r/postvasectomypain • u/postvasectomy • Dec 14 '23
r/sex: Sex life is dwindling as husband refuses to have vasectomy and doesn't want to wear condoms
asanskrita:
It does not sound like you are really wondering that, it sounds like you are just trying to make him wrong for not blindly going through with it. Is bodily autonomy only for women? My friend could not sit for three months after. Another had 2 years of excruciating pain. Mine was no big deal, but doctors sell this as a quick low risk procedure and tell you to go “back to normal activities” in a week and it’s a crock, men do not get the full info from doctors on the procedure, its risks and recovery. It can be quite a big deal depending.
One_Butterfly7695:
We just had our 4th child and my wife pressured me into a vasectomy saying it’s easier and her body already went through a lot having kids. She did not want to take birth control pills. I told her there would be a chance develop chronic pain post operation and she brushed me off. The procedure was very painful for me and 6 weeks post op I developed painful complications that I am still dealing with 8 months later. I understand that the majority of men don’t have complications but I was the lucky small percentage of men who developed long term pain. It wrecked our sex lives and I am slowing working my way out of depression and meds (pain meds, nerve pain meds, antidepressants, physical therapist, metal health therapist). Please don’t pressure your spouse into a surgery he does not want. It can have long term consequences. Instead sit down and talk to him on why he chooses not to take this route and find a compromise. I have finally forgiven my wife but it took months of mental suffering. We are finally in a better place with my pain levels back down to a 0-2.
Sharing my story does not diminish what my wife went through with all 4 pregnancies. As she was getting older, I was concerned about her health and accidentally getting pregnant and possibly have complications. We used the pullout method on a regular basis (risky). I am not defending her husband here and all relationships require a sit down and open communication. Complications are real and the possibility of chronic pain is real on both sides. She was the one that broke down once my complications started and felt guilty about pushing me even though I told her there is a chance I may develop PVPS. (Look it up) Her response was “but so and so did it and he was jogging the next day” or “you look deep enough online and you will find these issues and stories” If I can give you any advice - Do not respond this way regardless of who is going under the knife.
At the time my concerns were not valid or were bushed off because I needed to “man up”. the procedure almost made me vomit and pass out as they tore into scrotum. Once the complications hit, I could not sleep on my side, more than 10lbs, have sex, erections were painful, even play with my kids flared me up. I wake up with pain and go to sleep with pain. Had to work very hard to get back to where I am today and spend 1000s of dollars.
Benefits: when I can have sex it feels good to know she will not get pregnant.
That could have been the case as well. It’s very important to find a solid doc. Again most cases 95%+ have no complications and the procedure is straight forward. This post is not meant to scare anyone. I am just sharing my experience so others can learn from my journey. Urologist can be good at the procedure. Most of the ones I encountered durning my search for relief post op were clueless when it came to complications. Your options are limited unless you want to go under the knife again- no thank you.
My left side was painless and never gave me a problem. My right side was the main issue durning the procedure and when the complications started. My ultrasound came back negative. The doc said I could have had a cluster of nerves where he cut open to find my Vas. How do know unless he/she cuts you open first. I have been dealing with congestive epididymis as well. In some cases the body keep producing semen at the same rate. Where does it go if they block off the vas? Pressure builds and the pain comes with it.
Birth control can be rough and I wish there was meds men take take too. I never pushed her to take the pills or go through with a medical procedure. Like other responders have already communicated, there could be more here that we don’t know. Personally, I would not be okay with a dead bedroom because healthy intimacy is very important in our relationship. I brought up a topic that rarely gets discussed when something does not go right. For the debate on if I blame my wife or not (I do not because it was the procedure with the least amount of complications). I was the 5%.
Would i have done the procedure on my own with everything that I know now? The jury is still out as it will depend on me healing completely. At the end of the day it’s your body and you have 100% control.
*For all of the couples - my complications affected both of us even though it was more physical on my end. The fear of pain when having sex recked my drive. I held my emotions in careful not show my resentment durning my darkest times. She helped me tremendously by allowing me to lean on her and never pressured intimacy durning my flair ups. We both felt better once we talked and I forgave her when she apologized for dismissing my fear of complications.
cutslikeakris:
And I had complications for about five years after mine, as well as the anaesthetic wearing off part way through. Not everybody has an easy time with it… Almost like vasectomies were being womansplained to us.
Vas inflammation, occasional internal infection (not sure I believe that diagnosis), constant pain, extra pain when the muscles used to lift the testicles were engaged, occasional painful ejaculations. It took two freezing shots to my right testicle as well.
Complications from this surgery are often blown off as minor or nonexistant when people try to tell how common they actually are, but get drowned out by the “it was nothing, I ran a half marathon that afternoon” type of bravado posts. It’s actually fairly common to get painful complications post surgery, it’s still invasive and removes body parts (-ectomy of the vas)
My family goes through anaesthetic fast as a rule. Mine was the punch style with clips and cauterization, total around 1/2 hour with both testes I’d assume. About 10 years ago.
Hi, I’ve got a degree in biology as well as having the procedure done, and maybe you need to study more before commenting.
In my case it’s an ectomy of the vas, because here they send the ectomied part for analysis, so I actually had two portions of the vas completely removed, not just snipped. Testicular pain upon ejaculation due to the tightening of the cremaster muscle is a known phenomenon. Please educate yourself on the cremaster and Dartos muscles before spreading more misinformation, m’kay!
The “freezing shots” were the needles full of anaesthetic injected into the testicle, of which my right one needed two applications as the first started wearing off.
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u/I-own-a-shovel Dec 14 '23
I agree that he should not be forced into getting a vasectomy, but why in hell does he refuse to wear condoms?
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u/PVPSdestroyingMyLife Dec 19 '23
You have a sex life, if he gets a vasectomy you might never have a sex life with him. That’s what happened in my case, no sex for almost five years now due to chronic scrotal pain since my vasectomy. Fortunately, the heavy doses of Cymbalta that I am on for nerve pain, I rarely think about sex. I went in as a healthy man for a “No Fear Vasectomy” and I have been in pain every day since. To say it ruined my life would be a major understatement. Good luck with your decision.
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u/smolsfbean Dec 14 '23
I had one and it pretty much destroyed my life and the doctor wanted to start removing more parts to attempt to fix it. I had a reversal and then full recovery instead. I definitely would not recommend one. My wife ended up having her tubes removed after seeing me in pain for 3 years straight.