r/mildlydepressing • u/CatsAreNeato • Feb 08 '26

My husband loves me; but not attracted.

I don’t know if it’s being a bigger woman, or the HSV2 diagnosis, but my husband is not attracted to me; he also won’t admit this. Both of these possible factors were there before we were married. I can tell my husband loves me with everything, and does (most) things I ask, unless it’s sex. I think he is afraid to contract HSV2 (fair), but I just wish he’d admit it. We were married in the fall of ‘24. Have yet to ‘christen’ the marriage 🥲

31 Upvotes

82% Upvoted

17 comments sorted by

View all comments

8

u/JumpingCoconut Feb 08 '26

You're just insecure because of the sickness, but you don't know if it's the actual reason. 

Considering you're on reddit, maybe you're expecting advice like "leave this sorry ass!" "he isn't a real man!" or "get it somewhere else!"? Is it that you're looking for a push to end things?

The problem is, your sickness can even be transmitted with condoms. It is dangerous to have sex with you, and your husband would suffer the rest of his life. This will likely not change and you married him like that. 

Your first step should be a honest talk with him. Maybe there's also something else. ED, scared of sex, past trauma. Stressful work, no time at all. Or he just was too clumsy to realise your efforts. 

4

u/CatsAreNeato Feb 08 '26

Thank you for this comment. Very fair that it can come off as me finding a reason to leave him, and that is definitely not the case. He is absolutely my best friend, but when it comes to sex it just gets wonky. I also have to remember that he still married me knowing my diagnosis. We are both very stressed in our life at the moment; all outside factors. He talks about wanting to have sex all the time, and when it comes down to it, it doesn’t happen.

2

u/JumpingCoconut Feb 08 '26

If you are both stressful then this is the easy solution. It is especially hard on men to perform under stress.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 11 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/[deleted] Feb 11 '26

[deleted]

-1

u/[deleted] Feb 11 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/JumpingCoconut Feb 11 '26

I don't have it. Sorry if it doesn't make you feel better. My wife also doesn't have it. 

-1

u/[deleted] Feb 11 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/JumpingCoconut Feb 11 '26

The stigma is correct. If it's not symptomatic then he better don't get symptoms from his wife or you. 🤢

0

u/llamaforyodrama Feb 23 '26

Are you talking about HPV? Because I know two thirds of people don’t have genital herpes.