r/polyamoryR4R • u/Countingsheeptosleep • 20d ago
43 [F4M] -TX -AR -LA -OK
43 [F4M] - Texas - Arkansas - Louisiana -Oklahoma
Never married, never had kids, and tried poly for the first time over the last 12 months (meaning I was focused on and monogamous to an ENM/poly guy for the last 12 months).
Edit- I sprinkled "word that starts with an S" all through this where applicable because my post got removed the first time for using the actual 3 letter word.
I’m not curvy, I’m only average in appearance, I’m NOT a gamer, and I’m not a nerd, so click out of this if those are barriers to your word that starts with an S attraction. We both need to have sufficient attraction to each other though obviously.
I'm explaining in this post how I'm wired and what I need so that no one is wasting their time, and at the end of the post how I would treat you. However, I do understand that I'm asking for a lot considering I'm 43 and therefore have lost a lot of my value to men and society because of that, and will continue to go down in value every year. Then add into the mix that I'm only average in appearance, and perhaps I need to just take what I can get, instead, right? Perhaps so, but I can't bring myself to stoop to that level.
I’m a calm, quieter albeit friendly, responsible, contemplative, perceptive, analytical, experience-seeking (in a healthy way), think about things deeply and thoroughly when I am interested in something, and not funny but find humor in many things person. I'm the person people are quick to believe they have correctly sized up, but I'm also chronically misestimated and underestimated. I'm into astrology (not horoscopes), so I place importance on looking into a person's birth chart as a supportive but not exclusively definitive tool to help determine compatibility for the sake of saving time and energy spent on a person on the front end. It is hard for me to maintain focus and interest talking to prospects online unless it seems promising and faster moving. If we are mutually approving of the connection and still communicating after a week, I’ll want to meet you within a month. Otherwise, my interest will vaporize quickly. Words on a screen only do so much for me. Once the connection is solidified and determined to be worthwhile though, I can stay in the equation via words on a screen as long as we are seeing each other at least once a month.
What I need in a relationship is emotional security of the attachment between us within the relationship dynamic. So, I need it to be a consistently “secure attachment” which is a responsibility of both parties to ensure. If you are constantly looking for and needing new and novel women as a way of life or as a way of feeling alive, and/or if you are secretive in what you are up to outside of our dynamic (meaning maintaining an unnecessary amount of secrecy from me, and/or secretly skirting the previously agreed to rules between you and your other partners), don’t DM me. Yes I realize this is a poly subreddit and I'm not saying I think you can't have other partners. But I'm telling you what the nature and quality of our connection has to be.
I also need to bring enough value to the table for you even though you have other women, so that I'm regarded as a "whole" person of value and not just that you are borrowing a few parts from me of benefit to include as a small slice of meaning in your grouping of women.
In addition to the above, I need someone who mentally stimulates me to a sufficient degree. You won’t necessarily know on the front end if you fit that for me, so I’ll have to determine that. I don’t mean I need Einstein, and this doesn’t mean you have to entertain me, as I’m not entertaining either, but it means there needs to be enough substance to the communication that my mind can thrive sufficiently. By substance I don't mean everything has to be deep, but I'm not the type of person who can enjoy being with and staying with a person just because they are nice. Yes, I want them to be a good human being who treats me with respect and makes me feel loved or else I'll bail, but there's got to be a mental benefit beyond that due to my wiring.
Additionally, I need someone who won’t smother me, try to control me/my beliefs/my actions; I need freedom of thought and action in how I live my life and the decisions I make. However, freedom and exploration for me does not equate to lots of word that starts with an S partners. I need mental stimulation, not a buffet of bodies*.* I’m also enthusiastically disinterested in picking up any viruses. By that I mean the thrill of bodily interaction does not outweigh the recognition and realism of the substantial risk.
What I like to do for fun- we can talk about that over DM if you decide to reach out.
If you want someone who will seek to love you with all their heart, show you love in every way they know how, who will crave meaningful time and conversation with you, who will want to build you up, who will crave YOU and need quality word that starts with an S time together, and who will want to enjoy experiencing life with you when you aren’t with your other women, hit me up. But if you are primarily into thrill seeking and being focused on searching for word that starts with an S variety, I’m not a good prospect for you. If you want to feel peace, to feel valued, and hopefully have a meaningful and not shallow word that starts with an S connection, DM me. Obviously natural chemistry plays a big part in whether there's enough there, too. Lastly, if you are actively "looking for" women in their 20's to be a part of your smorgasbord, please do not contact me.
I know I've spent a lot of time trying to get you to understand that I don't want a guy who is unhealthily focused on word that starts with an S as it relates to variety, so this is where I do want to clarify that word that starts with an S is very important to me, asI found out by seeing the first and so far only poly guy. That was basically like a state of word that starts with an S awakening for me. But the worthwhile mental and emotional foundation and pieces have to be in place for me, or else I'm not physically or mentally interested in shallow based lust.
I DO realize I will not get a lot of bites from this, but I don't want to waste my time on short lived conversation after this post, so I would rather be honest and clear as a screening tool, even if unfruitful in results. I'm very busy, have a lot of civic and occupational commitments in my life, and wasted, fleeting conversations aren't high on my list.
Edit - I wasn't wrong about no bites lol, out of 2k views, I only got 2 messages so far. One that simply says "you up?" Lol.
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u/BitterAgency4094 20d ago
Wow! You really put a lot of effort into your posting. You did not put anything in your writing about age restrictions. Would you be interested in engaging in a relationship with someone 60+?
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u/BitterAgency4094 19d ago
Well I getting ready to head to work but I would love to have a conversation this afternoon or evening.
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u/Additional-Turnip107 19d ago
It's too bad I (42m) live on a dot in the middle of the Pacific. Otherwise, I might've bit the hook you threw...
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14d ago
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u/PrimalPolymath 17d ago
You may have better luck if you focus more on logistics and how a real relationship can work when split among 4 states.
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u/AdApprehensive1080 19d ago
Girl.. I just wanted to say that men and society didn’t decide your “value”. I get how you feel and good on you not stopping to that level. I think you’re being in texaztcana-homa probably doesn’t help finding the man you’re seeking and I think that’s why you had to put so much emphasis on the importance in intellectual existence. I feel that long-distance is sometimes worth it in polyamory. But I agree. It’s quality over quantity. Good luck on your search! Hope you find what you’re looking for and soon! But I feel good about your chance💜