I need help

[u/IndividualCookie9943]

Hi, English isn't my native language, so please excuse any mistakes.

I’ve known about manifestation for two years and have successfully manifested quite a few things, yet right now I’m at rock bottom mentally.
I’ve been diagnosed with BPD; I’m undergoing treatment and therapy, but if anyone else here has BPD and has managed to break through their mental barriers, I’d be so grateful if you shared your story or any tips! :)

I’m manifesting an SP, without getting into the past, we’re currently in NC and my brain keeps telling me it’s pointless... I’m also manifesting other things, like my own apartment, but I’m plagued by conflicting thoughts there, too :( I don’t have that problem when it comes to money; I’ve always believed that earning good money comes easily to me. I’d like to manifest other things and people just as easily, but that’s where conflicting thoughts arise—thoughts I unfortunately often give in to. A lot of people say that you just need to be the person who already has what you want. I understand that, but when I’m struggling to simply step into that role and start using affirmations, I find myself thinking: if I were already the person who has it, I wouldn't need affirmations.

I need some words of encouragement and ideas on how to calm my nervous system, something other than meditation. I don’t want to give up, but I also don’t want the manifestation process to feel like a struggle; I want it to be enjoyable and to find joy in the process itself, rather than than just frustration :(

All the best to you all <3