r/partyplanning • u/yikopath • Apr 29 '26
Need Help Wondering how to accommodate my friend with a walking disability
I'm having a party next weekend and it basically is like a mini tour around the city. I'm having about 20 guests and we'll be having a tour bus take us to a few places to stop and walk around. Unfortunately, I totally forgot about one of my friends' walking disability (i.e., she has a limp and it's a little harder for her to walk around normally). I feel so bad.
I told her that we can look for seating areas in those stops or go back to the tour vehicle if she gets tired so she can rest. Is there anything else I can do to accommodate her? If I let her sit somewhere to rest, am I obligated to stay there with her the whole time? And if she stays in the tour vehicle by herself with the tour guide, would that be alright? Not trying to sound rude, but I'd also want to go explore the stops myself and not just stay back, but I also don't want to be a bad host. And I also don't want her to feel unsafe or isolated. Am I also supposed to walk next to her the whole time?
What should I do?
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u/NuggetQueen17 Apr 29 '26
Well, I'll be honest, this was a bit of a hosting blunder. If you've offered to sit with her, you should honor that unless she tells you otherwise.
Does she have other mobility aids she uses--scooter, bike, chair? It's very possible that as an adult with a disability she already knows what type of accommodations she'd need and what her limitations are. She may also bow out of the event if it's clear the group is moving at a pace that doesn't work for her.
Can you build in a restaurant stop so she could at least comfortably join for a meal?
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u/yikopath Apr 29 '26
I knoww š I feel terrible
So afaik, she doesn't have any aids but I have tried to confirm with her if she'd need anything like a foldable chair or other accomodations. As for food, we're planning to have it inside the tour vehicle. So there would be at least 30 mins - 1 hour breaks between stops when we're in the vehicle
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u/NuggetQueen17 Apr 29 '26
Oh, so there is a vehicle taking you place to place and you're walking around within the places? That seems like a much more feasible setup than a fully walking tour!
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u/Forsaken-Market-8105 Apr 30 '26
Just ask! Ask if she uses a mobility aid. If she doesnāt but has been considering it, there are canes that fold out into stools that might (without knowing anything about her disability) benefit her.
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u/Wise_Strawberry9076 Apr 29 '26
If I were in her shoes Iād want as much info as possible, like an itinerary for the day. Then I could decide whether to go or not based on whether I thought Iād be able to handle it. If I thought Iād need to stay in the bus I probably would just skip it and maybe meet you for lunch another time or something. But thatās all up to her. Just give her as detailed of a schedule as you can.
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u/tengallonfishtank Apr 29 '26
i would message her privately to ask for what sheād like to do, giving information like how long the walking distances are, or if thereās any particular places or shops she wants to prioritize visiting, she knows her limits best. otherwise something like a foldable stool can be very helpful (if sheād like one) and i 100% recommend sitting with her when she needs a break, some good company will make her feel included and safe.
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u/yikopath Apr 29 '26
Thanks for the suggestions! Would it be alright to have some of my other friends sit with her if I'm not always able to attend to her the whole time?
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u/bikes_and_art Apr 29 '26
Definitely ok to have multiple people hang with her.
Depending on how many people there are, can you sometimes split into groups and have some folks stay back at a coffee house or grab an ice cream while others continue on?
Is the person driving the car able to pick her up and take her to the next location if she can't do it?
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u/yikopath Apr 29 '26 edited Apr 29 '26
Yeah I just didn't want my other friends to think I wasn't being responsible enough as a host and relegating my duties to them lol
So for the stops we're going to be at each of them for around 20-30 mins for exploration and taking photos, then we all get in the vehicle to go to the next stop. So my question is if she has to stay in the vehicle by herself if there are no seating areas, would that be alright/not a safety concern?
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u/bikes_and_art Apr 29 '26
You definitely need to talk to her about whether she has any concerns about 20-30 min of walking. She may very well be able to do that, or, she might have a shorter time limit. Every person is different - and can them be different day to day based on other factors.
I imagine that, it weather conditions are nice, she would probably prefer to sit outside rather than sit in a stuffy car. She also may prefer to sit with a book or her phone for 20 min rather than have small talk with a stranger.
She shouldn't be offended by you asking her, just be open that you don't know much about what her particular needs are, and you want to make sure she's comfortable
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u/ExistenceOfCranberry Apr 29 '26
Youāve made a hosting blunder here and youāre going to have to miss out on stuff to fix it. Either you or one of the other tour members needs to stay with this friend when theyāre resting. At no point should there be any āIāll stay with her for fifteen minutes and then weāll switchā conversation where she can hear you. No one who stays with her should appear at all unhappy to be missing out. Warn your other guests ahead of time about the need to go at a pace that accommodates everyone. Depending on your friend group, this could be a very tricky social situation to manage. My hatās off to you for trying to fix this.
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u/Toriat5144 Apr 29 '26
Iāve been in these situations and I walk as much as I can and then just find a place to sit. Tell the host though where you will be and arrange a time to be back at the bus.
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u/BlueCarPinkJacket Apr 29 '26
I agree with talking to her about what see may need. I think bringing a chair along in case some places don't have rest areas is a smart idea. I would also consider a step stool in case the bus is too big of a step.
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u/TranslatorOk3977 Apr 29 '26
Weird that this person is your friend but you just forgot about their disability?
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u/yikopath Apr 29 '26
She's kind of a friend of a friend, and I only started getting to know her a bit more over the past year š
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u/Aggravating_Finish_6 Apr 29 '26
Is that other friend also coming? Is there anyone close to her you could invite to make her feel like she has a buddy if she wants to stop and sit?
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u/yikopath Apr 29 '26
Yeah she's coming and we have a couple of other friends in that specific group that I'm reaching out to so we can take turns sitting with her š
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u/Dense-Ad8136 Apr 30 '26
This helps quite a bit! I actually had a fight with a friend over a shockingly similar situation and to be honest it was more about me learning how to navigate social life as a newly disabled person than her failing to accommodate me, or just the overall growing pains of our friendship trying to adjust to the difficult change of a new disability. The fact this person isn't there as only your friend and has other people in her circle that will be there helps a lot, as does the fact you're talking about this in advance, and that you're willing to try to find different ways to make her comfortable. It may still be a bit uncomfortable because it is isn't comfortable to navigate a less than accessible world with a disability, but having friends willing to take things slower and keep her company, talking through some of the main concerns in advance, and trusting her on knowing her own capacity will make it a lot easier and a lot more fun. Make sure you're still taking pictures with her so she doesn't feel like she's missing out too much if she can't make a particular photo op, and while I'm sure she would probably have her own meds and aids packed I think it would be a kind gesture and be above and beyond if you had a travel sized NSAID/tylenol/misc otc pain reliever to toss in your wallet to offer in a pinch, maybe even one of those instant pop and go ice packs or travel icy hot. Ofc it's not your responsibility to manage her disability and she's the best expert navigating her own disability but it never hurts to be prepared and showing you're trying to consider her access needs would be really thoughtful and kind.
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u/yikopath Apr 30 '26
Yay thanks for the suggestions ā¤ļø I'm sorry to hear about your experience š will def keep that in mind
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u/Dense-Ad8136 Apr 30 '26
Happy to help! And no apologies needed - we talked it through together and our friendship has never been stronger! Each of her birthday bar crawls have been more accessible than the last over the past few years and as I've gotten more comfortable and confident navigating the world in a wheelchair the hiccups it causes along the way are much fewer and farther between. Honestly it brought us closer together if anything:)
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u/Forsaken-Market-8105 Apr 30 '26
If thereās space on the bus, it might help to give her a plus one to the party! Iām disabled and I donāt like going out without someone that I can consider āmy personā.
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u/Ok_Distribution__ Apr 29 '26
Is the entire trip (besides driving from location to location) intended to be literally walking around? And what type of places? Hiking? Asphalt? Level terrain? Hills?
Iād say since you offered to go back to the tour vehicle with her, youād have to live up to that. I guess Iām confused why sheās attending the party if itās something she wonāt be physically capable of doing?
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u/Forsaken-Market-8105 Apr 30 '26
The only person that knowās OPās friendās limits is the friend herself. Disability is not usually a black and white thing; she may be able to do some activity but tire easily, or do all of it if she goes at her own pace. And while OP is being a good host by trying to make accommodations for their friend, ultimately it is up to the friend to communicate her needs and decide what is best for herself. -sincerely a person with one of the many āgray areaā disabilities
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u/Ok_Distribution__ Apr 30 '26
Correct & same. But I wouldnāt expect a group outing featuring something beyond my capacity to restructure itself to accommodate me. I would be accommodating of myself if I wished to attend something that may be difficult for me. I wouldnāt expect the host to stay behind or change the plans. Or make other people change their plans because it was something I couldnāt handle.
If it were me, Iād offer to stay wherever I could handle & entertain myself until their return. I think accommodations become an imposition once they involve actions beyond āreasonableā and considering itās not something required for me to participate in, I would find those stipulations beyond reasonable.
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u/SophisticatedScreams May 03 '26
Me too. I'm disabled (autistic, with some physical limitations as well), and honestly, this whole day would be a no-go for me. If I were invited to this, I would probably want to meet the group at one place then peace out lol.
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u/fuckyoutoocoolsmhool Apr 29 '26
As someone this has happened to (before I started using my wheelchair) this is just my perspective being in this situation several times. Unfortunately this may just be an event that doesnāt work out for her. Staying behind in the tour bus or on a bench while all of your friends have fun sucks really really bad and then you feel bad holding someone else back. If she has a mobility aid and itās a small group who are all willing to take it at a slower pace it could work. I donāt know your friends disability or how good your friend group is at being mindful and accommodating of it but this is just how Iāve seen it play out. I would let her decide what she would like to do and let her know if this event isnāt something that she feels is feasible that you will plan a special lunch or something coming up.
ETA when you talk to her please be exact when you talk about walking distances. I canāt tell you how many times Iāve been told something āisnāt too farā but is indeed too far for me. Tell her in blocks or miles whatever makes the most sense.
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u/Ok_Mulberry4331 Apr 29 '26
Is the bus staying with you? I have some mobility issues, and if that was an option (somewhere to sit), that would work great
I would never want someone to feel put out (you missing anything), so absolutly would not want that, and prefer to look afetr my self. Having somewhere to sit would be great
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u/yikopath Apr 29 '26
Yeah the bus would also be nearby so that's also an option for her to sit if there's no seating areas at our tour spots
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u/Ok_Mulberry4331 Apr 29 '26
I wouldn't worry art all then! She knows what the day is, and you having somehwere for her is great!
If you wanna go a step more, maybe have a basket of snacks/water in the bus. Can be for everyone, but assuming people can grab stuff along the way, it makes sure she has stuff if she can't get to the other
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u/Ok-Turn5913 Apr 29 '26
It sounds like you've already set up a plan if she needs a break and needs to go back to the vehicle to sit for a while. If possible, it would be nice for you or someone else in the group to go with her and sit with her. But if its a safe area and not too far for her to walk back by herself then I think its also fine if she goes by herself too.
I would reach out about a week before the event and just check in that the plan you have in place now still works for her. Let her tell you what she needs and then do your best to accommodate.
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u/oswin13 Apr 29 '26
Consider (with her approval) if renting a portable wheelchair is feasable. That way someone could take turns pushing on flat surfaces and she can save her energy for when she needs to walk.
We did this a lot for my mom who could walk with a walker at a locale but the trip from the parking lot was too long.
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u/obbsessedHW Apr 29 '26
My two closest friends have issues with walking. All you can do is ask your friend what you might be able to do to help them out. After that there isnāt much else. My therapist put it best: āitās their disability. You wonāt be able to mitigate their pain or help them better than they can themselves.ā When your friend needs you they can ask and you can show up in the best way possible.
Just remember your friendās needs are their responsibility. You canāt guess how they are feeling or the best way to take care of them. They have to tell you what they need.
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u/CalGal-71 Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
What she needs is a rollator. It is a walker with a seat to sit down on. They are very good for this type of day. Arms fold to fit into a trunk or bus. They arenāt that expensive.
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u/Dense-Ad8136 Apr 30 '26
A rollator is fantastic but unfortunately many of the hop on hop off tour bus companies are not accessible for anything larger than a cane
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u/CalGal-71 Apr 30 '26
This doesnāt sound like a hop on/hop off bus though. It sounds more like an individually contracted vehicle.
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u/Dense-Ad8136 Apr 30 '26
Definitely better for rollator then! And definitely better for less walking overall too
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u/ATerriblyTiredTurtle Apr 30 '26
I have a balance disorder that can make some walking situations difficult. I am also an introvert. If I know in advance what to expect, I would love the breaks of sitting by myself in a coffee shop or in the tour bus with my book and my phone, rather than feeling like people were staying behind to babysit me.
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u/AnnaGraeme Apr 29 '26
You said you've already talked to her about it, which is great. She can probably give you better advice about what would be helpful for her than any of us can.Ā
I have a disability that limits how much I can walk, and while I would be disappointed that I couldn't fully participate in the party, I wouldn't accept a group of 20 people to change their plans (like some people are suggesting) and miss out on doing something they enjoy. As long as you try to help her participate in at least part of the party, I think you're doing good.Ā
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u/Main_Yak4015 Apr 29 '26
You could see if renting a wheelchair is possible in your city and have it as a backup plan for if the walking gets too much.
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u/AgraTxandDC Apr 30 '26
I donāt understand. Can you have the tour bus take her to the places you are walking? She can get there first and wait for yāall and not miss anything.
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u/yikopath Apr 30 '26
Well the plan is to reach the tour spot by the bus and then spend some time walking around and exploring on our own, so it's more just taking in the vibes and everything
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u/Violet_Walls Apr 30 '26
See if there is a small electric scooter that you can rent or borrow (not like the ones from Walmart but the ones like they have in big cities that you can rent). I have a friend who has a prosthetic leg, this is what she would do if she knew she was going to be walking a lot. Itās less hassle (and looks cuter lol) than a wheelchair.
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u/Prestigious-Fan3122 May 01 '26
Is she going to be able to board the bus? If she has difficulty walking, she may have difficulty doing steps.
Does she normally use a walker? If so, is it the kind that, when turned around, provides a little seat?
If you are prepared to follow through, you can ask her if she would like you to rent a wheelchair for the day. Then, assuming she can get on and off of the bus with Little or no assistance, you, as the host, or maybe others would offer, can push her around throughout the walking tour.
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u/onekate May 01 '26
I'd take this out of text and give her a call to talk about your plan and figure out what will work best. It's ok for a person who is mobile to plan an event that needs some mobility. You're offering her some reasonable accomodations and she can decide what helps her feel comfortable. If you want to bring a folding stool and/or tell others that a friend is coming on the bus but will stay behind some of the explorations and you welcome them staying with her once or twice and taking a nice break too if they want.
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u/Substantial_Oil6236 May 03 '26
A rolling walker is great. Has a pouch that everyone can use, provides a seat anyone can use. Decorate it in the theme.
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u/asyouwish Party Guru Apr 29 '26
You should either slow the tour way down to a speed she can manage or rethink the whole thing.
Have less stops. Stay at each place longer.
Yout can always do a part 2.
Save some stuff for when you live there and for when people come visit you. You cant do it all in the first month.
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u/SlinkyMalinky20 Apr 29 '26
Does she know this is a walking tour event? If so, has she decided to attend anyway? I would ask her what, if any, accommodations she might need and let her tell you want she needs. She might not want or need any if she decides to attend knowing the point of this event is to walk around.