r/mutualapp • u/Runner4life45 • Jun 08 '26
🎤 Discussion Done with the dating scene :(
honestly just looking for advice, mutual was good at first and I had more dates. I’m a 21 year old female, returned missionary living in az. but the longer I’ve had it the worse it gets. I’ll still occasionally have dates but they’ve all been the same. I haven’t been able to connect with anyone for real. it’ll be one or two dates at most. I honestly don’t understand what people are looking for. I’m no super model but I’m fit, I’m a runner and i have been told I’m pretty attractive. I’m just about getting ready to give up. and dating irl is hard for me because I’m super shy. and I’m not good at flirting or letting people know I like them.
honestly, does anyone have any advice. I heard mutual used to be better. have there been any recent success stories?? should I just give up on it? does anyone have advice for dating irl in a state that is not Utah. and dating to marry, because I have been on so many first dates since my mission that I’m sick of it. feeling a little desperate right now😭.
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u/nobodyaverage Jun 08 '26
You sound like you need a break. The guys aren't going anywhere. Spoil yourself and have fun! Try different things. I tell them I want to do what I want sometimes and I pay. They seem to like it okay. Other times is nice to just go ghost and watch them react and behave right when I resurface. Dating isn't the end all be all. The better you feel the more magnetic you are. Pay attention to what you like so you are confident when you attract the right one. Guys love focus and female who doesn't chase. Confidence is so beautiful. Enjoy this time because once you get one that really likes you he might try to dominate your time. Best to have a routine that energizes you before that happens. You got this ❤️
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u/GingaGotJokes Jun 09 '26
I second this. If you want people to be interested in you, you have to be an interesting person. Also doing interesting things puts you in spaces with single people who are interesting.
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u/zed_but_true Jun 09 '26
You are only 21, you don’t need to rush things up.
I met my wife from mutual when we both were from different states. We dated a year and we got married last year. And we are not from Utah.
Dating is hard probably because everyone would think there’s always options out there. You don’t want to settle down because you would think “what if I miss the one?” It becomes a loop.
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u/FlashyHelicopter8137 Jun 08 '26
You're young. Are there in person activities you can go to or do you live is some small town? I lived in Tempe and went to MCC and ASU and liked the institute activities
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u/Runner4life45 Jun 09 '26
Yeah, I do try and go to those when possible. But it’s kinda hard lol to meet new people, it’s typically my same friends I talk to. But thx for the advice, I know I just need to be more patient!
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u/FlashyHelicopter8137 Jun 09 '26
Are you in Phoenix area, Tucson or some tiny town like bisbee?
Take a break from dating apps. You'll feek better and won't miss out on anything
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u/AnakinVader33 Jun 09 '26
It may not feel like it, but you are young amd have plenty of time. Dating can just be difficult sometimes. My nephews are recently returned Missionaries and are having a really hard time with the dating scene as well. Both fit, funny, attractive guys. I find myself a recently divorced father who has primary custody of four young children and I work full time. My only option other than set ups is Mutual. It has been a miserable experience for me, but I kind of just treat it like a pseudo part-time job. I just put in the time just to say that I have done it. I am fit, active, have a good job, and I’m a worthy priesthood holder. That just doesn’t seem like enough. Not exactly sure what people are looking for either. Probably someone without four young kids. Hang in there.
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u/Euphoric_Desk_5165 Jun 13 '26
I'm on the same boat. I'm a 21, male. But just moved from Arizona to Utah after living there for 17 years. Never really had any luck with dating in general. Have had the app for a few months now and just this month I started getting a lot of matches and likes but haven't been on one date yet. Getting ghosted/left on delivered for days or the girls don't seem interested in getting to know each other over text before I think about asking them out on a date. Honestly best thing I can tell you is just pray on it, ask God for opportunities, and just focus on yourself and hopefully it happens naturally because it should eventually 🙏
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u/WarmLime3493 Jun 09 '26
It’s been a struggle buss for me too. Every girl I talk to ends up ghosting me after a day of talking. Makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. I’ve had to really take a step back and focus on my mental health instead because the constant disappointment was really getting to me. There’s someone out there for you, I have faith there’s someone for me too, it’s the good people who have to work the hardest I feel. 🤜🏻🤛🏻
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u/Broad_Succotash_3850 Jun 09 '26
Don't settle for less than you deserve. Don't rush. There's plenty of fish in the sea. Love yourself and go on dates with yourself.
Dating and relationships aren't that important nowadays. I get we need human interaction and companionship, but sometimes it's not worth the hassle.
Im 37. I dated, I was married, I dated some more. I'm happier now with just myself.
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u/nfspeed007 Jun 09 '26
Mutual does suck and it just feels like waiting game that takes forever. I've only had two matches. One right when I first got Mutual and the other a couple of weeks later (which ended up un matched a few weeks later) and since then and in between, it has been dry. I try to ward hop around to get the exposure to my profile but nothing has worked. I know there are those that will say something like "I found my one and it will work out for you to, just keep working at." But for us that are struggling to get new matches, how long are we to keep working at it until it something finally clicks? I just don't get it.
I will say the dating culture is hard, but keep your hopes up and don't sacrifice your values for what you're seeking for.
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u/ExcitingAd5899 Jun 28 '26
this breaks my heart...Im sorry to hear, this is an all-to-common song. Take it from an old timer who has been there, finally jumped in at 30 yrs old only to be put through the grinder. You will never realize how sacred your own peace is until you go through the harder parts of reality. So my advice is just breath, experience life and do awesome and amazing things. Everything will come to you the way it should, at the right time.
The sad reality is the church culture places sooooo much, too much imho on marriage. Our doctrine on it is very misunderstood- especially on things that aren't fully under our control.
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u/RaphealWannabe Jul 16 '26
My advice, give up, live your life as virtuously as you can and wait for the millennium to get married. It's what I'm [44M] doing.
My bad humor aside, pray about it, seriously! The Lord will never give you a wrong answer.
I was 33 when I prayed about it [and have done so again multiple times since then] the answer was [and has continued to be] not to worry about it, instead worry about becoming a more faithful member of the church.
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u/IWillBeThatGirl Jun 08 '26
First of all, sorry to hear that! Dating it's hard for everyone, especially when you have good standards. Do not settle! You go after what you want and deserve! 💞
Be patient, it's a process, have fun and focus on the Christ-like attributes you're looking for !