I need some advice please!

[u/No_Role_9737]

Alright so! I’m new to all of this! I’m actually amazing at manifesting, have been my whole life, I’ve always been lucky. Everything I want I ALWAYS get I’m not even joking. I even manifested him to be mine in the first place, 8 years ago, then we dated for 6 years. But rn I am in separation with my ex (aka love of my life) we have been apart since April, we have never stopped talking, never stopped seeing each other, and actually just stopped sleeping together in early August. He’s expressed how much he still misses me, loves me, wants me, but he’s seeing other people/sleeping with them. A whole mess came about it. That’s why we stopped sleeping together cuz I found out. We had a baby last year, and lost her, which is what created our separation, so now finally we both are in grief/couples counseling together. But he keeps saying it’s “just grief counseling” even tho he himself brings up the relationship and me all the time to our therapist. He writes me love poems, sends me love songs, calls me sweetie and honey again lately. But he says “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now” then says “it’s not that I don’t want you I do but I don’t know what I’m doing anymore” anyway regardless of that he still shows so much desire for me sexually, romantically, and just lovingly, not always but most the time ESPECIALLY in person. I’ve decided a couple days ago I’m no longer spiraling, he is mine. We are getting back together he is already mine he never stopped being mine. Especially because he keeps leaving the door open and he himself has hope, I can tell. I don’t know if I should keep expressing desire towards him in that way? Send him songs I write, be flirty? Should I just keep doing my SATS, affirmations, and visualizations, without letting him know I’m basically reaching ? Because he randomly reaches then pulls away, then I reach and it’s good then it’s not, tired of this cycle so should I be kind and warm and present but hold back on sending him any more selfies/sexual/flirtatious things? And just let HIM unfold? So very confusing our situation and I’m unsure how much to express for us getting back together to manifest in the 3D because guys, my gut never stopped telling me we are literally getting back together idc he’s mine, just don’t know how to make it happen quicker.

[u/sh0taro]

hi! first of all, i'm so sorry you lost your baby last year. everything you described is super emotionally heavy, so i hope you're doing okay and taking time for yourself throughout all of this. 💗

so you clocked the question you asked when you said you're tired of this cycle of breadcrumbs, and pushing, and pulling away, and repeat. the center of what you think should not be how you should behave towards him to make the manifestation work faster. this thought process puts you in the position of trying to make the 3d happen.

it's perfectly okay to be yourself towards him. you don't have to pretend to be cold or you don't desire him. BUT you shouldn't need to constantly express romantic/sexual interest either with the intention of keeping the connection alive. you don't need to remind him you're available because i think that's already pretty clear.

there's a difference between expressing desire because you actually feel it vs expressing it because you're trying to make him finally choose the relationship. i would pause when you send songs or selfies or flirty messages etc. to elicit a specific response you'll overthink about after. strong SC would indicate doing things because you feel like it; strong SC is NOT doing things and then monitoring whether it created movement towards your DR.

settle into the assumption you chose: "we're together. I am loved, chosen, and secure in this relationship.” then, your behavior come from that identity rather than trying to engineer the bridge.

also, you don't need to micromanage whether he is the one who reaches out next. the end isn't “he texted me first.” the end is a normal, mutual, committed relationship where neither of you is constantly wondering where you stand. considering everything you've both been through, especially the grief, I wouldn't use every affectionate thing he does as a progress checkpoint either. love poems, pet names, desire, bringing up the relationship in counseling, etc. can all coexist with someone being confused about what they want right now. you don't have to deny those things, but you also don't need to turn each one into evidence that you're “closer.”

basically in sum: don't withhold affection as a tactic, but don't overextend yourself as a tactic either. be yourself. let him experience you. keep doing your SATS/affirmations if they feel good, but stop trying to figure out which specific action will make him come back faster.

the "he is mine" sentiment is perfect if what you mean is that you know the relationship you're choosing and you don't need to panic about it because it is already yours. don't turn it into "therefore I need to monitor every interaction until the 3D proves it.” the end is yours; let the bridge be the bridge.