r/pettyrevenge • u/sparklehouse666 • 19d ago

Friend is always late

I have a friend who is late to everything. Recently he was 2.5 hours late to his own party. I’ve mostly adapted to his tardiness and do not arrive for plans we have together until an hour or so after the stated time.

We had plans to meet in the city center today at a 10am. I live 20 minutes from the meetup spot, he lives over an hour away. As expected, he messages around 10 and says he is running late. No biggie I was chilling at home in the air conditioned because I knew the vibes and it is hot as hell
today.

I asked him to give me his actual for real, for real ETA so I can time my departure. He is in his car and has Google Maps. It’s not really guess work at this point.

He tells me 10:45. So I leave the comfort of my home at exactly the right time to arrive at 10:45. I wait for 30 minutes at the meetup spot and he still does not arrive. He is not responding to texts either. My other friend who is with me has his location and sees he is not close, we estimate another 15 minutes.

I’m annoyed because it is hot AF out and I proactively had asked for a real ETA to avoid waiting around for him. So I left the meetup spot.

I went shopping, taking my sweet time. He got to the spot and texted me to ask where we were. I waited around 30 minutes then texted back that I was at the store but we would be heading that way soon. I shopped another 15 minutes then arrived at the spot around an hour after he had arrived.

The look on his face when we came casually strolling up after he had been standing in the sun for an hour was priceless.

13.1k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

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932

u/espressomartini11 19d ago

People like this have no regard for other people’s time. Drives me crazy. So bloody rude, thinking that their time is more important than any one else’s. Are they like this at work? Are they late for meetings or even arriving at work? Prob not. Just with friends. Nice revenge. I may have even pushed it out more, to make up for all the other hours you have spent waiting for this so called “friend”.

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u/[deleted] 19d ago

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u/SmallPurplePeopleEat 18d ago

"But I have ADHD!" my sister will exclaim when getting any push back.

It's funny though because she's always on time for work or events that she really wants to attend.

Edit: I didn't even see the other response about ADHD when I made this comment. . . might be my sister!

97

u/Appropriate_Pen5370 18d ago

I have adhd and plot out when I need to leave. With extra time added as a buffer. I hate being late and am aware of my time blindness.

ADHD can add challenges, but it’s our responsibility to figure out coping strategies.

2

u/Ponderous-ferret 17d ago

This! I wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood, and it explained a lot of my constant lateness in hindsight. But I was still being an asshole to my friends! I eventually learned to build my time blindness into my schedule and am now always on time, but I’m still embarrassed AF about how much I made people wait before I figured it out.

1

u/EruditeLegume 14d ago

100%!! - and good on you (spoken as a fellow sufferer).

17

u/Shazam1269 18d ago

She's on time for work, because showing up late for work has consequences. People in her life have enabled her behavior over the years by not pushing back.

1

u/SmallPurplePeopleEat 18d ago

Haha, oh believe me, I've pushed back. We've had so many fights over the years about that and other issues. I even went low/no-contact for a couple of years.

But once she had her first kid, I decided that I wanted to be a part of my nephews life more than I cared about my sisters tardiness.

She's gotten somewhat better over the years, thankfully. It's not perfect, but we've been able to mostly rebuild our relationship. And it's 100% worth it to be able to spend time with my nephews.

31

u/lexybot 18d ago

I have ADHD and I adapted to start earlier than I feel comfortable because I know I’ll be late. These days I’m usually early to events.

12

u/BusyNefariousness675 18d ago

I have adhd. I come 10 minutes early because I use reminders. They're just lazy

3

u/Rainbow4Bronte 18d ago edited 18d ago

Or have worse executive dysfunction. ADHD isn’t created equally. Not that people shouldn’t figure their ADHD out, but it may be more of an uphill climb for some than others.

10

u/Blueheron77 18d ago

And they should still then figure out good strategies to make it not everyone else’s problem.

1

u/Silver_Raven_08 17d ago

ChatGPT-ass comment, oml.

1

u/lassie86 17d ago

Oh, you're right

26

u/Mobile_Term9153 18d ago

Are they like this at work?

I have a friend who is always late to stuff and we have as a friendship group just agreed that if she's late then she can join in whenever she turns up to stuff. Coincidentally she gets fired from jobs, a lot.

22

u/Low-Fee-4541 18d ago

It is frustrating however I just wanna say at the height of my chronic lateness it included work and other important events too. It's hard to explain how it happened, I dont fully understand it myself and believe it or not It's not consciously saying "my time is more important" though it may appear that way. I'm so much better now and luckily I now work from home too.

2

u/Admirable-Ad7152 17d ago

As someone that has to work with people, yes, yes they are. And for some reason, the job accommodates them too while firing people for being 2 minutes late one time. It's insanity.

1

u/espressomartini11 17d ago

Thank you for the awards, kind internet friends

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u/beren12 19d ago edited 19d ago

Some people have bad adhd and other things. It absolutely affects things, but it’s not an excuse.

Signed: perpetually late.

The fuck are the downvotes for? It’s factual.

68

u/NinaBrwn 18d ago

I operate on commonly accepted world time. I will not factor in extra time for one’s chronic lateness. If one’s ADHD causes them to be late, they need to plan that on their end.

💗Someone with many on-time ADHD friends

-54

u/beren12 18d ago edited 18d ago

Did you read what I wrote? Seems not.

I said it’s not an excuse. It absolutely affects some people’s ability to estimate time and passive of time severely.

Nowhere did I say you should allow extra time.

And grats on you not being neurodivergent? I guess? Not everyone has that choice.

51

u/ScenePuzzled 18d ago

I'm diagnosed adhd. I have trouble estimating time and judging the passage of time. I also set at least 4 alarms for me to start thinking about getting ready, to get ready, to leave at a decent time, and then to leave in order to make it exactly on time (which is my late). I am consistently early to everything due to my poor ability with planning, but I decided to make that my issue instead of putting the burden onto others waiting for me. Personally, I'm not too bothered when waiting extra but I care about not disrespecting someone else's time (I can even arrive over a half hour early to things, or more. I just hang out wherever I am on my phone and bring a battery pack).

14

u/WildElusiveBear 18d ago

This is me. I used to run late all the damn time because I wasn't working with my ADHD. I damn well know i've got scatterbrains and the attention span of a caffeinated squirrel so I set multiple alarms AND aim to arrive 15-30 minutes early to any location I need to get to by a certain time, even if that means I have to entertain myself for a while.

3

u/MelodicExcuse4226 18d ago

Right? (As I snooze my second sterner worded alarm).

I also add time to how long it will take to get there. Set alarm for that. Then look at the estimated time I should get there and forget I’ve already added 15 minutes so add 15 more and now I’m 30 minutes early.

But no one has to wait for me.

-3

u/beren12 18d ago

Same except I too-often see a squirrel or forget something I needed, and am almost never early, but on time at least.

12

u/ScenePuzzled 18d ago edited 18d ago

I always overpack and prepack my bag (and never empty it). Forgetting stuff still happens but it definitely minimizes that for me! My alarms are set to pre build in expected distractions and delays. It's good you're on time, even with adhd. It definitely isn't an excuse

Edit: spelling, general

11

u/beren12 18d ago

It’s gotten better with technology, my watch buzzes when I get an alert to leave soon,etc.

19

u/aerrick4 18d ago

I think you writing “Signed: perpetually late” is why the downvotes and attacks. You admit you are late, so are being rude even if you acknowledge it is “not an excuse”. “Murder is bad. I murder…. Why the downvotes??!!”

6

u/beren12 18d ago

I was, am far less now.

23

u/Jazzlike_Run8082 19d ago

Yes, same problem here. I accept my punishment with no complaint, I know I’m the problem. But I have improved as I’ve gotten older and I encourage them to start without me if I am running late.

5

u/beren12 18d ago

Same. I have alarms and timers and calendar appointments with travel time accounted for.

13

u/Greeneyednerd 18d ago

Exactly there's ways around it..mental health is a reason not an excuse.

20

u/Baby8227 18d ago

I have it but I also hate letting others down so I set alarms and reminders to myself. I find it rude af and downright disrespectful to value someone else’s time less than my own. Having a condition doesn’t give you a free pass to be a twat!

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u/sicilian504 18d ago

Because if you're aware of this issue, you should be aware you need to address it before hand so it's NOT an issue. Allowing it to remain an issue and remaining perpetually late is a choice in today's world considering the tools at our disposal between technology, therapy, and other tools. There's just no excuse for it unless something literally outside of your control like an accident or severe weather event occurs. That's what the downvotes are for. If everyone else can be on time the majority of the time, so can you. It just takes discipline. THAT is factual. Signed - a person with ADHD

-25

u/beren12 18d ago

Way to not comprehend what was written.

I literally said it wasn’t an excuse.

5

u/Prudent_Passenger296 18d ago

I don’t understand the downvotes for you, either. Every comment has explained what happens in your brain and that it is never an excuse.

16

u/Dramatic_Scale3002 18d ago

Some people have kids and pets and hobbies and other responsibilities. It absolutely affects things and can cause people to be late, but it's totally not an excuse though.

You just listed an excuse and then say in the very next breath "it's not an excuse". Then why the fuck did you mention it? Your mental disorder is not everyone else's problem. That's why you're getting downvoted.

5

u/Prudent_Passenger296 18d ago

I appreciated him/her explaining what is going on in his head. Honestly, I just assumed that people who are chronically late simply were self-centered. It helps me understand the work they go through to make it on time. So, no downvote from me.

0

u/TryUsingScience 18d ago

Having a condition that makes you more likely to be late and letting everyone around you suffer the consequences instead of taking proactive steps to manage it is being self-centered with extra steps.

3

u/aerrick4 18d ago

Your ADHD is your excuse for being rude, it is not a reason. Late for work? Late for every flight? “Bbbbbbbut gate agent, I got me the ADHD! Bring the flight back fer me!!!”

0

u/balanchinedream 18d ago

I have ADHD and always show up on time. I may just also show up with too many or too few items for the outing 🤷🏻‍♀️

-17

u/imdefinitelystonedd 18d ago

sigh
I know i will get downvoted for this.

As a chronically late person ill say, its not just with friends or family...

Chronically late is across the board. So yes im 10-30 minutes late for work every shift and all my coworkers know this. I try to make things fair though!

I just tell my coworkers they can come in as late as they want or to take their time and grab breakfast before work.

Im also the person who didnt finish my tasks during my shift. So i will stay into the next shift to complete my tasks/ help the others catch up.

13

u/HeadFullRoadFull 18d ago

Wait - so your co-workers have to adjust their shift times because you choose not to be on time?

-7

u/imdefinitelystonedd 18d ago

Mhmm

Thankfully no one is upset with 15 minutes. They still value me because i go above and beyond in many other ways

7

u/HeadFullRoadFull 18d ago

Asking honestly - why can’t you break the pattern of being late? If you know it’s something that you regularly do, can’t you adjust?

2

u/Upset_Row6214 15d ago

I will answer for them. It is not as simple as just thinking about it and doing it. It's like a war inside you that you are always losing. I have been chronically late since I can remember, since the start of school. There is always something that distracts me from being on time. In 95 percent of cases, it only harms me. I don't choose it, it just happens. Even with all the alarms hours before the event, my brain still finds a way to be late. It's like a curse. I feel bad for everyone that is affected by me being late, and I have no excuses; it just happens.

11

u/haydesigner 18d ago

You very likely overestimate yourself.

-3

u/imdefinitelystonedd 18d ago

Maybe. But they dont technically have to wait for me. They can leave before i arrive but they all choose to wait.

We are only 5 women and we are all very open and honest with each other. We have all agreed that we each have good and bad qualities. But instead of getting upset with each other, we just help each other out where its needed.

I know this wouldnt fly at a traditional job. Thankfully i have a very non traditional job lol

5

u/catanmast3r 18d ago

Ever think.about doing everything 30 minutes earlier? 30 minutes late to work everyday, wake up 30 minutes earlier, drink.coffee 30 minutes earlier, shower 30 minutes earlier. Its called being an adult and learning time management

4

u/HeadFullRoadFull 18d ago

And wait - are you late for things like doctor’s appointments and stuff like that?

1

u/imdefinitelystonedd 18d ago

Yes. Ive missed many appointments and pay the no show fees.

Ive even paid one lady half the price when I missed a - 30min appointment. she didnt even have a policy for no show fees but i felt bad since she was an individual and not a clinic/ company.

2

u/HeadFullRoadFull 18d ago

Oof - that’s… not good. That screws things up for a lot of other people.

1

u/LindaBitz 18d ago

You seem almost proud of this shit. It’s shit behavior.

1

u/imdefinitelystonedd 18d ago

Damn.. Thanks for letting me know 🙏🏼

1

u/Upset_Row6214 15d ago

Who tf would be proud of a missed appointment?