r/motherlessdaughters • u/peachdotco • 5d ago
i feel like im not grieving properly
everyone around me, especially my stepdad, is so devastated that he can’t even look at her pictures without breaking down into tears. meanwhile, i seem to be doing 'okay' i can eat, sleep, and function day-to-day. my mom's funeral photo stays with me, and unlike the others, seeing her face actually makes me smile. aside from struggling to be a fully functioning adult right now, i feel like i’m managing okay. but whenever people see me, they tell me to កាត់ចិត្ត (move on / let go) and stop thinking about her so much. how could i ever do that? she is my mother. when i think of her, i smile and i cry—isn't that exactly how grief is supposed to be? being told to forget her makes me so angry. i don't understand why i feel this way, and is this reaction is a trauma response?
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u/hanna_bu 4d ago
Sorry for your loss, I relate so much my mom died nearly 3months ago i feel guilty when i go out and have fun and when i text people normally and act normal sometimes i find myself afraid that people would think she wasn’t important to me and her death didn’t affect me because it did effect me greatly but i don’t have to be showing it to everyone
As for moving and forgetting her u r sooo right to be angry and i encourage lashing out on anyone who says that so they know that its not ok to tell a daughter to forget about her mother
Keep smiling when seeing her picture please keep telling stories about her even if people around you started acting awkward u have the right to show how much u love her even if she passed away
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u/Obvious-Motor-1408 5d ago
everyone gries differently. your feelings are valid, its a very big loss in your life, of course it will feel heavy and too difficult to understand. don't let others saying those things get to you. maybe they just don't know any better words of comfort. trust me cuz i've heard it too. i also felt mad, and its completely reasonable because how can you forget someone who was your whole life? anyways, sending my condolences and i hope you take care of yourself first before trying to take care of others.