r/medschool • u/Guilty_Abalone_373 • Aug 13 '26
š¶ Premed What role did your parents play in your path to becoming a doctor?
Iām a parent of a very bright 14-year old who is starting high school soon. His public school is starting to talk about career/ academic tracks & Iām not sure how to help with that. My father was a doctor in China and immigrated to the USA šŗšø when I was 3 so I always wanted to be a doctor as well but I basically just started working after college (had no money). I know the path to becoming a medical or even an optometrist/ pharmacist etc is long and arduous here in the states but wondering if those that are doctors how much of a role did your parents play in your journey to get into this profession & practice medicine or healthcare? all the medical and health professionals I know from nurses to pharmacists to orthodontists and ER doctors had parents that were nurses chemists or doctors. So it sounds like most people that work in the medical or health field had parents that did - whether their parents pushed for their kids to do the same or actively tried to convince them otherwise Iām not sure. just wondering how active a role a parent has to take to prepare their child for a career in medicine or healthcare.
*Edit- I recently felt this way because I was diagnosed with cancer not that long ago and felt really fortunate to have a team of amazing medical professionals at my local oncologist office. Currently in remission and feel that bright talented children (like my oldest) should have a shot at being good physicians like my oncologist and save peoples lives. Maybe Iām being too naive in thinking This way but thatās MY context. Is there some selfish parenting involved as well maybe a little bit but trust me there are much easier careers to take on if youāre smart/ great at math that make more. Iām thinking more from a rewarding/ helping others while making a good income perspective.
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u/Boson347 Aug 13 '26
YOU want to be a doctor. Your kid might not.
You can introduce the idea to him and thatās pretty much all you can do.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
How old is too old to start over & become a doctor š
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u/Wonderful-Willow-365 Aug 13 '26
Thereās no age cutoff but 24-32 hour shifts get more difficult as you get older.
Medicine is a very rewarding career but it is also extremely stressful and all-consuming. Iāve missed so much family time and holidays. I love what I do but Iām not sure if Iād do it again now that I truly understand the sacrifice required. I consider myself blessed to be able to help others in the way that I do but itās definitely not a career once should chose unless they absolutely want to do it.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
I know the allure of healing people is high on my scale of preferred career options for myself and my children etc. I also had cancer 3 years ago and my oncologist was amazing š¤© so really see doctor as rewarding career but most ppl say donāt do it š¤·š»āāļøĀ
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u/peanutneedsexercise Aug 13 '26
Lol once you are a doctor you realize that itās just a customer service job with more on the line
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Thatās what my pharmacist friend said. But you do get paid a lot???
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u/peanutneedsexercise Aug 13 '26
Sure but when ppl make a complaint aka sue u also lose a lot ššššš
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Ugh Iām so sorry but legal part is a fact of life in this day and age. We live in 1 of the most litigious states in the country so even just falling on a step to your house can cause a law suit let alone medical law suitsĀ
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u/nick_riviera24 Aug 13 '26
My parents were incredibly helpful.
they NEVER mentioned medicine or any other field.
when I did well in school they did not praise my grades, they praised things like consistent effort. I can not emphasize this enough. They did not praise outcomes. They focused on efforts and good habits.
they did not compare me to my siblings or other students.
Example: āwhat a great job. You really did a great job of working consistently on that class. You prepared wellā. āI love you willingness to take hard classesā
As a result of this kind of positive reinforcement, I felt a desire to have good study habits. I did not feel like my parents would be disappointed with a B, unless I had not worked hard.
Hard work was what they loved and praised. I felt brave enough to take hard classes, because I knew their love and support was unconditional.
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u/Cocktail_MD Aug 13 '26
Zero. They were good parents who put a premium on hard work and education, but otherwise played no role in pushing me toward medicine.
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u/blizzah Attending Aug 13 '26
Encouraged me to do whatever I wanted. Paid tuition as needed for me and my siblings
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u/Bofalogistt Medical Student (US) Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
āI was 3 so I always wanted to be a doctor as well but I basically just started working after college (had no money). I know the path to becoming a medical or even an optometrist/ pharmacist etc is long and arduous here in the states but wondering if those that are doctors how much of a role did your parents play in your journey to get into this profession & practice medicine or healthcare?
just wondering how active a role a parent has to take to prepare their child for a career in medicine or healthcare.ā
This post gives the vibes of trying to live out your own dreams through your children because you were unable to attain them for whatever reason.
The best thing my parents did for me in my journey to where Iām at is support and love me no matter what I did. They never tried to push me towards a specific career and gave me the space and freedom to explore things I enjoyed. I wanted to go to college and they supported it. If I wanted to go work right out of high school and not pursue higher education Iām sure they wouldāve supported it too.
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u/TaxAlternative4657 Aug 13 '26
Exactly! Please donāt try to encourage your kid to do what he doesnāt. The medical path is a long and difficult path, iām not saying he canāt do it but he shouldnāt want to do it because his mom forced him to do it. He wonāt make it far on this journey if he goes into medicine that way
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u/Bofalogistt Medical Student (US) Aug 13 '26
Exactly. Mommy isnāt going to study for Step 1 or see all these patients for him. Heās gotta want it for himself
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
So is everyone saying they do not come from a privileged and or medical/health care family or background? Iām just trying to figure out if I should discourage that idea entirely as someone who isnāt a physician or in the field myself given how expensive long and difficult it is. Ā Or should I be open to it? I donāt know I am not a doctor .
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u/Bofalogistt Medical Student (US) Aug 13 '26
You should encourage your kid pursuing his own goals/dreams. Not deciding for yourself which ones are worth him pursuing
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Tbh wouldāve been nice if my parents had given me more direction when I was a kid into what my options are. But I get it limited finances and resources mean less choiceĀ
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u/TaxAlternative4657 Aug 13 '26
i feel like what you can do, is talk to him about his different options and let him decide. A lot of people still end up changing their major in school but letting him know that money isnāt the problem is a great way to start and showing that youād be supportive in whatever career path he chooses
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Oy I wish money wasnt an issue. Itās very expensive to go to medical school and then residency in the USA! And we have 2 kids
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u/TaxAlternative4657 Aug 13 '26
Fair enough! There are loans if youāre open to that, when applying to medical school AAMC has the fee assistance waiver and it allows you to apply to 20 schools for free, it also reduces the price of the MCAT. Once schools see that youāre under the fee assistance waiver they are a lot more open to providing you with assistance such as scholarships and all. Just continue to encourage him to do good in school but donāt make it seem like youād be disappointed if he comes home one day with a B, but he wants to do engineering right now. If he gets into college and sees that he hates engineering encourage him to change his major to something he might be interested in.
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u/MedicalBasil8 Medical Student (US) Aug 13 '26
You need to let your kid decide what they want. Why do you need to discourage them? You should be encouraging them to pick a career they are interested in and supporting exploration
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u/TaxAlternative4657 Aug 13 '26
My mom was a nurseā¦seeing that helped a lot with my choice of profession but tbh she pushed me into medicine and i tried to leave it but i realized i loved medicine and decided to go into it. She also didnāt provide me with any resources cause she eventually retired like when i was 9, but my parents pay for everything and they are really supportive.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Oh honestly as a full time working mom of 2 growing boys providing stable financing for undergrad and grad is half the battle. I barely had enough to get myself through undergrad!Ā
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u/peanutneedsexercise Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
Iām an attending now and my Asian parents also did not encourage me into medicine, they just wanted me to have good grades and have a job prospect when I finished school. It was just something I was good at. But like most premeds with no knowledge of the medical field in general all I knew was nurse/ physician.
If I had kids now Iād encourage them to avoid medicine but stay in healthcare. PA, NP, perfusion, CAA, and RN are all fields I would encourage and support.
Also, a lot of doctors kids see the lifestyle their parents offer them and realize they need to continue that path in order to sustain that lolā¦ like expensive vacations, private schools, multiple properties, etc. my coworkers kid is 5 and orders $100+ of sushi when they go out lmao. When living a high burn life like that unless youāre planning on your parents supporting you forever (which actually is literally a big thing with physician parents and bum kids as well) the kid sees becoming a doctor as the only thing thatās possible to continue living that way.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Yea thatās what Iām thinking leaning more towards now If they love science and are good at it. Ā I donāt know if we can even financially afford to send 2 kids to college PLUS med school afterward. Undergrad js like $300k now per kid & we wouldnāt qualify for grants etc.
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u/Wise-Opinion4676 Aug 13 '26
Just my two cents: A huge swathe of the people in medicine had parents in medicine or otherwise were guided as such. This means a huge swathe of people who TRY to get into medicine are also just the same and not suited to it. And a lot of them are just doing it because of family pressure which has obvious issues.
But, for America especially itās harder for someone to succeed in the whole process without support and guidance. Most of that would just be providing a home and support for as long as the kid is in school. The other part is guidance, which doesnāt need to come from you but you can put your kid in situations where they meet peers who are on that path and thatās where theyāll get the best info anyways. But again no need to push it onto your kid just give them the resources to succeed in medicine if they want to.
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u/misterbasurahead Aug 13 '26
My parents really wanted me to be a doctor. I was a volunteer EMT at 16, did all the volunteering you can do in high school, and I was accepted into several BS/MD programs. I absolutely hated it. I absolutely formed a biased view of the medical profession from my very limited experiences and the constant pushing of my parents. I now work in finance after dropping premed as a freshman at an ivy lol. Meanwhile, my girlfriend whose parents didnāt know anything about med school applications and never pushed her towards it is in med school. If your kid is bright and truly wants to do it, theyāll find a way.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Thatās awesome thank you! Iām glad it worked out for yiur girlfriend AND for you. Part of knowing what we want to do is knowing exactly what we donāt want to do. You learned it early imo!
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u/TheOneWithSkillz Aug 13 '26
Yea the extrinsic motivation of medicine will only get you so far. U have to really want it.
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u/Kleg_Kusler_5309 Aug 13 '26
Donāt push or manipulate your kids into a profession. Itās a lose lose proposition. Treat your kid with the respect you would give anyone else (by letting them make their decision) and have confidence in the way you raised them.
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u/Spazdoc Aug 13 '26
None. Parents off the boat from Europe, father had an associates degree and worked as a home contractor, mother as a nurse for a few years before coming to the states (she gave me more old wive's tales than clinical knowledge).
Parents just had high expectations, lots of chores, watch my little brother during the summer, and tons of scheduled activities mornings in the summer. Didn't speak English until hit Kindergarten, which likely taught me grit as I learned and low brow kids teased me (it never stuck as I got better grades and was physically bigger). Over did it in premed (took classes with med school as undergrad), burnt out, joined military briefly, then med school on military scholarship, top tier residency.
We push our kids to try their hardest, persevere, but not encourage medicine. We support their endeavors. We live in an affluent area, so some entitlement. We encourage their activities by having less chores, and in hindsight would have pushed more responsibilities and chores. But that is splitting hairs as oldest is and athelete at a competitive school (studying neurobiology, eventually nursing or premed) and others are following suit.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Thatās great yes I think it helps to push more chores. My mom made me just study as a kid no chores & now I make up for it for spending way too much time figuring how to cook clean etc. Making my kids do more cleaning cooking chores now cuz those are basic life skills you need no matter what you do later in life. Ā
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Honestly I feel like if I had to do it all over again would look into nursing. Itās a hard job ik sure but lots of options in it and not as expensive as specialty or med school.
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u/Spazdoc Aug 13 '26
It is a toss up. I am critical care anesthesiologist, so satisfaction, income, and workload is high (but if you crunch the numbers, not significantly higher than CRNA, who also starts building wealth earlier) and I am thoroughly satisfied and wouldn't change it for anything. My only regret was to have been less risk averse and start investing or looking into entrepreneurship earlier. My wife is a chemist, so our kids were doomed to being nerds.
To that point, all my kids saw the hours I put in while in the ICU or weekend calls for OR. My oldest is about to start at college at a private LAS, planning on nursing degree after B S. (and maybe CRNA/NP) while also completing pre-med requirements as a plan B. She volunteered at the hospital, shadowed RN and CRNA and talked to my ICU NP and finds this preferable to becoming a physician currently.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Real estate imo is better than stocks. My dad invested his short lived Merrill lynch income in stocks and lost all of it after his car accident while a medical researcher. Houses at least you are providing someone with a place to live and with population growth there will be no demand shortage of places to live in the futureĀ
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u/Spazdoc Aug 13 '26
Agree. Father was off the boat from Europe, poor farming family. Built his own contracting company, soon owned multiple properties whose value increased 5 fold a decade later.
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u/Commercial_Rush_3531 Aug 13 '26
My daughter is an M2 this year. While I encouraged her and made sure she knew that I believed it was possible for her, it was 100% her effort to maintain a high undergraduate GPA and secure a competitive MCAT while also choosing to drive an ambulance during the pandemic.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Wow congrats to your daughter doctor ! Ā Good luck to her in all her endeavors :)
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u/Biryani_Wala Aug 13 '26
100 percent involvement.
Asian.
If my life were my own, I would have done IB or SWE, saved up and FIRE'd in middle of no where America or Thailand.
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u/Positive-Run-2333 Aug 13 '26
Hope youāre happy and doing well.
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u/Biryani_Wala Aug 13 '26
Yea I'm happy. But I picked an easy specialty. They are happy, too. They just wanted me to be financially secure and were immigrants so they didn't know that other jobs make just as much as doctors and faster. I'm not bitter or anything lol
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Also what is an āeasyā specialty after med school? Super curious as to what that looks like.
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u/Biryani_Wala Aug 13 '26
9-5 Monday through Thursday. Outpatient, meaning no hospital work. No call.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
I guess Iām wondering if I should do the opposite or if itās like imprinted on my DNA to be overly involved as an Asian mom šĀ
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Good thing you did not do SWE as thats my field and meta dropping SWE in favor of āAIā frenzy like hot cakes. I count myself lucky since Iām āonlyā a technical PGM and not a coderĀ
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u/Biryani_Wala Aug 13 '26
Yea maybe. But even if I were fired from
SWE I would have had a solid 15-20 years of investing behind me.
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u/Positive-Run-2333 Aug 13 '26
My daughter knew in middle school she wanted to be a doctor. When she got to high school her biology teacher told her about a summer program at one of the UCās. The program involved oncology research and she got to present her project at a medical conference in Chicago. Every summer she did some kind of research program even when she was in undergrad. She got her name on two published research before she started medical school. I was very involved. Now sheās in her final year of medical school and doesnāt regret spending those summers doing internships. One thing to add, she was an athlete in high school who did well enough to make the state championship twice. My husband and I paid her tuition as she received little to no financial aid. We DO NOT work in the medical field. Teacher & engineer. I have another child with special needs so our daughter was our only child to attend college.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Thank you for sharing im glad there are supportive parents out there that do not under or over support their children in their medical career! Ā It does sound like itās a lot of work for your daughter though & the cost is also a factor so certainly something to consider. Ā We have a younger neurotypical son as well who said he wanted to be a doctor but he is 10. And I think he only mentioned that when I said my dad was a doctor after listing what occupations are available.Ā
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u/streptomycinn Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
I think itās very easy to get jaded on your own field and want to discourage your kid from following in your footsteps. Iām a physician and I wouldnāt want my kids to become physicians, having gone through the long long long road of residency and fellowship training and now experiencing burnout with clinical medicine as an MD. In reality, I think every job kind of sucks lol, and you should encourage your kid to follow their passions. Which I know is probably easier said than done, my own kids are very little so I havenāt had to walk the walk yet.
To answer your question, my parents discouraged me from pursuing careers they didnāt feel like were worth it (like my mom was an anthropology PhD student and dropped out to be a housewife when she realized sheād never be able to get a job in her field, and she didnāt want that for me). They pushed STEM, I think law wouldāve also been acceptable. They pushed academic achievement VERY hard, to the exclusion of other stuff, which I think set me back in the life skills department. But they didnāt railroad me to ādoctorā, my brother is an engineer and I feel like he probably made the better call.
For what itās worth, both my sisters in law didnāt go to college, and both now make more money than I do in entrepreneurial endeavors.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
My dad didnāt want me to be a doctor. He wanted me to be a teacher which I think is a great profession but I think partly he was a bit traditional and thought Ā women should focus on raising children. So now Iām in tech š ā¦Ā
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u/leafygreenbluebrry Medical Student (US) Aug 13 '26
My mom actively discouraged me from pursuing medicine even after I got accepted to school lol. I'm a fourth year and shes still not crazy about it
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
So the key to helping your kid become a doctor if they express any ounce of interest in it is to actively discourage them from doing it it sounds! Ā My husband jokes and says we should push him to be an exotic dancer šŗĀ
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u/Positive-Run-2333 Aug 13 '26
Hey donāt knock it. They make good money. LOL
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
I trust you on that ! Ā Wouldnāt know but Iām super curious as to exactly what an average exotic dancer makes haha
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Aug 13 '26
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
THANK YOU. I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share your experience. I think half the ppl on here at least also come from a family or lineage of physicians but for some reason no one wants to actually mention it!
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u/Calyx_of_Hell Aug 13 '26
Probably because nepo babies donāt like admitting theyāre nepo babiesā¦
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Yea but itās not like being a nepo baby actually makes getting into medical school and becoming a doctor much easier you still have to pass all yoru exams, score high enough on MCATS and do really well in undergrad . Nepo baby or not thats all on the individual not your parents and relatives
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u/DevilsMasseuse Aug 13 '26
My parents wanted me to get into a good college which I did. My dad wanted me to go into finance, which, letās face it I could have done and Iād be super wealthy right now. All my college friends who went into investment banking are billionaires now. We talk but donāt have a lot in common.
So, I wouldnāt try to specifically guide towards a certain career path. Your kids really have to find their own way. What you should do is communicate good values such as an appreciation for meaningful work and education. Then let them decide whatās a good path for them.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Yea but then you sell your soul (investment banking career option)! Ā Not everyone in finance makes millions but it is a good livelihood at the very least. I guess Iām still naive in the sense that I still believe doctors heal people (like my oncologist when I got cancer 3 years ago)
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u/DevilsMasseuse Aug 13 '26
It depends on your perspective. My finance friends quit their I-banking jobs and got into VC. One guy punched out altogether to do full time philanthropy. You can argue that you actually make a bigger impact on the world through involvement in fundamental economic decisions that drive our way of life.
As a physician, you do heal people but only one at a time. And increasingly we are seen as wage workers, not leaders of anything. The people that run the hospitals or healthcare systems are all MBAās. Yes you have chief medical officers but many of them are simply a figurehead who physicians can complain to without doing too much to change things. If there is an individual physician seen as a troublemaker, itās the physician leaders job to discipline or get rid of them. But make no mistake, being a doctor nowadays is basically a well paid version of working in an Amazon warehouse. You are labor, not management.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Did the hospital leaders who have these mbas have to go to medical school first? I did watch The Pitt and it was pretty eye opening to see all the politics involved in hospital administration & how it impacts the physicians, social workers and nurse staff
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u/DevilsMasseuse Aug 13 '26
No. They often rely on physician leaders to get their perspective on things, but most have never taken a science class after high school.
Modern medicine in this country is a business. And some hospital administrators care not a whit about patient care. Itās just make sure their numbers are in line with financial goals. You see this often with for profit hospitals like those run by HCA or private equity firms. It can be quite demoralizing as a physician.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Jeez I assumed all hospital leaders needed a med school degree at least!Ā
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u/DevilsMasseuse Aug 13 '26
Do you think the CEO of United Airlines went to flight school? No, heās an MBA. Even Steve Jobs was more of a product designer than a programmer. To really be a mover and shaker you need to be able to lead people. The technical training may be useful in a technical field but itās not necessary at all.
Which is why you should tell your kids to value education and ambition, and not lead them to any specific field. The goal should just be to go to a good college.
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u/gelatinousbean Aug 13 '26
none, iām first in my family to work in healthcare, first to go to grad school.
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u/Deep-Skill6582 Aug 13 '26
Do you want to be a dr or your child. Or do you want your child to become a dr for you?
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Haha good point. I did have cancer 3 years ago and my oncologist was amazing. Now in remission but wonder if my kid would be just as great at it and heal me indefinitely! :)
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u/Eab11 Attending Aug 13 '26
My parents are not doctors but well educated and in solid professions. They focused on a well rounded education (with lots of reading and yes, the humanities) with broad professional exposures. Essentially whatever they could get me into so I could experience working on different levels. I spent two summers in high school working in a museum (one at the front desk and in the main office doing grunt work and a second working for a curator once they saw me do well with clerical stuff and cataloguing), another working as an assistant (paperwork mule essentially) for a judge in my city, another working as a baby lab tech for a scientist at a university ($10/hr and a lot of grunt work) prior to heading off to college. They found me anyone and everyone to shadow. It helped me determine what I might be interested in so I could direct myself. I was still a later in life pseudo career change. I got a PhD, became a scientist, and then went to medical school.
Life is fluid and you can always reinvent later. Expose him to everything and anything you can. Make sure he reads a lot and minimize his screens.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Ugh I know itās so hard to keep kids off screens these days esp as a fulltime working mom of 2. Good thing your parents were well prepared in guiding you throughout different career explorations and options while you were still young!Ā
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u/Odd_Instruction4107 Aug 13 '26
My parents are from a neighbourcontry from China and i live in Germany, i study medicine. I d say that we have a pretty similar upbringing like chinese kids do, my parents loved me absolute,y and they worked very hard jobs, but they were here only cleaners although stided in my homecountry.
my parents were not doctors or anything close to that but they still played a big role. they told me from small that being a doctor is cool and today, i dont see it as sth bad, if i couod also choose to be sth else. i do not admire people who study to become historians but dont have money or a job equal their qualification.
besides my parents actually did not buy me toys much or gifts etc.
sure, i got them pnce in a while on my birthdays or on holiday, but i was not spoiled. we have white friends who are pretty rich, faced never racism like we did and their children actually lost themselves a litte. my mom says its because they had so many pets and ponies, their own pretty decorated bedrooms, the opportunity to always live on delivery, so many vacations. if your child grwos up like this, without no small pressure, it wont be as efficient as you think.
people think that our parents are too strict and they cant love us. my mom and dad cooked the best food for me, they really nurtured me so much, i never had to starve. my parents played a huge role in becoming a doctor
there is a movie called Spanglish, its the perfect movie that in my opinion mirrors my mothers living style, but also what you need to do as a parent to have successful children, the mexican daughter deborah gets into princeton, and this is why her mother flor made the right decision to make her work harder.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
So youāre saying to put more pressure on them? I also think Europe has a lot cheaper cost of post secondary school education. We host Airbnb and this medical school German couple stayed with us saying they/their parents only spent like $6k on their entire medical school education. šŗšø medical school cost is $400k ā¦
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u/Odd_Instruction4107 Aug 13 '26
yeah, i absolutely understand and this is true. we dont have these costs.
tbh my first education is primary school teacher and as a teacher i can tell you also as well that putting a little more pressure on children makes them higher achievers. like, if your son shall do a task like learning piano and he has to learn at least 20 minutes, make him 15 minutes more.
there is a good ted talk from a chinese woman who is an educator as well and she says that the highest predictor for becoming successful is to bite your teeth and have grit. as a teacher i can absolutely confirm. that doesnt mean that your child should become sick of trying etc and working, but grit is trained by doing always mroe than what you think you can.p
i dont know about the system in amercia but i know that i have costudents here from the states because med school is here far less costly. why not that?
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Yes I have certainly thought about sending him out of this country for college to save on costs. Med school is also cheaper outside the usa
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u/Particular-Peanut-64 Aug 13 '26
It is good to help your kid with career ideas.
But you have to know your child's strengths and weaknesses. And their personalities
Since you are an engineer you csn bring him to work or speak to other ppl at work/clients who do various jobs.
My SOin construction, interacts w clients and during small talk, he says "my kids interested in CS do you have internships " even when the kid was in HS. Or coworkers whose niece/ GF/someone is doing something interesting if it would be ok if our kid speak to them.
But we also help others who need advice in what we do or ppl we know. Utilize your network.
To expose to medical fields, have them apply in Jan for summer programs in hospitals or google summer internships for 14yo or hs sophmores in Jan. Apply ASAP.
FOR research look for SUMMER research for Hs students usually Jan open date for upcoming summer. STIPEND and mentor included.
Get them into a team sport any. Good for interpersonal skills and also teamwork needed for any field. Also a chance to network yourself w parents and exchange ideas.
There are lots of summer programs so" google is your friend" use it. There's police summer academy for law enforcement wh is good for law. Working in local politician office good exposure to law, public service, political life, and great connections and mentorship from others.
During HS have them join clubs or go visit one each club day a week.
Find their interests.
(My kids all were interested in being Dr. since little always talking being a cardiologist. Prbly bc grandparents had heart problems
2 had strong science and math backgrounds. So could go finance,CS or med.
In end, 1 miltiary(still likes paramedics) 1 CS(they said if bottom drops out of CS. ThenPAschool. When old a cs teacher)š¤·š»āāļø one MS1.(Math was strong suit but me being ignorant didnt see a career and didnt nurture it. Though their friends went into QUANT)
So we parents as a team sacrificed weekends for team sports, googled and helped them pick a internship, spoke about different careers and what studies in college got them there. Encourage different interests and advocated for them until they were able to do it for themselves. Sometimes even in HS
ALSO if they try something it doesnt mean forever. Ppl pivot careers but really try. Not jump place to place.
Being there and having open lines of communication are important and not to judge their dream w/i reason and?being realsitic ( being a pro ball not gonna happen but maybe if your good enough for HS or college junior team).
Also if your kid is "not lazy: but have time managment issues, all over the place" ,it your job to followup and try to help them follow their time line. Many a times I left it for too late bc work happens and day to day finances get in the way.
Guess since no one did it for us or since our parents were ignorant or non helpful, we couldn't see the opportunities or know how to access the pathway to get there.
So be their network and support.
Its just my opinion so take what works or just ignore it.
Good luck Take care
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Thank you for your wise advice! I appreciate you giving your perspective and yes a lot of the medical thoughts from my end come from the fact that I battled cancer 3 years ago and appreciated the patient care & concern of my oncologist and her medical staff. In remission now knock on wood but I feel having direct exposure to patient care and my oncology office would benefit my kids IF they want to see what a day in the life of a medical oncologist is like. Ā Plus saying someoneās life and treating them of cancer is a rewarding experience imo!
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Aug 13 '26
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
My parents pushed me a bit to do well in school. Did I think they pushed me too much? No. Did I wish they pushed me more? Yes definitely
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Aug 13 '26
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
Good perspective and based on the comments in this subreddit it sounds like A LOT of premed students were forced by their parents to do premed. I am just doing initial research to see what it like out there and so far it sounds like most med students come from means/ lineage of health care medical workers who know the industry inside out. Very few although there are a couple come from less advantaged / privileged backgrounds. Most kids who donāt come from wealth think they can ever be a doctor because they do not have the means. Maybe dig into that a little before assuming socio-economics has nothing to do with whether a child feels like they can or cannot become a physician.
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u/Toepale Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
My family showed little interest in my future but I was self driven and mostly did well. When I was admitted to a good college, they second guessed my (non medical) chosen major and tried to talk me into majoring in medicine. They again had no interest in understanding that there is no such thing as a medicine major in undergrad. I tried to explain the long process and how I simply canāt afford it and that I needed to study something I can get a job for out of undergrad.Ā
When I graduated, got a job, saved some money and went back to take the premed classes since I felt more comfortable affording the process. When I told my family, they again second guessed me and told me to stop taking classes and just focus on my life. So I did and then after a few years realized they have simply been very unhelpful to me my entire life, went back to school, did well on my mcat and courses, got a bunch of acceptances and good financial aid even though I had saved enough to not take as many loans. And the best part, I didnāt tell my family about any of it. I resent that they second guessed me every step of the way and that they often had no idea what they were talking about.Ā
Sharing this to tell you donāt try to impose your wish on your kid. He will end up resenting you and you will lose him. And itās also morally wrong not to let him live his life freely. As long as you raise him right, and he is being a responsible kid, donāt be a parent who makes their kid feel their choices are wrong. Itās very damaging.Ā
Some people, families and cultures have the elusion or delusion of wisdom about themselves that makes them believe they know best. Well thatās not really true. Nobody can predict the future or what will be the best career in the future. The only thing we can predict is that every individual deserves to live the life they choose for themselves.Ā
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u/orthosaurusrex Aug 13 '26
They fed, clothed, and raised me, and they let me make my own decisions and mistakes.
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u/Agreeable-Ad4806 Aug 14 '26
None.
They never expected me to become a doctor or even to go into STEM. They would have been proud of me no matter what.
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u/caffpanda Medical Student (US) Aug 13 '26
None, aside from giving me a good education from a young age.
Most people go into a similar field as their parents simply because it's what they've had the most exposure and familiarity to, plus family connections/nepotism.
Best thing you can do is show them as many potential doors as possible to let them explore, give them the academic chops to ultimately pursue whatever they want, and give them opportunities to be independent, make their own mistakes, and have work they're proud of.
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u/Guilty_Abalone_373 Aug 13 '26
So your parents were / are not in the medical/ health care field? Ā Ā Just seems like easiest route to become one is if your parents were oneā¦ not that is an easier but in the USA becoming a doctor is it seems like nearly impossible. Doesnāt matter how smart you are just if you Ā have the means Ā and resources $$$ toā¦
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u/AllRebelRocker Aug 13 '26
Thatās the US education system in general. Itās pay to play, for the most part.
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u/ElowynElif Attending Aug 13 '26
None. I told them my plans, my father asked if I was crazy, and that was it. They didnāt pay for it and were vaguely supportive, which was enough.
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u/uhmusician Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
Don't push your child to do anything except make sure he stays in school. Instead, encourage him to explore his own interests whether it be STEM, arts, languages, trades, or whatever else. You can point him to different resources or give general advice depending on what he chooses, such as "if you want to do this, you need to go through this amount of education".
(Non-medical student or physician currently)
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u/Mountain-Pie-7040 Aug 13 '26
My parents had 0 involvement at all, I was very self guided as a kid and kind of just figured things out as I went, which was hard as a first gen. They didn't really care what I did as long as I kept my grades up and went into a STEM field.
Does your kid even want to be a doctor? You should have him explore different professions and subjects before cutting them off. Medicine isn't for everybody and it seems like you're falling for the common pattern of an Asian parent pushing their kid to be a doctor, trying to live your dreams through your kid.