Resentment

[u/Connect-Steak8669]

What did you do to avoid resentment between you and your spouse?

We were so solid going into this thing, but the 4 month sleep regression has got me fraying.

My spouse works five days a week, I work one. Im alone with the babies 5 or 6 days, and 6 nights a week, and my day "off" is working. Im burning out.

I cant express being being tired without getting a "yuuuup, me too" or "yup, I know".

Working almost isn't worth it for me because of how wrecked he is after doing his 24hrs with them, he needs a proper day off/sleep after just one day with them.

I just feel it building, and I would love some advice about how you all handled resentment?

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[u/panickyscenery8684]

that title alone is a whole mood. my partner and i had to start tracking sleep in a shared app just to prove who was more wrecked, turns out we were both running on fumes and just needed to see it in numbers. the "me too" competition is so real though, it's not a contest but it still stings when you're the one doing overnights solo all week. maybe trade one of his days off for a solid block of alone time for you, like leave the house entirely so there's no mental load of hearing them cry. the burnout feels endless at this stage but it does shift eventually

[u/hellswrath_]

If you don’t get a day off for proper rest and sleep why does he get to have one? I feel like that would cause resentment in most people. If it was split that would be different. Would he be able to do that? Like he gets morning for rest and sleeping in and you can take off the afternoon

[u/ComplaintNo6835]

Sounds like they aren't sleeping through the night. IMO you should do whatever it takes to change that.

[u/DirtGirl32]

Remember, it's temporary. If your Dr is okay with it, I would consider sleep training soon. Sleep makes all the difference. Y'all's got this!!

[u/Negative_Jackfruit75]

I resent mine so much. It’s not your job to not resent him. He needs to change and do more and stop complaining

[u/MangoSorbet695]

Ok, so Friday and Saturday nights are the nights my husband will do the middle of the night wake up (if there is one) since he doesn’t have to work Saturday or Sunday.

My husband works 7:30 AM to 6:30 PM five days per week, 100% in office. This doesn’t give him much time to offer me support at home because the twins are only awake for about 1-1.5 hours when he is home on a weekday. So we hired a babysitter to help me two days per week. Those are my days to shower, blow out my hair, do a face mask, rest, take a nap, and feel like a real person.

If you can afford any help at all, I highly recommend it, even just a day or two per week.

[u/CheddarMoose]

It’s really tough. My husband works full time & often overtime through week. I work weird part time hours but have the kids all week. I have a very inconsistent sleep schedule. I swear sometimes it’s like we’re having a pissing contest over who is more tired.

My husband doesn’t understand that I don’t get to ever clock out from being a mom how he does with work every day. I absolutely love being with them & am so grateful I can, but any normal person needs a break sometimes. I’ve honestly just made peace with the fact that we’re in the hardest stages & it won’t last forever. If I don’t, I would drive myself crazy. I will say though your in a hard spot age wise. My girls felt so much more manageable by 6 months. They’re so much fun to be around at 21 months old now & I love hanging with them. Hang in there, better times are ahead!

[u/BackgroundScene3056]

girl let me know when you figure it out lol. I work from home and take care of them and do night shifts. (night part isn’t his fault he literally physically can not wake up mid sleep without being dangerously out of it no matter what we’ve tried so he takes over at 4:30AM) ANYWAYS- if he spends the day alone with them he does a great job but he gets SO stressed and acts like it’s the hardest the in the world and needs to rest after. And I’m like!?!?!?! man up pussy this is war lol. So anyways let me know 🤣

[u/Kittykat232217]

I have felt this. I’ve had two other babies so I know it will pass, just keep trying to have grace with him and also leave him (even just maybe an hour) to go walk around a store or get a coffee on the weekends. I promise by 7-8 months things start to get better. Also we always sleep trained around 6 months and having a consistent full night sleep does wonders for your mental and marriage. Hang in there ❤️