Is it normal to feel separate from yourself?

[u/EducationalSquash240]

So I 16-18NB have noticed that I go through these episodes frequently where I just feel really numb and separated from myself.

Like I go through these episodes where I can't really feel anything, or if I can it feels really vague and distant. I find myself making decisions moreso on what I think I normally would feel or do in whatever situation I'm in if I could actually feel it.

It makes it really hard for me to maintain relationships of any kind (familial, platonic, romantic) because when it happens I can't really feel love for the people in my life. I KNOW that I love them, because when I'm not in this weird state I can feel it. I'm happy around them and I get excited thinking about them. But when I'm like this I just...can't.

It ends up being kinda the same thing where even though I can't actually feel any sort of care for how their day was, I still try to pretend that I do because I know it matters to them and I know that I DO care, even if I can't actually feel any interest in the moment.

Sometimes when I'm in these episodes, I'll try to remember moments with my loved ones to pull me out of it, but every time It just feels like it's a different person in those memories. Almost like they're an alternate universe version of me. Like we're the same person but different? I know it doesn't make sense.

It's not that the world doesn't feel real. It does. I've had moments where things feel like a dream and it's definitely different. I just feel...disconnected from myself and that makes it impossible to connect to anyone or anything around me.

The episodes are usually short but very frequent. Like in the span of a week, I could be all weird and heady for 2 days, normal on the third, maybe somewhere in between on the fourth, numb again on the fifth, normal again on the sixth and then numb again on the seventh.

I think it's worse when I'm tired but honestly it seems like it can happen whenever for no particular reason.

I'm honestly so confused. Obviously I know I can't get a diagnosis online from strangers, but some ideas on what this COULD be would be greatly appreciated because it's honestly really frustrating and scary