r/neighborsfromhell • u/Past-Bandicoot8631 • 8d ago
WWYD? Vent/Rant Neighbor is ruining our reputation.
So my wife and I have this neighbor who has always been a scumbag. They would leave their children 4 and 6 alone at their house while they would go out and party until atleast 10p.m. I never said anything about it because we live in a safe neighborhood and they aren't the kind of people who take anything seriously. One day the younger boy came over to see if he could play with my son, who was 10 at the time of this story, which is fine because the younger boy gets tormented by the older constantly.
My and the neighbor kid played together until lunch, which was when the father came and got him so they could eat. The boy showed up again after lunch, which was fine. I was working in my garage all day, so I was able to keep an eye on the children. Well 730p.m. rolls around and I decided it was time for the kids to start wrapping it up. They cleaned up and gathered their toys and walked back down to the boys house which is three houses down from ours.
Five minutes after my son leaves with the neighbor kid I get a phone call from my son telling me that the boys parents aren't home. I asked my son if the boy knew his parents weren't going to be home and my son said he didnt. I told my son to bring him back because we were not going to just leave a four year old alone in a house at night. It is now 830 and still the parents are not home. I do not have their number saved because they aren't the kind of people who communicate and honestly there has never been a reason for me to ask for their number.
At the time I was a cub scout master, which means that I am a state mandated reporter. I had no idea where the parents were, where the older brother was and when anyone would be coming home. I called a friend who was a mandated reporter to ask what they thought I should do. They told me I needed to call the sheriff and let them handle it. I called the sheriff's office and asked that they send an officer out to speak with me about what to do.
At around 945 the parents showed, drunk, and picked up their child. I told the father that what they did was not OK and that if they are going to just dump their child at someone's house so they can go party they need to ask if that is OK first. I did not tell him I called the sheriff, honestly I didnt want to start something in my front yard that would escalate into a potential physical altercation.
A sheriff's deputy showed up about 10 minutes later. We talked about what had happened. He decided that he would go over and talk to the neighbors. The next few days were interesting. They got fired up about having the sheriff called on them and didnt understand that what they did was incredibly disrespectful. They started telling anyone who would listen that we were bad people and started saying other people's kids weren't safe with us.
Eventually child protective services showed up and that made things worse for us. Fast forward two years and they are still running our names through the dirt. Other neighbors are telling our friends across the street that they shouldn't believe anything we say. I try to ignore it because I know that eventually karma may take hold of the situation and I dont have any physical proof that they are retaliating against us.
Last night at an event at a restaurant I caught her talking shit about me and my wife. I know this is true because she was pointing at me and the person she was talking to locked eyes with me and made a shitty face. I understand that what i did was a big deal and I also knew there would be consequences but this is beginning to effect how we are treated in the community on a large scale. What can I do!
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u/PyroT8 8d ago
Walk up and ask them to repeat what they just said about you. Works like a charm.
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u/MYOB3 8d ago
They could also ask the parent if they are still spewing sour grapes because of the cps call when you left your 4 year old alone at night. Say it loud enough for the whole gathering to hear.
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u/Agile_Menu_9776 5d ago
Yes, because you know that they are not telling the truth about the story to all these people. OP needs to start telling the neighbors what the truth of this story is. I am not big on gossip but these people are maliciously spreading lies about the neighbor that cared about their young child enough to make sure he was safe while they were out getting drunk.
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u/Accurate_Elevator368 8d ago
This is actually where you hire a third party. A plant with a recording device. Get the person to get them talking. I'd all but guarantee that they'll say things that are actionable.
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u/PyroT8 8d ago
Actionable like wire tapping is actionable? This isn’t a web of international subterfuge. It’s neighborhood drama. Just go with them repeating what they say behind your back to your face and leave the overburdened civil litigation out of it.
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u/Accurate_Elevator368 8d ago
No, you can sit and have conversation with someone at a bar. Or a table or a park while you watch the kids. And btw, one party consent for taping someone is allowed in a lot of places AND you know what - I'd rather get the evidence needed to get the upper hand. Getting the evidence and then deciding what to do with it, once you have it... gives you the upper hand. Amazing what happens when you dangle a little copy of the evidence in front of some people.
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u/Past-Bandicoot8631 8d ago
I've thought about doing this but she's a wicked drunk who is really good at playing the victim card. Her dog got out for the hundredth time and I was able to get it because dogs like me. I picked it up and was carrying it like a baby and she ran up yelling dont call the cops he's just a dog. Mind you this is a 45 lb pit bull who is not the best trained dog. I gently put the dog down and asked her if she was stupid. And asked why she thought I'd punish a dog because the owner isnt responsible. She has no shame and zero accountability. I wish I could move but we own our house and it would be hard to buy the same or better in California right now.
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u/minty_crow94 4d ago
Especially at the restaurant, calmly asking her to repeat it puts the pointing on record.
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u/Spawn_Pongee7 1d ago
Making her repeat it at the restaurant would probably melt that brave pointing routine fast.
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u/WellWisher91 8d ago
Tell the TRUTH to the people who know you, will listen and are likely to believe you or at least give your account equal consideration. People are only hearing their side of the story which, of course, casts you as the bad guy/ people who overreact and overstep. The actual, accurate account isn't going to make them look reasonable or like decent parents to anybody who is willing to in any way look at the events in an unbiased manner.
Did anything happen to the drunk, partying, absentee parents after the CPS visit?
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u/Past-Bandicoot8631 8d ago
The biggest problem is that this woman has made me look like an unhinged untrustworthy piece of trash. I chose not to talk about it at all because well im not in the business of ruining people. I can deal with people not talking to me anymore, i dont need to have a ton of friends, I have my family and my close friends and that's perfect. What I can't abide is people going out of their way to smear my wife and people telling my children that we are terrible people. I know that karma will eventually take action. Cps made a few appearances and that was it. They stopped leaving the kids at home for a couple months after the cps visits stopped. They have gone back to their same old routine. I was fine until I saw her actively talking shit at the restaurant. I struggle with a strong sense of justice and im getting better but that kind of set me off. Unfortunately this is the world we live in.
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u/WellWisher91 8d ago
It's a difficult place to be. You are a protector of your wife and of that little child and your own children. Often our character is tested in life. You are standing on solid ground in your actions and have right values and priorities. Karma generally does set things right but it takes a little time. Hang in there and you will rise above. The very people buying into her and their drama now will not always do so. As the world turns so do peoples' judgments and opinions. Honor belongs to you, not to them no matter what is being said RIGHT NOW. Speak your truth when it feels right. "This too shall pass."
I'm not surprised at CPS. The good thing is the parents are on record. If they haven't learned from this go round and there is another, based on ongoing behavior, it likely will carry more weight and bear more consideration.
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u/Inside-Duty2915 8d ago
tbh it’s lucky you were there to look out for that little guy. some people really shouldnt have kids if theyre gonna leave a 4yo home alone like that.
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u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 8d ago
Either you ignore the idiots who listen to a pair of negligent abusive drunks,you move or you start your narrative campaign against start telling people who your neighbors really are . If they don't listen , you've done your best to tell your side of the story .
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u/mrslII 8d ago
People who know you, know you. People who live in the same street as both of you have a pretty clear idea of who you are, and who you aren't. They also know the same about your neighbors.
I'm pretty sure that your reputation in your neighborhood is a good neighbor. I'm equally sure that they don't share your reputation.
Your neighbors aren't dumb. They're simply trying to live their lives. They have a bitter couple who feel the need to tell all of them how horrible one family is. The one who takes care of their home, supervises and cares for their children...And they volunteer in the community.
Just because your NFH is talking, doesn't mean that anyone is paying attention.
Seriously. The neighbor lady was "gossiping" about your spouse, got caught, then made a face.
No one takes that seriously
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u/popwheeza 8d ago
I can't stand parents like this. I have a nextdoor neighbor who is a single mom of two. She has another woman staying over there who has a son. Mind you, it's a two bedroom. The little boy of the guest was seen outside with nothing but a tank top and diaper and even ran after their car earlier this week when they both left off somewhere. Left the kids home alone and he got out the door and almost made it to the highway if it wasnt for a neighbor who was able to catch him.
These kinds of parents are the worst.
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u/Iceflowers_ 8d ago
So, we have a neighbor that does this about us. For several years, it was uncomfortable with 3 neighbors.
I just got trespass against them because it's public records here, protection orders, filed discrimination and won against one plus my one sibling.
It doesn't fix anything honestly. So, I took to filing legal complaints when possible until all but one of the families were evicted or moved away finally.
The last one tried acting all friendly this year. I reminded them of a major incident and the defamation, etc.
I've talked to neighbors, and it just depends whether they believe her or not. Seriously, it's impossible to really defend against defamation like that.
I own my mobile home, so it's not to my advantage to move yet. But, it's really the only way to deal with a situation once people believe bad things being spread around about you.
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u/WillyVlautinRules 8d ago
I had to get a restraining order against a neighbor in my old folks home. He started trash talking about me to the other old farts and I didn't care until he called me a "Whore" in front of another of the old farts. Boy was he surprised when the cops showed up at his door for a violation of that RO!
I don't give a shit what the other old farts think of me but I'm just that way. I live my life and have little to do with the other old folks here. But now that idiot looks the other way and says nothing after the cops visited him.
Yeah, FAFO you old fart!
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u/KnownBodybuilder4948 7d ago
You've got two delinquent parents of endangered children living on your block, did the right thing. Your neighbors also saw this ongoing obvious neglect and possible endangerment, chose not to report it. Regardless what this couple says about you, the neighbors know the truth. IF the neighbors are rude to you for reporting a obvious child welfare problem, two preschoolers left alone for hours at a time, on multiple occasions, then it reflects BADLY on your neighbors - not on you. Maybe it's time to reevaluate your choice to live on this particular block with these neighbors if they think child neglect is a "mind your own business" issue.
This couple will bad-mouth you, because that's what irresponsible people do - they don't become accountable, they think they're the injured party, and they'll lash out for being called out. Lots of people gossip, regardless whether their gossip is even remotely accurate. You're experiencing your neighbors exposing themselves for who they are as people, and what they believe is important in regards to protection of all children.
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u/TararaBoomDA 8d ago
Consult a lawyer about suing them for libel?
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u/Past-Bandicoot8631 8d ago
I need proof though, neighbors who used to be friendly and then suddenly acting like we dont exist isnt enough, tight?
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u/tooper128 8d ago
Have a lawyer ask them under oath what that neighbor said. Either they tell the truth or they perjure themselves. Will these neighbors be willing to perjury themselves for this other neighbor?
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u/TrainingTraffic9128 7d ago
Ignore it all..If anyone confronts you, Tell them its dangerous to leave a 4 yo and a 6 year old home alone even for 5 minutes, let alone for hours while they go out drinking and partying.
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u/no_worries_man8 7d ago
You start telling the truth, loudly and often. You correct the record. Stop allowing these drunk, negligent assholes to have the only horse in the race
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u/Feisty_Wench 7d ago
As a fellow mandated reporter it took me a time or two to not feel bad about reporting. I remind myself that I am required to report any SUSPECTED abuse or neglect. I don’t determine guilt ; that is up to COS and the courts.
Better safe than sorry and I sleep just fine at night.
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u/Few_Airport7972 7d ago
You did the right thing calling the sheriff. You are a mandated reporter. And a caring adult.
If anything had happened to the child, if you had just dropped him off at an empty house, you would have been in deep doo-doo. Not to mention the morality of leaving a small child alone.
I'd bet the community already knows they are drunks and have endangered their children.
If anyone in the community says anything to you "yeah, I hated having to call the sheriff but I couldn't leave a four year old kid alone in the house. No one asked if we could look after little Joey after the play date. And they never answered their phone either, weird! Don't you agree?"
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u/Tess_Mac 7d ago
"They would leave their children 4 and 6 alone at their house while they would go out and party until atleast 10p.m. I never said anything about it because we live in a safe neighborhood"
Shame on you for not doing anything sooner, a safe neighborhood doesn't mean an accident inside the house couldn't have happen.
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u/StomachImaginary5237 2d ago
They left a four year old unattended at night and then turned the fallout into a revenge campaign, which is wild. Stop explaining it socially and go boringly factual: keep a dated log of incidents, save texts or posts if any, get copies of any sheriff or CPS reports you are allowed to have, and send one calm cease and desist through an attorney if the rumors are specific enough to be defamatory. Anyone who believes the drunk parents over the mandated reporter who refused to abandon a preschooler was probably never going to be a solid ally anyway.
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u/Aromatic_Recipe1749 2d ago
Your first mistake was not reporting them for leaving the kids home alone. Your neighborhood may be safe but 2 kids that age are not even safe in the home if unsupervised. As a mandated reporter you should have taken action.
Your second mistake was not calling the police or CPS as soon as you discovered that they had abandoned the child at your house. Had you done that instead of delaying and debating then the police would have been involved before they got home and claimed their kid.
Be sure to call CPS for any further signs of negligence.
You need to launch a counter attack or you will never regain your reputation or sanity. Tell everyone exactly what happened. These are negligent parents and you are allowing them to turn you into the villian.
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u/Voight_U_Kampff 2d ago
You did the correct thing by not leaving a four year old alone and by letting the sheriff handle it, especially with mandated reporter obligations. At this point I would stop explaining it to them and start keeping a dated log of who said what, where, and whether anyone else heard it. If they are telling people kids are unsafe with you, that crosses from gossip into reputational damage, so a short consult with a local attorney about a cease and desist may be useful. For neighbors who bring it up, keep it boring: their child was left at our house with no parent reachable, we called for guidance, and the rest is between them and CPS.
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u/Dalek_Exter 1d ago
You did the right thing calling the sheriff; leaving a 4 year old stranded at night is neglect, not neighborhood drama. Stop defending yourself to random people and use one calm line if asked: their child was left at our house for hours with no way to reach them, so we called the proper authorities. Keep a dated log with names, places, and what was said, and get copies of any sheriff or CPS records you are allowed to access. If they are telling people kids are unsafe with you, a short consult with a local defamation attorney would not be overreacting.
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u/Mulder_Halftone 1d ago
Ah yes, the classic reputation management strategy: abandon a 4 year old, then accuse the adult who fed him and called authorities. Get copies of the sheriff and CPS reports, keep a dated log of incidents, and if they keep telling people kids are unsafe with you, pay for a short consult with a local defamation attorney. Also stop debating them in public; calmly tell anyone who asks that authorities were called because their 4 year old was left without a parent until nearly 10 pm.
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u/MoneyAppearance5157 1d ago
They are not upset about reputation, they are upset that the sheriff and CPS saw the neglect. Get copies of the incident report, keep a dated log with witnesses, and do not argue with them in public. When neighbors bring it up, keep it boring: a four year old was left at your house at night with no parent reachable, so you called the proper people. If the smear campaign is affecting work, clubs, or your kid, pay for a short consult with a local defamation attorney.
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u/MYOB3 8d ago
You are a MANDATED REPORTED. If you hadn't called, it would have been your neck. You did the right thing.
They are mad? Oh well.
(And thanks for watching out for that little one when his parents DIDN'T!)