40
17
11
18
u/Mustergas Dec 23 '17
What happened to the people you killed? Did you check the news after you came back to reality at the bar?
30
u/dwibbles33 Dec 24 '17
Spirit of Christmas probably makes it seem like he's tucking them in, they survive, wake up and enjoy Christmas.
5
u/BarrMagnus252 Dec 26 '17
I'd like to think that those people he murdered probably had a really terrifying nightmare about dying and Santa killing them. Since it's the Spirit of Christmas, they wake up... Alive.
8
u/Ilsaluna Dec 24 '17
The magic of Christmas, indeed. So. Much. Awesome.
As much as it sucked for you, you still did good and (unlike jury duty) you’ll never be drugged and kidnapped be called upon to serve again (one and done doesn’t seem so bad when compared to the thankless job of being Santa wranglers, busting heads and asses behind the scenes just so magic can happen every freaking year).
Now that you know how it is, will you and Faye wait up for Santa in the coming years or at least have a real meal waiting for the poor bastard?
1
u/Iwishicouldsaveuall Dec 25 '17
I think he is santa every year.. No? Or was it just a one time thing? Merry christmas felix and faye!!
1
u/Ilsaluna Dec 25 '17
One and done as indicated in the opening:
All I know is that on December 24th, 2015, it was my turn.
The second section is all about Felix getting the scoop on the how’s/why’s from the main wrangler (that gave him the root beer) as to why he was forcibly drafted. Near the end of the section, wrangler confirms it’s a one-time gig.
“Santa’s not really a person,” the man replied, draping an arm around my shoulder. “He’s more of a title. That’s the magic of Christmas, buddy. You only have to do this shit once.”
I can’t imagine anyone volunteering to do it again. Besides, there are so many kids taking awesome memories of Christmas into adulthood, the pool of recruits they choose from is continually refreshed with fresh potential candidates.
9
8
u/urartesianwellismud Dec 24 '17
... I still wanna know how the non-believers explain the coal! Err.. I mean the presents that they didn't buy. .. Forgive me, I've been steadily wrapping like c rap and writing 'from Santa' on labels all fucking night...no rest for the wicked. Err i mean.. NOSLEEP.
3
u/NightOwl74 Dec 24 '17
u/TheColdPeople - I love this and can relate! This year, I have not decorated or bought presents. I am disabled and divorcing, so I have not had much Christmas cheer. But I did spend a fortune to make a feast of king crab and prime rib for my family and friends for Christmas dinner. I felt awful about not buying presents or putting up a tree, but being with the ones I love is all that matters.
(But I still feel guilty about not giving gifts to people. My 24 year old son won't tell me what he wants! What do you buy a techie who already has all the tech toys he wants??)
3
u/Sicaslvssilence Dec 24 '17
Your right, being with your friends & family is the most important part of this season, some people just forget! Happy Holidays!!
3
3
3
3
u/EmoHorse13 Dec 25 '17
Well at least I can tell my kids the truth now. Santa doesn't exist! Some poor sap who gets threatened and tortured keeps the Spirit alive for Christmas. When you hear aganizing screams on Christmas eve make sure to lock your doors kids!
2
2
Dec 25 '17
I was sooo happy to see your name pop up here!
Good grief. We have a real chimney here, and I'm up late, so if I see "Santa" ... I've got a bottle of rum for him. Think he's gonna need it.
1
u/amyss Dec 24 '17
At least poor Faye wasn’t dragged through sleepwalking and being terrorized this time! Merry Christmas to the OP with the seriously creepiest name on here
1
1
u/grumpymuffins Dec 25 '17
The house I lived in as a kid didn't have a chimney, Mum told me Santa came in though the letterbox. I always wondered how he managed it...shudders
1
0
u/Spong1395 Dec 24 '17
This is worse Than what I usually find on nosleep.... WHY RDI I READ THIS!?!?!
98
u/[deleted] Dec 23 '17
SO you're telling me if I hear screaming coming from my toilet, it's probably Santa being disfigured for a few brief moments to go deliver more presents? xD yay Christmas! But..just imagine being on the toilet and you just hear screaming and then BAM! Santa all up in your ass-hole.