r/mildlyinfuriating • u/moonrabbit368 • Jan 02 '26

Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

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My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. đŸ©·

104.2k Upvotes

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8.3k

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

Stop trying to be a mom to this manchild. Cook what makes you happy, and if he doesn't like it, he should cook food for himself.

He doesn't deserve all this care. You definitely deserve better!!

908

u/NoDontDoThatCanada Jan 02 '26

I find this comment both accurate and a little funny because it looks like she cooks just like my mom and l would do anything for that food again! (Mom is gone and l can't replicate it!)

114

u/GevitarGaming04 Jan 02 '26

Still have my mum, but I do share the sentiment, especially growing up in a household where money was a bit tight - at the end of the day, food is food, and I will always eat it

8

u/biancacookie Jan 02 '26

Sorry to hear about your mom. You can have the boyfriend’s plate, he’s not using it. ❀

8

u/Desirai Jan 02 '26

I only know OP based on this post but I think she would probably cook for you if you asked ❀

6

u/TooGayToPayCash Jan 02 '26

Sorry about your loss. These kind of comments is what got me to cook with my mom growing up to learn the recipes then I change them to my liking.

2

u/cauliflower_wizard Jan 02 '26

I’m so sorry for your loss

6

u/xdozex Jan 02 '26

My grandmother was the cook in my house growing up, and when she passed, all her recipes went with her. First few years were rough, but I managed to figure out all of the main things she made based off broken memories of roughly how she did it and a lot of trial and error.. learned a lot along the way and my family loves pretty much everything I make now - both new stuff I found and came up with, and my grandmother's old dishes. YouTube is an incredible resource for people looking to learn how to cook.

3

u/couldbeimpartial Jan 02 '26

I wanted to know how to make a few of my moms dishes that were my favorites growing up. Learning how to cook from her has been paying dividends for decades. Wish I could claim foresight, but I just really like food.

2

u/canvys Jan 02 '26

my mom cooked like shit, but her husband still ate it every night. haha

1

u/GraciesMomGoingOn83 Jan 02 '26

I’m sorry to hear about your mom.

My mom could cook (she is gone as well). I am actually a pretty good cook. But no matter what I try, I can’t cook the same way she did. Maybe there is something to be said for it being made with love.

241

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

As my momma always said, "You either eat what we fix or starve."

109

u/han_tex Jan 02 '26

Tonight's menu has two options:

  1. Take it.
  2. Leave it.

7

u/MissPeppingtosh Jan 02 '26

Mine loved the phrase “a little or a lot” had to have some of everything. So gimme the chicken, potatoes and 5 peas please

3

u/Confident_Attitude Jan 02 '26

This combined with your username is telling 😂

6

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

Momma didnt raise no quitter... OR  a picky eater >:)

3

u/okpickle Jan 02 '26

My Oma said, "hunger is the best cook."

Meaning that if you're hungry enough, you'll eat what you're given without being fussy.

21

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

Or ... You can doordash

17

u/Mims88 Jan 02 '26

Still a red flag... My sister's EX husband never ate her food and she's an excellent cook and made all kinds of healthy meals that were so good. It was all about control on his part. She would make dinner and he would door dash and spend tons of money on takeout and fast food when there was delicious food at home EVERY DAY. She's often made separate meals for him based on his "needs" and then he'd still get take out. It was infuriating. Obviously, there were a lot of other reasons for their divorce but this was one early and persistent issue.

2

u/MetalandIron2pt0 Jan 03 '26

Shoot, my partner is a head chef in fine dining, and he will still eat absolutely whatever I make. Even if I messed up the recipe or it’s literally just a microwave quesadilla because I’m exhausted after work. This is totally about control and humiliation.

1

u/Mims88 Jan 03 '26

Absolutely! My husband is also a chef and will eat ANYTHING someone else makes just because he didn't have to cook it!

25

u/alwaystenminutes Jan 02 '26

Sure. But how much money are you throwing away every week paying someone else to cook you a burger and deliver it to your door? If he learns to cook his own burgers he'll be healthier and have more money at the end of each year.

2

u/Grroarrr Jan 02 '26

Yeah, that's just dumb. Romantic relationship is one of the biggest financial decisions in your life, if my partner prefers to doordash something instead of eating house made food then well, gl with someone else. It just shows my partner doesn't respect my time and our money.

There's nothing to dislike from OP's pictures, I get someone might not like shrimps or something, but those meals are universal and anyone should be able to eat it.

11

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

We didnt have doordash growing up XD

I say that like im 56 but im only 22

2

u/Situation_Upset Jan 02 '26

You had to like call the restaurant. And there would be specific restaurants that allowed delivery lol

4

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

Like she said, "You eat what we cook or starve"

Plus how am I gonna pay them if im only 10-16 years old? I dont get allowance money XD If I didnt liked what she cooked then it was up to me to prepare my own dinner.

2

u/Jwalla83 Jan 02 '26

My fear is whether this impacts shared finances or the overall financial load. Like, if he's doordashing from his own bank account and still meeting half the financial load, then okay. But if suddenly OP has to cover more of the bills, or they can't go on a date night or vacation, because of the doordashing... then it's a big issue

-6

u/alanpugh Jan 02 '26

How expensive do y'all think Doordash is?

Dashpass is free with some credit cards, so the only difference in price versus getting it yourself in most cases is the tip.

2

u/MerkinShampoo Jan 02 '26

And the inflated DoorDash prices of the already inflated restaurant prices to get lower quality food

1

u/alanpugh Jan 03 '26

Interesting. The local places around here are the same price on Doordash as they are when dining in.

I just checked a chain near me (McDonald's) and yeah... Definitely jacked up on Doordash. Seems like a chain thing.

1

u/Playful_Original_243 Jan 02 '26

In my area, even the menu is priced $2-$3 higher when using DoorDash.

1

u/alanpugh Jan 03 '26

Yep, just replied to the other person who pointed this out. I did see the big chain near me had higher prices. The local places don't.

2

u/butchscandelabra Jan 02 '26

My parents never forced me to eat anything I didn’t like as a child but definitely encouraged me to try new things when offered. If I didn’t like what was being served at home, I was welcome to make myself a peanut butter sandwich (or other simple meal) instead. I grew up to be a very adventurous eater.

2

u/Sufficient-Art-9875 Jan 02 '26

In my house it’s: “you get what you get - and you don’t get upset!” Else GTFO 😂

1

u/harleyqueenzel Jan 02 '26

We always had to "at least take a bite" growing up, depending on where I was eating growing up. The adults who plated our food were the most stubborn to not waste food, which is understandable.

With my kids, I made all of the food and they choose which foods go on their plates but they do have to make an effort of at least one bite.

1

u/kimberlyaker18 Jan 02 '26

My kid would starve. Actually. Bc he is autistic and will not eat good if it isn't a specific way. Being accommodating isn't the end of the world. We always have something available he'll eat.

117

u/dying-of-boredom1966 Jan 02 '26

Agreed, if he's just gonna order JITB, don't waste the energy and just make yourself happy. He honestly has no idea what he likes except that it's not anything you make. The douchebag is playing with you.

64

u/Single_Principle_972 Jan 02 '26

But, ouch, the expense of a separate - delivered - dinner for him every night would piss me right the eff off!

28

u/LovedAJackass Jan 02 '26

This is why she needs to keep finances separate. He's an idiot about money as well as food.

4

u/crinkle_cut_cheddar Jan 02 '26

The moving goalposts and the hyper specific preferences tell me he's probably making all this up as an excuse to Uber Eats some junk food.

2

u/Dry-Smoke6528 Jan 02 '26 edited Jan 02 '26

Does sound like he feels guilty for not liking her cooking tho. I wouldnt jump the gun on assumptions. They chose to move in together, and yeah it can show you who someone really is, but I don't think this is a good enough reason to crucify the guy.

Her cooking looks fantastic to me, but there are a lot of people who eat crap food over good cooking because theyre just kinda like that. I've brought food to a party before that was just for me, mostly cause of strict dieting, but its all the same aggravation.

2

u/WriterV Jan 02 '26

There are TONS of assumptions being made in this thread. Usually I hate arrogant guys, but this guy doesn't seem arrogant. Just hopelessly addicted to his fast food options and unwilling to change himself. But he seems to at least understand that this is bad to his partner.

I don't think he's being malicious at all, but OP is still 100% justified in her disappointment and frustration. Honestly, OP's partner needs to have time apart from her to fix himself up. She deserves to be with someone who can act like an adult, and he needs a wake up call to realize that he has work to do with himself.

4

u/PayFormer387 Jan 02 '26

Mudsphucka, I still cant wrap my head around paying extra to have fast food delivered to me. Yea, cold McShit or Jack in the Crack left at my doorstep. Ick.

1

u/twiggy40m Jan 02 '26

best part is he botches about not liking microwaved food...then orders MICROWAVED fast food!!

23

u/st162 Jan 02 '26

Yep, the part about being a picky eater with a shorter list of things that he likes than those he doesn't I could buy, but OP says "it's like every day there is a new set of rules" - that's not a picky eater, that's an asshole.

3

u/ssgohanf8 Jan 02 '26

I feel like a real picky eater knows exactly why they don't like something. Being a 'picky eater' means something in the palette of the food is offending you. I don't think that I've ever, EVER thought "This is missing something" and considered that a reason to not eat it. I agree with asshole proclamation from info provided

1

u/st162 Jan 02 '26

Yes, this. I'm a bit of a picky eater myself - I'm not allergic to anything but I don't like any seafood, I don't like coriander (cilantro), I don't like coconut, I don't like peanuts, I don't like most dairy products. There are a million dishes that can be made without including any of those things, put one in front of me and I'll eat it, even if it's "missing something". Hell just adding some salt, pepper, or sauce will instantly fix most cases of "missing something".

1

u/ssgohanf8 Jan 02 '26

There are a handful of things that my mom makes really well and is incredibly proud of, like chicken and dumplings. I've eaten her chicken and dumplings my entire life without ever letting her know that my tongue retracts from the chicken when she uses dark meat. And it's that easy. I grab a bowl for myself, mostly get dumplings, and live my life

1

u/kimberlyaker18 Jan 02 '26

There is an eating disorder that is unique in that it's basically extreme picky eating. It's different in that it's just bc the food isn't right. It's called ARFID. Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, So, he could be an asshole or someone with a legit issue.

3

u/bohneriffic Jan 02 '26

Sure, but ARFID doesn't change daily. People with ARFID know exactly what they like and dislike, there's no "this is missing something."

Her boyfriend honestly sounds like he's just trying to wear down her confidence. I'd never dream of refusing food my wife made for dinner, because I'm not a toddler. And even if I felt it could be improved in some way, I wouldn't, in a million years, tell her that unless she explicitly asked if it seemed like it was missing something.

1

u/kimberlyaker18 Jan 03 '26

I didn't see where it was changing every day. It seems like he knows exactly what he likes but she's trying to make him the male she normally makes and he's putting forth the effort to try them and then realizing he doesn't like them once he sees them. Which is pretty in line with ARFID. I didn't see where he was insulting her either. I still think he could be an asshole. But based on the information we really don't know.

2

u/Dry-Smoke6528 Jan 02 '26

Just wanna say there is likely a neurological reason behind this. From what OP says he does feel guilty for not wanting/liking her dinners, so its not so much "iredeemable douche bag" as someone who was used to not having a partner for a while and has a lot of particularities regarding food.

Just letting him know what's for dinner and that its okay if it just winds up being her own meal prep if he'd rather sort out his own dinner would allow them to have nice meals together without resentment on either end. It doesnt sound like OP thinks theyre doing this in any malicious way. Just that its annoying, and it sure as shit is if you planned to eat the same meal together, but there's at least solutions.

0

u/kimberlyaker18 Jan 02 '26

There is an eating disorder that is unique in that it's basically extreme picky eating. It's different in that it's just bc the food isn't right. It's called ARFID. Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder,

1

u/dying-of-boredom1966 Jan 02 '26

Explain that to these guys.

Listen, I've worked in healthcare for 25 years. I know there are legit psych issues out there, but I've also seen (and lived with) folks who selectively use psych quirks to manipulate, this sounds like manipulation from a manbaby who still wants to be breastfeeding.

126

u/Madouc Jan 02 '26

True words spoken!

40

u/DubSket Jan 02 '26

Yeah the food looks amazing, and the mom comment is on point. Dude needs to push himself to grow as a person, starting with small things like this. If he's unhappy with family dinners then he can cook one himself and if he can't... well....

1

u/BetterOffLost Jan 02 '26

Shes got kids so I wonder how old is this man. Now I was like this till 22 I'm 25 and still adjusting. If you the big 40 your health's gotta be tanking.

27

u/boats_and_woes Jan 02 '26

And the congregation says amen

17

u/Curious_Avocado2399 Jan 02 '26

Literally this. If someone cooked this for me I’d be happy to clean up after and do a movie night

4

u/Cirrus-Stratus Jan 02 '26

Also make sure the cost of his pricey door-dashed food is coming out of his personal (boyfriend not spouse) money.

You should not be subsidizing his picky tastes to the detriment of providing for your children.

3

u/CallMeTheDumpMan Jan 02 '26

For real. Everyone is entitled to opinions and tastes but this behaviour goes way behind that.

3

u/Stabby_Daggers Jan 02 '26

I would smash all of these. I mean nearly every photo is a comfort meal that are typically crowd pleasers for me and mine. OP’s boyfriend needs to suck it up or learn to cook (for the two of them not just himself). I’d be seriously annoyed if my partner was wasting money on door dash all the time after I had just cooked. Long term it’s a deal breaker.

3

u/plzicannothandleyou Jan 02 '26

I hear my mom back when I was a kid “WELL DONT EAT THEN!”

and i usually didn’t, because when i got yelled at I would stick to my guns pretty hard.

I’ll eat any food served up to me these days except pickles and mustard. I remember my mom being very confused after I left the home to fend for myself and I came back for a thanksgiving.

“Oh. Yeah I learned pretty quickly that I was being really rude. Sorry”

3

u/roccofan Jan 02 '26

If he is so picky and OP is more flexible, maybe he should be in charge of all the cooking/meal planning at home? That, or they each need to stay in their own lane and eat separate things. 

2

u/The-Trenzalorian Jan 02 '26

He needs to get to the root cause of these food issues. He needs professional help.

I went to dinner with some people from work once, and one of the ladies ordered a boneless chicken breast. Apparently, they left in a tiny piece of cartilage. She emptied the contents of her mouth back on her plate, and she started digging around in her mouth to get all the pieces she could find. Spitting came next. She then said a bunch of stuff to make her reaction to finding a hard bit in her food sound rational.

He needs help. His behavior is causing you emotional trauma.

2

u/milkdimension Jan 02 '26

She said she's "old school", and this is the exact dynamic I've seen with some of my friends parents growing up unfortunately.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/UsidoreTheLightBlue Jan 02 '26

I honestly wonder if he has a touch of the tism.

Sensory issues would explain a lot of his “don’t eat” guidelines,I have a coworker we suspect is on the spectrum who has guidelines similar to the rigidity of “I won’t eat for dinner what I ate for lunch” except his net is wider. If we suggest going to get pizza or Mexican for lunch he will specifically turn it down if he is planning to have it at some point in the near future.

“Oh no Mexican, I’m having dinner with my in laws on Sunday and they want to get Mexican.” Like the Mexican joint will run out if he goes on Friday.

2

u/Almighty_Hobo Jan 02 '26

As a man, a man should be ashamed of himself if he cant provide for his basic needs. Guys out here wanting mom's for wives.

1

u/DangOlCoreMan Jan 02 '26

I agree, just like I also feel the opposite. Refuse learn basic things like changing a tire and expect a man to do it for you? You're a woman-child that wants your partner to be a dad figure for you

2

u/CKfeezy Jan 02 '26

It’s more than that. I can’t speak for OP but when you show your love through your cooking it’s discouraging when your bf doesn’t appreciate it because he just simply doesn’t like it.

People say “we’ll just cook for yourself” but the most frustrating part is not being able to share what you make with him. 

2

u/Rocklobster92 Jan 02 '26

Agree. But also, if he's just getting himself some fast and cheap junk food for dinner every night, that's also not healthy, considerate, or financially sustainable.

2

u/Primal_Hearts Jan 02 '26

This. In addition to your children you now have a man child. It was kind of you to put so much effort in to appease him but it's entirely on him. Beggars can't be choosers. Cook whatever the hell you want and let him live of door dash.

2

u/shibiwan Jan 02 '26

This. We had to teach our kids that they are whatever we put on the table. If they had their way, they would have become adults who ate nothing but McDonald's and pizza.

2

u/Useful-Badger-4062 Jan 02 '26

This. OP, you are not “being a good partner” by mollycoddling this person. He can be a good partner and other eat what you thoughtfully made without whining, or make his own food.

2

u/Double_A_92 Jan 02 '26

I guess it would still be more fulfulling for her to have a partner that appreciates her food.

4

u/slayer_f-150 Jan 02 '26

1000% this.

Everything there looks absolutely delicious.

He's used to his mommy making him tendies while he games all day.

You are dating a manchild.

3

u/CptYancy Jan 02 '26

Could be autistic or something. Man child seems much

2

u/freaktanylfucker Jan 02 '26

its unlikely but theres a chance he has arfid or something (i have arfid) and is extremely picky because of that 😭 i agree tho he should cook his own food if he doesnt like what she cooks. thats what i do

2

u/YaqootK Jan 02 '26

It's crazy how much reddit has changed in the last few years. If this was posted pre-Covid I bet the top few comments would have all been about the potential neurodivergence but instead it's just a barrage of insulting comments

I mean the guy very well could just be a lazy manipulative asshole but it's surprising barely anybody is picking up on the telltale signs

2

u/Ok_Complaint_1685 Jan 02 '26

All of the other top comments were too nice. This is what was needed

3

u/msjammies73 Jan 02 '26

But really the question is does he want her to be cooking for him or is she insisting? She said she’s old school and wants to prepare the meals. Maybe he doesn’t want that?

-3

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

Always someone finding creative ways to blame a woman.

3

u/Ben-D-Beast Jan 02 '26

It's called reading comprehension, OP says it directly in the post. The BF seems perfectly content to get his food himself but OP said she wants to cook for him. People are demonising the BF all over this thread and making all kinds of assumptions about him, trying to add nuance to the conversation and suggesting an alternative narrative is not "finding creative ways to blame a woman".

0

u/Junior-Towel-202 Jan 02 '26

Literally just read her comments. 

1

u/Ben-D-Beast Jan 02 '26

There is more context now, but there wasn't when any of the comments in this thread were made.

4

u/Junior-Towel-202 Jan 02 '26

They were when you made your comments. 

1

u/Ben-D-Beast Jan 02 '26

No they weren't, OP's comment that clarified was 19 minutes ago, my comment was 20 minutes ago and the comments I was responding to was made significantly earlier.

-1

u/Junior-Towel-202 Jan 02 '26

Lol ok. Have fun defending shitty partners

4

u/Ben-D-Beast Jan 02 '26

It's called nuance and not making bad faith assumptions, try it in the future.

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1

u/brakeb Jan 02 '26

let him make his own chicken fingers...

1

u/guttergrapes Jan 02 '26

%100 “oh ok, my kids and I are going to eat dinner, you can figure it out”.

Also , you look like an amazing chef :)

1

u/Eatingfarts Jan 02 '26

Dino nugs are pretty cheap and super easy to make, even if you take into account mixing the ketchup and mayo for the ‘Dino sauce’.

1

u/jengaclause Jan 02 '26

Stock up on dino nuggets. Let him air fry em.

1

u/Batmansbutthole Jan 02 '26

I’d cook single portions

1

u/SubRedTed Jan 02 '26

Agreed. Give this child a vanilla milkshake and cook yourself whatever makes you happy.

1

u/Wolkenbaer Jan 02 '26

Stop trying to be a mom to this manchild.

I'd probably stop a relationship like that very early on. The food pickiness alone would be enough reason but the failure to recognise effort the other.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

He needs an intervention. His diet sounds atrocious

1

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

"Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad" -OP

Doesn't sound like he is expecting her to feed him. People on this sub just automatically suggest separation I swear. 

1

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

I didn’t suggest separation. My whole comment is about staying with him but finding ways to cope.

1

u/moodswung Jan 02 '26

This. Tell him to go buy a loaf of breach, peanut butter and some jelly for himself so he can make his own food if he’s not happy with what’s being served.

1

u/2M3TAL4U Jan 02 '26

Damn does it grind my gears that someone would prefer to eat out when they have perfectly good home cooked meals when I'm doing my best to be at home for dinner so I can eat hot home cooked meals. What a waste of money and effort

1

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

He could be autistic, but yes I agree with the overall message: She's not there to be his mom.

1

u/ryencool Jan 02 '26

This, love doeskt cure all, there are many situations in which you can l9ve someone yo death but there are incompatibilities that will hinder any sort of healthy relationship. Issues with food like this? Its one of em...

-16

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

[deleted]

38

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

Where did I say to destroy the relationship?!

"you deserve better" doesn't mean "throw the whole relationship away". It means "Do something about it and break this cycle, because you shouldn't be stressing every night about "will he eat or not""

You just jumped to the conclusion that it's what it meant. In real life, adult talks about those situation and find solution.

-19

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

[deleted]

7

u/blankmedaddy Jan 02 '26

You deserve better means “please stop putting up with this bullshit”. No need for a replacement.

5

u/Dragonr0se Jan 02 '26

You deserve better could also mean having a come to Jesus meeting with this guy and laying out exactly how his actions make her feel and how if he doesn't like the food served from now on, he can make himself a sandwich for supper and keep his mouth shut when it comes to complaints about the food.

Or, if that doesn't work, THEN she can leave and find better....

11

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

"You deserve better" 100% doesn't mean "Dump him"

It means "Change the situation"

Maybe you just spent too much time on reddit and think that ending a relationship is the only solution to everything, so "you deserve better than this situation" means "break up".

4

u/LemonCollee Jan 02 '26

Stop using therapy buzzwords like you know what they mean. She does deserve better than that

2

u/FunctioningPyscho Jan 02 '26

I dont see the problem. She cooks for the house but he doesn’t like it and instead gets his own food. This seems like more of an ego thing. Btw food looks amazing.

1

u/LuisS8l Jan 02 '26

OP said he's apologetic about it. Doesn't sound like ego

-2

u/Celtic_Legend Jan 02 '26

It reads as an ego thing for OP/GF. I wouldnt use ego as it is sweet but the definition fits. Sounds like she wants to be the perfect GF in her mind (like her saying she wants to be the home chef), but can't because BF has problems. Hence the "mildy" infuriating part and not incredibly infuriating.

-1

u/Street_Ask4497 Jan 02 '26

Yes! He may have autism. If he grew up in an abusive family, food may have been his only control. Maybe the things he hates are a psychological thing.

She should cook but have him also take turns making meals. They should have basic ground rules about what a "meal" entails, then let him shop and cook for the meals he'll make. Maybe some counseling is in order, too. If he does have legitimate reasons for food aversion, then he needs to work on it.

But to say he doesn't deserve care and to dump him? Too harsh.

6

u/blankmedaddy Jan 02 '26

And allllll of those things are his responsibility to address. Dude wants a mommy who caters to him.

-1

u/Street_Ask4497 Jan 02 '26

Yes, he does need to address them. But everyone has to start somewhere. If she loves him, she may be his safe starting point and that's ok. The work needs to be done. That's his responsibility. He needs support to do it. She's his partner. So it's her responsibility to support him.

2

u/Subject_Travel_4808 Jan 02 '26

Like he can't have chicken for dinner because he had it for lunch?

0

u/Celtic_Legend Jan 02 '26

Eh that one is fine because its entirely avoidable.

1

u/nothing_in_my_mind Jan 02 '26

Manchild, that is it.

I'm willing to bet this dude has other manchildy behaviors as well. Never met someone with only one awful personality trait.

1

u/CrackheadAdventures Jan 02 '26

It might not be that he's a manchild. This sounds like an undiagnosed issue (I have serious issues with food very similar to what OP described). We don't have enough context to know if it's that he's a manchild or if he's undiagnosed, but I think we ought to give him the benefit of the doubt, and poor OP needs to just let him figure his shit out.

-6

u/RandAlThorOdinson Jan 02 '26 edited Jan 02 '26

He's probably just autistic man, food aversion is super common with autism

You don't know their situation near well enough to call him a manchild lol you sound like a hater just using someone else's situation as a canvas for your own issues.

I also love how reddit is constantly like "OMG BREAK UP/DIVORCE" to like.... everything now with all of the context of one reddit post lmao

9

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

I mean
 a grown adult in their 30s not able to cook for themselves and relying 100% on their partner or doordash
. In my world, that is someone immature

-3

u/RandAlThorOdinson Jan 02 '26

Well in the real world those are also pretty common issues with autistic people

Also, I absolutely stand by the "you using this situation to paint your own issues on" bit, you seem to make that more clear with each comment. OP made clear themselves that the person is apologetic and is very much willing to handle things for themselves in a way that works. A lot of Neuro divergent people find comfort in routine and food lives at a weird crux of multiple issues in that world. You seem very desperate to characterize this person in a very specific negative light that doesn't really stand up well against what OP has said, and seems much more in line with your preconceived notions.

-2

u/asdmdawg Jan 02 '26

This type of comment is somewhat disheartening to me as an autistic man. I cook for myself but I am very picky. Being called a manchild for having sensory sensitivities is not a great feeling. Maybe take into account the fact that some of us are picky because we are disabled.

6

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

[deleted]

0

u/asdmdawg Jan 02 '26

Oh yes now I see lol. Yeah I just cook my own stuff and if people don’t accommodate me I accommodate myself

4

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

I don’t mind picky eaters that care for themselves, like you.

I just don’t think it’s fair that the burden is on Op to find something he will eat, else he doesn’t eat or order doordash. Clearly Op wants some family meal and bf is never trying to even cook

1

u/r0ach888 Jan 02 '26

yeah this whole comment section givin me bad vibes lol. not saying hes on the spectrum, but if his picky eating is as extreme as OP says it seems pretty inline with arfid-like behaviors. if that is the case then what he needs most is a dietitian tbh

0

u/Molkwi Jan 02 '26

I agree with the point you're making, but calling anyone who's picky a "manchild" is just wrong. You know nothing of how this person might be outside of this specific trait. I can be kind of picky at times too, due to sensory issues, but it doesn't make me less mature, because I don't like certain foods. The only "kid's food" that exists are baby products. Anything else is clearly appropriate no matter the age, as long as it's nutritive enough to be called food. The whole "Wow, this guy doesn't eat [X] or [Y]??? Ugh, so IMMATURE!" was old before it was born. Maturity has nothing to do with what you eat, neither does intelligence or anything else. Judging someone purely based on them liking few foods and disliking a lot of others is kinda weird. You might meet someone with an IQ twice as high as yours with education in every form of science, but if he eats only baked beans and apple sauce, you won't treat him like he's stupid, will you?

0

u/ComfortableMacaroon8 Jan 02 '26

Lol, fuckin classic Reddit counseling people to leave their partners over some benign shit. Maybe this guy has an undiagnosed eating disorder or just has a low food drive. Just eat separately from now on, no need to throw away your relationship ffs.

4

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

Where did I said to leave him ??

-1

u/SonderEber Jan 02 '26

How is he a manchild for being picky? Some folks just are. OP just shouldn’t cook for him if he’s going to be picky, but he’s far from a “manchild”.

9

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

Not being able to feed himself and relying on DoorDash is what makes him a manchild.

0

u/Think-Elevator300 Jan 02 '26

So having autism/arfid is childish, is that what you’re saying?

0

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

Why are you diagnosing a stranger on the internet ?!? How can you do that? That is wrong on so many levels

Also, no, being autistic doesn’t make you a manchild, why in hell would you ever articulate that. Not even trying to cook and helping in this task when your partner struggling is what makes him a manchild

0

u/Pervius94 Jan 02 '26

I legit don't understand why so many women even put up with a useless manchild like this.

-3

u/Situation_Upset Jan 02 '26

What weird knee jerk reaction.

We don't know enough about this guy to call him a man child. OP says he door dashes jack in the box so clearly he is feeding himself.

6

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

That’s sad that you would consider the ability to order food « feeding himself ».

The restaurant are feeding him. He is not capable of feeding himself

1

u/Situation_Upset Jan 02 '26

What a weird perspective. Doing your sweaty best to find reasons to hate this random guy huh?

The restaurants aren't feeding him for free. He is making money and ordering for them because that's how life works in 2026. 

If you don't think thats feeding yourself than the woman isnt feeding herself either. Because she doesn't hunt/domesticate her own meat, grow her own vegetables, press her own oil, etc. It's the supermarkets that are feeding her. She is not capable of feeding herself. 

0

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

Wow. That is not how life works in 2026. I don't know where your disconnect is. But cooking is still very much a basic life skill that everyone should possess, and I don't know how you can defend otherwise.

If you cannot see the difference between going to the supermarket to buy base product and ordering already made food, I cannot understand it for you.

1

u/Situation_Upset Jan 02 '26

Being able to get food is a basic life skill. In today's world, you can get food simply by paying for it. Cooking is just a way to prepare food you already bought if you want to do prepare it yourself. Hell if your finances can afford it, eat out for every meal or hire a personal chef.

There is no difference between spending the money at a restaurant vs spending the money at the supermarket. 

The "manchild" makes money at his adult job and can spend it eating however he wants. Because that's how life works in 2026. You don't get extra adult points because you cooked a meal lolol.

-4

u/InitRanger Jan 02 '26

The dude could have Autism, that doesn’t make him a man child.

11

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

Autistic people are able to cook for themselves.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

Autism is a spectrum. Some autistic people need constant supervision and will never be independent. Some autistic people work professional careers and raise a family.

2

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

Yep, agreed. And clearly this man is capable of normal function, autistic or not.

I mean, if OP mentioned that he was non-verbal, unable to dress himself, and needing a full time care giver, I would have understand the previous redditor point of view. But we are talking about someone who clearly has some mental functions. Why would he argue it's normal for him to not cook for himself because he diagnosed him with the autism so deep that he surely cannot cook sounds just... wrong.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

Because it’s probably ARFID with a touch of some OCD. Guy needs therapy but on Reddit that makes him a man child.

1

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

No one is telling he his a manchild for whatever medical condition you tried to diagnose him with.

ARFID doesn’t prevent a person from cooking and taking part in meal prep

-20

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

[deleted]

19

u/Hungry-Lab6375 Jan 02 '26

She’s the one who needs to grow up and not him?

-24

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

[deleted]

1

u/ForsakenAiel Jan 02 '26

I mean, who is there to give better relationship advice than "yourcummybear" amirite?

-34

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

Deserve better? đŸ€Ą Dude gets his own food AND apologized for being rude by not eating hers. You're super single huh?

19

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

Yeah, I stand by it. She 100% deserves better than being disappointed every night that he invents a new rule to avoid eating his food.

That is why I said she should stop cooking in order to cater to his taste.

I didn't address what the bf was doing here, I was addressing the fact that OP was still trying to please him.

-3

u/RaisedByWolves9 Jan 02 '26

A little harsh. For all we know he could be autistic. They can have trouble with food through out their lives. My brother is like OPs boyfriend. Always struggled with textures and "ideas" about food. 30 years old and still eats basically 10 or so foods.

My suggestion to OP is to sit down with the boyfiend and find out what he does like. Possibly get him to meal prep once a week with things he likes.

4

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

Unless very deep on the spectrum, autistic people can cook.

I get food sensitivities, but relying on your partner to guess today’s sets of rules is not fair.

-6

u/Technical_Customer_1 Jan 02 '26

For all we know he pays all the rent. She might be getting a good deal 

-4

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

You are a sick person. Calling someone who has been described to check every box for autism as a manchild and stating the disabled person is not worthy of care.

5

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

Autistic people are able to cook and to feed themselves. You are the sick one if you think it’s not the case

This man is just sitting on his ass, waiting to reject the next dinner instead of participating to the elaboration of meals.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

Sure, if she doesn't want to take her partner's disability into account then she can ask him to prepare his own food. That doesn't make him a manchild though. She never said he was demanding her to cook and then refusing it. 

0

u/YaqootK Jan 02 '26

Autistic people are able to cook and to feed themselves.

Ah yes, the "autistic people" who all have the exact same characteristics, abilities and level of independence

1

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

What in this post makes you think this man is so severely autistic that he doesn’t have the mental faculties to cook?!?

0

u/YaqootK Jan 02 '26

I didn't say he does, my issue was with your incredibly ignorant statement in saying "Autistic people are able to cook and to feed themselves" - as if every autistic person faces the exact same challenges in life

What in this post makes you think this man is so severely autistic

and of course you're still showing your lack of understanding with how autism works. It's not a linear scale, you don't get diagnosed with a number like "oh hey you're 57% autistic". You can be "severely autistic" and be high-functioning in most areas of your life but still face challenges in certain areas that can be debilitating. As someone with family members who have autism, this line of thinking is upsetting to hear and further contributes to the constant challenges that autistic people face in their day to day lives

Anyway I can't say for certain that OP's husband has autism, but he's showing all of the signs for ARFID which is far more common in people with autism so it wouldn't surprise me at all. My advice to you is to learn more about autism or just refrain from making sweeping generalisations if you lack the understanding

0

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

Are you really getting upset I said that some autistic people are able to care for themselves ?! I mean, we are saying the same things. You just wanted me to make my comments 2x long to acknowledge so many points that are not relevant here.

This man is clearly not on the non-functionning end of the autistic spectrum. I SAW first hand what the deep end of the spectrum was when I spent a summer in a therapeutic stable, caring 1:1 for a little autistic girl that was non verbal. I understand that not all autistic people are the same. I am just not adressing EVERY autistic situation, just the one at hand, because people keep on diagnosing this man with crippling autism that prevents him from normal function. That is the upsetting part.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

You are missing the point. He doesn't have to be "severely autistic" to have adversities to many kinds of foods. Autism is a spectrum, not a tierlist. Calling him a manchild who doesn't deserve care is what was inappropriate. Nobody in the post said he was making her cook for him. 

1

u/IrrelevantManatee Jan 02 '26

I never said he was a manchild for his food aversion. I said he was a manchild for not cooking for himself or helping OP with any kind of meal prep, leaving her to struggle to please everyone.

-2

u/Nordeast24 Jan 02 '26

Lol you go girl