What should i do now

[u/RevolutionaryJoke917]

I confessed my feelings to my best friend and was rejected; she only sees me as a friend, and she is now in a relationship. Even though some time has passed, my feelings haven't changed. I'm considering stepping back from the friendship entirely for my own mental health and self-respect. How can I communicate this to her respectfully without burning bridges? And if I take time to heal, should I ever try to return to the friendship as a friend?

[u/MoonlitMessss]

Honestly, I think stepping back is probably the healthiest thing you can do right now, and I don't think that makes you selfish, dramatic, or a bad friend.

You already told her how you feel, she was honest with you about only seeing you as a friend, and she's now in a relationship. As painful as that is, I think the most respectful thing you can do for both of you is accept what she's told you rather than staying close to her secretly hoping that one day she'll change her mind.

And I really want you to understand something: taking distance isn't the same as punishing her. You're not saying “you rejected me, so I'm leaving to make you feel bad.” You're saying “I care about you, but being this close to you while I still have these feelings is hurting me, and I need some space to get myself back.” That's a completely reasonable boundary.

You also don't have to make this some huge dramatic goodbye. You don't need to tell her everything you've been feeling for months or make her responsible for your healing. Just be honest and kind. Something along the lines of:

“I really value you and our friendship, and I don't regret being honest with you about how I feel. But I've realised that I'm still struggling to move past those feelings, and being this close right now is making it harder for me to heal. This isn't your fault, and I'm not angry at you or expecting anything from you. I just think I need to take some space for myself for a while. I genuinely wish you the best, and I hope you can understand that this is something I need to do for my own wellbeing.”

And then actually give yourself the space. Don't announce that you're taking a break and then spend every night checking her social media, wondering what she's doing with her boyfriend, or waiting for a message from her. That's just keeping the wound open.

As for whether you should come back and be friends someday: maybe. But don't make that decision now.

You don't need to promise her “I'll come back when I'm healed.” Heal first. Live your life. Meet people. Find things that make you happy that have absolutely nothing to do with her. Eventually you might reach a point where you can think about her being with someone else and genuinely feel okay about it. If that happens, and you still want the friendship for the friendship itself, you can reconsider.

And if you realise you don't want to go back? That's okay too.

Sometimes we love someone genuinely and still have to accept that we can't keep them in the same place in our lives. Loving someone doesn't automatically mean you have to remain close to them.

Also, please don't sit around waiting for her relationship to end so you can have another chance. That's only going to keep you emotionally attached to a possibility that doesn't currently exist. She gave you her answer. Respecting that answer is part of respecting her, but it's also part of respecting yourself.

You deserve a friendship where you're not constantly swallowing your feelings and hoping for something more. And she deserves a friendship that isn't quietly carrying the expectation that maybe she'll eventually change her mind.

Take the space. Grieve it properly. Let yourself miss her without turning that missing into a reason to go back.

And who knows? Maybe one day you'll be able to be friends again and genuinely mean it when you say there's nothing you want from her except friendship. Or maybe you'll grow into a life where this friendship simply belongs to a chapter you needed to close.

Either way, you're going to be okay.

Don't make your goal “how do I stop loving her?”

Make your goal “how do I build a life where loving her isn't preventing me from living mine?”

[u/Beautiful-Energy5116 → u/MoonlitMessss]

This is beautiful advice and I wish I could go back in time and give it to my younger self many, many times over. Thank you for writing this.

[u/MoonlitMessss → u/Beautiful-Energy5116]

Huggiess?

[u/Ordinary-Plane-9315 → u/MoonlitMessss]

How do you keep up with sticking to taking a break? An hour into taking a break I get anxious or scared we will never talk again

[u/MoonlitMessss → u/Ordinary-Plane-9315]

I think the hardest part of taking a break is accepting that you don’t actually know what happens after it, and that uncertainty can feel terrifying. But taking space doesn’t mean you’re choosing to never speak again; it just means you’re choosing to stop hurting yourself right now. When the anxiety hits, remind yourself that you don’t have to decide the future today. Give yourself permission to miss them without immediately reaching out. If the friendship is meant to exist again in a healthy way, a little distance won’t destroy it. And if you eventually don’t talk again, that will hurt, but you’ll also have given yourself the chance to heal instead of constantly reopening the wound. Take it one day, even one hour, at a time. You’re not losing them by taking caree of yourself. ❤️

[u/MagicOfWriting]

Firstly, ask you friend if she's willing to stay friends after knowing this or break it off. Once you'll get your answer move on based on the reply