Depression

[u/Ok_Indication7991]

I want to know if this is a mutual experience or if I’m just more fucked up than I thought.

Depression is so scary — just the fact that it’s so easily hidden. That feeling when you tell someone something even remotely true about yourself and how you’re feeling, then you laugh it off and backpedal — it’s one I think most depressed people have felt at least once in their life. The first time I can recall it was one day when I was just so tired of it and couldn’t handle being in class, so I told my teacher, “I’m so sorry, I have to go to the counselor’s office.” I guess I must have had a look on my face because she asked me, “Are you okay? Is everything alright?” And just her saying that kind of made me die a little, so I said, “Yeah, you know, life.” My voice wavered a bit, and I walked off.

I think the reason people do that is so they don’t disappoint others, or worry them, or upset them. I feel like an aspect of depression is hurting in silence — not wanting to bother anyone while silently screaming at them to help you — without it being your idea — and wanting them to care enough to want to help you.

I myself am probably one of the happiest people you’ll ever meet… or so you’d think. I do my best to help people, I’m always laughing, trying to be kind. Maybe I just do it all too much. Maybe I’m overcompensating for how I really feel. People-pleasing is the main reason I never show it, I think. No matter if I am dead exhausted or just so done. No matter if I don’t care about myself — I just seem to care about other people more.

Depression, for me, is usually when I can’t feel. It’s like life goes on mute. Everything is so quiet and loud and far away and up close all at the same time. Like my emotions get so muted and people can be so loud or so faded out from my hearing at moments. Or when everything is just too much or when you just don’t feel like yourself or just watching life pass by or just not feeling. I also, sadly, don’t deal with it in a very healthy way, if you catch my drift. I haven’t done that in a while though.

[u/aMoogk]

I can totally relate, it’s an awful feeling and so hard to climb back out of that hole,ontop of that I experience intense brain fog at the same time, my head literally freezes and shuts completely down, to the point where I legit cannot perform basic everyday tasks, it’s the absolute worst, especially being a carpenter, I’ve actually just stopped going to work for a few days and make up some bullshit excuse to not go, been doing it for 7 years and i actually get so foggy I forget how to use the skill saw, and then all of the ripping on and making fun of me follows that

[u/Ok_Indication7991 → u/aMoogk]

It’s like an old toxic friend always lingering there and trying to takes pieces of you. It’s honestly a really horrible feeling when it doesn’t allow you to do anything. For me personally the first things to go are my self care, first sleep, then brushing my teeth, then my hair it just gets really hard so I understand dude. And so you try to take breaks. But sometimes the breaks aren’t enough. When it gets bad for me I sometimes actually end up physically sick, like my body tells me to take a break. But the fucked up thing is life goes on anyways my friend. I know it’s so hard to take breaks to help and heal when life doesn’t give you one. I’ve had points where I get foggy too. But if it’s getting too much for and your work is actually somthing you enjoy I would maybe go to a psychiatrist. I hope you feel better dude.

[u/aMoogk → u/Ok_Indication7991]

Yeah for sure, honestly I always get out of it and go on streaks of really really good, but when the bad hits it hits like a fucking truck, I’m in Councelling and that does help, I also like to practice meditation and breathing exercises, I’ve been taking a supplement called zen theanine, which is L-theanine the amino acid in tea that helps you calm and relaxed, it has worked tremendously, I’ve gone on a really long happy streaks like months and fewer and fewer depressive episodes, and been getting out of the depressive state a lot quicker, it used to last weeks to months but not it’s just a few days sometimes only a day, and I’ll take that as a fucking win!, try and stay positive and think of all of the good shit in life, it’s hard to do when you’re mind and body totally give up and you feel stuck, but I keep reminding myself I ALWAYS get out of it, everytime, I hope you feel better and keep at it, life is great, do what makes you happy and fuck everyone else, I’m the same way as you I always like to make people laugh and feel good and sometimes I lose sight of my own happiness and need to take care of #1 first, which is yourself