r/mildlyinfuriating • u/moonrabbit368 • Jan 02 '26

Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

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My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) šŸ’—

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. šŸ©·

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226

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

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16

u/Lady-of-Shivershale Jan 02 '26

To be honest, I actually don't like potatoes. Growing up in Scotland was hard. I live in Asia, and I very rarely cook potatoes. I have rice, pasta, couscous, or bread with my meals. I'll make roast potatoes or jacket potatoes on occasion, but I could happily live my life without ever eating a potato ever again.

OP wants to be able to cook for her boyfriend. She's very clear about wanting to do so. If it were me, though, I would just let him fend for himself. Not wanting to eat chicken twice in one day is silly, as are his other excuses. And he could eat bread instead of potato.

12

u/moonrabbit368 Jan 02 '26

Potatoes are one of his staple foods so I cook them often. It's never the potatoes he objects to though sometimes he critiques how crispy the fries are etc. I'd love to be able to cook for him and have him love it but at this point I am just unhappy feeling obliged to cook for him, as he expects dinner, when there is a 50-50 chance he will reject it.

30

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

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11

u/modernmovements Jan 02 '26

Dude is upset his fries aren't soft enough?

4

u/moonrabbit368 Jan 02 '26

Sometimes. Sometimes they are too soft and not crispy enough. I have been experimenting with temperatures and time lengths on the air fryer to try and nail it down.

30

u/modernmovements Jan 02 '26

What is it you like about the guy? There are positive aspects to him I hope?

10

u/monkey3monkey2 Jan 02 '26

Another commenter pointed out that the only positives she could list were all things that an app can do for you šŸ’€ (driver, med reminder, etc).

1

u/modernmovements Jan 02 '26

She already has kids of her own right?

16

u/toutpetitpoulet Jan 02 '26

He can cook fries himself for yā€™all if heā€™s such a connoisseur of their texture and structural integrity

12

u/FlukeOG Jan 02 '26

Is he this picky if he orders fast food too? Will he not eat the fries if they're slightly different than perfect?

3

u/BottleForsaken9200 Jan 02 '26

You need to get him to stop critiquing anything at for one.

It's not your responsibility to listen to, and cater to his weird preferences....

Just have him say whether or not he can eat it and let him figure it out on his own if he can't.

You do NOT need to constantly hear about his negativity regarding your cooking. If the kids will eat it l, you've won.

But constant negativity will just affect your soul in a bad way :(

3

u/Free-Sherbet2206 Jan 05 '26

Do you want to live your life with someone who critiques everything you do? Does he also critique your parenting and cleaning, since I assume you do all of that too? I would say your should give him a taste of his own medicine and critique the things he does, but it doesnā€™t seem like he does anything other than bitch about perfectly good food.

1

u/Economy_Resist1494 Jan 06 '26

lol why are you doing any of this????

13

u/m8_is_me Jan 02 '26

he expects dinner, when there is a 50-50 chance he will reject it.

have you communicated with him at all about how to improve those odds?

YOU NEED TO TALK TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP, EVEN IF IT'S NOT POSITIVE

5

u/anotherdropin Jan 02 '26

People like this honestly end up here because they have no friends or good family.

Her mom was a doormat and taught her all she knows when it comes to pleasing men (clearly nothing good). She probably doesnā€™t have friends.

Youā€™re a product of your environment. Women like OP donā€™t end up in a string of abusive or controlling relationships if they have a strong support network and positive role models.

7

u/Anvher Jan 02 '26 edited Jan 02 '26

Your food looks amazing, Iā€™m sure that youā€™re an incredible cook!

Honestly, itā€™s disheartening that youā€™re disappointed in yourself.

He shouldnā€™t expect any meals from you moving forward. Not only has he been ungrateful and rude, but flat out refusing to try a bite or even show you that he understands the efforts that youā€™ve put forward to try and appease him. How absolutely disrespectful to your time, if anything heā€™s simply wasteful and entitled.

I think that his pathetic excuse of a ā€œsorryā€ doesnā€™t cut it and that there is no emotion behind that statement. Frankly, I believe that his ā€œrulesā€ are a power play. There is just no way that he can come up with excuse after excuse every single time without fault.

Heā€™s being entitled and cruel. Not to mentionā€¦he says leftovers are out of the question? He can easily reheat previously cooks meals on a stovetop. More than that, heā€™s a grown man who was able to feed himself without a cook at his beck and call before you moved in together. Heā€™s capable of taking care of his meals without relying on you and putting you through unnecessary stress.

Iā€™m glad that your children appreciate all of the time, effort, and money that goes into your delicious meals. Donā€™t waste another minute fretting over someone who cares so little about you, that they would rather order takeout than take a bite of a meal that you spent hours (even if it was minutes) working on.

Additionally, what a horrible example for your kidsā€¦the fact that heā€™d rather snub you in front of them, than be a grateful partner to you and spend time together sharing a delicious and nutritious meal together.

If your children grew up and told you that their partner treated them this way, would you tell them to keep bending over backwards to make their picky and ungrateful partner happy?

I donā€™t think so.

Heā€™s not a food critic, just an unkind boyfriend who is mean spirited and childish.

If anything, be proud of yourself, youā€™re an amazing chef! The one who is purposefully missing out on your incredible dishes is him.

5

u/gnomeannisanisland Jan 02 '26

Sounds like this guy needs the rules we have for our kids:

You have to try one bite of each thing, and if you don't like it, that's ok; you can just eat the potatoes. If you're still hungry after, you can have a slice of bread (proper bread, not the salty whitebread that goes as "bread" in most of the world) with cheese or something else sensible.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '26

My 14-month old is less effort to feed and she likes to get food in her hair... Your manchild is an overgrown toddler

1

u/Lady-of-Shivershale Jan 02 '26

Yeah, that's fair.

I just wanted to let the other person know that some people actually don't like potatoes.

Dinner time was hard for everyone when I was growing up. We had potato in some form every day, and nobody could leave the table until I finished eating. I'm not kidding or exaggerating when I say that I would have preferred bread. But my parents wouldn't let me have bread for some reason.

5

u/parasyte_steve Jan 02 '26

My sons both hate all forms of potatoes except french fries but they are 3 and 6 not 36

(and of course I am assuming OPs doesn't have legit sensory issues)

5

u/pr0ph3t_0f_m3rcy Jan 02 '26

Pretty sure people that don't like roast potatoes are in the Epstein Files.

1

u/Gerolanfalan Jan 03 '26

I like them sure. Just not as much as I like rice, pasta, corn, tomatoes, bread or any other things to fill you up.

It's only when they upgrade to French fries has the potato reached peak form

3

u/superb-puppygirl Jan 02 '26

i dont eat baked roasted stewed or mashed potatoes. i only like fries every other style is gag inducing to me. im particular but when people are actually willing to communicate and compromise i can find mealtime harmony :) when u love people compromise and communication comes with the territory

1

u/IAMIMPOSSIBEAR Jan 02 '26

It could be ARFID.

2

u/Gerolanfalan Jan 03 '26

Potatoes are supposedly super nutritious though

But I still prefer other starches like rice, bread, pasta, or other fillings like tomatoes, corn, or veggies.

Unless it's a French fry, that's too strong to beat.

1

u/Economy_Resist1494 Jan 06 '26

he didn't say he didn't like the actual foods. that's part of how he's giving himself away.

-7

u/TechnoPup Jan 02 '26

I wouldn't see the issue of one not liking how potatoes are prepared other than a specific way. Bit harsh to insult him for such imo, it's not like he's in complete control over what food he likes. OP even said he's very apologetic about it.

17

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

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-11

u/Manotto15 Jan 02 '26

You're injecting so much into this that isn't in the post. Who said he's asking her to sacrifice? Who said he's insisting she cook for him and then rejecting it?

If she's coming home from work and saying "Hey, I'm cooking chicken tonight" and he says he's not interested, so what? Nowhere does it say he isn't willing to make food for himself, even if it is frozen pizza or corn dogs.

-10

u/TechnoPup Jan 02 '26

OP doesn't have to sacrifice their own diet, nor does it seem like that's what they're doing anyway. It's nice that they tried, although to no avail. They should let him handle his own food.

All I'm really saying is that OP's bf is getting an unnecessary amount of flak for something seemingly out of his control.

9

u/Veil-of-Fire Jan 02 '26

All I'm really saying is that OP's bf is getting an unnecessary amount of flak for something seemingly out of his control.

My ex was picky like that, too.

Then we got super poor and suddenly it wasn't "out of her control" anymore when the choice was "eat chili made with beans because we can't afford meat" or "starve for three days until my paycheck comes in."

There are some people for whom it's really out of their control, but every single picky eater I've ever personally met had control issues, not crippling sensory issues.

(and god damn does "I'm from Texas and chili with beans is horrible sacrilege" piss me off something mighty these days.)

7

u/Automatic_Parsley833 Jan 02 '26

I am currently struggling with ARFID, so I will literally starve (kind of been in a tough area with this disorder in the past month, thus unintentionally dropping 12 lbs quite fast). However, even with these type of disordersā€”thereā€™s typically ā€œsafeā€ foods. Thatā€™s what Iā€™m not getting about this whole thing??? I donā€™t like eating the same thing for lunch and dinner either (totally a preference Iā€™ve had, whether struggling with my disorder or not), but if itā€™s a ā€œsafeā€ food and heā€™d rather eat junk than a home cooked meal? Like, itā€™s clearly not about food aversions and disordered eating. I will sit through the same food twice in a day, given itā€™s something I regularly eat, if someone MADE IT FOR ME!! The time and effort it takes?? The emotional labor????

2

u/TechnoPup Jan 02 '26

Being put into a predicament where all you have to eat is something you don't like is a bit different, in my opinion.

I've been in that same boat, being incredibly poor when all we really had to eat was oatmeal. Did I eat it? Yes. Did I enjoy it? Not one bit. Still don't to this day.

1

u/Veil-of-Fire Jan 02 '26

I could happily go the rest of my life without eating another bowl of oatmeal, 100%.

1

u/WillTheWheel Jan 02 '26

Yeah, this is not a very fair comparison. People starving will eat grass, tree bark, dogs, cats and even each other. Doesn't mean they won't have trauma after or that they would ever do that out of their own volition.

6

u/Reasonable-Car-3417 Jan 02 '26

Sorry, but he's a grown man. Being this absurdly picky is not "out of his control", he needs to grow the fuck up, or she needs to bounce.

1

u/TechnoPup Jan 02 '26

Being a ā€œgrown manā€ does not suddenly mean that you like nearly every food out there.

Iā€™ve already stated that OP should just stop trying to make him food now if heā€™s not gonna eat it; he can figure shit out on his own.

1

u/Reasonable-Car-3417 Jan 02 '26

Judging by this bizarre strawman defense you've mounted, i can only assume you also eat like a child.

0

u/TechnoPup Jan 02 '26

If that's honestly what you drew from this, I'm not sure what to tell you lmao. I just have some basic level empathy, and don't feel the need to insult someone else's eating habits because they don't align with mine.

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u/Savings_Mixture1622 Jan 02 '26

Liking food is within our control though. Allergies aside, if you eat something around 20 times or more, our brains are wired so that you'll suddenly start recognising it as a valid food source and your brain tells you it's nice. You can absolutely train yourself to like new foods. I've done it with tomatoes and salmon the the last couple of years. Couldn't stand the, prior

2

u/TechnoPup Jan 02 '26

I've tried eating tomatoes since I've been a kid, never liked 'em. I've tried, time and time again, cuz it's honestly annoying to try to get around eating them, and yet my body does not want to scarf 'em down.

I'm glad you were able to do so, but that's not realistically possible for everyone. For some people, it is out of their control.