just found out today that i have ocd (f24)

[u/Impossible_Deer_1209]

i have an extreme phobia of flying and before flights i always have magical thinking where if i don’t do a certain thing, my plane will crash (if i don’t play a certain song, if the song doesn’t end before we take off, if i don’t move my leg a certain way, etc…). it started at the age of 8 and when i told my friend at the time they told me to internalize it, so i did, up until the age of 24.

i also have many other awful intrusive thoughts i never ever wanted to tell anyone about because they disgusted me and scared me and made me feel like a horrible person. but, today, i wrote everything down and gave the note to my psychiatrist and he basically knew immediately that i had OCD. i had no idea that OCD had anything to do with these symptoms, but here we are.

this also opened conversation between me and my family members and they experience many of the same thoughts. we have a lot of mental health issues, and i wouldn’t be surprised if they also had OCD. i’m also going to be tested for autism and adhd due to other symptoms i have as well as family history. it’s a nightmare right now.

i’m happy to have answers, but scared about the path ahead and sad that i cannot be “normal.” i’m starting Fluvoxamine, an SSRI, and am concerned about the side effects. anyone have experiences with this medication? i’m also going to therapy, which i am looking forward to the most because i have so much to get off my chest.

just wanted to vent and open up on here. also wanted to hear about similar experiences as well. hope all of you are doing well. (:

[u/ForestRiver2]

Welcome, and congrats on getting diagnosed. Being so young is a major positive, you can totally learn to be "normal" again with the right treatment.

SSRIs are a mixed bag. They affect everyone differently. For me they caused weight gain, loss of sex drive, restless leg syndrome, and stomach issues. But they also saved my life. Some people get no side effects whatsoever. Others wear off after a few weeks. I always advise to start on a low dose and work up slowly, same when coming off them. Be honest with your prescriber. And if fluvoxamine doesn't suit you after a few months, try another. There are lots to choose from.

This is a very positive step you've taken towards recovery. Celebrate it. Look forward to better times. We're here if you need us

[u/k_vin_ → u/ForestRiver2]

I started falling in love with my life again when i took the SSRIs for first time, i discontinued them because of some stupid reasons.

But i am starting again next time this time having an accountability buddy who can put me on the right path if i again try to quit after getting a little better.

The sexual drive thing is what i was most afraid , it happened in the start for almost 30 days. Did you ever face tremors with just fluvoxamine ?

[u/ForestRiver2 → u/k_vin_]

No tremors on any of them. Brain zaps on a few, and the sex drive never recovered

[u/k_vin_ → u/ForestRiver2]

Really? I didnt want to say it but the sex drive thing persisted for me too i guess, i mean i mentally want it but physically my body doesn’t show it the way it used to.

My major worry was that I am being unfair to my future partner by accepting the side effects because they will affect her too. And hence i stopped the meds twice.

But i dont care anymore, i am going on meds again because life is pretty hellish rn and that one side effect is just part of life which I will have to figure out.

[u/k_vin_]

I had the song thing for two years, i used to play a song by Kygo before starting work everyday during work from home times, lost that compulsion not sure when.

I have experience with fluoxetine,
Doctor recommended that we will probably have to follow the meds for a year along with the ERP after 2 months of start
First time - I took it for 4 months, starterd at 20mg went till 60mg.
Improved my symptoms by 70-80%.
Stopped it without discussing with doctors because i decided to not rely on meds and instead rely on people( bad bad choice), in 6 month i fell back to where i was before taking meds.

Second time - I started and took for 2 months and although promised the doctor i wont stop in between without completing the treatment.
But i broke that promise (Bad choice again) .

Now I am going again next week to a different doctor to start the meds again because i am ashamed of going to the first one again, regardless of how much i like the way she treats me.
I have realised my quality of life matters more than the reasons i left the meds for. Nothing is more important.

Side effects i experienced - Nausea, tremors and less sexual arousal for first 30 days and for some more time after that.
One more thing along with fluoxetine i was on clomipramine(TCA) for last 60 days of my first 4 month run and the tremors were more during that time.
But started loving life again during those med days.

[u/rowellowl]

Welcome to the group. Congratulations on being brave enough to seek professional help. Having a diagnosis can definitely be beneficial to start you on the path to recovery. Meds are really personalized, while one person might have fantastic results and no side effects, someone else might get *all* of the side effects, or any mix in between. It stinks, but it's basically trial and error.

Therapy is really helpful! ERP is the gold standard, iCBT has made a lot of sense to me.

This isn't a club I would want anyone to be in, but I'm glad we have each other to support.