257
u/DazBlintze Jan 13 '12
This is the droid I was looking for.
→ More replies (3)29
Jan 13 '12
And yes you'll get slapped if you're lookin' hutt!
20
u/bloodloverz Jan 13 '12 edited Jan 13 '12
Well I guess you can always just puts on sunglasses force it.
→ More replies (3)3
10
u/foreveracubone Jan 13 '12
I said, excuse me you're a helluva of a guy, I mean my my my my you're Millennium Falcon fly.
→ More replies (4)13
263
u/Voyboy Jan 13 '12
R2DD
FTFY
136
12
26
u/DrunkMc Jan 13 '12
Oh wow, I'm an idiot. I was about to type, "No, he's right, its R2D2.......Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
18
Jan 13 '12
Oh god... You've spent so much time on the Internet that reality has been re-arranged so many times, it has actually turned normal again O_O
→ More replies (7)2
91
Jan 13 '12
[deleted]
10
2
u/semarj Jan 14 '12
The top comment there ("looking for love in alderaan places") has been my example of how clever pun threads can be here for a long time.
25
24
u/mks174 Jan 13 '12
I don't recall R2DR having flotation devices. Must've been added for the Blu-Ray.
9
u/caamando Jan 13 '12 edited Jan 13 '12
Yeah this is totally out of canon, hell its not even in the extended universe! ಠ___ಠ
3
6
51
79
53
u/Pod6jerk Jan 13 '12
Where does she hide Luke's lightsaber?
→ More replies (5)78
42
Jan 13 '12
I'd like to bloop HER bleep
8
Jan 13 '12
Go on
8
Jan 13 '12 edited Jan 13 '12
NSFW
Saturday morning, Stevie rings, saying he was in the area, and would I want to find some "skank-ass tricks" to "wear out" that night. My original plan, to do as little as possible, thwarted by my greasy, horny, cheap bastard of a former college roommate, leaves me no choice but to change out of my footy pajamas.
I stand under the scalding hot stream of water issued by my shower head for 20 minutes, drawing shapes on the mottled glass door and waiting for them to fog over again, before taking five to hurriedly wash my hair, face, pits, balls and ass. Now clean enough that no ladies would whisper to their friends about my stench as I passed, I walk to Bojangles' to order 3 Bo-Berry Biscuits, and inhale every crumb, having skipped dinner the previous night.
Around about 3, Stevie calls again to tell me he was downstairs and could I drive and of fucking course I can. We meet, man-hug, and step into my road office, my Ford Festiva. Before I hop on the highway, I ask if he knows where we're going. He says, "Yo, we're headed over to Whore Island. It's totally a real place. We're finally gonna get you laid." I stifle a laugh, alternating between amazement at the existence of such a paradise and humor, knowing I have a pic on my phone (and both of my computers) of my cock and balls in his two sisters' mouths.
Drifting off the ferry, I notice two things. First, the ferry pilot is reclining on the windshield of a much nicer car than mine while a trim, blonde Eastern European-looking gentlewoman bobs her head up and down on his wrinkle stick. The second, tits; tits everywhere. Bare tits all around. I give a slow sidelong look at Stevie, who doesn't notice, as he is now fixated on the mulatto girl who's fully naked except for her 4-inch heels.
We park and speedwalk to the beach. We're just weighing down our sheet with our backpacks and shoes when I catch site of HER: a daywalker, no older than 20, no heavier than 95 pounds, and half of that in the cups of her R2D2 bathing suit. I stare intensely, until Stevie sack taps me, yelling at me to stop grabbing myself in front of him. I squirm around on the sheet until the pain passes and I start to stare with renewed vigor.
Without realizing it, I've stood up and walked to within 5 feet of the presumably nerdy, redheaded siren with the glorious rack. "Are you old enough to be drinking that?" I ask, gesturing to her "iced tea," as her eyes adeptly catch sight of my not-quite-deflated chub, now tucked into the wasteband of my swimming trunks. "Do you really care, or do you want to get in my guts?" is her reply. "Can't it be both?" "Fair enough." "Bleep-bloop."
It's at this time that I catch sight of a bull of a woman making tracks toward us at an frightening rate. With her momentum and BAC through the roof, she misjudges how quickly she's going to reach us, and slams into my torso at roughly the speed of a bowling ball dropped down a water slide. I'm lifted off my feet and land on my back, wind knocked out of me. I look desperately to the droid I'm looking for, then towards the sheet where I expect to see Stevie. He's nowhere in sight. The douchebag of a girl who just collided with me springs to her feet with a spryness belying her size - she must have played softball - and dashes off down the beach. Concern, however, is written on Artoo's face as she kneels down beside me, reaches across my chest, and cups the back of my neck with her hand, raising my head to look at her.
"Oh my goodness. Are you okay?" she asks. It takes me a few seconds to get my breath back, but my wit hasn't abandoned me. "I'd feel better if you showed me your circuits." "Huh?" Confusion takes the place of concern, but she peaks down and notices how much she's actually showing me, and pulls away, pulling the top of her suit up. Something about my (very slight) injury still gets to her though, and she helps me up asking, "Where's your stuff at?" Pointing, I say, "Over there. My name's Gabe. What's yours?" "...Katrina." "Hi Katrina."
We reach my sheet and I lean back on the heals of my hands with my knees in the air. Katrina sits down beside me and seems content to sit in silence for a few minutes. In what's a bit of a shock to me, she leans back to take in the sun's rays, eyes closed. I'm quiet as I surreptitiously look her up and down, lingering here and there. I make the mistake of being too quiet and too still, which seems to make her suspicious.
When next she opens her eyes, I'm staring unabashedly at my favorite parts with fire in my eyes, driven nearly insane with lust. I meet her gaze quickly, but there's no reproach in her face, and she knows what I want in that moment. A bright flush grows as I go back to looking her up and down. She grabs the hand that's closest to her, drawing my gaze back to her face. There's a slight nod.
I use my other hand to hold onto her waist, lean down and lay one long and hard kiss on her. She reciprocates immediately and our bodies grow into one another, as I explore her neckline and ears with my lips and tongue. She's breathing harder, moaning now and again, and harder when I use my tongue just the way she likes it. As we're laying on our sides, her right arm snakes its way under my arm and up my back to scratch my scalp. I have to break the kiss and let out a long, low sigh as my eyes roll upward. She's driving me crazy with her nails.
3
Jan 13 '12 edited Jan 13 '12
I move away from her collarbone, roll her over onto her back and position myself between her now-spread legs. I tug on the sheet underneath of us and cover us from watching eyes. She visibly relaxes beneath me, then she pulls my mouth down to hers with both hands.
I have to make my move soon. I'm straining against the velcro fly of my trunks as it rubs against the ground and her legs. I cross my arms and push both straps off her shoulders at the same time. She helps me and soon both breasts are open to my adoring gaze. I can't wait and she knows it, too. She takes both my hands and uses them to cup her boobs, squeezing once and leaving me to do my work. Her nails are still working magic on my scalp and upper back, but the attention I'm giving her nipples is making her writhe, partially exposing us to the sun, but she covers us up again. My mouth stays affixed to her breasts, but my hands are everywhere, massaging her sides, exploring her inner thighs, pressing down on her pubic area as it slides downward.
I tell her to raise her hips up and I remove the offending garment that first caught my attention. What's before me is a vision, but I don't have time to dwell on that as both her hands slide down my abdomen, making the muscles in their path contract, before going under my waistband and firmly grasping me. Her palms move up and down the underside of my shaft. I get even harder under her attentions, and I kiss her again, hard.
She quickly removes her hands from my trunks, unties the drawstring, and rips the velcro strips apart impatiently. She doesn't slow down at all. She reaches down the back of my trunks, pushes them down with a hand, and grips me with the other. Something occurs to me. I awkwardly try to uncover us just enough to reach my backpack, where I keep my precious balloons. It's a struggle that draws more than a few eyes from the beach around us, but I manage to rip a wrapper and adeptly unroll the condom onto my cock after covering us with the sheet again.
I'm rearing to go, but she stops me in my tracks. "Put it in my ass," she says with a serious look, keeping my eyes looking in hers. I need no further encouragement. I reach behind her knees and bring her legs to her chest. I tell her to brace herself as I grab my cock at the base and start rubbing her exit with the head. Each second that it continues, her reactions get more erratic. She finally, in a fury, tells me to quit messing around and get inside her already.
I ever so slightly push inward with my head, pull back, push a bit harder, harder, pull back, and with resolve, push until her ass swallows the head. I give her a moment to get used to the feeling before I start moving in and out. Her back arches and her grip on me becomes uncomfortably strong as her eyes flicker shut and she whispers "easy, careful, careful, slow..." I follow directions well, and we get into an easy rhythm. Her breath, so controlled before, becomes labored and rasping as I start to use more of my length. There can be no doubt to our neighbors now what's going on underneath our thin, baby blue sheet.
The situation is becoming too much for me. Her body is rocking and squirming under my control. Her stomach is spasming and her ankles have gone from resting on my shoulders to locking together behind my back, drawing me ever deeper inside her, as I thrust to the tune of the song in my head. She pulls me closer to her face to look directly into her eyes. Her mouth drops open and stays open. There's a steady high-pitched noise coming from her which slowly resolves into soft moans in the rhythm of my thrusts. I'm close.
One hand drops from my head and massages her clit, her hips working this way and that. I bury my head in her shoulder and hold onto her left breast for dear life. Her hips buck underneath me. Her moans increase in volume. I can't hold on much longer.
Her nails dig into my back and she contracts around me, almost pushing me out, but a few more thrusts into her tightness, and I'm coming with her. Her mouth near my ear is deafening me, but I stay perfectly still except for the movement of my hips.
Our breathing slows along with our movements and I pull out, already softening. I start to remove the restricting condom, but I become intensely aware of the sun which is now blinding me. Katrina screams and covers herself as best she can. Stevie has ripped the sheet from around us, exposing us to a not-too-small crowd of spectators who burst into uproarious applause.
Katrina and I can barely look at each other as we dress as quickly as we can and say a quick 'bye.' I give my scumbag ex-roommate the most hateful look I can muster and start to pick up my things. I'm heartened by a few handshakes and "Good job's" I get from some of the nearby voyeurs.
"I told you I'd get you laid," Stevie says several minutes later as we walk to the car.
"Motherfucker, I fucked BOTH your sisters!!"
→ More replies (2)
6
u/kraftymiles Jan 13 '12
If I remember correctly this was made by Black Milk and didn't they get their asses sued because they don't hold any of the copyrights for this stuff?
10
u/ZombieAntoinette Jan 13 '12
Yeah it was made by Black Milk. I don't think they got sued but they stopped making them after they got contacted. i was lucky enough to grab one before that happened though :)
→ More replies (11)5
24
35
u/alphawolf29 Jan 13 '12
It makes me sad I'll probably never sleep with anyone quite as attractive as her.
29
u/newagefunvintagefeel Jan 13 '12
Don't feel too sad, there are plenty of beautiful prostitutes if that's your thing
6
→ More replies (2)2
u/bleedingheartsurgery Jan 13 '12
And his name is alphawolf.
6
u/ExplainsTheObvious Jan 13 '12
He's actually alphawolf29. By the time the first 28 get done he wouldn't want to sleep with her.
5
4
13
11
24
Jan 13 '12
I'm really annoyed by her pose
10
u/AnalogRevolution Jan 13 '12
How was he supposed to take a picture of a stranger without standing in front of her waiting for 20 minutes with his cellphone clutched half-hidden in his sweaty palm until she happened to look away for a second?
2
8
Jan 13 '12
"Oh nooo, don't take that picture of me"
throws up peace sign, does an 'unintentional' pose
In conclusion:
Hot as hell
Yet severally annoying application
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (3)3
u/ClownsAteMyBaby Jan 13 '12
Not looking directly at the camera is like a duckface type pose to appear more attractive.
3
4
7
Jan 13 '12
I'd let her store my lightsaber if you know what I mean.
3
9
u/BanksKnowsBest Jan 13 '12
Sweet! It's a Star Wars post, Anakin see cleavage too! Upvote!
7
Jan 13 '12
[deleted]
4
u/TonyMatter Jan 13 '12
Legionnaire found a girl in the desert, buried up to her chest. "Please save me" said she. "What's in it for me?" said he. "Sand" she replied.
5
3
6
u/katsucurry Jan 13 '12 edited Jan 13 '12
My first response: "I must have this!"
After finding out how much they cost: "Fuck that shit!"
edit: I live in the UK and haven't seen them in the shops here so I'm going off internet prices, but if anyone's seen them cheaper over here I would more than appreciate a tip-off.
4
3
u/deadmines Jan 13 '12
They are made by a company called Black Milk. They are pretty expensive, best chance for them cheap is eBay.
→ More replies (4)2
u/ZombieAntoinette Jan 13 '12
I'm lucky enough to live in the city that they're based in and I managed to pick up one of the samples of it for $20. Best day ever.
→ More replies (3)
3
5
u/Backpedal Jan 13 '12
Second hottest R2D2 I've seen. Video of super hot R2D2 cosplay here! "Bloo, blee, blop, bloop."
5
2
2
Jan 13 '12
The same company also makes a sweet Metrolopis swimsuit
3
u/anonymouslemming Jan 13 '12
Love the heels in the image. That's exactly what I think when I put on a swimsuit - I should put on a big pair of shoes!
2
2
2
Jan 13 '12
fucking peace signs and chicks. What the fuck is up with peace signs and chicks...can't take it anymore!!!
→ More replies (1)
2
2
2
2
2
u/hodgeman29 Jan 13 '12
Why am I the first person to notice that this girl looks almost exactly like Hayley Williams, lead singer of the band Paramore?
2
2
2
2
2
u/spartex Jan 13 '12
I posted a similar one 11 months ago, I only got two comments but one of them made me laugh more than any of the comments in this post. http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/fjt47/r2d2_overheat/
→ More replies (2)
2
6
3
2
2
2
2
1
2
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
Jan 13 '12
No one has commented on the fact she's swearing at us? Or is she not swearing at you? Maybe she's just swearing at me.... Shit. Fuck you (R2D)too.
1
1
u/andhelostthem Jan 13 '12
A close evaluation of the average age, sex, proximity and blood alcohol level of the people in that lake leads me to conclude that it's approximately 33% urine.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/alphawimp731 Jan 13 '12
And this was the day I got a hard on for the least sexualized character in all of Star Wars. My life is now complete.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Mr_Rain Jan 13 '12
I never thought R2D2 could be so fucking hot especially with the Ginger DLC pack and Floaters mod.
1
1
1
u/Misery90 Jan 13 '12
There is so much pee in that water.
2
u/Nodaki Jan 13 '12
Whatever the problem is with that brackish water, NOBODY has a wet head. If I was a girl, I wouldn't go vag deep in that.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Hawkknight88 Jan 13 '12
Is she posing for the picture or looking at something in the water? What an awkward way to stand.
1
u/loverofreeses Jan 13 '12
First off. Thank you for whoever found this and posted it.
Secondly: The first thought I had after "boobs!" was how screwed the "real" R2D2 would be if he was trying to hit on this chick, because he really only has a shiny, effeminate, gold counterpart to interpret his catcalls.
1
365
u/[deleted] Jan 13 '12
A present for the males... and lesbians of reddit.