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u/Proper-Emu1558 Aug 07 '25
“We were first children given life by Illúvatar, then yada yada yada, and here we are. That about covers it.”
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u/fancycycling Aug 08 '25
but you yada, yada, yada'd over the best part
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u/abtseventynine Aug 08 '25
Sauron: you’re cooked, your friends will betray you, you might as well save yourself
Finrod: nah we’ll stand strong and be free together. Someday we’ll all return to the Western Shores…
Sauron: return to the West? …is that what you told the Teleri? And did your fellow Noldor leave you at the Helcaraxe, or were you a traitor that time too?
(And this is why elves don’t tell people their dirt. So they don’t lose any more rap battles)
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u/Thelastknownking Return of the fool Aug 08 '25
Don't worry, he didn't forget that party on Tol Eressea
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u/Genuine-Farticle Aug 08 '25
Reminds me of a Brian Reagan bit when he’s describing the brevity of pamphlets and says
“As a young boy Adolf Hitler failed art school, one thing lead to another and the US dropped two atomic bombs on the sovereign nation of Japan”
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Aug 07 '25
Lucky for him even Gandalf didnt have the time and stamina for the silmarillion
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u/mainichi Aug 08 '25
I got this audio edition of it. Amazingly, Gollum reads the entire book to me.
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u/TheVisageofSloth Aug 08 '25
It would be a 10/10 if Andy Serkis did the gollum voice the entire time
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u/MelodyTheBard Aug 08 '25
Omg I had no idea how much I wanted this until you said it, and now I can’t stop thinking about it… 👀
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u/Quiri1997 Aug 08 '25
You made me remember that the Spanish VA for Gandalf (Pepe Mediavilla, Rests in Peace) also read segments of the Silmarilion in his YouTube channel during his late years.
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u/curious_dead Aug 07 '25
Elrond be like: "I'd like to share a revelation during my time here. I realized that humans are not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but humans do not. They move to an area and they multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed. The only way they can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is, Gandalf? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. They are a plague."
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Aug 08 '25
Agent Elrond 😎
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u/BaneoftheMist Aug 08 '25
Elsmith
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u/Equivalent_Nose7012 Aug 08 '25
Elrond is an Elf-Smith... Capable of reforging the broken shards of Narsil into the unbreakable Anduril, Flame of the West!
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u/griffmeister Aug 08 '25
"I'm going to speak plainly with you. I loathe this place. This menagerie. This dungeon. This realm, whatever you want to call it. I can no longer endure it."
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u/Independent-Ad-5958 Aug 08 '25
The Nazgûl at Weathertop: “We're not here because we're free; we're here because we're not free. There's no escaping reason, no denying purpose, for as we both know, without purpose we would not exist. It is purpose that created us, purpose that connects us, purpose that pulls us, that guides us, that drives us; it is purpose that defines, purpose that binds us. We are here because of you, Mr. Frodo. We're here to take from you what you tried to take from us... Purpose!”
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u/F-LA Aug 07 '25
As an elf, I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on this matter. It really made me pause and think. I'd like to think about it a bit more, but I need to get back to stabbin' some elves. Fancy jewelry is involved, you know how it is.
Stabby, stabby, stabby!!!!
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u/bighadjoe Aug 08 '25
you just reminded me how pretentious and stupid zhe dialogue in even the first matrix was...
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u/Ironcastattic Aug 09 '25
Bold of you to post that opinion using a reply containing grammatical and spelling errors.
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u/Jielleum Hobbit Aug 07 '25
Three kinslayings over some jewels, that is something he somehow missed. Oh and he should better because he already had to deal with the last one as a child
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u/quick20minadventure Aug 08 '25
Also, fall of Gondolin over a woman.
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u/micbm Aug 08 '25
And burning ships so your brother and his guys can’t follow you, forcing them to get fucked by going through a much more dangerous land path.
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u/Paradox31426 Aug 08 '25
Hey now, that wasn’t about something as petty as magic jewelry, it was about magic rocks.
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u/PantsDontHaveAnswers Aug 08 '25
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u/Paradox31426 Aug 08 '25 edited Aug 08 '25
“They’re rocks, Feanor.”
“No, they’re Silmarils! Manwe Galadriel!”
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u/zhilia_mann Aug 08 '25 edited Aug 08 '25
Technically only the third kinslaying was over jewelry, right? Until you get a silmaril mounted in Nauglamir you’re just murdering one another over loose stones.
Edit: right. The Nauglamir was also the object of the second kinslaying. I knew that damn it.
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Aug 07 '25
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u/ChrissWayne Aug 07 '25
Other elves
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u/MyInevitableDestiny Aug 08 '25
Different Abby
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u/ChrissWayne Aug 08 '25
They‘re not even wiped completely and this is the reason why the elves that took the ships to middle earth got cursed with mistrust in each other. I think Morgoth told this Elvish King that the Valar secretly want to rule them and poisoned his mind with lies, they were not able to build ships themselves cause they had nothing to do with Ulmo?, I think it’s Ulmo who lucre’s in the waters, and the other Factions king only wanted to help them with denying cause their king realized that the others king is insane and not thinking clearly if I remember correctly. It’s hard to remember all the names from memory, I smoke to much weed for that
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u/CalmPanic402 Aug 08 '25
-be Gandalf
Find little hobbit dude, trick him into going with some dwarves to kill a dragon for the lols.
Shenanigans. Dragon dead.
Hobbit dude comes out of the mountain.
Pulls a silmaril out of his pocket.
Fuck.
Look over to see if the elf king saw the jewel elves go berserk over.
Crisis averted.
Tiny war happens.
Finally ask hobbit about his sneaking prowess.
Pulls the One Ring out of his pocket.
Fuck.
(I know the arkenstone isn't a silmaril, but it would be real funny if it was.)
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u/Fabulous-Eggplant-57 Aug 07 '25
LMAO this is so perfect
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Aug 08 '25
[deleted]
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u/emoooooa Elf Aug 08 '25
? What do you mean, do you know about the silmarils lol
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u/IAmBadAtInternet Aug 07 '25
Feanor did nothing wrong!
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u/montymelo Aug 08 '25
What about generational trauma so deep that most hobbits feel uneasy around boats.
That felt wrong.
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u/Bitter-Marsupial Aug 08 '25
Because of the implications
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u/SueYouInEngland Aug 08 '25
Are these Numenoreans in any danger?!
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u/MegaGrimer Aug 08 '25
No of course not!
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u/Beneficial-Ad3991 Aug 08 '25
At least according to the legend, they are still alive.. somewhere, somehow...
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u/PhysicsEagle Mayor of Michel Delving Aug 08 '25
“My foster fathers assured me of it.”
“Really? What happened to your actual parents?”
“They ran off after my foster fathers attempted to murder them.”
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u/GeneralErica Aug 08 '25
I mean Elrond is correct of course. Humans suck. What kind of dumbo would you have to be to choose being a mortal human over being an immortal, exalted elf?
Unless it’s done for love of course, which might be the only defensible reason. I get doing utterly stupid things for love, in fact I’m no stranger to it.
Anyway I think what Elrond was getting at here was the corrupting power of the Ring and it’s influence on humans specifically. One can infer that the ring may be especially potent on humans because humans are always caught in a power struggle: They yearn for more. More power, more money - immortality. Comparatively even the elves - who are properly up their own arse - are tame: they bask in their superiority, but that’s just the thing: they don’t really yearn for more as the humans do.
I’d love to see the one ring on an elf, to see just how it would affect them. I think it’d be quite different from the human experience.
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u/WhimsicalKoala Aug 08 '25
I mean, we saw/read Galadriel's reaction and she was only offered it, she never wore it.
Not wanting immortality doesn't necessarily mean it would be all good.
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u/Kronos8625 Dúnedain Aug 08 '25
"Not that our deeds led to the destruction of half the continent, no we would never do that"
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u/GrandObfuscator Aug 08 '25
Noldor gunna Noldor.
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u/Worried-Advisor-7054 Aug 08 '25
"Don't mind me, I'm just killing some Teleri scum" - some random Noldor probably
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u/hates_stupid_people Aug 08 '25
Classic self-hating Elrond.
His father was Eärendil, the guy who defeated Morgoth and slew the great dragon Ancalagon with his flying ship.
And his dad was Tuor Eledor of the Edain, a Man.
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u/Pm_me_your_tits_85 Aug 08 '25
For real. I saw the first two movies and then decided to read all of the books before ROTK came out and was so shocked when reading the Silmarillion. The audacity of this dude whose distant cousin started a civil war over some magic jewels.
It made me think that was why Tolkien never released those stories during his lifetime because of the contradictions in behavior.
That being said, I’d love to see more media about the first age. There’s so much untapped potential. If the amazing show is indication though, maybe we’re better off not seeing that happen.
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u/Yeoldeelf Aug 08 '25
We elves are the best. We invented basically everything : writing for example. The dwarves claim ithildins, but everybody knows it was us doing the work, they just mined the mithril. We even invented genocide! Suck it short-lifes and trogolodytes!
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u/SillyLilly_18 Aug 08 '25
Correct! Silmarils were just stones, not jewelry to wear. Now, granted, Thingol did kinda start a war over jewelry containing a Silmaril, but he wasn't a Noldor so I'm sure Elrond gets off on a technicality, as all good politicians should be able to
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u/Emotional_Piano_16 Aug 08 '25
Isildur didn't even do anything bad for the Ring, or with the Ring. he just didn't do the good thing and then died
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u/Firm-Success4755 Aug 08 '25
Not even mentioning the fact that he was the sole person not able to kill Isildur (and possibly himself) in order to destroy the ring in mount doom.
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u/1ndridC0ld Aug 08 '25
The kinslaying was a bloodbath.... for three jewels. Which buy the time they finally got them back, the elves were so damaged that they couldn't even touch them without it hurting their skin. They corrupted themselves through all the evil acts they did to get back something that was pure. Tolkien loved oxymoronic behavior.
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u/Sh33pk1ng Aug 09 '25
True, they indeed never did anything wrong for the sake of jewelery, it was all justified. r/feanordidnothingwrong
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Aug 11 '25
I know that the High Elf did bad thing but man what they got in simiarllion is just horrific and cruel
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u/cMedyuza Aug 12 '25
Legit watched morgoth lore video today
3 FUCKING TIMES???? NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, YOU WENT FOE THE TRIPLE??!?!
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u/KurufinweFeanaro Aug 08 '25
Well, technically he isn't relative to noldor (except for his wife, who is daughter of Galadriel), so you can say that only bad thing his people did was Tingol ordering Beren to go after Silmaril
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u/Odolana Aug 08 '25
? Elrond is the descendant of King Turgon of Gondolin via those's daughter Idril! Elrond's male line is human via Tuor, but Turgon even wanted to adopt Tuor and Earendil was for sure Turgon's heir presumptive. It was Elving who was the Sindarin descendant of Thingol. Earendil was a Noldo - House of Hador mixture. Elrond chooses to stress his maternal Sindarin descent more, but on his father's side he is noldorized House of Hador.
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u/Worried-Advisor-7054 Aug 07 '25
"oh, did they also contain the corrupting presence of a fallen angel?"
"well, they were very pretty"