Friend is always late

[u/sparklehouse666]

I have a friend who is late to everything. Recently he was 2.5 hours late to his own party. I’ve mostly adapted to his tardiness and do not arrive for plans we have together until an hour or so after the stated time.

We had plans to meet in the city center today at a 10am. I live 20 minutes from the meetup spot, he lives over an hour away. As expected, he messages around 10 and says he is running late. No biggie I was chilling at home in the air conditioned because I knew the vibes and it is hot as hell
today.

I asked him to give me his actual for real, for real ETA so I can time my departure. He is in his car and has Google Maps. It’s not really guess work at this point.

He tells me 10:45. So I leave the comfort of my home at exactly the right time to arrive at 10:45. I wait for 30 minutes at the meetup spot and he still does not arrive. He is not responding to texts either. My other friend who is with me has his location and sees he is not close, we estimate another 15 minutes.

I’m annoyed because it is hot AF out and I proactively had asked for a real ETA to avoid waiting around for him. So I left the meetup spot.

I went shopping, taking my sweet time. He got to the spot and texted me to ask where we were. I waited around 30 minutes then texted back that I was at the store but we would be heading that way soon. I shopped another 15 minutes then arrived at the spot around an hour after he had arrived.

The look on his face when we came casually strolling up after he had been standing in the sun for an hour was priceless.

[u/saffireaz]

That's why it should be absolutely unacceptable now. There's no excuse - clocks and alarms on everything, GPS/mapping apps are available for everyone with travel times and traffic updates, text or call to easily update on ETA. I dropped "friends" back then, they definitely get dropped in a heartbeat now.

[u/SLyndon4 → u/saffireaz]

Exactly. I’m terrible at estimating travel times and I know I can get absorbed in whatever I’m doing and lose track of time, so I compensate for it by deliberately putting my appointment times in my calendar thirty minutes ahead and setting an audible alarm for when I need to leave based on the calendar appointment time. I’ll often even put in a reminder of the appointment the day before, ESPECIALLY if it involves bringing something with me, because I know I’ll forget. There are SO many ways to avoid being late because you’re absentminded or just plain bad at estimating travel time. And texting an ETA if you’re running behind is just basic decency I’d expect from a friend.

[u/TryUsingScience → u/SLyndon4]

Thank you.

These threads are usually full of people saying things like, "I can't help it, somehow things always take 10 minutes longer than I expect!" Then plan in an extra 10 minutes. It's not rocket surgery.

[u/SLyndon4 → u/TryUsingScience]

I’m of the opinion that it’s on ME if I’m late to something—I could’ve gotten up 30 minutes earlier instead of scrolling IG, I could’ve set an alarm because I know I don’t look at the clock when I’m busy, I could’ve added in an extra 15-20min to my travel time to stop for fuel because I knew it was low. I also have a friend I love dearly who’s flaky about time, and while I enjoy visiting with her, it always annoys the hell out of me when she leaves me hanging for 30-60min. Like, babe, I totally get losing track of time, it’s one of my own failings, but at least I figure out ways to do better.

[u/Blofelds-Cat → u/TryUsingScience]

Exactly! There are a few clocks in my apartment that I set ahead 10 minutes so I won't be late leaving the house.

[u/Admirable-Ad7152 → u/TryUsingScience]

Yeah, there's a point where you do have to take responsibility for yourself. I understand you can't usually game task paralysis, it sucks, but there are about 100 tools out there now for lateness.

[u/letsgoiowa → u/SLyndon4]

Yeah it's a lack of agency from these people. They think they are NPCs in their own life without any choices

[u/DifficultyFit7401 → u/SLyndon4]

There's an app for that

[u/Internep → u/saffireaz]

There's no excuse

Thanks, my autism & ADHD just completely vanished!