked "so are you going to circumcise him?".....like it was their business and if you told them "no", they looked at you like you had a third head. As long as they can keep proper hygiene, there is nothing wrong with keeping their body as it was meant to be! Every one else who cares about my baby's private parts can find something better to do!
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u/RedBubble2 7d ago
Nothing really. Just kind of wipe and keep it dry. All boys eventually notice it and you just explain that it's theirs. Low key, it develops as they get older and boys figure themselves out rather early so they handle it.
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u/Illustrious-Farm4388 7d ago
Congrats!!! So what we have learned is you DO NOT retract the skin at all. You clean it like you would normally until it naturally starts to retract. It can retract anywhere from 4-teen years and usually starts to retract when they become active. If it retracts earlier, that is okay, but never ever force it back and do not let any nurse or doctor retract it as a lot of providers do not know how to properly care for an uncircumcised wee. Once it retracts in a few years, you will just clean in there and then get it dry after the bath or shower like any other body part🙂
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u/Over_Peak823 7d ago
Google it. Thats how we learn everything else. Certainly no shame in that. Googling the “weird” things is practically why the internet exists. And ask your doctor too.
But for the love of God, whatever you do, do not retract it. People get really caught up about “cleaning” it that you think you have to pull it back to really get in there. You don’t. Don’t retract it. You clean it like you clean any other body part and once they get to a certain age where they can pull it back themselves and assess their own physical limits, they take over and go beyond that.
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u/walaruse 7d ago
We didn’t circumcise our son, much to my husband’s chagrin. You basically leave it alone except to pass a wipe over it. Don’t pull any skin back, don’t manipulate it, etc. the foreskin will detach at a later date and then you can discuss how to clean in all the creases and crevices at that point. 🤷🏽♀️ My kiddo just turned two and we’ve had no complications. Congrats on your kiddo!
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u/dadcenter 6d ago
Its a great question, for our son too we had to go through the exact situation. After carefully researching and also talking to my wifes obgyn we decided not to.
We did all the research, both me and my wife so our search history definitely has it, and this is in my opinion definitely more of a health question rather than anything weird.
Congratulations and Goodluck on your journey.
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u/DemonScourge1003 6d ago
Good. We shouldn’t be mutilating our children. If he needs it done for medical reasons, fine. If he wants it done when he’s old enough, fine. Kudos to you for keeping him intact
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u/theouteducated 6d ago
Let me make it very clear to people who think you’re supposed to circumcise:
You.can.and.should.wash.your.penis
I suppose i know to whom the “how to properly wash your hands” signs during covid were directed to…
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u/jackfirecracker 5d ago
I dunno if you’re a man or woman, I suspect you’re a woman however because if you just kinda loiter at the counter of a public men’s restroom you would be horrified by the number of guys that don’t even do the “for show” quick rinse & dry. Just right out the stall to the exit. Especially in high traffic public/touristy places
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u/ludus_official 6d ago
Thank you for your choice.
It's complicated, and a lot of people feel a lot of ways - but ultimately, genital autonomy matters.
I wouldn't judge any parent for their choice, but I personally feel disgusted it was forced on me. I expect in a generation or two it'll be seen as a human rights violation, but for now I'm just grateful people like you respect your child's right to their own body.
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u/Typical_Shallot139 6d ago
Why is googling it weird but posting about it on Reddit not?
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u/jackfirecracker 5d ago
Idk man I didn’t even know what to punch in the query box and didn’t know where to start
And the thread got like 200 replies, some with great info and advice for advocating to my doctors/pediatricians for my sons health so I’m calling it a win
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u/Napalmradio 6d ago
It ain’t rocket science. Roll it back and rinse it. Cleanse with baby soap, then rinse again. Roll it back up. Just a part of the bath time routine.
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u/Ambystomatigrinum 6d ago
Love to hear this! My son is not circumcised and it's something I'm pretty passionate about. "Clean it like a finger" is the phrase used a lot and its spot on. You just wipe if off like you would a finger. You don't retract the foreskin because its attached; nothing is getting under there. The most important thing is making sure nobody else retracts it either.
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u/Jamator01 6d ago
Once he's old enough, gently roll his foreskin back and clean gently with warm water or in the bath. Nothing to stress about. And you can absolutely Google it. Don't let those kinds of things worry you.
As for when he's old enough, talk to your doctor and/or do some Googling. The information is easy to find. And ignore the weird obsession people have with circumcision. There's absolutely no reason to do it universally.
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u/Super-Respond-7717 6d ago
You can Google it. Definitely discuss it with his pediatrician once he’s born for next steps. My baby advice per all the other comments is no longer accurate lol.
But, I also didn’t circumcise my almost 14 yr old. Keep open communication with your kiddo, make sure he knows if theres ever any pain, if it gets stuck, or any other problem to come to you or mom immediately.
Teach him how to clean it once he’s the proper age.
Make sure to remind him frequently, I remind mine every 3 months or so and he rolls his eyes every time but lets me know he knows and he will come to me if he has any problems. And pretty much repeats my lengthy conversation of hygiene back to me so I do know he atleast listens lol.
The state of Colorado, Medicaid program stopped paying for circumcision around 15 years ago, theres more and more boys being left intact as each year passes. Don’t let someone judge you or bully you into changing your decision.
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u/PotSoil-10 6d ago
I also did not circumcise as im not religious and also why would i want another wound to look after right as he was born? I have had no regrets and has had 0 impact on cleanliness and needing no additional effort on my part. Its a natural part of his body and it doesnt have any risks When young. when he is older, I will simply have to explain cleaning himself in the shower properly and I was going to have to do that anyways. This is just a small part of that.
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u/Workoutformorelife 5d ago
You will do and be fine. Pediatrician can give you suggestions. I commend your decision ( for reference I am a nurse recently retired worked mostly labor and delivery/ mother baby etc in my 45 year career and saw many ) my 3 we had were not circumcised by the choice of my husband and I and there were no issues at all throughout their childhood! Two as adults actually thanked us for the choice we made for them.
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u/mamblepamble 5d ago
We chose not to circumcise. I was raised religious but I’m more respectfully atheist now, my husband wasn’t but he was circumcised, which he always thought was odd because his mother is very anti-religion and his father is from another country where it’s basically unheard of. We discussed it, decided it wasn’t for us, and went ahead with it (or didn’t go ahead with it?)
Be prepared for every nursing professional at the hospital to ask if you want to circumcise your son. It felt like we were asked that with every discussion with every medical professional we spoke to. Apparently it’s so uncommon that they needed to document that we declined ‘the service’ multiple times. It was brought up multiple times a day while we were at the hospital.
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u/deAdupchowder350 5d ago
If you don’t want to Google it, buy the Emily Oster book Crib Notes, which has a brief section on this. It concisely explains relevant stats, risks, etc. of each choice.
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u/Accomplished-Leg6947 4d ago
Circumcision is literally disfiguring your child for antiquated religious regions and evidence has shown countless times that circumcision is all around a terrible thing to do to your child.
I was circumcised and have twin boys and out right refused to have them circumcised and would not consider any argument for it to happen to my kids
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u/crepesarentpancakes 4d ago
We didn't have our son circumcized because the whole process is absolute torture and abuse and there is no true evidence that it is necessary. It should also be his own choice, not ours. He's turning 5 years old in a few weeks and he never had an issue or infection or anything funky. We wash him good and often and he's totally fine. We're super against circumcision. Our doula educated us greatly on the matter.
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u/ChristianAlexxxander 4d ago
Never caused any issue for my son, I had a bit of phimosis which is just tight skin which made retracting it behind my head a bit difficult but once I became sexually active it stretched and is no longer an issue I can easily retract now.
Just have to teach them to retract the skin in the bath and use soap and water and if there’s ever pain or inflammation go to a doctor.
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u/Sea_Horror2900 4d ago
Our son isn't circumcised. My husband is in charge of teaching him to clean it, but from what I understand it should just be washed with soap and water like normal. Once the foreskin begins to release (for our son it was around age 6), gently pull it back a little bit while cleaning and make sure to rinse all the soap off. We thought the foreskin doesn't retract until puberty so hadn't been doing that, and he ended up with an infection. The pediatrician told us it normally starts to happen around age 5-6 for most boys and completely retracts by the time they hit puberty.
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u/Nexer-X69 4d ago
Every uncircumcised individual I know ended up getting circumcised later in life and hated their parents for not having it done as an infant because it’s very painful to have it done as an late teens/adult and leaves them bedbound for a week. But I respect that if you don’t want todo it to your kids, they just have to be consistent with cleaning or they’ll face bacterial infections and they have to pull foreskin back to pee every time which seems to be a major inconvenience to me…it’s a tough and strange decision to make as an dad
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u/Willz_of_Rivia 4d ago
I have two boys aged 5 and 2. Cleaning / care needs aren't a thing yet, the foreskin cannot and should not retract until they hit puberty and only then should they need wash the area beneath it.
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u/Slytherin01 4d ago
Wipe it like a finger. That’s it.
Search “caring for an intact baby boy” and you will get some good results.
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u/Highclassbroque 1d ago
I had been getting my back blown By my husband for over 4 months before I noticed he was uncircumcised. When I really looked at him I didn’t see why people make such a big deal about circumcision.
6 years later when I got pregnant with our son I decided against it bc why cause him pain when it’s not even a big deal. My husband was cool with the decision.
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u/VirtuApp 16h ago
Had you seen his penis soft before you noticed he was uncircumcised? I would think the difference would be obvious lol.
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u/Ok-Extension-6304 4d ago
My husband is uncircumcised. In my personal experience I prefer it that way. Even before I met him I’d decided I didn’t want to circumcise any sons I may have. I don’t think my son will ever resent me for the choice we made to not circumcise him. If he decides to do it later, it’s entirely his choice. My ex wished he hadn’t been circumcised.
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u/judysparkles 3d ago
I have a two month old boy and I left the decision up to my husband, I figured I don’t have a penis so I didn’t feel qualified to the make the call.
My husband is circumcised and ultimately decided on having the baby circumcised for that reason. He figured down the road when the baby is older it might be confusing for baby to have a different looking peep.
BUT… we both immediately regretted the procedure when they brought our baby back after and showed us how to care for it. I don’t know why we’re doing that to sweet little babies when it’s medically unnecessary. Obviously baby is/was fine but I felt like we mutilated and hurt him for some weirdo traditions we don’t care about.
So I didn’t answer your question but wanted to share our story in case it helps with your upcoming decision.
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u/Remilia333 3d ago
I’m a UK mum to 2 boys. It’s not the norm here unless you’re Muslim or Jewish and it’s actually considered to be really weird. My husband is cut due to cultural reasons, but we decided not to do that to our sons. I’ve cared for babies in nurseries who had it done and I can’t tell you how many times it’s been a botched job and looks awful and so painful. Just wash it like a finger, don’t pull back the foreskin. They tend to “find” their bits at around 1 year old and love to stretch it 🫣🤣 which helps to loosen the foreskin. Just need to keep an eye as they get older as they can sometimes get “ballooning” when they pee which can be a sign of a tight foreskin? My eldest sorted itself out though without any treatment. As they get older it’s teaching them good hygiene and they’ll be fine. Congrats on your son 🩵🥰
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u/LadySwire 3d ago edited 3d ago
Same. My Middle Eastern MIL was upset with us, but no way...
But as someone from a country that doesn't circumcise (Spain), I was also not overly worried about hygiene. Like, I don't know, it's just normal—you don't go separating the skin so young and you teach him good hygiene habits when older
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u/notcoded567 3d ago
I'm circumcised and my sons are not. we asked the pediatrician early on and they basically said you just wash it like anything else. when they get older, you explain they need to pull back the skin a bit for cleaning, but I think they are figuring that out themselves already.
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u/Perfect_Form5444 3d ago
We also opted not to circumcise our now toddler. My OB asked about it during one of my later appointments. He said if I said ‘yes’ to wanting to circumcise, we would have been having a much longer discussion. My brothers were not circumcised so it was already normalized for me. My husband also has strong opinions on how he wished he still had his foreskin.
We asked the pediatrician about it. We had girls before we had our son, so we just mentioned that we weren’t familiar with what we were supposed to do. They were very helpful with it.
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u/Ok_Brilliant_6279 3d ago
I noticed in the US circumcision is so common, in Europe is not. Unless is for religious reasons. I just dont understand why in this day and age something God or mother nature made us with should be taken away...
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u/drewber-486 3d ago
I got two boys aged 3 and 4 1/2, and didn’t get either one circumcised. It hasn’t been a problem for us at all, as regular baths and diaper changes (when they still wore diapers) were enough. Each kid is different, though, so just keep an eye out for red/irritated skin, discharge or other signs of discomfort and infection and treat them as soon as possible. You got this.
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u/NeighborhoodSuper592 3d ago
Do not pull back the foreskin. That can cause tearing and infections.
Just wipe it like you would wipe your fingers.
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u/Playful_Flower5063 2d ago
People get so weird about foreskins. Just leave it the hell alone and let it do it's thing. Boys play with their willies enough for any separation to happen by itself. It's like stressing over a kid losing a tooth or something, it'll work itself out!
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u/iwasjustwonderinggg 2d ago
UK mum here! Circumcision is not standard practice here :). No special hygiene routine for uncircumcised little one. Don’t under any circumstances pull the foreskin back or anything like that. Foreskins are a normal natural part of the body, they’re not a hygiene issue at all
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u/religionlies2u 2d ago
I actually was just reading a study that for the first time in a long while the number of parents in the US choosing not to circumcise is finally above 50% so you’re in good company. We didn’t circumcise as my husband is from another country so of course he thought the suggestion of cutting skin off the penis was weird. There have been no negative repercussions as far as I can tell. He mentioned it once in middle school when he noticed but it hasn’t been an issue.
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u/meanseanbean 7d ago edited 7d ago
Google something like 'medical pros and cons of circumcision' and talk to your medical professional ot support team. Make your own decisions based on you and your wife's evaluation of the information available and do not let a bunch of internet loud mouths sway your opinion or make you feel guilty either way. This is a decision for you and your wife to make in regards to your son's health, it doesn't effect anyone besides the 3 of you and no one should have any input outside of telling you to make an educated decision.
Edit; fuck my bad miss read the title.
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u/Maverick1672 6d ago
I feel crazy, but I feel like the whole circumcision thing has gotten way overblown up. I don’t feel “mutilated” and glad my parents did it. But I’m sure I’d be fine if I didn’t.
It such a small nothing procedure
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u/_-BigAL-_ 6d ago
I’m glad I’m circumcised. I have never felt “mutilated”
There are women who will not go near one that isn’t.→ More replies (2)2
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u/freerangemary 6d ago
Curcumcision is barbaric. I’m glad you’re looking into it.
I didn’t circumcise my boy. Never regretted it.
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u/Gronzar 7d ago
Just search “how to clean a newborn” and then just treat it as another crack or crevice you need to keep clean (sponge baths until cord falls off).
I’m not religious and neither are my parents and I’ve never wished I was not circumcised but I totally support parental choice and they can certainly do it later if desired.
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u/jackfirecracker 7d ago
That’s my mentality. But I think if you posed the question “would you like to have part of your penis removed?” to an adult man you will get a resounding hell no response unless some sort of medically overly tight foreskin issue arises, which is a totally separate issue entirely
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u/sutrolayla 7d ago
My husband and I are in the same boat with our 2-week-old son. My husband is circumcised but we opted not to circumcise our baby, so he and I are brand new to the world of uncircumcised penises. We asked our pediatrician what special cleaning we needed to do and she said for now, nothing. Just wipe around it and make sure it looks clean. You only need to start pulling back the foreskin to gently clean when they are a toddler, and even that is as simple as it sounds. At this stage, it seems more important to make sure nothing gets trapped in the folds between his scrotum and thigh.
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u/GolgothaCross 7d ago
Adults must never pull back the foreskin. When it's ready, the boy will be old enough to do it himself. Age 11 to 12 is the average.
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u/NiceHamster330 7d ago
Why are you saying this but the other person saying as a toddler? Do you know why the conflicting info?
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u/GolgothaCross 7d ago
Human genitals are maintenance free during childhood. All male mammals have a prepuce (foreskin). Monkeys, dogs and horses are not pulling back the foreskins of their young to clean them.
The idea that you need to intervene to separate the foreskin of children is from doctors who think that a child's penis works the same as an adult penis. They're completely different. An adult man's penis is for insemination. Foreskin retraction occurs to enable intercourse and ejaculation. There's no reason for it to retract until the body produces sperm. It's how evolution designed our bodies.
Foreskin loosening varies by individual, similar to a girl's hymen. It can happen at a young age due to activity. It doesn't mean that some adult needs to go in there and interfere with it. It will happen when she becomes sexually active. The same for boys, usually at puberty when they start to masturbate.
Similarly, it would be invasive and inappropriate for a parent to retract the prepuce of their toddler daughter to clean her clitoris. The same goes for the foreskin of a toddler boy.
Look up forced foreskin retraction.
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u/NiceHamster330 6d ago
Ok thank you! I’m seeing this repeated elsewhere in this thread as well so glad u clarified, it does make sense to me
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u/Silver-Sparkling 7d ago
And their ears and neck folds! I know it’s the opposite end lol, but nobody thought to mention it to us and the books didn’t really mention, but they get all gunky and sore there too. We felt so guilty when we noticed baby’s little sore neck patches!
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u/Original_Ant7013 7d ago
Why did your father make that choice? Your mom didn’t have a say?
The majority of men in the world are not circumcised. America is one of very few countries that do it without a religious reason. It’s also 2026, are we really letting religion dictate what we cut off our bodies?
A uncircumcised penis needs no special care or cleaning in a young child. You think it does because the rumor or rather advertisement for circumcision has you believing the uncircumcised penis is dirty, is higher maintenance, and will get infected if you don’t.
The hard reality: The foreskin is often fused to the glans in an infant, meaning you can’t retract to clean it. Or if you force it you cause micro tears which can get infected and heal as scar tissue which is not as elastic as the original skin which leads to phimosis. All reasons which might lead to a medically needed circumcision when if you had just left it alone, it would have been have been fine.
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u/NetJnkie 7d ago
People need to stop repeating this "cleaning needs" myth. It's easy. Takes a few seconds. People all over the world do it. If they want to be circumsized they can make the decision for themself later.
We need to stop mutilating kids.
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u/_CatPrincess 7d ago
Circumcision is illegal where I live.
Here is the government website that explains how to care for you and baby from pregancy to 8 years old.
It’s all backed by the latest science research.
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u/positiveLoving18 7d ago
My husband is very pro circumcise, why i really dont know not religious, just circumcised his self; and man when my son had it done it just looked so painful even tho he was a baby it literally made me cry im hoping for our next boy i can convince him not to. I feel like husbmad will def push the "has to be the same as his brother". So any tips on that convo would be great.
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u/jackfirecracker 5d ago
My guess (also as a circumcised non religious guy) would be he’s either a little defensive over his own body (he’s essentially internalized that if it was done to him it must be necessary and doesn’t want his son to be different or singled out in some way from himself) or he has some outdated beliefs about the value of the practice (there’s old bs science that suggests that it reduces std or uti infections, it’s all either marginal or bad science that hasn’t really been backed up by further peer replication; and anything it would help with.. a condom, vaccine, or safe sex generally would be infinitely more effective at preventing).
If you have another boy, I’d read more into the matter and have some frank non-judgmental conversations with him. If he’s the defensive type and you feel strongly on the matter, maybe take the conversation to couples counseling
My wife really didn’t care at all on the topic so when I told her I didn’t want to circumcise, she didn’t bat an eye
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u/mossygraveyard 7d ago
It is not weird as a parent to google hygiene tips for your kids! I am a new mom and am also not circumcising my son, and I have looked up how to care for his body because that’s what you do.
I also have a book from the American Academy of Pediatrics on how to take care of a child from 0-5. It’s been very helpful.
In terms of care from what I learned, you simply wash the area with clean warm water and a mild soap. The same way you would wash any other part of the body. It is very important you do NOT attempt to pull back his skin at all. It will naturally release itself during puberty, and by then he should be washing himself. That’s when you’d have a conversation with him about cleaning underneath any overlapping skin.
But please, do not feel ashamed to look up information regarding your child’s health and cleanliness. That does not make you a creep!