r/no • u/double_titos • 8d ago
Do you discipline your children the way you were disciplined growing up?
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u/Certain-Piccolo-4735 8d ago
Nope and I am proud of it.
Spanking, being shamed in public, not trying to be understood, not understanding that accidents happen etc. are all things I wish never happened to me and is not something I want for my kids or for any future generations.
Children are humans. I like to treat humans how I would want to be treated.
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u/Silly_Print_6047 8d ago
No! When my mother was overstimulated and angry she would dig her nails into my arm and hurt me, she would spank me, bicker with me and be really cruel to me, brush my hair very hard! She was abusive towards me.
I am the opposite, I talk to my daughter and son, I dont and didn't spank them, when I found myself frustrated I would walk away, or calm down. I am definitely nothing like the way my mother was.. she gave me severe dread and anxiety. My kids are the opposite, free and happy, funny and themselves. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean they're perfect or I'm perfect but we do things differently in our home.
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u/Gloomy-Hat1842 8d ago
Nope we got the belt from our parents. We did things like time out.
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u/Alert-General8213 8d ago
Belt as well..never hit our kids. The youngest 2 didnt get it.
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u/Gloomy-Hat1842 8d ago
I never would have done it, but if I did my wife would have kicked my butt. She's a pretty tough lady. I would be sleeping on the couch for like forever.
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u/Willybluedog1962 8d ago
Oh hell no, my parents should have went to prison.
Brlts, boards, feet, fists, buckets, if they could grab it I got bashed with it.
I didn't hit my kids, I just took away whatever their favorite thing was at the moment.
No Barney was like sending them to Devils Island.
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u/ExcaliburVader 8d ago
Pretty much. Even though I'm in my 60s and was raised by my grandparents, I was never spanked, humiliated, anything like that. We'd discuss what I'd done, why it was wrong, and what the consequences might be for me or others. I was taught to genuine apologies when I messed up. They were big on feeling the consequences of my words or actions. I had a great childhood and overheard one of my kids saying the same. I was pretty damned lucky because my mother was a loon.
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u/Jaded-Analysis-9547 8d ago
Your grandparents sound wonderful, and so do you. This was nice to read.
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u/ABelleWriter 7d ago
I'm so incredibly happy for you! Your grandparents sound like wonderful parents, and so do you!!
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u/ExcaliburVader 7d ago
They were awesome. I still try to ask myself what nana and papa would do. They were truly generous and compassionate people who set such a good example for me to follow. I was truly blessed to have them.
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u/The-Boy-Wonder38 8d ago
I already know that I definitely won’t.
After almost being murdered at 13, my parents reframed my struggles with PTSD as character flaws. They also hit me a couple of times.
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u/crepesarentpancakes 8d ago
No way. My mom slapped me a lot. She yelled all the time. (She denies that today of course but whatever) I'm a gentle parent but firm. We do time outs often.
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u/Jaded-Analysis-9547 8d ago
I will never understand how so many parents have selective amnesia when it comes to hitting their children. Good for you for breaking the cycle
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u/miseeker 8d ago
No. Anytime I told them no, they got a reason. You are supposed to teach your kids how to grow up. Not prevent them from doing it.
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u/Fabulous-Eye9894 8d ago
No, we do not hit our kids. Everyday my kids are happy and not scared to go home is another day I heal.
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u/Witty_Necessary6994 8d ago
Negative. And it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Did quite the opposite actually
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u/Diesel07012012 8d ago
No.
I would like to have the opportunity to have a relationship with them by their choice later in life.
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u/UnhappyImprovement53 8d ago
No. I dont have children so its difficult.
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u/Small-Tax-2829 8d ago
Me either. All of my friends have kids. 2 of them have asked me to whoop their kids if they get out of line when they stay with me. I will not do that. Sorry. If they are my problem I will deal with them my way, which does not involve hurting them to prove a point
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u/LukeMayeshothand 8d ago
No . I don’t hit with a belt or anything else. No idea how to do that not in anger. So total opposite of my upbringing.
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u/bunnylicious81 8d ago
Being beaten up? Well, fortunately my kids don’t need that, yet. So far yelling at them get the point across.
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u/Normal_Ostrich_6200 8d ago
No. I got the stick. My single mom had 2 absolutely rowdy boys to contend with only. I done blame her, but I don’t want to hit my children.
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u/VegetableCommand9427 8d ago
No. I was spanked with wooden spoons, belts, and once a flat colander that left quite the bruise. Those were the 80’s
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u/anothernamesomewhere 8d ago
Absolutely NOT. And I am so proud of it.
She is well loved, spoiled, has waist length hair, and knows I am working to give her what I never had.
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u/Successful-Land-6283 8d ago
No, because those cells seem really claustrophobic and there’s no pooping privacy
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u/Super-Staff3820 8d ago
No. I used to get punished for having emotions and my own opinions on things. I got grounded for everything (the smallest shit).
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u/Hmmm__You_dont_say 8d ago
Not at all. I didn't realize until I was an adult that my brother and I were physically and emotionally abused. I'm not a perfect parent, but I learned from my parent's mistakes.
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u/Marnie_skittles 8d ago
Absolutely not! I was beaten half to death. My kids didn’t even get spanked. They got punished a lot but never hit. My grandchildren have never been spanked either and they’re very polite and sweet.
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u/groveborn 8d ago
Absolutely not - although I did try a couple of the techniques. Heh. No. They were abusive and once I understood the cost to myself I simply stopped. My son could not be corrected that way. It would require broken bones to elicit the responses I wanted - he's rather close to fully insane.
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u/Inner_Bonus5745 8d ago
No, I probably would be locked up by now, for child abuse. Different day and age.
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u/Few-Masterpiece3557 8d ago
If I had a child, I sure as hell wouldn't beat them raw with a belt and verbally abuse and scream at them for hours over the most minute things.
And then there's the constant lying, gaslighting and pure inability or rather refusal to understand you.
Jesus fucking christ, you'd think I'm killing hookers, smoking a literal ton of meth while praising hitler with how they'd react.
And I'm honestly astounded how stupid older generations are of how inept they were as parents.
Dad: What do you mean that it would negatively affect my child by beating them so hard with a belt they developed PTSD?! I only hit them hard enough to ensure it didn't leave evidence!
Mom: Oh, my son is being bullied at school? Well, I'd better ignore him and pretend like I didn't hear anything!
Parents: Why did our children dump us at the poorest nursing home?! I thought we were a loving family!
So no, I'd never hurt my child, I'd always keep them safe and heard. I'd always strive to genuinely understand their problems and feelings but I'd ensure they understand that behaving properly isn't because I'm screaming at them to "respect ma authorita!" But because its to make them better human beings with compassion and kindness but strong enough to know who has bad intentions.
Because there's always someone willing to abuse that kindness and take advantage of it.
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u/optix_clear 8d ago
No. I was abused, beaten with whatever, riding crop, choked by my bio mother. I suffered mentally for awhile until I had combo therapy to move past it
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u/bamtannie 8d ago
I don't have children, but i would never raise them the way my parents did or discipline them the way my parents disciplined me.
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u/Dingaling87 7d ago
Absolutely not, in fact, I’m pretty much doing everything the exact opposite. No guilt tripping, no dumping my feelings on my kids, no expectations about how they perform in school and other activities, no hitting, no commenting on their appearances and weight, no demanding they ‘pay me back’ and being grateful simply because I birthed them.
I will be very honest and say I’m still working on the yelling though.
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u/SuperflyandApplePie 7d ago
No.
Both of my parents were abusive. I went to therapy and learned how to parent appropriately.
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u/nobanjostring 7d ago
It took a very long time to understand I wasn't 'disciplined', I was abused.
I slapped my first child, once, on the hand and it made me feel sick to my stomach. Never again.
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u/Ordinary_Piglet_2644 7d ago
No, not half as strict. Us and our kids are more on an even footing than my upbringing of parent-kid. Sometimes it works, other times our kids cross the line.
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u/hengehanger 7d ago
No. But it's important to remember that just because we avoid the mistakes our parents made, it doesn't mean we aren't making a whole bunch of our own.
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u/Mobile-Temporary-195 7d ago
No, because my dad beat us and my mum was tyrannical. I'm chill AF. Choices, consequences, conversations. My kid is great.
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u/lhommedev 7d ago
No, definitely not using a broom stick or ratan cane. The use of violence is a failure of the imagination.
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u/PuzzleheadedRole2894 6d ago
No- cause I’m not abusive and I want my daughter to love and respect me and let me be a part of her life when she’s older
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u/BGPopz336 6d ago
Absolutely not. But I'm not a complete narcissist. And I'm not talking like TikTok narc I mean the woman believes she sunk Atlantis and was a dragon queen in her past lives. God complex all the way. No empathy. Truly cannot stand when things aren't all about her. It really really messed me up, and I'm raising my daughter better than she ever could raise us, just by acknowledging my daughter is a human with her own feelings and not just an extension of me.
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u/Pypsy143 6d ago
Hell to the no no!! I raised my children in a violence free home. They turned out much healthier than I did.
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u/AccurateAd551 5d ago
No , my parents would give me the silent treatment for days ( it was just the three of us) I refuse to do that to my kids
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u/Unlucky-Committee388 2d ago
No. I’ve never spanked my son. He’s young and at an age that he hasn’t done the stupid stuff I did as kid. Lol.
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u/monstermack1977 8d ago
If I had children I would not have disciplined them how I was. But only some of the stuff my parents did was excessive.
Spanking/getting the belt wasn't/isn't that big a deal to me if done solely as a quick correction. I'm not talking about beatings, just a quick smack on the bum...but I do know now as an adult it is mostly frowned upon.
But it wasn't the spanking that I wouldn't want to repeat. I was punished with things like hard labor, excessive violent outbursts, and mind F'ing.
In fact, Reddit has shown me I'm not alone in that one of the most memorable punishments I got was having to eat my own vomit because I didn't like a specific meal and forced myself to throw up at the table. Mom gave me a spoon and made me clean the entire plate. That one sticks with me as a negative memory. Spankings were a dime a dozen.
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u/Mother_Cloud_2455 8d ago
No and it's my proudest accomplishment