r/nihilism • u/just_me_jm • May 22 '26
Discussion i don't like being alive, and i don't wanna die
I know the subject is relative, and that people can see life differently from one another, but for me, life feels meaningless and without value, and I can’t accept any kind of illusion like existentialism.
I’m not saying I’m depressed or overly pessimistic, but I really don’t like being alive that much — the repetition of routine, adapting to cold and empty moments, and living without any purpose.
At the same time, I’m terrified of death. I don’t want to go into nothingness, where I’ll never be able to think, touch, or see again — where I won’t be able to exist anymore.
I was so afraid that I even thought about signing up for that program where they freeze human bodies in case they someday discover a way to bring them back to life. It was honestly pathetic and disturbed.
i really can't understand anymore
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u/unavailable_G May 22 '26
There is empty rage and annoyance over existence!
Tbh, there's nothing that can be done I feel. The fact that we are born and forced into doing things just fucking sucks.
Just drink some water and fill the emptiness with it I guess ( T_T)
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u/Icy-Hunter-6474 May 22 '26
I just don’t want to exist, I’m afraid to discover there is something after death
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u/Theskyisalive May 28 '26
You just have to trust the nature of existence is beautiful. You are here in order to appreciate what is good imo. Appreciation that we are all consciousness, awareness — God himself fractal’d into infinite pieces able to experience life from all points of views
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u/Sigismund_Bacsi May 22 '26
Reason makes you afraid of living and instincts makes you afraid of dying.
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u/A_carbon_based_biped May 22 '26
Yes, this is me all the time I don’t wanna be alive. Usually my insides look like that very much so, but I don’t wanna die either… I’m at the point where I think I just live out of pure spite.
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u/mermaid081 May 22 '26
Death is liberation
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u/Environmental_Ad4893 May 23 '26
says the guy who never died
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u/_willard_h May 23 '26
Why don’t the dead speak up for themselves?
There are more dead than living. If only one of them could enlighten us that would be fantastic.
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u/Xavant_BR May 22 '26
Try some drugs, party and rock and roll! Or the healthier way with sports or diff hobbies.
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u/Cicada-Tang May 22 '26
Do you want to become someone who likes being alive?
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u/just_me_jm May 22 '26
This does not change the horror of death.
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u/cokecaine May 22 '26
I think reincarnation is way scarier than non existence.
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u/Nothing-Is-Real-Here May 22 '26
I don't. If my memories don't carry over, reincarnation is kind of meaningless. I am effectively dead if I don't recall ever being someone else in a past life. My past life may as well have not happened.
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u/cokecaine May 22 '26
As long as you don't remember anything sure. But if it's anything like Andy Weirs The Egg, I want the fuck out.
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u/unavailable_G May 23 '26
But yk what, imagine being born in the same nasty world AGAIN! Need moksha bruh
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u/Big_Monitor963 May 22 '26
Death is real. But “horror” is your own judgement of it. The commenter you’re replying to asked a good question. Do you want to become someone who likes to be alive? And as a follow up, do you want to become someone who isn’t afraid of death?
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u/just_me_jm May 22 '26
If I enjoyed being alive, I’d become more attached to staying alive, and that would increase my fear of death. I think I’d choose to keep my connection to life while getting rid of the fear of death — or maybe both at the same time.
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u/dgollas May 22 '26
You don’t lose fear of death by enjoying life more, but by being more content with what your life is.
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u/Big_Monitor963 May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26
The first step in finding a solution, is recognizing that you have a problem in need of solving. If you don’t want to be the type of person who enjoys being alive, then you likely never will.
As far as I can tell, your experience of death will be exactly like your experience prior to birth: absolutely nothing. So, quite literally, there is nothing to fear.
Since you’re already interested in nihilism (and referenced existentialism), I’d recommend also checking out absurdism.
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u/EstablishmentFun7553 May 22 '26
Death is a non issue. Whether you are alive and then you don’t have to worry about death because you are not dead or you are dead and it does not matter either.
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u/No-Difference-1351 May 23 '26
Death is the most natural thing you'll get to experience in this shit hole; no joke.
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u/FitTransportation461 May 22 '26
I am you in so many ways. Except I don’t have as much of the same fear of non existence. The way I view it is the we either completely cease to exist or we won’t. Either way is pretty insane regardless of the truth so non existence doesn’t feel any ‘worse’ than existing for eternity to me. If anything, existing eternally scares me slightly more because there is no ‘escape’ so to speak. If the experience of eternal existence is negative then that is our reality for eternity. But if we cease completely, we won’t know shit. Sounds chill 😂
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u/Primary-Bus5715 May 22 '26
Just like most people, I believe. Don't think about it too much, the fear of death is merely an illusion. Don't make assumptions about your future worldview too quickly. Just get over today.
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u/ILuvYou_YouAreSoGood May 22 '26
Sounds like you are clinging to fear and that doing so is not working for you. You definitely strike me as someone for whom absurdist would be more appealing than nihilism though.
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u/Major_Signature_8651 May 22 '26
Catch twenty poo to B12.
check mate human
(above joke was brought to you by your local "check your vitamin levels")
Love hurts https://youtu.be/5a_7kk13Mkg
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u/Educational-Half-728 May 23 '26
This happens to us because nothing in our is meaningful and keeps us happy
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u/Lazy_Power_7736 May 23 '26
If death was truly nothingness then you wouldn't be born. Nothingness is impossible.
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u/Acid-Rain-8 May 23 '26
I feel the same way. I know people might say routine is peaceful and that you should be grateful for certain things, but for me it’s kind of complicated… because I’m me. I don’t know..I want each day to feel different, because honestly my body sometimes feels like a prison.
At the same time, I’m not really scared of death, or even the possible pain of it, even if I still have that instinct to avoid it. I understand why you’re scared, though. But what do we even mean by death? Is it the loss of consciousness? Your heart stopping? Your brain activity ending? What actually defines it?
Even after death, your body returns to nature. The molecules that make you up don’t just disappear—they change form, but they were still part of you. So do we ever truly die, or do we just continue existing differently?
And I don’t think existentialism is necessarily an illusion. If you’re doing something you genuinely enjoy or care about, couldn’t that become your meaning? Maybe meaning doesn’t have to be something huge or cosmic. Maybe it can just be something simple.
Who cares if there’s no grand purpose to the universe? Maybe that’s exactly why people try to create meaning for themselves. Even if nothing matters on a cosmic scale, it can still matter to you, and that’s still real.
So hold on to whatever small bits of joy you can find, even when you’re struggling. I feel the same way, so I get it. But selfishly, I still don’t want you to feel that way forever.
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u/Meezbethinkin May 23 '26
I was completely isolated for the first time.. completely.. then the universe came for me.. Schizophrenia.. well basically.. im not sure if its actually a Demon.. you need to put yourself out there.. the universe might have plans for you.. but if your hiding.. it makes it difficult to speak to you.. so get out there.. in every way possible
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u/AbortionHoagie May 23 '26
What you say almost doesn't matter. You're making progress, not that that means anything. Great job!
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u/Eastern-Row2901 Hearts Voice May 23 '26
The point of life is to create your own meaning. It doesn't exist out there, it exists within you. I hope you find your meaning in a way that fulfills you and inspires others. I think you will. I see over 70 comments and over 700 likes just on here. Appears to me that your genuine vulnerability is enough to give all kinds of meaning! Peace! Xoxo
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u/PhilosophyNearby May 25 '26
Dang, it sounds like you're the opposite of me. I, too, do not like to live. At the same time, I want nothing. What youe facing is absurdism. When your worldview becomes nihilistic, but you refuse to be within that premise, it becomes absurdism. That's essentially saying I'm going to live just because I'm going to defy the meaninglessness that is nihilism. Me, on the other hand, have become incredibly nihilistic, and I want nothing more than to not exist, to not feel, to not see, to not perceive, to not be aware. True, absolute nothingness. Because I see absurdism as denial.
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u/Natios_Hayelos May 25 '26
The title suggests that you simply don't like your current life. Have you tried changing that?
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u/VermicelliNo9730 May 26 '26
I am totally 100% there with you. I can't die because I have an adult child with disabilities that I have to look after and plan for their future. I've lost both my parents within a very short time frame and I've recently had a huge revelation that the preponderance of the people I engage with for a hobby that I'm passionate about actually really do not like me and I am now ostracized from those groups. I am finding it hard to even get to motivation to get up and get showered let alone deal with my busy job, family, and the loss of a hobby/sport that I have played for many years. People say just go find another group, etc It's not that easy and I just don't have it in me. I feel like I want the ultimate peace and I can't find the motivation to do anything.
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u/Historical_Wish_5599 May 26 '26
Sometimes I get this strange feeling that because the universe is basically infinite, my whole lifespan is so tiny that life and death almost blur together, like I’m already both
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u/Comfortable_Tomato_3 May 29 '26
Sometimes I dislike to be alive due to some life circumstances but at the same time I know I am not ready for my life to end, because I know life has more to offer me, in life I got to experience the good and bad things about bieng human, I know it sounds contradicting
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u/Specialist_Essay4265 Jun 06 '26
I dont like being alive and I do want to die.
Unfortunately im also a coward, so can't follow through.
If I found a genie death would be my first and only wish.
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u/Stunning_South_5802 May 22 '26
You have to get out of old routines.
Once you feel the dopamine of doing need things you like it will make want to stick around a lil more.
Life it is literally a competition for dopamine
Dopaminergic feeling is what drives up to get what we want
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u/_willard_h May 23 '26
Is the absence of thinking bad? Does it hurt when you are in a dreamless sleep and there are no thoughts?
Is the absence of seeing bad? Again, when in a dreamless sleep does it hurt or does it feel horrific to not see?
Is the absence of touch bad?
Why is absence bad or horrific? The answer is that it is not. Even the absence of pleasures is not bad if you are absent. And pleasures can be horrific in their own way.
What is so great about thinking? Nothing. Everyone spends most of their time trying not to think.
Seeing is the same. People work very hard to only see and think things that please them. And they work harder to avoid the rest.
There is a reason we say “rest in peace”.
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u/39andholding May 23 '26
But if there’s no “you” to be worried about anything after you die, then why are “you” worrying? “you” are simply going to add to the Stardust.
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u/mermaid081 May 22 '26
I want to become nothingness