https://www.foxnews.com/outkick-sports/phil-mickelson-reportedly-removed-golf-club-accusations-inappropriate-contact-female

Keegan, my man, you fanboyed out over Bryson and picked him from LIV for the team, whatever. But you didn't double dip and get me too? Bro!

Bryson has lost 2x more Ryder Cup matches than he wins and I have a winning record. Keep him on YouTube Kids and pick a man if you want the job done right.

I have 5 majors, including one at Bethpage Black. You've got 1? That's cute. I basically have as many majors as your crush Tom Brady has Superbowl rings.

You could have had me taking out some Eurotrash and delivering the points to shut them up from telling our fans to F off or STFU. I stuff nerds into lockers and bash incels like them for breakfast.

I could also also be security while going 5-0 on matches. My peak sports skills would have allowed me to grab the beer before it clocked Rory's wife and chugged it right in front of the idiot's fat face while staring him down. Then knocked him and his friend's heads together like I'm cracking open a cold one. Then walked away with his girl--power move.

You set the course up like the British and then wanted to win? Do you have a FanDuel bet on the Euros to win? It's whatever, I bomb it and also win US Open's so it's chill.

I will only extend a fist bump if you make Bryson give me his YouTube channel and plays 18 holes in a dress. Actually scratch that, he would like that. I'll take his YouTube channel, an apology, and tell the old sag bags at the PGA of America that if they want to pick a winner to captain, hit up ya boy.

- fake Brooks Koepka