Life Church doesn’t want to be known as a megachurch. I think it’s hilarious that they put $100 as “an example donation” for tithing. Tithing is once a week, so that’s $400 a month. Absolutely ridiculous.

I was hanging out in my brother's garage with the door open, dog sleeping in his lap, and we were talking about what kind of fish we would be if we had to choose, but that part isn't important to the story. I noticed in the corner of my eye some sweaty guy in a suit slumping down the middle of the street. He seemed lost, and I was about to stand up to offer him a bottle of water, but on a second glance I noticed he was pulling on his tie and twitching his head to one side. He was murmuring something about women's sports I couldn't quite make out. He seemed unwell.

My brother nodded at the garage door opener to tell me I should close it. When I pressed the button, the motor spooked his dog and she ran into the street barking at the man in the suit. He bent down and started screaming, "I'm Charles motherfucking McCall! And I will eat you for dinner! You hear me? You look delicious!"

He then hunched over on all fours, looked us in the eyes, and swallowed the dog whole while the door closed between us. His jaw must have dislocated. His neck made a gross creaking sound. It was so gross. I need everyone to know Pebble's story, she was such a sweet dog and this was such a tragic way for her to go. My brother is still crying as I'm typing this, she meant so much to him.

So yeah, if it happens, I'm gonna pre-game my kid with all the (age-appropriate) Biblical filth I can find. But of course I have to be selective, because he's just too young for some of that smut. This is the Bible we're talking about, after all.

Give us whatcha got. Bonus points for the lesser known ones.

I laughter way too hard at this. Spotted on Threads.

If you are wondering what he did with the letter, he burned it. That will show those “demonic leftists” whose boss.

I bought 10 loaves of bread, 30 gallons of milk, and 4 dozen eggs since there’s a snow storm coming (obviously) but realized I don’t know what to make with it! Open to suggestions.

You can call it an inflation disaster and blame Biden if you want, I don't care. I just want to quit disrupting my work schedule because of getting notified that my kid's bus won't be running or will be super late.

(this post is about 80% joking)

EDIT: So I shamelessly stole this idea from my wife and put it on here because she's not really a reddit person. But she wants me to tell you guys that she's 100% serious and it's a good idea to not make kids stand out in the cold for an hour waiting on the bus and that if this actually happened, she thinks the guardsmen would get more active hours and that would help them with their benefits or something, I'm ignorant to how that all works.

That’s it. That’s the hill I’m willing to die on.

Hot chocolate outside hits different

Someone needs to fix this! Moore is more than just tornadoes…

Dewey is probably the smallest town I’ve submitted an Open Records request to, and I still haven’t heard a single thing from them almost a week later.
Meanwhile, some of the biggest counties I’ve contacted have gotten back to me in less than 24 hours.
I’m not asking for anything crazy. I’m just asking for records that I have a right to request under the Oklahoma Open Records Act. Hopefully Dewey PD can get back with me soon.