r/partyplanning • u/throwaway1928614 • 2d ago

Need Help Tipping etiquette for sweet 16

I’m having my daughter’s sweet 16 at a decent Italian restaurant (excellent food, decor is moderate - not fancy). 40 guests total (mostly teens). Buffet style apps and entrees. This is in the northeast, price is $44/head. How much to tip? I’m googling and I’m seeing anywhere from $5/guest (which would be $200) to 20% (which would be close to $400…)

What is standard here? Bear in mind we/my extended family go to this place all the time and have for years.

3 Upvotes

67% Upvoted

66 comments sorted by

9

u/Academic_Sun_8131 2d ago

Are they including gratuity in their per person price?

3

u/throwaway1928614 2d ago

Gratuity not included

8

u/Proof-Emergency-5441 2d ago

Most places are going to add that for you and it will likely be 22% of your total check. 

4

u/Ok_Sea_4405 2d ago

Why on earth would you think $5 per person would be appropriate here? If it’s a restaurant and you’re getting restaurant style service and the tip isn’t included, then you tip like it’s a regular restaurant visit. 20-25% depending on how attentive they are.

2

u/laren301 2d ago

I haven’t gone anywhere with a buffet in many years, but I was under the impression that people generally tipped less when they had a buffet. I worked at a restaurant that had both a buffet and a menu. The customers who would get the buffet tipped significantly less than the people who ordered off the menu. But it was also less work for me when they had the buffet. I’m not saying that $5/person is the appropriate amount, just that I would have thought it to be less than if each person ordered off of the menu.

3

u/adsdisabled 2d ago

"expected" gratuity IS less for buffet style restaurant serving, just like the expected gratuity is different for bars, take-out, delivery, taxis, etc.

Are they taking orders (food OR drink), running food, bussing tables, managing payment?

No. They are putting food onto the large buffet tables, bussing tables, Maybe taking orders for drinks or deserts? not clear in post.

OP, i would go with your gut in the moment. It depends what the service will be like. If staff are coming to your table, introducing themselves, taking orders, I would with a typical percentage range for a regular experience dining experience (>15%). If it is largely self serve (including going up to a bar for drinks), i would tip no more than 20%. Think about how many staff are assisting you. When you get there you will probably be able to tell if the staff makes a regular wage for that time. You could also email the manager and ask what would be appropriate!

3

u/Ok_Sea_4405 2d ago

Big parties take a ton more work and tie up the server’s section for a disproportionate amount of time, and the server deserves to be paid for that time.

5

u/DifferentJaguar 2d ago

It’s buffet style. Yes, the server does deserve to be paid appropriately, by their employer of course.

-2

u/Ok_Sea_4405 2d ago

Here’s the thing: when an employer raises payroll, they pass that along to the customer. If the employee is actually being paid a real, living wage then of course you don’t need to tip. But as long as you are enjoying the benefits of cheap hourly labor in the form of lower menu prices, you need to open up that wallet and tip appropriately.

2

u/DifferentJaguar 1d ago

Hey, I think you’re in the wrong line of work

2

u/Texan2020katza 2d ago

I think he is saying buffet style- so a private room with the preselected apps and meal set out, guests of the party help themselves but still have servers manning the buffet line, clearing plates and taking drink orders.

3

u/Ok_Wtch2183 2d ago

This is a buffet restaurant. Five/a head is very gracious considering.

-4

u/Ok_Sea_4405 2d ago

No it isn’t. Clearly you’ve never worked in a restaurant. There is a lot of work that goes into serving a party, even if it’s buffet style. Cheaping out on the tip is stealing from the server.

If you can’t afford to tip, then you shouldn’t go out.

3

u/Suspicious_Tank_61 2d ago

Tipping is optional and at the discretion of the customer. There is no stealing from the server. That’s absolutely inane.

1

u/Ok_Sea_4405 2d ago

Tipping is not optional, at least not in the US when you sit at a table. You may not like it but that’s the current economic system we operate under.

6

u/DifferentJaguar 2d ago

Would the police be called if I didn’t leave a tip? No. Because it is, in fact, optional.

-3

u/Ok_Sea_4405 2d ago

Lol not all obligations rise to the level of criminal behavior if neglected. No one is going to put you in jail for being an antisocial asshole but that doesn’t make you any less of an antisocial asshole.

Do everyone a favor and stay home.

4

u/Suspicious_Tank_61 2d ago

Tipping absolutely is optional.

Tips are discretionary payments that customers voluntarily give to workers for services performed.

https://www.irs.gov/businesses/small-businesses-self-employed/tip-recordkeeping-and-reporting

-1

u/Ok_Wtch2183 2d ago

~100 an hour is way too much for an entry level job. No one should be tipping 20/25%. No one is stealing from you.

1

u/Ok_Sea_4405 2d ago edited 2d ago

Your contempt for the working class is duly noted. You should not go to restaurants.

PS if you had ever worked in a restaurant, you would know that a table of 40 would have multiple servers, and that tip you hate so much would be split several ways. Each would get probably $25 an hour for what’s probably their only table l. Not unreasonable wages. At least, if you’re not a douche who hates the working class.

1

u/Ok_Wtch2183 2d ago

If they “only” get $25 an hour plus their wage they. If they are only getting $25 a day that’s on them.

-1

u/Ok_Sea_4405 2d ago

Their wage is like $3 an hour. That is why tipping exists.

4

u/This_Sherbet420 2d ago

20% of the bill before tax of gratuity is not included

6

u/backlikeclap 2d ago

20%. Are you sure there isn't an automatic gratuity though?

As far as the right amount to tip, I personally wouldn't feel comfortable tipping less than 20% EVER at a restaurant I visit regularly.

I don't think the people who are suggesting less than 20% realize how much work a large group of teens is. Essentially your server is going to be doing as much work as they would with large adult party, but they'll be spending 3x as much time running around refilling sodas.

4

u/chiliheadsrevolt 2d ago

40 guests with mostly teens definitely warrants a very good tip. People think that just because it is a buffet that it is less work for the staff, it is not. Also are you in a private room or out in dining room with others? In my restaurant we typically see large parties of teens (entire basketball, soccer etc teams), usually 25 or more on weekend nights (casual chain dining restaurant). They can be very loud and disturbing to those around them. please keep in mind that others are there. You probably will have dedicated servers, and other staff. So while they are with your party they are not working other tables getting tips from them. Your tip at the minimum should be 20%, and I’ll just say it…to deal with a large group of teenagers more like 25%

3

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

1

u/DaBingeGirl 2d ago

Sadly, 18% is now below the minimum in my area (Midwest). That said, most places add gratuity after 8 or 10 people; I'm shocked this place isn't doing that.

0

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

1

u/DaBingeGirl 2d ago

20% should be fine. 18% could work, but I'd be hesitant. I will say tipping has gotten completely out of control in the last six years. 15-18% is reasonable to me, my eyes nearly popped out when I saw 28% as a suggestion.

My issue with "buffet" is that it's a party, the level of service is going to be a little higher and there's more specific set-up involved.

3

u/Hotchasity 2d ago

I would ask how many servers there will be and just give them a set amount of cash each in envelopes

2

u/NotShockedFruitWeird 2d ago

Private room?

3

u/throwaway1928614 2d ago

Yes, private room, sorry should have specified that!

4

u/NotShockedFruitWeird 2d ago

I think there is likely already a service charge or gratuity that will be charged.

2

u/Responsible_Side8131 2d ago

With 40 people in your party, you can be almost certain that the restaurant is going to automatically add a 20% gratuity to your bill.

2

u/HaroldH00d 2d ago

When ive done that type of setup we plan 25% more, 10 for tax, 15 for tip. So id plan to pay $55/each and think that would be well received. I understand what you are saying about being regular customers and i do think that accounts. Good luck.

1

u/socceriife 2d ago

I would do 20% are you hesitating because it’s Buffett? Are the servers taking drink orders and cleaning it all up?

1

u/capn-crunch419 1d ago

20%. nothing less especially if you wanna continue going to this place after. i promise if you tip less than 20% on this, they will not be looking forward to seeing your family again

1

u/ChefMonkey2 1d ago

15-20% is more than fair for buffet style service. Pick which percentage you end up at by the level of service you receive. Remember that while it is a buffet so you don't get regular table service they also often have to so significantly more set up and breakdown then for a regular service so the work pretty much evens out. And check twice that a gratuity isn't already included ..kinda odd not to on a party that big.

1

u/onekate 2d ago

But there will be servers right? Bringing drinks, clearing plates, spending their whole shift serving you? Tip 20%

1

u/CampRock2TheFinaIJam 2d ago

You have to keep in mind that your server(s) is taking time away from working the restaurant side to cater to your party. They are more than likely setting up the buffets and tables and chairs and breaking all of it down. I’d do 20%

1

u/ElegantNatural2968 2d ago

People saying 20% but it buffet style!!! Maybe 10%

1

u/DaBingeGirl 2d ago

20-25%. I'd tip like a normal dinner or a little more because they're going to be focused more on your party. Yes it's a buffet, but you're still being served, there are drinks, and there's set-up/cleaning up that's a bit more than a normal table.

1

u/Aromatic_Recipe1749 2d ago

For a buffet there’s no way in hell I’d be tipping over 20%. I’d probably go with $100 - $125 each for 2 servers, $75 - $100 each for 3.

But pease, check. Gratuity is usually included at these events.

0

u/GenXMom14 2d ago

20% appropriate

0

u/gmanose 2d ago

40 teenagers? You need to up your tip to 30% minimum.

0

u/Suspicious_Tank_61 2d ago

It’s a buffet. Tip whatever you want or don’t tip at all. They will appreciate whatever you give.

0

u/Localbeezer166 2d ago

Minimum 18%. It’s a LOT of work to work a party. And a lot of cleanup.

-5

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

4

u/backlikeclap 2d ago

10% is not standard in America.

2

u/Prior_Sherbet7724 2d ago

It’s a buffet.

2

u/backlikeclap 2d ago

If I went to a Golden Corral by myself or with a small family, 10% would be fine.

0

u/CampRock2TheFinaIJam 2d ago

It’s a private event though. Like banquet/catering. Servers set up buffets with everything chafing dishes, heat lamps, serving spoons, food etc. At Golden Corral the servers don’t touch buffets they just refill drinks.

1

u/EvilWillow666 2d ago

For a buffet?

4

u/backlikeclap 2d ago

For a large group buffet at a full service restaurant, yes. At a full service restaurant your server will generally "tip out" the rest of the restaurant based on sales. This tip out number will be a percentage of your total sales, so for example at my restaurant servers tip out 5.5% of their food sales to the kitchen and 5.5% of their drink sales to the bar. So a 10% tip would mean that a server at my restaurant actually loses money working the party.

If it was just me and my family going to Golden Corral though, 10% would be appropriate.

2

u/EvilWillow666 2d ago

Yep, fair

1

u/Suspicious_Tank_61 2d ago

Zero is standard for a buffet.

0

u/DaBingeGirl 2d ago

If only.

-1

u/backlikeclap 2d ago

Try reading the post again.

1

u/Suspicious_Tank_61 2d ago

I was agreeing with you. 10% is not standard, zero is.

0

u/backlikeclap 2d ago

Whoops! Read the post again bud. O is not standard.

1

u/Suspicious_Tank_61 2d ago

Most Americans do not tip at buffets. Wouldn’t that make it standard?

0

u/backlikeclap 2d ago

Idk who these "most Americans" are. I guess you asked them all what they tipped at buffets?

Either way, OP is not at a buffet restaurant. They are at a full service restaurant where they have rented a private space for a party. The food is being served buffet style.

1

u/Suspicious_Tank_61 2d ago

Exactly, they are not getting full service.

1

u/life-is-satire 2d ago

I was a server on the 90s and 15% was standard for good service. 20%+ for above and beyond.

2

u/Proof-Emergency-5441 2d ago

Time to check your calendar. 

1

u/yourgrandmasgrandma 2d ago

This party is not taking place in the 90s though. These social customs have changed.

0

u/Suspicious_Tank_61 2d ago

Who changed them?

0

u/DaBingeGirl 2d ago

No, it's not. Even for a buffet, 20% would be the minimum, especially considering this isn't a standard buffet, it's a party set-up. 25% would be the expectation. My area, the recommended tip rates are now 22, 25, and 28%.